I haven't done my "I am thankful for" status' this November on my FB page. I'm going to throw it all in 1 blog. This year, I am including 33 things I am thankful for.. that is, 33 things I have learned to be thankful for from my 33 residents I have. I have learned SO much over the last month, and I am so blessed. I love what I do as a career and hope I make a difference in my residents lives.
In no particular order, here is what I am thankful for:
The privilege of waking up in my own bed every morning.
The ability to use my legs! to walk the dog, run with my kids...
The ability to cook and taste amazing food.
Having a living spouse I can hug/kiss/yell at every day.
Being able to sit on my own couch and veg out.
Not having to wait on someone else to get me up and moving every morning.
Having good "strong" muscles even though they hurt sometimes they work!
Being free from disease.
Not having to take 10 different types of medication with 20 different possible side effects.
Being able to work.
Being able to go home.
privacy!
A clean bathroom.
Being able to take a bath and relax!
The ability to breath without struggling/machines/treatments.
Fresh air!
Having clean nails that I am able to care for myself.
Knowing My teeth with be brushed 2x a day because I can clean them myself!
Being able to get myself a drink if I am thirsty!
Good skin free of break downs.
Clean clothes.
The ability to make my needs known because I can just say what I need to say!
Silence when I need it.
Laughter when I need it.
A place to go when I want to be alone that does not involve a curtain separating the room.
A warm plate of food!
having my hair brushed and styled every day.
Having pets
Being able to eat dinner at a table with my family
Weekends that feel like weekends.
Ability to drive a car.
Grocery shopping to buy my favorite foods.
having someone to talk to every single day.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Friday, September 6, 2013
A Letter to MY Boys
Since I was pregnant with my oldest son, I have been writing letters to my boys. Here is one that I really wanted to share! I hope you enjoy it and find it inspiring. I am still working on my dream, but I have made SO much progress!
To My Boys October 2010
If you haven’t discovered now that your mother is a writer, then you haven’t been reading what I have been writing. I had an urge to write a letter today to you both because just a few days ago I found out I had been given a second chance with my education. By now you understand I hope the kind of family background we come from.. all different kinds of people, some good, some tried to make it and did, but not so much in the education department. So to me, my education started to become more important the older I got. This is especially true for around the 10th grade when my eye balls opened up. I started to really try with school. 11th grade, even more so. Anyhow.. I always thought about college I just don’t know if I really thought I could have and would have gone and made it through successfully. I don’t think it is really in my genes to go to college for years and have a career. Not that everyone in the family is a bunch of losers, definitely not.. its just that college was not for everyone in the family. My mom and dad had kids at 16, and dad dropped out of school I believe in 8th grade, mom didn’t graduate until a later date. She did go to college, but didn’t complete her dream. For the longest time I didn’t think my mother graduated high school so when I thought that, it was even more important for me to finish. I never did and still don’t understand how kids cant complete high school. To me, high school wasn’t that hard… I was just lazy. And wanting to do other things with my time.
So anyhow, here I am 26. And by now if you have been reading along, you know that this whole thing started with me meeting your father, getting pregnant with Brody and making a great decision to become aCNA. And I will never forget my interview with the CNA teacher and .. I cant remember her title, but she was in charge of hiring the CNA’s at the nursing home I later worked at. I told them pretty much that I was going to be a nurse some day whether I had gotten into their program or not. and I had always been told by some of the nurses there what a great nurse I would make some day. When I worked for Dr. Samson, he had faith in me by hiring me when I was pregnant with Ethan and going to medical assisting school. That meant a lot to me.
I never did complete MA school because we moved. Instead, I went on to better things. Nursing school. I have to say how incredibly proud of myself I am with all I have been through in this process of having kids and being a young wife and going to school. I can not say it was easy or that I was always mentally ok and happy. I have thrown several math books lol and cried, and was stressed, but at the end of the day I do have to say I have given college my best try. No one said this would be easy, and I am not expecting it to be. All I do expect is that I am taught by my teachers. Some times you come across a teacher that really does not deserve that title. And that is what I feel happened my first time around with nursing school in Pensacola. I feel that way also because the entire class, literally, complained about this teacher. I did all I could in my power to make it through and I felt like such a failure when I had withdrawn from the program. but I had to decide that day I took my last test. Which was also difficult. The next week the teacher gave everyone extra points and I was mad because I had withdrawn. I don’t know that those few points would have done much honestly, but it gave me some hope. And it was too late. I tried to get back into the program. it just was not happening for me.
So in the meantime I took some classes that would go towards my schooling anyways that I didn’t need for the nursing program there. I took psychology and pharmacology. Fast forward to now.. we moved here to SC in may 2010. Your father had been gone much of that time until September 2010 because he had to train. It was a difficult adjustment for me at times having no one here I knew and there’s not much to do here. But since February 2010, I had been trying to get into the nursing program here for august 2010. I even drove 3 hrs to take a test and home again in the same day. It was very important I try to make that deadline. Well, I did, but I was not accepted. My address was not a Beaufort address and they considered local students first. I was not happy at all considering I was willing to move sooner if I had to, to get my residency for Beaufort SC. I met with the dean as soon as I got here in may and handed in my checklist for the January 2011 program. luckily, a few days ago I found out I was ACCEPTED!
I feel I have been given this rare, second chance to do something great. This is what I want to do. This is the only school for miles and miles that offers this program. they wouldn’t accept my previous nursing classes and that was frustrating, but you know, im given this second chance so I have to just go with it and not complain too much. A little complaining is fine, but after a while it is just like opening an old wound. So heck with it. In a semester or 2 I will be on to learning new material and this little set back wont mean much then.
You boys have inspired me a lot to go on with college and push to get what I want, and what our family needs. I want to be able to buy you boys nice things and have a nice home, and both you boys to live comfortably and be able to have the newest cool sneakers, play sports, have the yummiest snacks in the house.. I know its all silly sounding, but those are things I didn’t really get to have. I want to show you boys what you can do with your life if you take control of it and work hard. And I cant say I could have done this alone. I have your father here all the time to help me. I have loans I wish I didn’t have, we’ve had to put daycare on loans, and when I was in high school I never knew about loans and stuff. I never wanted to pay them back. That held me back also from doing what I should’ve done. I didn’t want to do a 4 year college either because it was too long. Now, here I am, years and years later still going to college. You have to not think about those things. I didn’t know about core classes and classes that were specific to the program. I thought you had to go to college knowing what you wanted to do and start taking those classes right away. But you don’t. you start with basic classes every college student needs then you get into your program. no one explained that to me before, and if someone tried, im sure someone at the colleges tried, I didn’t understand because I didn’t know what these terms meant.. and maybe I was too embarrassed to ask? I don’t know, I don’t remember, but I know I didn’t understand the entire process until about 3 years ago before I got into nursing school.
Well Ethan is very upset about a train set not being able to go together properly. I should help him.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Dieting Should Not Be This Hard!
I am walking around the grocery store and the first area we go to is produce. It started off ok, I didnt get grapes because they were so darn expensive and they didn't have my peaches I needed but I stroll on. Normally I don't eat too much junk like chips and crackers but I do love my sweets, breads, pastas and cheeses. I walk through those aisles and start to feel like my eyes are swelling up about to cry as I am passing by all the food I really enjoy. What the heck is wrong with me? I can't find anything to eat and I am in the grocery store!
Mark is moving right along... he is doing really well on this Paleo diet. He is grabbing things im not too familiar with like coconut milk, coconut oil, some kind of sprouted wheat bread for me to try. Some of these foods he eats seem like so much work to put together even though they are probably not and don't seem as versatile as pasta. For instance, we tried spaghetti squash. It was ok but nothing like the delicious taste of pasta with sauce and cheese all over it and a side of yummy garlic bread! mmm!
I am not opposed to eating healthy at all. I think my diet was fair to good in that area, but my problem is what I loved to eat, my sweets, breads, pastas etc were messing with my body. These are foods I have always eaten and I really enjoy eating them. I have always been one of those people who could eat anything and never gain a pound. I was always super skinny even after I had my kids. I remember TRYING to GAIN weight in high school. Just recently I started putting on some weight which for me, is a good thing. Like most women though, I have this stomach that I need to work on and tone. I was running for a little while but then started having this pain when running.
Mark tried to convince me to try this paleo diet and I refused. I am stubborn. Then nothing else was on tv except Dr. Oz so I was watching it and they were talking about the paleo diet so I listened. After watching the show I did learn some interesting things about it. A few days after that I had a Dr. appointment and talked about my stomach problems with her and she confirmed that it could all be a result of my endometriosis. This is when I gave into the idea of trying to diet.
I recently found out after a while of dealing with symptoms, that I have endometriosis. I found out after talking with my doctor that the two could be intertwined. I would have intense stomach cramps and feel pretty bloated. I had a lot of heart burn too. Now I feel like the pain is under control for now and plan to start running again soon.
My body is just getting into this new way of eating. I decided to try my best to avoid as much junky foods as possible, dairy, and processed foods until my body was stable and used to this new way of eating, then slowly reintroduce some foods back into my diet to see what foods are causing me to feel ill.
I always thought whole wheat was really good for you. Apparently not as much as I had thought; not for me anyways. One thing I just discovered today is that I can not eat my whole wheat english muffins with peanut butter. I think the english muffin and not the peanut butter caused my body to react. I went about a week without having these english muffins then today I had one and I had some problems with my stomach.
For a few weeks now I have been eating greek yogurt instead of regular dairy yogurt. I have swapped the occasional chip for pita-chips and hummus. Instead of candy I am reaching for my fruit. Instead of crackers im eating seeds, nuts, or granola. I haven't had a cup of milk in about a week and instead I am trying almond milk and drinking more water. All of these changes are making me feel pretty horrible in a sense right now because my body is adjusting. Mark said the same thing happened to him in the beginning also.
In a nutshell, I don't plan to never have dairy or bread again but I do need to have these things I love in moderation. I do need to find out what foods are ok for me to have without my body feeling like it just got run over. This is a new experience for me and I see now why it is so hard for people to diet.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Getting Back on Track
I want to do an experiment, so play along if you can. Things you'll need; a pen/pencil and a piece of paper.
I want you to draw a long "S" like shape on a piece of paper. Make as many "S" curves as you want. Now, in a different color pen/pencil, I want you to close your eyes, and try your best to trace the shape you just drew.
The purpose of this exercise? To show you that in life, our relationships, marriages, careers etc we have this path we envision for ourselves (mine is the black line) then, we have reality (mine is the red line) throughout our lives, sometimes we are RIGHT on track, and other times we are close, but not on the path, and other times we are just WAY off, but we do come back again. We are basically going through life with an idea of what we want, but really, we can not see where we are going. Do not be discouraged if life takes you somewhere you didn't imagine you would be. Just go with the flow, get yourself back on track, and move forward!
My inspiration for this blog comes from a recent time in my marriage. I never imagined I would be married to a military man, live 3,000 miles away from family, STILL be in college after not wanting to really go anyways and it lasting for 10 years give or take a few semesters... but this is my marriage, and Mark is who I fell in love with. What can I say? the guy has charm!
We have been married for 9 years. In the beginning, it is really not that difficult to be pleased in the marriage and have your needs met. It is new and fresh and you are so in love and happy. For us it was this way anyways. Eventually, you learn that marriage takes more investing into as time goes on than maybe it did in the beginning. If you don't give it nourishment, it will die.
These last 2 years we have been pretty busy. First, Mark made chief and went through some pretty intense training. The first year of being a chief is said to be the toughest. He was getting used to a new role amongst his peers and also a new roll in general. This was his dream and he was finally living it. Soon after, I started nursing school. It was now my turn to move on with my dream. I was doing some intense studying some nights, and really needed to focus on my school work. Any little slip up could be disastrous in the nursing school world, and I am a bit of a perfectionist. School is now complete, Mark has now been a chief for over a year, and we look around and it has come to both of our conclusions that we really haven't been investing as much into each other as we both needed to be. It happened by mistake, we just got so used to our hectic schedules, taking care of the kids, the house, spending time with friends (awesome ones btw) that alone time just got less and less. I missed my friend. Since being out of nursing school, his schedule has changed a few times. Usually he works an odd shift and doesn't come home until early morning and sleeps a good part of the day away.
Sure we would spend time "together" with friends on the weekend sometimes, or "together" with the kids, we had an occasional dinner out in town for an hour or so, but we really needed to spend time TOGETHER, one on one, having fun, talking, playing, laughing etc. We had fallen off our path without even realizing it for a little while. Mark is just as serious and committed to his work as I am about mine. As the wife of a chief, I learned very early on when he was going through induction not to rely too heavy on a set schedule. He could leave a 2pm and not be home until 4am and this actually does happen sometimes. I learned to go with the flow and not really expect him to be home at a certain time. They are also pulled away when you least expect it, like ON the day of my graduation. That day I was heart broken because I didn't think he would make it and that was SO important to me, but he worked it out and made it!
Once we did realize We had been off track for a bit, we made a plan. Well actually, I told Mark about an event in Pismo beach and we decided it would be cool to go to together if we could get a sitter, and then Mark made the plans. I have to say it felt incredible for him to plan the entire day, and it really gave us that refreshing feeling to our relationship. It was exactly what we needed. I feel like I have my friend back.
I want you to draw a long "S" like shape on a piece of paper. Make as many "S" curves as you want. Now, in a different color pen/pencil, I want you to close your eyes, and try your best to trace the shape you just drew.
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| This is mine |
My inspiration for this blog comes from a recent time in my marriage. I never imagined I would be married to a military man, live 3,000 miles away from family, STILL be in college after not wanting to really go anyways and it lasting for 10 years give or take a few semesters... but this is my marriage, and Mark is who I fell in love with. What can I say? the guy has charm!
We have been married for 9 years. In the beginning, it is really not that difficult to be pleased in the marriage and have your needs met. It is new and fresh and you are so in love and happy. For us it was this way anyways. Eventually, you learn that marriage takes more investing into as time goes on than maybe it did in the beginning. If you don't give it nourishment, it will die.
 |
| photo credit: bobfranklin via photopin cc |
These last 2 years we have been pretty busy. First, Mark made chief and went through some pretty intense training. The first year of being a chief is said to be the toughest. He was getting used to a new role amongst his peers and also a new roll in general. This was his dream and he was finally living it. Soon after, I started nursing school. It was now my turn to move on with my dream. I was doing some intense studying some nights, and really needed to focus on my school work. Any little slip up could be disastrous in the nursing school world, and I am a bit of a perfectionist. School is now complete, Mark has now been a chief for over a year, and we look around and it has come to both of our conclusions that we really haven't been investing as much into each other as we both needed to be. It happened by mistake, we just got so used to our hectic schedules, taking care of the kids, the house, spending time with friends (awesome ones btw) that alone time just got less and less. I missed my friend. Since being out of nursing school, his schedule has changed a few times. Usually he works an odd shift and doesn't come home until early morning and sleeps a good part of the day away.
Sure we would spend time "together" with friends on the weekend sometimes, or "together" with the kids, we had an occasional dinner out in town for an hour or so, but we really needed to spend time TOGETHER, one on one, having fun, talking, playing, laughing etc. We had fallen off our path without even realizing it for a little while. Mark is just as serious and committed to his work as I am about mine. As the wife of a chief, I learned very early on when he was going through induction not to rely too heavy on a set schedule. He could leave a 2pm and not be home until 4am and this actually does happen sometimes. I learned to go with the flow and not really expect him to be home at a certain time. They are also pulled away when you least expect it, like ON the day of my graduation. That day I was heart broken because I didn't think he would make it and that was SO important to me, but he worked it out and made it!
Once we did realize We had been off track for a bit, we made a plan. Well actually, I told Mark about an event in Pismo beach and we decided it would be cool to go to together if we could get a sitter, and then Mark made the plans. I have to say it felt incredible for him to plan the entire day, and it really gave us that refreshing feeling to our relationship. It was exactly what we needed. I feel like I have my friend back.
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| photo credit: digitaldefection via photopin cc |
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Military Spouse
"As a navy wife, I have learned to be my own advocate. Any woman really, but here's why military. We hold so many titles, we are dragged around moving here and there, having to uproot ourselves and our kids, we learn to adjust, sacrifice, have plans A,B,C down to Z... we have to network and learn to play well with others, step out of our comfort zone.. we are really a special breed of people. unless you lived the life, you just really don't know."
I decided to begin and end this blog with the same quote because it is very true. Have you ever sat back for 5 minutes to think about this? The sacrifices YOU have made... some of us may be house wives, others lawyers... it does not matter. We make some pretty incredible sacrifices. I know I have and I can promise you it does not ever change you just get used to it, and after 9 years of being a military spouse i can promise you that even that is a bit inaccurate.
Tonight I am writing a special blog. I went back, looked through all my old blogs over the last few years, and tried to grab some good quotes. This blog is aimed at the military spouses. I feel SO many can relate to my experiences, and following the quotes below are the dates that I wrote the blogs containing them. Forgive the poor grammar :) Usually when I am itching to blog, I am in the middle of doing something else and I just wanted to get my thoughts down!
There are a few things I wanted for myself and the way i envisioned it before I met my husband was very different from how it turned out, BUT it DID (and is) turning out. This is something that has taken me time to learn because I can be impatient and I do like things to go my way. I have been a navy wife for 9 years and have lived away from my family for 6 years. It was very difficult to get used to especially since life moved very fast in the beginning of my relationship. I was very young, had 2 kids, was married, a first time home owner, and wanted to go to RN school. YIKES! RN school I have to say has been my biggest struggle. I would like to talk about that for a minute in relation to the military.
Speaking from experience, you either settle for a degree in something that may not be your passion, or bust your hump trying to make your career come true while moving from location to location, and you pray that you can finish in time before you have to move. Being a mother of 2 children and trying to complete nursing school was no joke. We had paid daycare off with loans. We had one income and made it work. it seemed we always made just a little too much to have any financial help. eventually, by the time i was able to get help, i ended up having to withdraw from the program because my grades were not high enough. I tried to test back into the program... passed my clinicals but my test on paper I did not... supposedly... we were not aloud to see our grades and I seriously am suspicious of that school considering the first time I took that exam I did phenomenal. (It was an equivalency of the final exam for fundamentals nursing). It would have been 3 years before I could reapply again. Any other school I could go to I would never finish in time because we were moving the following year. So, I decided to take a psychology and pharmacology class because any other nursing program would need those classes.
Before we moved to SC, I found pretty much the only school I could go to for nursing in our area. I drove miles to take a certain test in order to get into the program. I had to jump hoops (again) to get all my transcripts from all the colleges i've attended. The first week of school was good. I was not receiving emails from the school for some reason and they also had my old address on file still despite me updating it numerous times. They should have caught onto this because I was considered an in state student.. I had to have a local address. Well they did not. There was miss-communication with that school all over the place with my address and email so I missed my first clinical day and had no way to make it up. I cried in that office and felt like such a failure. I had no way to prove it, and despite me telling them to check their "sent" folder to prove I had nothing, they did not. There was hope though, I could start the following semester. Then that door closed when not long after my husband tells me the entire squadron is moving to California. GREAT! Everything felt like it was falling in on me. I just wanted to get on with my schooling and I had no one I could talk to who could help me with this.
I decided the day i withdrew from the second school, to look into colleges and boy did i look! in the end, I learned there was a horrible waiting list for nursing schools in cali, and they also did what is called a lottery system. I also learned that we would only be in Cali for 2 years, so it was getting more and more impossible to find a school that fit my needs. While I was looking, I decided to take some online classes and get my associates degree. Eventually, I stumbled upon a college for an LVN/LPN program. It was not what I wanted, but its what I was going to take. Long story short, I went with this school and when we got to Cali, I started my classes about 4 months later. There was a TON of issues with how much coverage I would get from the GI bill, and financial aid. Every time we had a new class, I swear I was in financial aids office and signing new papers because there was some sort of mix up in prices. Right up until my graduation this was an issue. Also with this school, was the issue of trying to get classes approved. For instance, pharmacology in florida was not worth the same amount of hours as the class here in cali (semester vs quarter hours). It was the same exact class, I actually learned more in that class, but yet not the same hours. I also had to try to get my mental health class and my pharmacology class approved several times. Bring my huge binder full of class descriptions, information about my nursing program in florida, syllabuses etc... several times. It didnt help either that while I was there, we had several people quit, so every time someone new came in like a director or counselor, I had to retell what felt like a very lengthy story as to why I am not taking a particular class.
FINALLY! finally finally FINALLY! I GRADUATED! I finished my LVN program February 2, 2012. I was class president and a part of the graduation committee, I did really well in school. I am waiting to take my state boards and JUST in time before we head to TN! (HOPEFULLY!) once I get my license in my hand, I will start my bridge program to become an RN! (again) :)
In the meantime, before and after LVN school, I have done things to bulk up my resume. I have tons of volunteer work on there. I am also going to have 2 associates degrees. I have 1 class right now that is pending. We are trying to get them to accept one class for another (story of my life lol) total, I have been to 6 collages. (I think!) and every time I start a new school, its the same process of sending all these transcripts (which most of them cost money to send) class descriptions and whatever else they may need. Pain in the butt indeed, but, I am making my dream come true.
I wanted to share this lengthy story with you all because no one should be discouraged from doing what they want to do. Sometimes you have to let go of expectations and just go with the flow. It will not be easy trying to get all your college out of the way if that is what you choose to do, but once you finish, it will mean that much more! Some people may say "well, you are ONLY an LVN".. no...I AM AN LVN, and PROUDLY so! I am a nurse... do you know all the struggles I have gone through to get to this point? It is so much more than just a piece of paper to me. It signifies when I felt my worse how I picked myself up and got moving, it shows my boys how if you really want something, do not stop until you get it.
And now, I would like to share some quotes. Most are not school related, but quoteS you may be able to relate to, or at least enjoy or find inspiring.
"...45 minutes later, since the tantrum began, Ethie says he wants to close the door, so I tell him ill allow him to do it and he has to be a good boy.. so I did it...and he was just fine... he grabbed his juice, and is now watching sesame street lol." (1-15-10)
"I discovered loyalty... the word that defines what I have been striving to work towards without putting a word to it until now. I have good days and bad days, and days where i have so much built up inside of me I just want to explode on some people... my way to redirect that explosion is to frankly.. bitch about it to my best friend, or write about it." (2-4-10)
"Sometimes people need space to grow or figure out who they are, or to figure out what they want, who is family to them and who they want to invite into their personal lives..." (2-8-10) "So then i started to think about my schooling, and replacing the word 'loser' with 'failure' i am not a failure until i give up, before all other options were tried. and im certainly not ready to do that. I haven't tried everything yet. With everything i do i try to do it with all of me...all that is inside of me." (2-9-10) "... with mark having to do training, and a few other things, we have to leave earlier. this means everyone else in brodys class talks about graduation and many of the kids will go to kindergarten together, and they get to celebrate. Brody isnt going to be able to do those things, and he is a little sad about it. ive been feeling lately like i just want to give him stuff to make him feel better...military is bitter sweet.. a piece of the bitter end of it is for some kids the ones that like having a best friend (like i did) who they do everything with and grow together and then look back and say 'ive known so and so since i was 4' (like i can) isnt going to happen for brody." (3-8-10)
"mark is getting ready to leave bright and early tomorrow. He will be gone for about 6 weeks. There is no one that can tell me 'thats the life style' i hate that.. yes, it is, yes i knew these things would happen, but no matter how many notifications you get about a loved one leaving for any length of time or how well you think you have prepared, you cant tell your feelings and mind to shut up... (8-2-10)
"today i feel pretty good about our move. There's several things i am worried about with this move though. i am worried about my grandfather. he was diagnosed with bone cancer and was told he doesn't have long to live. he is feeling ok about this i hear, but it makes me worry a lot about my grandmother when he is gone." (6-6-11)
"over the years i've managed to realize that this is my life. for a while i kept saying this is marks life. all we are doing is centered around the military and marks career etc. its pretty much not my turn for anything. well, its our life and part of my success will be his success. i don't want to sit around doing nothing watching life pass by and look back and regret not having fun while we are moving and traveling. I'm trying my hardest to make the best of this." (6-6-11)
"my grammy as i said always tells me 'let go and let god...jesus is your best friend.' so the more i did let go and let god, things started happening for me. ok ok i didn't want to go to florida.. but i did. i didn't have a choice if i wanted to be with my husband and raise our family together. it was one of the highlights in my life that i would say was the toughest decision. i just had this baby (Ethan) and i left behind a good job, all my friends and family, i had anxiety, i felt like i was not ready and i never imagined if leave new england. but i did and i made new friends. i learned how to get by on my own.. things i had always done for myself but with protection around me 'just in-case'...i had my safety net of friends, family, and things i knew.. so i was still doing the same things in FL but without my safety net and it scared me." (8-30-11)
"Today i cleaned off our desk for like oh i don't know.. the millionth time since marks been training! a few weeks ago i created folders to help us keep our papers organized and mark still cant manage to get his paper work in his folder.. properly labeled 'MARKS WORK' lol! i guess we balance each other out though because i need organization and he throws things everywhere...so he gives me something to do and i give him something to mess up." (9-7-11)
"I like knowing that i have at least 1-3 people i can depend on to joke with, vent to, or ask for a favor and i can be the same kind of friend for them. we need that. its a part of being human. Sometimes we have to weed out the people who seem to have a pattern of trouble. even if the person is not intentionally doing things to make things difficult, there comes a time when either there is going to be a change or its time to move on from the friendship, and there is nothing wrong with that." (10-5-11)
"as time goes on, I feel myself detaching a bit from my old life and settling ok into this life now and almost at a loss for what it will be like when we are done with this career. it is becoming all ive known as an adult, and raising my kids, and i kind of don't mind it, aside from missing on the stuff back home." (2-2-12)
"surprisingly, one thing I have NOT done since being here, was CRIED about being here. I thought i would fall apart. I felt physically ill at the thought of being away from the east coast or the gulf. i tend to be somewhat dramatic sometimes. i'm not oblivious to this. I try to be tough but truth is, i miss my family and if I could be anywhere in the world it'd be Italy. I mean.. with my family in new england :D seriously.. it'd be with my family." (3-19-12) "So i am very close to completing part of my dream. i never knew that i really wanted to go to school to be a nurse.. mostly because of time. i didn't want to invest years of school. The older I get, the more I wish I did this much sooner." (12-2-12) "As a navy wife, I have learned to be my own advocate. Any woman really, but here's why military. We hold so many titles, we are dragged around moving here and there, having to uproot ourselves and our kids, we learn to adjust, sacrifice, have plans A,B,C down to Z... we have to network and learn to play well with others, step out of our comfort zone.. we are really a special breed of people. unless you lived the life, you just really don't know." (2-7-13)
I decided to begin and end this blog with the same quote because it is very true. Have you ever sat back for 5 minutes to think about this? The sacrifices YOU have made... some of us may be house wives, others lawyers... it does not matter. We make some pretty incredible sacrifices. I know I have and I can promise you it does not ever change you just get used to it, and after 9 years of being a military spouse i can promise you that even that is a bit inaccurate.
Tonight I am writing a special blog. I went back, looked through all my old blogs over the last few years, and tried to grab some good quotes. This blog is aimed at the military spouses. I feel SO many can relate to my experiences, and following the quotes below are the dates that I wrote the blogs containing them. Forgive the poor grammar :) Usually when I am itching to blog, I am in the middle of doing something else and I just wanted to get my thoughts down!
There are a few things I wanted for myself and the way i envisioned it before I met my husband was very different from how it turned out, BUT it DID (and is) turning out. This is something that has taken me time to learn because I can be impatient and I do like things to go my way. I have been a navy wife for 9 years and have lived away from my family for 6 years. It was very difficult to get used to especially since life moved very fast in the beginning of my relationship. I was very young, had 2 kids, was married, a first time home owner, and wanted to go to RN school. YIKES! RN school I have to say has been my biggest struggle. I would like to talk about that for a minute in relation to the military.
Speaking from experience, you either settle for a degree in something that may not be your passion, or bust your hump trying to make your career come true while moving from location to location, and you pray that you can finish in time before you have to move. Being a mother of 2 children and trying to complete nursing school was no joke. We had paid daycare off with loans. We had one income and made it work. it seemed we always made just a little too much to have any financial help. eventually, by the time i was able to get help, i ended up having to withdraw from the program because my grades were not high enough. I tried to test back into the program... passed my clinicals but my test on paper I did not... supposedly... we were not aloud to see our grades and I seriously am suspicious of that school considering the first time I took that exam I did phenomenal. (It was an equivalency of the final exam for fundamentals nursing). It would have been 3 years before I could reapply again. Any other school I could go to I would never finish in time because we were moving the following year. So, I decided to take a psychology and pharmacology class because any other nursing program would need those classes.
Before we moved to SC, I found pretty much the only school I could go to for nursing in our area. I drove miles to take a certain test in order to get into the program. I had to jump hoops (again) to get all my transcripts from all the colleges i've attended. The first week of school was good. I was not receiving emails from the school for some reason and they also had my old address on file still despite me updating it numerous times. They should have caught onto this because I was considered an in state student.. I had to have a local address. Well they did not. There was miss-communication with that school all over the place with my address and email so I missed my first clinical day and had no way to make it up. I cried in that office and felt like such a failure. I had no way to prove it, and despite me telling them to check their "sent" folder to prove I had nothing, they did not. There was hope though, I could start the following semester. Then that door closed when not long after my husband tells me the entire squadron is moving to California. GREAT! Everything felt like it was falling in on me. I just wanted to get on with my schooling and I had no one I could talk to who could help me with this.
I decided the day i withdrew from the second school, to look into colleges and boy did i look! in the end, I learned there was a horrible waiting list for nursing schools in cali, and they also did what is called a lottery system. I also learned that we would only be in Cali for 2 years, so it was getting more and more impossible to find a school that fit my needs. While I was looking, I decided to take some online classes and get my associates degree. Eventually, I stumbled upon a college for an LVN/LPN program. It was not what I wanted, but its what I was going to take. Long story short, I went with this school and when we got to Cali, I started my classes about 4 months later. There was a TON of issues with how much coverage I would get from the GI bill, and financial aid. Every time we had a new class, I swear I was in financial aids office and signing new papers because there was some sort of mix up in prices. Right up until my graduation this was an issue. Also with this school, was the issue of trying to get classes approved. For instance, pharmacology in florida was not worth the same amount of hours as the class here in cali (semester vs quarter hours). It was the same exact class, I actually learned more in that class, but yet not the same hours. I also had to try to get my mental health class and my pharmacology class approved several times. Bring my huge binder full of class descriptions, information about my nursing program in florida, syllabuses etc... several times. It didnt help either that while I was there, we had several people quit, so every time someone new came in like a director or counselor, I had to retell what felt like a very lengthy story as to why I am not taking a particular class.
FINALLY! finally finally FINALLY! I GRADUATED! I finished my LVN program February 2, 2012. I was class president and a part of the graduation committee, I did really well in school. I am waiting to take my state boards and JUST in time before we head to TN! (HOPEFULLY!) once I get my license in my hand, I will start my bridge program to become an RN! (again) :)
In the meantime, before and after LVN school, I have done things to bulk up my resume. I have tons of volunteer work on there. I am also going to have 2 associates degrees. I have 1 class right now that is pending. We are trying to get them to accept one class for another (story of my life lol) total, I have been to 6 collages. (I think!) and every time I start a new school, its the same process of sending all these transcripts (which most of them cost money to send) class descriptions and whatever else they may need. Pain in the butt indeed, but, I am making my dream come true.
I wanted to share this lengthy story with you all because no one should be discouraged from doing what they want to do. Sometimes you have to let go of expectations and just go with the flow. It will not be easy trying to get all your college out of the way if that is what you choose to do, but once you finish, it will mean that much more! Some people may say "well, you are ONLY an LVN".. no...I AM AN LVN, and PROUDLY so! I am a nurse... do you know all the struggles I have gone through to get to this point? It is so much more than just a piece of paper to me. It signifies when I felt my worse how I picked myself up and got moving, it shows my boys how if you really want something, do not stop until you get it.
And now, I would like to share some quotes. Most are not school related, but quoteS you may be able to relate to, or at least enjoy or find inspiring.
"...45 minutes later, since the tantrum began, Ethie says he wants to close the door, so I tell him ill allow him to do it and he has to be a good boy.. so I did it...and he was just fine... he grabbed his juice, and is now watching sesame street lol." (1-15-10)
"I discovered loyalty... the word that defines what I have been striving to work towards without putting a word to it until now. I have good days and bad days, and days where i have so much built up inside of me I just want to explode on some people... my way to redirect that explosion is to frankly.. bitch about it to my best friend, or write about it." (2-4-10)
"Sometimes people need space to grow or figure out who they are, or to figure out what they want, who is family to them and who they want to invite into their personal lives..." (2-8-10) "So then i started to think about my schooling, and replacing the word 'loser' with 'failure' i am not a failure until i give up, before all other options were tried. and im certainly not ready to do that. I haven't tried everything yet. With everything i do i try to do it with all of me...all that is inside of me." (2-9-10) "... with mark having to do training, and a few other things, we have to leave earlier. this means everyone else in brodys class talks about graduation and many of the kids will go to kindergarten together, and they get to celebrate. Brody isnt going to be able to do those things, and he is a little sad about it. ive been feeling lately like i just want to give him stuff to make him feel better...military is bitter sweet.. a piece of the bitter end of it is for some kids the ones that like having a best friend (like i did) who they do everything with and grow together and then look back and say 'ive known so and so since i was 4' (like i can) isnt going to happen for brody." (3-8-10)
"mark is getting ready to leave bright and early tomorrow. He will be gone for about 6 weeks. There is no one that can tell me 'thats the life style' i hate that.. yes, it is, yes i knew these things would happen, but no matter how many notifications you get about a loved one leaving for any length of time or how well you think you have prepared, you cant tell your feelings and mind to shut up... (8-2-10)
"today i feel pretty good about our move. There's several things i am worried about with this move though. i am worried about my grandfather. he was diagnosed with bone cancer and was told he doesn't have long to live. he is feeling ok about this i hear, but it makes me worry a lot about my grandmother when he is gone." (6-6-11)
"over the years i've managed to realize that this is my life. for a while i kept saying this is marks life. all we are doing is centered around the military and marks career etc. its pretty much not my turn for anything. well, its our life and part of my success will be his success. i don't want to sit around doing nothing watching life pass by and look back and regret not having fun while we are moving and traveling. I'm trying my hardest to make the best of this." (6-6-11)
"my grammy as i said always tells me 'let go and let god...jesus is your best friend.' so the more i did let go and let god, things started happening for me. ok ok i didn't want to go to florida.. but i did. i didn't have a choice if i wanted to be with my husband and raise our family together. it was one of the highlights in my life that i would say was the toughest decision. i just had this baby (Ethan) and i left behind a good job, all my friends and family, i had anxiety, i felt like i was not ready and i never imagined if leave new england. but i did and i made new friends. i learned how to get by on my own.. things i had always done for myself but with protection around me 'just in-case'...i had my safety net of friends, family, and things i knew.. so i was still doing the same things in FL but without my safety net and it scared me." (8-30-11)
"Today i cleaned off our desk for like oh i don't know.. the millionth time since marks been training! a few weeks ago i created folders to help us keep our papers organized and mark still cant manage to get his paper work in his folder.. properly labeled 'MARKS WORK' lol! i guess we balance each other out though because i need organization and he throws things everywhere...so he gives me something to do and i give him something to mess up." (9-7-11)
"I like knowing that i have at least 1-3 people i can depend on to joke with, vent to, or ask for a favor and i can be the same kind of friend for them. we need that. its a part of being human. Sometimes we have to weed out the people who seem to have a pattern of trouble. even if the person is not intentionally doing things to make things difficult, there comes a time when either there is going to be a change or its time to move on from the friendship, and there is nothing wrong with that." (10-5-11)
"as time goes on, I feel myself detaching a bit from my old life and settling ok into this life now and almost at a loss for what it will be like when we are done with this career. it is becoming all ive known as an adult, and raising my kids, and i kind of don't mind it, aside from missing on the stuff back home." (2-2-12)
"surprisingly, one thing I have NOT done since being here, was CRIED about being here. I thought i would fall apart. I felt physically ill at the thought of being away from the east coast or the gulf. i tend to be somewhat dramatic sometimes. i'm not oblivious to this. I try to be tough but truth is, i miss my family and if I could be anywhere in the world it'd be Italy. I mean.. with my family in new england :D seriously.. it'd be with my family." (3-19-12) "So i am very close to completing part of my dream. i never knew that i really wanted to go to school to be a nurse.. mostly because of time. i didn't want to invest years of school. The older I get, the more I wish I did this much sooner." (12-2-12) "As a navy wife, I have learned to be my own advocate. Any woman really, but here's why military. We hold so many titles, we are dragged around moving here and there, having to uproot ourselves and our kids, we learn to adjust, sacrifice, have plans A,B,C down to Z... we have to network and learn to play well with others, step out of our comfort zone.. we are really a special breed of people. unless you lived the life, you just really don't know." (2-7-13)
Monday, March 11, 2013
Anxious as You Are
One of our worse fears as parents is that something may be wrong with our children. my children are great, healthy, wonderful kids. I wish this for their future. Sometimes, we don't know there is Something different about our children until they are older.
...it is happening... the signs are clear...i've been through this... now... what do i do?
I wanted to come home and have a good cry is what i wanted to do. instead.. i blog. maybe someone else is in a similar position or maybe i can help someone.
My son is showing signs of anxiety. for the last 2 years little things have happened, and over the last few months it has gotten worse. Boy, this is a familiar story. My mother "suffers" from anxiety, it pretty much runs in my family. well say that. i am anxious, i had horrible panic attacks in high school, and my very first real episode of panic i was about 12.
Brody has become extremely anxious about death. this is really familiar to me, because i really remember this happening to me also as a little girl, but not to the point it drives my son to. when i was a kid, i remember thinking to myself.. the world just goes on and on and on??? there's no end? i just could not comprehend it. my little boy.. this was his problem tonight, as many times this is what hes afraid of. perfectly normal for this age group i understand, but my son had a full blown anxiety attack. im self diagnosis that btw, but after having this for so many years, i know it when i see it. so what do i do??...
my husband just came home after being away for over 2 weeks, we just got back from having an afternoon full of activities.. each boy got their hair cut... mommy got some new makeup, took a trip to target to look at legos and Nintendo games... then to game stop... and off to dinner. it was good. on our way home the sun is just about set, we are sitting in the car... my husband and i are talking when out of absolutely nowhere my son starts to freak out.. screaming in the car...mark and i look at each other in the dark, and hes kind of confused as to what happened but i know exactly what has happened.. and think i know what to do. My boy is worried about the world and that it isn't ever going to end and him living forever and ever.. a concept even i do not fully understand myself and it just instantly takes me back to being a little girl... wondering these same things myself. "why is this happening to my kid?"...
For his sake, i hope this goes away, but i know all too well it just may not be. so what do i do? i start with what i know, i start with everything ive read about anxiety, everything thats worked for me. i use touch to keep him as calm as i can in the moving vehicle.. put my hand on his knee, and just rub his knee...i teach him to breath... several times, just breathing... in 1-2-3 out 1-2-3- lets do that 5 times.. lets do that 1 more time.. lets focus on breathing.. lets try to minimize this anxiety so we can talk.
its late for them, near bed time.. he gets like this especially around this time. Once he is semi-calm.. i try to talk about something else. not to minimize his feelings, but the timing is all wrong for an in-depth convo about this topic... i ask about his day at school.. and he tells me he is learning math. we get talking about fractions. "you know mommy just isn't that great with fractions.. did you learn more about fractions after the homework assignment we went over together." once hes a bit more calm, i get more in depth about the math.. give an example of a math problem... mark chimes in... this is all working. he doesn't seem like he is in panic mode.. hes voice calmer.. hes able to focus on the question being asked and give appropriate answers...
we are near home and as we get closer he is back to normal as if nothing has ever happened. i really want to cry.. i feel like this is the beginning of me giving my kid the bad gene of anxiety.. but i also know, that at this little age of his, and with us being so close, its the perfect opportunity to teach him techniques and maybe this thing will either go away or at least not ever consume him. i don't want my kid to feel like a freak of nature.
these days, it is so common, so (we) he is lucky for that. many people have this. as a boy, and some day a man, i see how this could potentially threaten him in the future.
As of right now, well just keep trucking along and hope it gets better and if not, down the road we can go to a dr. but at this point, he is ok. he is an outgoing boy, and sometimes he gets a little embarrassed and i try to ease that for him, teach him ways to deal with that feeling. hes a lot like me in that aspect too. i also feel he is too young to get too in depth about my problem with anxiety, and just how bad i used to have it. that i think could make him more anxious, but for him to know we all have feelings like this sometimes, and we just have to figure out a way to live in this world with it, to me, that is important at this point. anxiety is not always a terrible thing, but when it gets to panic mode where you cant function or it consumes your life, that is different. At another time, if he brings the issue up of the world going on and on we will talk about it, or during the day when hes in a good mood, maybe i will hint at it a bit to see if he is ready to talk about it. to never bring it up again though would send a negative message to him i feel. "we brush things under the rug that we don't understand or that brings out an emotion in us that we don't want to deal with." not healthy.
we are also getting him into karate classes. He is a confident boy, but for more reasons than one, i feel activities like this, will build him up more, make him feel better about himself, and leave a hell of a lot less room for anxiety or anything that may be negative to him.
...one day at a time, well just work through it.
...it is happening... the signs are clear...i've been through this... now... what do i do?
I wanted to come home and have a good cry is what i wanted to do. instead.. i blog. maybe someone else is in a similar position or maybe i can help someone.
My son is showing signs of anxiety. for the last 2 years little things have happened, and over the last few months it has gotten worse. Boy, this is a familiar story. My mother "suffers" from anxiety, it pretty much runs in my family. well say that. i am anxious, i had horrible panic attacks in high school, and my very first real episode of panic i was about 12.
Brody has become extremely anxious about death. this is really familiar to me, because i really remember this happening to me also as a little girl, but not to the point it drives my son to. when i was a kid, i remember thinking to myself.. the world just goes on and on and on??? there's no end? i just could not comprehend it. my little boy.. this was his problem tonight, as many times this is what hes afraid of. perfectly normal for this age group i understand, but my son had a full blown anxiety attack. im self diagnosis that btw, but after having this for so many years, i know it when i see it. so what do i do??...
my husband just came home after being away for over 2 weeks, we just got back from having an afternoon full of activities.. each boy got their hair cut... mommy got some new makeup, took a trip to target to look at legos and Nintendo games... then to game stop... and off to dinner. it was good. on our way home the sun is just about set, we are sitting in the car... my husband and i are talking when out of absolutely nowhere my son starts to freak out.. screaming in the car...mark and i look at each other in the dark, and hes kind of confused as to what happened but i know exactly what has happened.. and think i know what to do. My boy is worried about the world and that it isn't ever going to end and him living forever and ever.. a concept even i do not fully understand myself and it just instantly takes me back to being a little girl... wondering these same things myself. "why is this happening to my kid?"...
For his sake, i hope this goes away, but i know all too well it just may not be. so what do i do? i start with what i know, i start with everything ive read about anxiety, everything thats worked for me. i use touch to keep him as calm as i can in the moving vehicle.. put my hand on his knee, and just rub his knee...i teach him to breath... several times, just breathing... in 1-2-3 out 1-2-3- lets do that 5 times.. lets do that 1 more time.. lets focus on breathing.. lets try to minimize this anxiety so we can talk.
its late for them, near bed time.. he gets like this especially around this time. Once he is semi-calm.. i try to talk about something else. not to minimize his feelings, but the timing is all wrong for an in-depth convo about this topic... i ask about his day at school.. and he tells me he is learning math. we get talking about fractions. "you know mommy just isn't that great with fractions.. did you learn more about fractions after the homework assignment we went over together." once hes a bit more calm, i get more in depth about the math.. give an example of a math problem... mark chimes in... this is all working. he doesn't seem like he is in panic mode.. hes voice calmer.. hes able to focus on the question being asked and give appropriate answers...
we are near home and as we get closer he is back to normal as if nothing has ever happened. i really want to cry.. i feel like this is the beginning of me giving my kid the bad gene of anxiety.. but i also know, that at this little age of his, and with us being so close, its the perfect opportunity to teach him techniques and maybe this thing will either go away or at least not ever consume him. i don't want my kid to feel like a freak of nature.
these days, it is so common, so (we) he is lucky for that. many people have this. as a boy, and some day a man, i see how this could potentially threaten him in the future.
As of right now, well just keep trucking along and hope it gets better and if not, down the road we can go to a dr. but at this point, he is ok. he is an outgoing boy, and sometimes he gets a little embarrassed and i try to ease that for him, teach him ways to deal with that feeling. hes a lot like me in that aspect too. i also feel he is too young to get too in depth about my problem with anxiety, and just how bad i used to have it. that i think could make him more anxious, but for him to know we all have feelings like this sometimes, and we just have to figure out a way to live in this world with it, to me, that is important at this point. anxiety is not always a terrible thing, but when it gets to panic mode where you cant function or it consumes your life, that is different. At another time, if he brings the issue up of the world going on and on we will talk about it, or during the day when hes in a good mood, maybe i will hint at it a bit to see if he is ready to talk about it. to never bring it up again though would send a negative message to him i feel. "we brush things under the rug that we don't understand or that brings out an emotion in us that we don't want to deal with." not healthy.
we are also getting him into karate classes. He is a confident boy, but for more reasons than one, i feel activities like this, will build him up more, make him feel better about himself, and leave a hell of a lot less room for anxiety or anything that may be negative to him.
...one day at a time, well just work through it.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Surviving the Military
I was straightening my hair in the mirror, thinking about my husband who is currently waiting to come home.. he is a few hours late and has been gone just over 2 weeks. I made a FB post that triggered my thoughts for writing this blog. Th post was something like i am "patiently" waiting for my husband to get home.. hes hours late, im not a patient person. something like that. got me to think of a person who used to make snide remarks about a person like me.. who is excited to see her husband whether it be 20 days or 20 months... doesn't matter. We miss our guys. and while the break is nice, there's nothing like having him here.
So basically some things many people may say is "well be thankful hes only been gone 2 weeks." "imagine how people feel whose husbands have been gone 2 years." or my favorite... "just two weeks? that's not bad. my husband was gone for 8 months and..." don't get me wrong, it is pretty different when your hubs is gone 2 weeks compared to 2 years, however, its just not nice to minimize someone elses feelings for their spouse to be returning home no matter the length of time.At times, that's what happens in the real military world.
So i thought of some other things floating around in my head related to being a military spouse and my experiences and things I wish I did more of... and this i would say is for the newer military spouses. Here are my pieces of advice in no special order;
10. You don't have to be friends with everyone. Its nice to be friendly, but there's no reason to try to be friends with every single person. Sometimes ti doesn't work out, and that's ok. keep a few good girls by your side that you click with and keep the rest acquaintances.
9. It is ok to not join every group, go to every meeting etc... its encouraged to take part in these things of course! but sometimes there's just groups and meetings falling out your ears you don't know what ones are important and what ones aren't any more. Its ok to be choosey. Quite honestly, some of us have other things to do outside of the military life. (school, work, other commitments) You are not a bad spouse for not being an active member of more than 1 group. At times, unless you know the people involved, you never know what you are going to get either. its ok to go a few times then decide this is not for you, or what the group has to offer you don't need.
8. network. Know a few spouses in the command as well as a few out of the command. you'll always have someone to fill you in on whats going on in the command, someone to go to functions with, complain about long deployments with, laugh cry etc... its a good feeling. having some good chicks outside of the command is good too. you'll have someone who you can swap sittings with (if you have kids) when there are functions, you don't know their people, they dont know your people...
7. Don't talk about your husbands rank unless asked.. IF you want to disclose that information (or have to). Unless there is a gathering at your home and you are wanting to invite her husband, its not really important. Us wives (or husbands married to females serving) can be friends with whoever we want despite ranks. We are not our spouses rank.
6. Know what you need to know and leave the rest alone. I admit, I know the basics. I know enough about my husbands job, whats going on in the command that could affect our family, who is important to know, etc. earlier in the game of being a military wife, i would hear these wives talk about things that i had NO clue about... and to be honest, it was all irrelevant.
5. Know your resources and what services are available to you and if you don't know, ask. there's the ombudsmen, the few groups you may have joined, the couple of friends you have made... chances are whoever you ask, they have either used those resources before too or knew someone who did, or are happy to share what they know but maybe haven't used before. If you feel "stupid" whip out the phone book or google search your base and see what they offer on their website.
4. leave politics, parenting, and religion at the door unless you feel you're in a group of people who, even if you may disagree, you will still be friends in the end. We all come from different walks of life. Don't assume every person in the military is the same or has the same views.
3. Its ok not to love the place your stationed at. It never fails, someone will always say "if you think this place is bad, you should of seen ..." or "This place isn't bad at all!" everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but then you have some people that just wont let you feel the way you feel and try to convince you that where you are is great. It's ok.. think the place you're at sucks... its not home, its not what you're used to, you haven't adjusted to the place.. whatever the reason it is ok to feel that way. just make the best of it :) after 3-4 years you get new orders and start all over!
2. Take advantage of being able to travel and seeing new places that had you not been involved in the military, you would not ever had gotten to see or experience. That choice could end up changing you life forever.
1. Make non-military friends. They keep you grounded, know all the best local places to go, and sometimes just not being a part of the military hoopla is relieving. Someone who doesnt know anything about the military.. you can just be yourself around.
So basically some things many people may say is "well be thankful hes only been gone 2 weeks." "imagine how people feel whose husbands have been gone 2 years." or my favorite... "just two weeks? that's not bad. my husband was gone for 8 months and..." don't get me wrong, it is pretty different when your hubs is gone 2 weeks compared to 2 years, however, its just not nice to minimize someone elses feelings for their spouse to be returning home no matter the length of time.At times, that's what happens in the real military world.
So i thought of some other things floating around in my head related to being a military spouse and my experiences and things I wish I did more of... and this i would say is for the newer military spouses. Here are my pieces of advice in no special order;
10. You don't have to be friends with everyone. Its nice to be friendly, but there's no reason to try to be friends with every single person. Sometimes ti doesn't work out, and that's ok. keep a few good girls by your side that you click with and keep the rest acquaintances.
9. It is ok to not join every group, go to every meeting etc... its encouraged to take part in these things of course! but sometimes there's just groups and meetings falling out your ears you don't know what ones are important and what ones aren't any more. Its ok to be choosey. Quite honestly, some of us have other things to do outside of the military life. (school, work, other commitments) You are not a bad spouse for not being an active member of more than 1 group. At times, unless you know the people involved, you never know what you are going to get either. its ok to go a few times then decide this is not for you, or what the group has to offer you don't need.
8. network. Know a few spouses in the command as well as a few out of the command. you'll always have someone to fill you in on whats going on in the command, someone to go to functions with, complain about long deployments with, laugh cry etc... its a good feeling. having some good chicks outside of the command is good too. you'll have someone who you can swap sittings with (if you have kids) when there are functions, you don't know their people, they dont know your people...
7. Don't talk about your husbands rank unless asked.. IF you want to disclose that information (or have to). Unless there is a gathering at your home and you are wanting to invite her husband, its not really important. Us wives (or husbands married to females serving) can be friends with whoever we want despite ranks. We are not our spouses rank.
6. Know what you need to know and leave the rest alone. I admit, I know the basics. I know enough about my husbands job, whats going on in the command that could affect our family, who is important to know, etc. earlier in the game of being a military wife, i would hear these wives talk about things that i had NO clue about... and to be honest, it was all irrelevant.
5. Know your resources and what services are available to you and if you don't know, ask. there's the ombudsmen, the few groups you may have joined, the couple of friends you have made... chances are whoever you ask, they have either used those resources before too or knew someone who did, or are happy to share what they know but maybe haven't used before. If you feel "stupid" whip out the phone book or google search your base and see what they offer on their website.
4. leave politics, parenting, and religion at the door unless you feel you're in a group of people who, even if you may disagree, you will still be friends in the end. We all come from different walks of life. Don't assume every person in the military is the same or has the same views.
3. Its ok not to love the place your stationed at. It never fails, someone will always say "if you think this place is bad, you should of seen ..." or "This place isn't bad at all!" everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but then you have some people that just wont let you feel the way you feel and try to convince you that where you are is great. It's ok.. think the place you're at sucks... its not home, its not what you're used to, you haven't adjusted to the place.. whatever the reason it is ok to feel that way. just make the best of it :) after 3-4 years you get new orders and start all over!
2. Take advantage of being able to travel and seeing new places that had you not been involved in the military, you would not ever had gotten to see or experience. That choice could end up changing you life forever.
1. Make non-military friends. They keep you grounded, know all the best local places to go, and sometimes just not being a part of the military hoopla is relieving. Someone who doesnt know anything about the military.. you can just be yourself around.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Dear Little Journal Writting Jacquie...
Cleaning.. and as usual with cleaning things pop into my mind that I have to stop what I am doing to blog about it. (as usual, forgive the bad punctuation with my contractions, lowercase "I" etc.. I just dont feel like bothering with fixing them lol)
What is now my blog, was once my journal. however, my journals are MUCH more private for the most part. I was putting some books away today when i came across the last journal i started back when i lived in Florida. I remember the day too. It was a night after school, I went to the local barnes and noble and saw this nice journal with a ring binder (i love by the way) and it has the serenity prayer on it. I had only written a few pages. I didnt get too far because then I was starting nursing school and got very busy. Soon after (or maybe around the same time) I started blogging to release some of this extra energy I had.
So today I read my entry from that journal. about 5 pages. It made me start to think about all my other journals i have.. a box full of them.. made me think about whipping those out and start reading. there are some really good times in those journals... my first "love", stories about what i did with my friends, other crushes, my pets lol.. then as i became a teenager.. typical stuff a teenager would write about. some of it you WISH you could forget! and then there is the pages that are just downright sad and as you are reading, it comes back to you.. whatever that it may be. and you sort of relive those feelings again, or you think to your 28 year old self "what the f*ck?" it is almost as if that is a time that was so long ago you cant believe you had gone through that experience. Sometimes I wish my 28 year old self could have been a friend to me when I was that young. For the most part, I did very well. people would often tell me I acted mature for my age. and I did. I didnt have much of a choice either being exposed to certain things as a younger kid, worrying about things a kid shouldnt have to. The problem was is my ears were big and where adults were talking, I was listening! :)
As a teenager, those were some years where as most teenagers, I went through some struggles and the people I learned I coudl lean on were miles and miles away, so i turned to my friends, also as most teenagers do. So reading these journals around my teenage years, yes some of those events feel dramatic the way i wrote about them but as an adult now, at that time they were very real.
What i really disliked about that time in life is that as a teenager, we go through these emotions that adults dont really consider to be anything more than a phase or whatever label you want to put on it, but at the time, they are very real feelings and experiences to us. I hope I am sensitive to that when my boys are older.
A lot of people i talk to, eventually, you end up talking about something that leads to "when i was in high school" or "when i was a teenager"... because that was a time when we were learning about our world, forming relationships, faced with our first real disappointments, trying to find our identity etc.. a lot of things stem back to those dreadful teenage years :)
So as I was saying, I am thinking about these old journals I have. all the way from about 3rd grade to now. from the early years some entries are funny like "I love my dog" lol. Others remind me of times me and my best friend would fight "I will never be Amanda Pattersons friend again!" then here we are age 28 as best of friends as 2 people could be lol. then teenage years... the years I most like to read. A few reasons for this. One it really helps me see how much I have changed and grown. I can read the process. two it shows me what a smart kid i was at times. for not really having support at times when i needed it, how did i know at that age to do what i did and make it out ok? it is pretty nice. I used to read a LOT of psychology stuff back then (still do) I didnt understand some people, I wanted even then to train myself to be a good parent and grown up. I took many classes in high school that to this day I still have some sacred information I saved from that time. I have a folder of stuff.
Another reason I saved those things is because I have a niece who i loved so much! seriously. i prayed for a sister and god took away whatever child my mother was pregnant at the time with, but i gained a niece who i treated like my sister, my daughter, my friend, my everything. i was protective of her. I knew what she was in for and wanted to make sure i could help her and had resources to do so. So, like a little psychologist and nurse that i felt i was lol, i saved everything important so i could share with her and help her. I was born to look out after other people.
So On this Sunday morning I am thinking about pulling that shoebox full of old journals down to read through them a bit but also there comes the consequence of feeling bad or sad again over something old. Usually i do read parts of those journals around moving time as im packing up my old shoe box to another box...ready for moving. I mean, reading those less than desirable sections of the journals doesnt make me feel down right awful, but, sometimes those entries show you that some people or things never change, and it puts an impression in your memory bank that maybe had i not written down that entry, i would have forgotten and i would have been for the better. We should be remembering the good times. but coming across those "bummer" entries is unavoidable. maybe i should put a warning label on those ones lol!
Anyhow.. off to finish my cleaning. maybe I will write a new entry in this old dusty journal that has been sitting on my shelf once I am done. I also have a journal I started for my boys when i became pregnant with brody. a very good idea! takes me back to a place i LOVED! remembering my pregnancy, and how i felt, my feelings about being a mother, how ecxcited i was etc.. about once a year i update it. Again, it is a part of that "i have to take care of people" in me. I have their baby books i wrote in extensively.. i wanted to live every moment and not forget anything i went through. One day if they ask me a question, i want it to be documented incase i forget or if something were to happen to me, they would have the information and now at that time how much i absolutely loved them and all that they did even if it was just the first time they held a bottle lol!
I have also gathered a lot of family history for them. I have a folder, print outs, pictures etc of some really good documentation about their family. my side and marks side. such interesting material! To me, it is so important to know where not only you came from, but where your family came fronm. it gives a real appreciation to life.
What is now my blog, was once my journal. however, my journals are MUCH more private for the most part. I was putting some books away today when i came across the last journal i started back when i lived in Florida. I remember the day too. It was a night after school, I went to the local barnes and noble and saw this nice journal with a ring binder (i love by the way) and it has the serenity prayer on it. I had only written a few pages. I didnt get too far because then I was starting nursing school and got very busy. Soon after (or maybe around the same time) I started blogging to release some of this extra energy I had.
So today I read my entry from that journal. about 5 pages. It made me start to think about all my other journals i have.. a box full of them.. made me think about whipping those out and start reading. there are some really good times in those journals... my first "love", stories about what i did with my friends, other crushes, my pets lol.. then as i became a teenager.. typical stuff a teenager would write about. some of it you WISH you could forget! and then there is the pages that are just downright sad and as you are reading, it comes back to you.. whatever that it may be. and you sort of relive those feelings again, or you think to your 28 year old self "what the f*ck?" it is almost as if that is a time that was so long ago you cant believe you had gone through that experience. Sometimes I wish my 28 year old self could have been a friend to me when I was that young. For the most part, I did very well. people would often tell me I acted mature for my age. and I did. I didnt have much of a choice either being exposed to certain things as a younger kid, worrying about things a kid shouldnt have to. The problem was is my ears were big and where adults were talking, I was listening! :)
As a teenager, those were some years where as most teenagers, I went through some struggles and the people I learned I coudl lean on were miles and miles away, so i turned to my friends, also as most teenagers do. So reading these journals around my teenage years, yes some of those events feel dramatic the way i wrote about them but as an adult now, at that time they were very real.
What i really disliked about that time in life is that as a teenager, we go through these emotions that adults dont really consider to be anything more than a phase or whatever label you want to put on it, but at the time, they are very real feelings and experiences to us. I hope I am sensitive to that when my boys are older.
A lot of people i talk to, eventually, you end up talking about something that leads to "when i was in high school" or "when i was a teenager"... because that was a time when we were learning about our world, forming relationships, faced with our first real disappointments, trying to find our identity etc.. a lot of things stem back to those dreadful teenage years :)
So as I was saying, I am thinking about these old journals I have. all the way from about 3rd grade to now. from the early years some entries are funny like "I love my dog" lol. Others remind me of times me and my best friend would fight "I will never be Amanda Pattersons friend again!" then here we are age 28 as best of friends as 2 people could be lol. then teenage years... the years I most like to read. A few reasons for this. One it really helps me see how much I have changed and grown. I can read the process. two it shows me what a smart kid i was at times. for not really having support at times when i needed it, how did i know at that age to do what i did and make it out ok? it is pretty nice. I used to read a LOT of psychology stuff back then (still do) I didnt understand some people, I wanted even then to train myself to be a good parent and grown up. I took many classes in high school that to this day I still have some sacred information I saved from that time. I have a folder of stuff.
Another reason I saved those things is because I have a niece who i loved so much! seriously. i prayed for a sister and god took away whatever child my mother was pregnant at the time with, but i gained a niece who i treated like my sister, my daughter, my friend, my everything. i was protective of her. I knew what she was in for and wanted to make sure i could help her and had resources to do so. So, like a little psychologist and nurse that i felt i was lol, i saved everything important so i could share with her and help her. I was born to look out after other people.
So On this Sunday morning I am thinking about pulling that shoebox full of old journals down to read through them a bit but also there comes the consequence of feeling bad or sad again over something old. Usually i do read parts of those journals around moving time as im packing up my old shoe box to another box...ready for moving. I mean, reading those less than desirable sections of the journals doesnt make me feel down right awful, but, sometimes those entries show you that some people or things never change, and it puts an impression in your memory bank that maybe had i not written down that entry, i would have forgotten and i would have been for the better. We should be remembering the good times. but coming across those "bummer" entries is unavoidable. maybe i should put a warning label on those ones lol!
Anyhow.. off to finish my cleaning. maybe I will write a new entry in this old dusty journal that has been sitting on my shelf once I am done. I also have a journal I started for my boys when i became pregnant with brody. a very good idea! takes me back to a place i LOVED! remembering my pregnancy, and how i felt, my feelings about being a mother, how ecxcited i was etc.. about once a year i update it. Again, it is a part of that "i have to take care of people" in me. I have their baby books i wrote in extensively.. i wanted to live every moment and not forget anything i went through. One day if they ask me a question, i want it to be documented incase i forget or if something were to happen to me, they would have the information and now at that time how much i absolutely loved them and all that they did even if it was just the first time they held a bottle lol!
I have also gathered a lot of family history for them. I have a folder, print outs, pictures etc of some really good documentation about their family. my side and marks side. such interesting material! To me, it is so important to know where not only you came from, but where your family came fronm. it gives a real appreciation to life.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Parenting
I would like to start this blog with a quote from the web:
"To the present parent, the child appears as the original parent...
Role reversal is defined as a reversal of the dependency role, in which parents turn to their infants and small children for nurturing and protection. These parents seem to have perceived and experienced their own parents as unloving, cruel, and brutal. Therefore, their egos have not matured and, consequently, social and parental role development has been retarded. When natural infant-child dependency is experienced by these parents as a series of assaultive acts upon themselves, they retaliate with actual assaultive behaviour. This retaliation may be phrased passively, in neglect, or actively, by battering.."
Parenting and parenting styles have been heavily on my mind lately. I opened my eyes this morning, and it is as if I had a dream about parenting... instantly I felt I had to write and what started as a post to facebook...became very long and needed to be in blog form. :)
Here is what I have learned. When a parent did not supposedly get the love and attention from their own mother/father... they have these children that they expect to love them and care for them because they were deprived of that from their own parents, especially the mother. "MOM" is a very important and powerful person. For the purpose of this blog, I am focusing on mom and the impact she has on her children. So mom is deprived, has high expectations of her children. expectations that maybe for a little while the child can full-fill because they are young and naive, but one day those children grow into difficult teenagers who NEED their parents and mom... and mom feels angry about this new independence their child is trying to get...maybe even jealous. and what will mom do now? now her child is growing up and having a social life, and they need a little less of mom, who up until she had her children, had "no one" to love her the way her children did when they were young. It is not fair, the children end up paying the price for what mom lacked from her own mother. In some cases, mom can recover from this and become and excellent mother. it si what you make of it, but at other times, for whatever the reason, mom doesn't get the big picture, and it is as if mom will do anything to keep her children her children because they are all she has to love and care for her.
The children grow up and get married, have children of their own. Then what? one of two things... the children are angry for being deprived of having a mother they deserved because she was wrapped up in her own pain of not having the mother she needed, so they have children to love them and the cycle continues... OR the children are afraid of screwing up their own children so they go above and beyond to make sure they don't fall into the cycle of roll reversal. They understand the unfairness and pain it caused for them, and do not want that relationship with their own offspring.
Those are my observations and quite frankly I would go on.
Here is my style of parenting, and everyone is different, but here is mine and why i choose to parent the way I do;
I planned to have my son Brody. I was ready to be a mother despite me only being 20, I had goals I had set for myself that by age 25 I would have/do and very proudly I am telling you I have met my expectations. To me, I wanted to have children to show them a good life, to love them, nurture them, and set them up to be good people (fathers, workers, husbands etc) one day. My theory is that to the age of 18, minimum, (legally really) I am responsible for them. It is my responsibility to prepare them for the real world, and if I don't have the answers, find someone who does. I am responsible for getting them from the starting line to the first few steps into the "race"... they are responsible to continue the race and make it to the finish line. If they turn out to really make a mess of their lives, I will be proud that I truly did do my best as a mother to get them on the track. Also, if they screw up, they will hopefully, by me helping them, know how to dig themselves out of a mess they get themselves into. They ARE going to make mistakes, that is a part of growing up and learning, but you will nto find me in their ear telling them they are no good and belittling them. that's not my job. my job is to be there for them and if I can help, help them.
Now, in my home, I make a big deal about accomplishments. My own also. When I finished school and had my graduation last week, it was important for me to have them there. They saw their mother start a program and complete it. How special is that? we celebrated with a dinner. For a few weeks before the graduation I made a big deal about it because I wanted them to be excited and when they were it made me happy. 1. because it showed my kids are understanding success to a certain level 2. because I am their mother and I made them proud and 3. because if mom can do it, they can and should too. When they do something really awesome at school we celebrate in the same way... candy.. McDonalds.. a new book..encouraging words...something. it keeps them interested and wanting to continue to do well.
I will forever be proud of my kids and not be too wound up in my own life to tell them, and genuinely mean it! They do not HAVE to express being proud of me for completing my goals, although it is nice, but it is not their job. It is my job to be their cheerleader. I am so proud of my kids at their little ages. I can not imagine my relationship with them being any different than it is. I have seen them evolve and I like who they are becoming. I tell them often enough so they do not ever have to question my sincerity in that.
It is because of my children that I am actually inspired to be a better person and really go after my goals. they have always been my motivation. always. when i was pregnant with Brody, (wont go into detail because i've written blogs about it) I began my schooling. I remember being pregnant, and going to this gathering at the nursing home, where there were many other applicants for the CNA program. they had about 6 open positions for the class. when I was pulled into the office to meet with the director and teacher, I was asked why they should choose me. I told them the basics (i love helping people, this is what i want to do etc) but then I also told them that if I did not get chosen here, I would go somewhere else because this is what I wanted to do. I was chosen.. pregnant and all, they picked me. I was proud.
Since then, i have been in school just trying to become a nurse. Between schooling and moving with the military, being young... I had these two babies ad there was just no option for me other than to make something of myself because one day they would need things, and get more expensive. school was never on the top of my priorities, but when i because pregnant, it shot up. It isn't for everyone, that is ok, but it was for me. Now, I am still not an RN yet, I will be an LPN after i pass more boards.. do you think i am going to stop here? hell no ;)
It is all because of my children. (and of course an amazing husband helps!!)
Being a mother is a privilege and I love it. I am taking advantage of it. when my kids were babies, I specifically remember rocking them and even though they were asleep, just looking at them, touching their hair, their little hands etc.. and saying to myself that I was going to take in every moment right there because as everyone told me, they grow up fast, and they REALLY did! god, so fast! I am glad I was fortunate enough to balance work and being a mother to them. I am glad i took int hose moments. I have no regrets... no "I wish I spent more time" nothing. because I lived in the moment and did it.
I promise, if you let them, your children have an amazing power over you... i feel like I have superpowers just being around them lol! sounds a little crazy but really...
With my children, and my husband who is my best friend, and of course god, I CAN do anything, and I have. I encourage any other mother out there... if you haven't taken advantage of the "now" do it. hopefully some of my theories and way of parenting, and how I feel about my kids have made you think.. it is never too late to change your relationship with your children with some work..
I am no perfect mother, but I am a damn good one. I am open to constructive criticism as well as comments, suggestions. It really does take a village to raise kids... I take advantage of my resources. Children are all different. I know my kids, I learned what they need from a mother...and construct my parenting around that.
I love to write, (and talk!) and sometimes I write these things on a whim. Sometimes there is no one in my immediate path to discuss these things with, so I blog. I am no professional, just a mom with experience :) still learning as I go!
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Military and college, motherhood, etc...
The beginning of this blog will be dedicated to the issue I have been having for the last 2 years, with focus on the last year. so skip ahead to the paragraph beginning "As a navy wife, I have learned to be my own advocate." if you get bored :)and as always, i apologize in advance for the typos (i corrected some then got bored HA!) ..as well as the poor punctuation etc..This is a blog..imperfect..not to be handed in and graded..so im being a lazy pants ;P
Here is the cut down version, but with as much important detail as possible. I've been trying to complete nursing school for what i consider to be a very long time once you figure pre-requisites and such. The first school i went to in FL not so great.. but i do believe it could have been great...ive seen that school work out for others. i believe had we had a better teacher it would've been a better experience! the second school was in SC and this is really where the story begins...I will mention no names here. I am a go getter. i have so many classes under my belt i lost track of how many credit hours i have. its a bit depressing actually lol!! and trying to apply them to a degree.
Anyhow.. I did a ton of research on schools in the area we would be moving to and of course i was extremely limited! (pretty much one school ha!) so i took the chance and went for it. before we moved i drove 3 hours just to take a test to get into this school, then 3 hours home again. mind you, my kids were just babies then. this was so important to me though. So, fast forward to our moving to SC. school starts and i fill out all my paper work and im ready to go. i lasted about a week.. maybe a day or so more before i found myself withdrawing yet AGAIN! it was one of the heart breaking days of my life i dont think ill forget. i felt like such a failure. well, turns out i did not gt an important updated email about my clinical site. these days technology is the number one way to communicate with people. previously, my teacher told me my clinical site would be at place "A" most likely.. i never heard an update so i figured ok.. im good to go. well, the following day or so im asked why i was not at clinical. she had sent out an email blah blah blah. well, a day or so later i had to withdraw because i missed that clinical day. it SUCKED! i went to class like any normal day, then i was pulled out and told the bad news. i told them i never received an email and maybe they should check their old emails they sent because this also happened where they emailed out a hand out for class that i also never had gotten.
so anyways, i was told if i withdrew that day, id be within the allotted add/drop time and not owe the school any money. through my tears and pretty much begging for another chance, i signed the paper to withdraw. the next day or maybe even that day, i was online busting my ass looking for other nursing schools. we found out we would be moving to California so i looked up schools,made phone calls, and had a huge folder full of info for schools. i applied to about 3 local colleges, sent transcripts etc.. then found gurnick academy for LPN. not my first choice but because we would only be in CA for 2 years, it may be my only option that would pretty much guarantee id be done in time. so i took that and ran with it and now im graduated YAY!
ok, back to the story.. so last year i get a letter saying some debt has gone to collections. long story short, the school in SC charged me for a class i never attended. apparently they had sent notices to me but unfortunately, it was being sent to an old address in FL despite me updating it in the office. you have to update your address in the nurses office and the front office, which i did after i found out something was never sent to me by mail.. stupid. anyways... so by the time the bill got to me, i was long gone in California. also, come to find out, my address is still listed in their system as my FL address. when will they learn? i was considered a resident.. you'd of thought something would have gone off in their minds looking at my FL address but yet being a SC resident.. which you had to have in order to get priority to go to their school.
So, i tried calling, emailing, leaving voice messages. so difficult to get a hold of these people. no one gets back to you, and instead of calling you back, they send emails. frustrating when youre trying to deal with something so serious. so here i am today, still fighting this bill. not because we can not pay it, but because i do not owe it. mark has told me "lets just pay the damn thing"...but no. i refuse. enough money is taken out of our hands that we shouldn't have to pay why give in to another business. So, most of you know im a little investigator. i am done with school now so i had a lot of time to look into this matter even more.t urns out i learned several things. finally got a hold of my withdrawal agreement, the syllabus from the year i attend that college, a transcript sent to me from the college last year, a screen shot of a transcript from the colleges website, and several other bits of info like a very important detail... my pharmacology class that im told i have to pay for, DID NOT start until MARCH. i withdrew in JANUARY. i was being charged for this class, however, not the nursing class i had attended for for the few days? hmm. interesting. so despite me going back and forth with the dean, and telling her "i sat down with you and my teacher and was told id have no payment...this would not show up as a withdrawn class on my transcript, it would be as if i never existed at the school" i was told her hands were tied. this was before i got all my paper work together. i sent her an email, called the collecting agency, and their looking into it now :)
As a navy wife, I have learned to be my own advocate. any woman really, but heres why military. We hold so many titles, we are dragged around moving here and there, having to uproot ourselves and our kids, we learn to adjust, sacrifice, have plans A,B,C down to Z... we have to network and learn to play well with others, step out of our comfort zone.. we are really a special breed of people. unless you lived the life, you just really dont know. its nice to know that people try to understand, but you've got to really experience it and several years of it to fully understand. I started this navy life when i was 19 years old and have been going to school since. ive been to so many schools, had to fight to get classes approved, found ways to pay for school because either we made too much money or not enough..etc.. many women have this issue it seems. now, were in a good place. my husbands a chief and im about finished with a few A.A. degrees and my LPN certification...which is GREAT! its a step closer to what ive worked hard for.
IDK how to put it any better other than when shit hits the fan, we become really good advocates for ourselves and our families. we get things done! after years of just having to deal with our husbands changes in work schedules, deployments, etc... we don't have a choice. at first, it can be a bit uncomfortable, for some of us its out of our comfort zone.. but eventually we get there! the successful ones do. this doesn't mean we don't break down now and then... were human, not machines.. so this happens. but we also know how to pick ourselves back up again.
my schooling has been an uphill battle and i refuse to just settle because someone told me this is how it is going to be.
The other thing we learn to be is accepting. this also comes with practice and reassurance. ive seen many many people pass me in my schooling and think "why not me? when will it be my turn? i deserve that too!" not jealousy, but envious, because dammit, i deserve it. friends and classmates... this happens. so happy for them, but i want a piece of the time also. my grammy as ive said in other posts... told me a very important saying that i remind myself of quite a bit. "let go and let god" once you do things fall into place. this has been my motto ever since moving to California. my grammy is such a blessing to me because she reminds me, by these words, that god has a plan for me and it will come when it comes. a long as i help myself, god will help me. it may take me 10 years to get where i want to be, and 3 years for another person to attain that same position, doesn't make either of us better... just means it wasn't what was in my plan for that time. looking back now i can see why nursing didn't work the first time. the second time i tried, that was a blessing because i would've had to stay behind to finish while mark came to CA or left yet another program and tried to transfer and blah blah blah its giving em a headache just thinking about it!!
so.. be your own advocate, have a voice! be accepting of what comes... another motto i have is that i give myself one day to be pissed about something that's it. then i have to be logical and try to find a solution. some days are better than others. practice practice practice!
Here is the cut down version, but with as much important detail as possible. I've been trying to complete nursing school for what i consider to be a very long time once you figure pre-requisites and such. The first school i went to in FL not so great.. but i do believe it could have been great...ive seen that school work out for others. i believe had we had a better teacher it would've been a better experience! the second school was in SC and this is really where the story begins...I will mention no names here. I am a go getter. i have so many classes under my belt i lost track of how many credit hours i have. its a bit depressing actually lol!! and trying to apply them to a degree.
Anyhow.. I did a ton of research on schools in the area we would be moving to and of course i was extremely limited! (pretty much one school ha!) so i took the chance and went for it. before we moved i drove 3 hours just to take a test to get into this school, then 3 hours home again. mind you, my kids were just babies then. this was so important to me though. So, fast forward to our moving to SC. school starts and i fill out all my paper work and im ready to go. i lasted about a week.. maybe a day or so more before i found myself withdrawing yet AGAIN! it was one of the heart breaking days of my life i dont think ill forget. i felt like such a failure. well, turns out i did not gt an important updated email about my clinical site. these days technology is the number one way to communicate with people. previously, my teacher told me my clinical site would be at place "A" most likely.. i never heard an update so i figured ok.. im good to go. well, the following day or so im asked why i was not at clinical. she had sent out an email blah blah blah. well, a day or so later i had to withdraw because i missed that clinical day. it SUCKED! i went to class like any normal day, then i was pulled out and told the bad news. i told them i never received an email and maybe they should check their old emails they sent because this also happened where they emailed out a hand out for class that i also never had gotten.
so anyways, i was told if i withdrew that day, id be within the allotted add/drop time and not owe the school any money. through my tears and pretty much begging for another chance, i signed the paper to withdraw. the next day or maybe even that day, i was online busting my ass looking for other nursing schools. we found out we would be moving to California so i looked up schools,made phone calls, and had a huge folder full of info for schools. i applied to about 3 local colleges, sent transcripts etc.. then found gurnick academy for LPN. not my first choice but because we would only be in CA for 2 years, it may be my only option that would pretty much guarantee id be done in time. so i took that and ran with it and now im graduated YAY!
ok, back to the story.. so last year i get a letter saying some debt has gone to collections. long story short, the school in SC charged me for a class i never attended. apparently they had sent notices to me but unfortunately, it was being sent to an old address in FL despite me updating it in the office. you have to update your address in the nurses office and the front office, which i did after i found out something was never sent to me by mail.. stupid. anyways... so by the time the bill got to me, i was long gone in California. also, come to find out, my address is still listed in their system as my FL address. when will they learn? i was considered a resident.. you'd of thought something would have gone off in their minds looking at my FL address but yet being a SC resident.. which you had to have in order to get priority to go to their school.
So, i tried calling, emailing, leaving voice messages. so difficult to get a hold of these people. no one gets back to you, and instead of calling you back, they send emails. frustrating when youre trying to deal with something so serious. so here i am today, still fighting this bill. not because we can not pay it, but because i do not owe it. mark has told me "lets just pay the damn thing"...but no. i refuse. enough money is taken out of our hands that we shouldn't have to pay why give in to another business. So, most of you know im a little investigator. i am done with school now so i had a lot of time to look into this matter even more.t urns out i learned several things. finally got a hold of my withdrawal agreement, the syllabus from the year i attend that college, a transcript sent to me from the college last year, a screen shot of a transcript from the colleges website, and several other bits of info like a very important detail... my pharmacology class that im told i have to pay for, DID NOT start until MARCH. i withdrew in JANUARY. i was being charged for this class, however, not the nursing class i had attended for for the few days? hmm. interesting. so despite me going back and forth with the dean, and telling her "i sat down with you and my teacher and was told id have no payment...this would not show up as a withdrawn class on my transcript, it would be as if i never existed at the school" i was told her hands were tied. this was before i got all my paper work together. i sent her an email, called the collecting agency, and their looking into it now :)
As a navy wife, I have learned to be my own advocate. any woman really, but heres why military. We hold so many titles, we are dragged around moving here and there, having to uproot ourselves and our kids, we learn to adjust, sacrifice, have plans A,B,C down to Z... we have to network and learn to play well with others, step out of our comfort zone.. we are really a special breed of people. unless you lived the life, you just really dont know. its nice to know that people try to understand, but you've got to really experience it and several years of it to fully understand. I started this navy life when i was 19 years old and have been going to school since. ive been to so many schools, had to fight to get classes approved, found ways to pay for school because either we made too much money or not enough..etc.. many women have this issue it seems. now, were in a good place. my husbands a chief and im about finished with a few A.A. degrees and my LPN certification...which is GREAT! its a step closer to what ive worked hard for.
IDK how to put it any better other than when shit hits the fan, we become really good advocates for ourselves and our families. we get things done! after years of just having to deal with our husbands changes in work schedules, deployments, etc... we don't have a choice. at first, it can be a bit uncomfortable, for some of us its out of our comfort zone.. but eventually we get there! the successful ones do. this doesn't mean we don't break down now and then... were human, not machines.. so this happens. but we also know how to pick ourselves back up again.
my schooling has been an uphill battle and i refuse to just settle because someone told me this is how it is going to be.
The other thing we learn to be is accepting. this also comes with practice and reassurance. ive seen many many people pass me in my schooling and think "why not me? when will it be my turn? i deserve that too!" not jealousy, but envious, because dammit, i deserve it. friends and classmates... this happens. so happy for them, but i want a piece of the time also. my grammy as ive said in other posts... told me a very important saying that i remind myself of quite a bit. "let go and let god" once you do things fall into place. this has been my motto ever since moving to California. my grammy is such a blessing to me because she reminds me, by these words, that god has a plan for me and it will come when it comes. a long as i help myself, god will help me. it may take me 10 years to get where i want to be, and 3 years for another person to attain that same position, doesn't make either of us better... just means it wasn't what was in my plan for that time. looking back now i can see why nursing didn't work the first time. the second time i tried, that was a blessing because i would've had to stay behind to finish while mark came to CA or left yet another program and tried to transfer and blah blah blah its giving em a headache just thinking about it!!
so.. be your own advocate, have a voice! be accepting of what comes... another motto i have is that i give myself one day to be pissed about something that's it. then i have to be logical and try to find a solution. some days are better than others. practice practice practice!
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