Military Spouse

"As a navy wife, I have learned to be my own advocate. Any woman really, but here's why military. We hold so many titles, we are dragged around moving here and there, having to uproot ourselves and our kids, we learn to adjust, sacrifice, have plans A,B,C down to Z... we have to network and learn to play well with others, step out of our comfort zone.. we are really a special breed of people. unless you lived the life, you just really don't know."

I decided to begin and end this blog with the same quote because it is very true. Have you ever sat back for 5 minutes to think about this? The sacrifices YOU have made... some of us may be house wives, others lawyers... it does not matter. We make some pretty incredible sacrifices. I know I have and I can promise you it does not ever change you just get used to it, and after 9 years of being a military spouse i can promise you that even that is a bit inaccurate.

Tonight I am writing a special blog. I went back, looked through all my old blogs over the last few years, and tried to grab some good quotes. This blog is aimed at the military spouses. I feel SO many can relate to my experiences, and following the quotes below are the dates that I wrote the blogs containing them. Forgive the poor grammar :) Usually when I am itching to blog, I am in the middle of doing something else and I just wanted to get my thoughts down!

There are a few things I wanted for myself and the way i envisioned it before I met my husband was very different from how it turned out, BUT it DID (and is) turning out. This is something that has taken me time to learn because I can be impatient and I do like things to go my way. I have been a navy wife for 9 years and have lived away from my family for 6 years. It was very difficult to get used to especially since life moved very fast in the beginning of my relationship. I was very young, had 2 kids, was married, a first time home owner, and wanted to go to RN school. YIKES! RN school I have to say has been my biggest struggle. I would like to talk about that for a minute in relation to the military.

Speaking from experience, you either settle for a degree in something that may not be your passion, or bust your hump trying to make your career come true while moving from location to location, and you pray that you can finish in time before you have to move. Being a mother of 2 children and trying to complete nursing school was no joke. We had paid daycare off with loans. We had one income and made it work. it seemed we always made just a little too much to have any financial help. eventually, by the time i was able to get help, i ended up having to withdraw from the program because my grades were not high enough. I tried to test back into the program... passed my clinicals but my test on paper I did not... supposedly... we were not aloud to see our grades and I seriously am suspicious of that school considering the first time I took that exam I did phenomenal. (It was an equivalency of the final exam for fundamentals nursing). It would have been 3 years before I could reapply again. Any other school I could go to I would never finish in time because we were moving the following year. So, I decided to take a psychology and pharmacology class because any other nursing program would need those classes.

Before we moved to SC, I found pretty much the only school I could go to for nursing in our area. I drove miles to take a certain test in order to get into the program. I had to jump hoops (again) to get all my transcripts from all the colleges i've attended. The first week of school was good. I was not receiving emails from the school for some reason and they also had my old address on file still despite me updating it numerous times. They should have caught onto this because I was considered an in state student.. I had to have a local address. Well they did not. There was miss-communication with that school all over the place with my address and email so I missed my first clinical day and had no way to make it up. I cried in that office and felt like such a failure. I had no way to prove it, and despite me telling them to check their "sent" folder to prove I had nothing, they did not. There was hope though, I could start the following semester. Then that door closed when not long after my husband tells me the entire squadron is moving to California. GREAT! Everything felt like it was falling in on me. I just wanted to get on with my schooling and I had no one I could talk to who could help me with this.

I decided the day i withdrew from the second school, to look into colleges and boy did i look! in the end, I learned there was a horrible waiting list for nursing schools in cali, and they also did what is called a lottery system. I also learned that we would only be in Cali for 2 years, so it was getting more and more impossible to find a school that fit my needs. While I was looking, I decided to take some online classes and get my associates degree. Eventually, I stumbled upon a college for an LVN/LPN program. It was not what I wanted, but its what I was going to take. Long story short, I went with this school and when we got to Cali, I started my classes about 4 months later. There was a TON of issues with how much coverage I would get from the GI bill, and financial aid. Every time we had a new class, I swear I was in financial aids office and signing new papers because there was some sort of mix up in prices. Right up until my graduation this was an issue. Also with this school, was the issue of trying to get classes approved. For instance, pharmacology in florida was not worth the same amount of hours as the class here in cali (semester vs quarter hours). It was the same exact class, I actually learned more in that class, but yet not the same hours. I also had to try to get my mental health class and my pharmacology class approved several times. Bring my huge binder full of class descriptions, information about my nursing program in florida, syllabuses etc... several times. It didnt help either that while I was there, we had several people quit, so every time someone new came in like a director or counselor, I had to retell what felt like a very lengthy story as to why I am not taking a particular class.

FINALLY! finally finally FINALLY! I GRADUATED! I finished my LVN program February 2, 2012. I was class president and a part of the graduation committee, I did really well in school. I am waiting to take my state boards and JUST in time before we head to TN! (HOPEFULLY!) once I get my license in my hand, I will start my bridge program to become an RN! (again) :)

In the meantime, before and after LVN school, I have done things to bulk up my resume. I have tons of volunteer work on there. I am also going to have 2 associates degrees. I have 1 class right now that is pending. We are trying to get them to accept one class for another (story of my life lol) total, I have been to 6 collages. (I think!) and every time I start a new school, its the same process of sending all these transcripts (which most of them cost money to send) class descriptions and whatever else they may need. Pain in the butt indeed, but, I am making my dream come true.

I wanted to share this lengthy story with you all because no one should be discouraged from doing what they want to do. Sometimes you have to let go of expectations and just go with the flow. It will not be easy trying to get all your college out of the way if that is what you choose to do, but once you finish, it will mean that much more! Some people may say "well, you are ONLY an LVN".. no...I AM AN LVN, and PROUDLY so! I am a nurse... do you know all the struggles I have gone through to get to this point? It is so much more than just a piece of paper to me. It signifies when I felt my worse how I picked myself up and got moving, it shows my boys how if you really want something, do not stop until you get it.

And now, I would like to share some quotes. Most are not school related, but quoteS you may be able to relate to, or at least enjoy or find inspiring.

"...45 minutes later, since the tantrum began, Ethie says he wants to close the door, so I tell him ill allow him to do it and he has to be a good boy.. so I did it...and he was just fine... he grabbed his juice, and is now watching sesame street lol." (1-15-10)

"I discovered loyalty... the word that defines what I have been striving to work towards without putting a word to it until now. I have good days and bad days, and days where i have so much built up inside of me I just want to explode on some people... my way to redirect that explosion is to frankly.. bitch about it to my best friend, or write about it." (2-4-10)

"Sometimes people need space to grow or figure out who they are, or to figure out what they want, who is family to them and who they want to invite into their personal lives..." (2-8-10) "So then i started to think about my schooling, and replacing the word 'loser' with 'failure' i am not a failure until i give up, before all other options were tried. and im certainly not ready to do that. I haven't tried everything yet. With everything i do i try to do it with all of me...all that is inside of me." (2-9-10) "... with mark having to do training, and a few other things, we have to leave earlier. this means everyone else in brodys class talks about graduation and many of the kids will go to kindergarten together, and they get to celebrate. Brody isnt going to be able to do those things, and he is a little sad about it. ive been feeling lately like i just want to give him stuff to make him feel better...military is bitter sweet.. a piece of the bitter end of it is for some kids the ones that like having a best friend (like i did) who they do everything with and grow together and then look back and say 'ive known so and so since i was 4' (like i can) isnt going to happen for brody." (3-8-10)

"mark is getting ready to leave bright and early tomorrow. He will be gone for about 6 weeks. There is no one that can tell me 'thats the life style' i hate that.. yes, it is, yes i knew these things would happen, but no matter how many notifications you get about a loved one leaving for any length of time or how well you think you have prepared, you cant tell your feelings and mind to shut up... (8-2-10)

"today i feel pretty good about our move. There's several things i am worried about with this move though. i am worried about my grandfather. he was diagnosed with bone cancer and was told he doesn't have long to live. he is feeling ok about this i hear, but it makes me worry a lot about my grandmother when he is gone." (6-6-11)

"over the years i've managed to realize that this is my life. for a while i kept saying this is marks life. all we are doing is centered around the military and marks career etc. its pretty much not my turn for anything. well, its our life and part of my success will be his success. i don't want to sit around doing nothing watching life pass by and look back and regret not having fun while we are moving and traveling. I'm trying my hardest to make the best of this." (6-6-11)

"my grammy as i said always tells me 'let go and let god...jesus is your best friend.' so the more i did let go and let god, things started happening for me. ok ok i didn't want to go to florida.. but i did. i didn't have a choice if i wanted to be with my husband and raise our family together. it was one of the highlights in my life that i would say was the toughest decision. i just had this baby (Ethan) and i left behind a good job, all my friends and family, i had anxiety, i felt like i was not ready and i never imagined if leave new england. but i did and i made new friends. i learned how to get by on my own.. things i had always done for myself but with protection around me 'just in-case'...i had my safety net of friends, family, and things i knew.. so i was still doing the same things in FL but without my safety net and it scared me." (8-30-11)

"Today i cleaned off our desk for like oh i don't know.. the millionth time since marks been training! a few weeks ago i created folders to help us keep our papers organized and mark still cant manage to get his paper work in his folder.. properly labeled 'MARKS WORK' lol! i guess we balance each other out though because i need organization and he throws things everywhere...so he gives me something to do and i give him something to mess up." (9-7-11)

"I like knowing that i have at least 1-3 people i can depend on to joke with, vent to, or ask for a favor and i can be the same kind of friend for them. we need that. its a part of being human. Sometimes we have to weed out the people who seem to have a pattern of trouble. even if the person is not intentionally doing things to make things difficult, there comes a time when either there is going to be a change or its time to move on from the friendship, and there is nothing wrong with that." (10-5-11)

"as time goes on, I feel myself detaching a bit from my old life and settling ok into this life now and almost at a loss for what it will be like when we are done with this career. it is becoming all ive known as an adult, and raising my kids, and i kind of don't mind it, aside from missing on the stuff back home." (2-2-12)

"surprisingly, one thing I have NOT done since being here, was CRIED about being here. I thought i would fall apart. I felt physically ill at the thought of being away from the east coast or the gulf. i tend to be somewhat dramatic sometimes. i'm not oblivious to this. I try to be tough but truth is, i miss my family and if I could be anywhere in the world it'd be Italy. I mean.. with my family in new england :D seriously.. it'd be with my family." (3-19-12) "So i am very close to completing part of my dream. i never knew that i really wanted to go to school to be a nurse.. mostly because of time. i didn't want to invest years of school. The older I get, the more I wish I did this much sooner." (12-2-12) "As a navy wife, I have learned to be my own advocate. Any woman really, but here's why military. We hold so many titles, we are dragged around moving here and there, having to uproot ourselves and our kids, we learn to adjust, sacrifice, have plans A,B,C down to Z... we have to network and learn to play well with others, step out of our comfort zone.. we are really a special breed of people. unless you lived the life, you just really don't know." (2-7-13)