One of our worse fears as parents is that something may be wrong with our children. my children are great, healthy, wonderful kids. I wish this for their future. Sometimes, we don't know there is Something different about our children until they are older.
...it is happening... the signs are clear...i've been through this... now... what do i do?
I wanted to come home and have a good cry is what i wanted to do. instead.. i blog. maybe someone else is in a similar position or maybe i can help someone.
My son is showing signs of anxiety. for the last 2 years little things have happened, and over the last few months it has gotten worse. Boy, this is a familiar story. My mother "suffers" from anxiety, it pretty much runs in my family. well say that. i am anxious, i had horrible panic attacks in high school, and my very first real episode of panic i was about 12.
Brody has become extremely anxious about death. this is really familiar to me, because i really remember this happening to me also as a little girl, but not to the point it drives my son to. when i was a kid, i remember thinking to myself.. the world just goes on and on and on??? there's no end? i just could not comprehend it. my little boy.. this was his problem tonight, as many times this is what hes afraid of. perfectly normal for this age group i understand, but my son had a full blown anxiety attack. im self diagnosis that btw, but after having this for so many years, i know it when i see it. so what do i do??...
my husband just came home after being away for over 2 weeks, we just got back from having an afternoon full of activities.. each boy got their hair cut... mommy got some new makeup, took a trip to target to look at legos and Nintendo games... then to game stop... and off to dinner. it was good. on our way home the sun is just about set, we are sitting in the car... my husband and i are talking when out of absolutely nowhere my son starts to freak out.. screaming in the car...mark and i look at each other in the dark, and hes kind of confused as to what happened but i know exactly what has happened.. and think i know what to do. My boy is worried about the world and that it isn't ever going to end and him living forever and ever.. a concept even i do not fully understand myself and it just instantly takes me back to being a little girl... wondering these same things myself. "why is this happening to my kid?"...
For his sake, i hope this goes away, but i know all too well it just may not be. so what do i do? i start with what i know, i start with everything ive read about anxiety, everything thats worked for me. i use touch to keep him as calm as i can in the moving vehicle.. put my hand on his knee, and just rub his knee...i teach him to breath... several times, just breathing... in 1-2-3 out 1-2-3- lets do that 5 times.. lets do that 1 more time.. lets focus on breathing.. lets try to minimize this anxiety so we can talk.
its late for them, near bed time.. he gets like this especially around this time. Once he is semi-calm.. i try to talk about something else. not to minimize his feelings, but the timing is all wrong for an in-depth convo about this topic... i ask about his day at school.. and he tells me he is learning math. we get talking about fractions. "you know mommy just isn't that great with fractions.. did you learn more about fractions after the homework assignment we went over together." once hes a bit more calm, i get more in depth about the math.. give an example of a math problem... mark chimes in... this is all working. he doesn't seem like he is in panic mode.. hes voice calmer.. hes able to focus on the question being asked and give appropriate answers...
we are near home and as we get closer he is back to normal as if nothing has ever happened. i really want to cry.. i feel like this is the beginning of me giving my kid the bad gene of anxiety.. but i also know, that at this little age of his, and with us being so close, its the perfect opportunity to teach him techniques and maybe this thing will either go away or at least not ever consume him. i don't want my kid to feel like a freak of nature.
these days, it is so common, so (we) he is lucky for that. many people have this. as a boy, and some day a man, i see how this could potentially threaten him in the future.
As of right now, well just keep trucking along and hope it gets better and if not, down the road we can go to a dr. but at this point, he is ok. he is an outgoing boy, and sometimes he gets a little embarrassed and i try to ease that for him, teach him ways to deal with that feeling. hes a lot like me in that aspect too. i also feel he is too young to get too in depth about my problem with anxiety, and just how bad i used to have it. that i think could make him more anxious, but for him to know we all have feelings like this sometimes, and we just have to figure out a way to live in this world with it, to me, that is important at this point. anxiety is not always a terrible thing, but when it gets to panic mode where you cant function or it consumes your life, that is different. At another time, if he brings the issue up of the world going on and on we will talk about it, or during the day when hes in a good mood, maybe i will hint at it a bit to see if he is ready to talk about it. to never bring it up again though would send a negative message to him i feel. "we brush things under the rug that we don't understand or that brings out an emotion in us that we don't want to deal with." not healthy.
we are also getting him into karate classes. He is a confident boy, but for more reasons than one, i feel activities like this, will build him up more, make him feel better about himself, and leave a hell of a lot less room for anxiety or anything that may be negative to him.
...one day at a time, well just work through it.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Surviving the Military
I was straightening my hair in the mirror, thinking about my husband who is currently waiting to come home.. he is a few hours late and has been gone just over 2 weeks. I made a FB post that triggered my thoughts for writing this blog. Th post was something like i am "patiently" waiting for my husband to get home.. hes hours late, im not a patient person. something like that. got me to think of a person who used to make snide remarks about a person like me.. who is excited to see her husband whether it be 20 days or 20 months... doesn't matter. We miss our guys. and while the break is nice, there's nothing like having him here.
So basically some things many people may say is "well be thankful hes only been gone 2 weeks." "imagine how people feel whose husbands have been gone 2 years." or my favorite... "just two weeks? that's not bad. my husband was gone for 8 months and..." don't get me wrong, it is pretty different when your hubs is gone 2 weeks compared to 2 years, however, its just not nice to minimize someone elses feelings for their spouse to be returning home no matter the length of time.At times, that's what happens in the real military world.
So i thought of some other things floating around in my head related to being a military spouse and my experiences and things I wish I did more of... and this i would say is for the newer military spouses. Here are my pieces of advice in no special order;
10. You don't have to be friends with everyone. Its nice to be friendly, but there's no reason to try to be friends with every single person. Sometimes ti doesn't work out, and that's ok. keep a few good girls by your side that you click with and keep the rest acquaintances.
9. It is ok to not join every group, go to every meeting etc... its encouraged to take part in these things of course! but sometimes there's just groups and meetings falling out your ears you don't know what ones are important and what ones aren't any more. Its ok to be choosey. Quite honestly, some of us have other things to do outside of the military life. (school, work, other commitments) You are not a bad spouse for not being an active member of more than 1 group. At times, unless you know the people involved, you never know what you are going to get either. its ok to go a few times then decide this is not for you, or what the group has to offer you don't need.
8. network. Know a few spouses in the command as well as a few out of the command. you'll always have someone to fill you in on whats going on in the command, someone to go to functions with, complain about long deployments with, laugh cry etc... its a good feeling. having some good chicks outside of the command is good too. you'll have someone who you can swap sittings with (if you have kids) when there are functions, you don't know their people, they dont know your people...
7. Don't talk about your husbands rank unless asked.. IF you want to disclose that information (or have to). Unless there is a gathering at your home and you are wanting to invite her husband, its not really important. Us wives (or husbands married to females serving) can be friends with whoever we want despite ranks. We are not our spouses rank.
6. Know what you need to know and leave the rest alone. I admit, I know the basics. I know enough about my husbands job, whats going on in the command that could affect our family, who is important to know, etc. earlier in the game of being a military wife, i would hear these wives talk about things that i had NO clue about... and to be honest, it was all irrelevant.
5. Know your resources and what services are available to you and if you don't know, ask. there's the ombudsmen, the few groups you may have joined, the couple of friends you have made... chances are whoever you ask, they have either used those resources before too or knew someone who did, or are happy to share what they know but maybe haven't used before. If you feel "stupid" whip out the phone book or google search your base and see what they offer on their website.
4. leave politics, parenting, and religion at the door unless you feel you're in a group of people who, even if you may disagree, you will still be friends in the end. We all come from different walks of life. Don't assume every person in the military is the same or has the same views.
3. Its ok not to love the place your stationed at. It never fails, someone will always say "if you think this place is bad, you should of seen ..." or "This place isn't bad at all!" everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but then you have some people that just wont let you feel the way you feel and try to convince you that where you are is great. It's ok.. think the place you're at sucks... its not home, its not what you're used to, you haven't adjusted to the place.. whatever the reason it is ok to feel that way. just make the best of it :) after 3-4 years you get new orders and start all over!
2. Take advantage of being able to travel and seeing new places that had you not been involved in the military, you would not ever had gotten to see or experience. That choice could end up changing you life forever.
1. Make non-military friends. They keep you grounded, know all the best local places to go, and sometimes just not being a part of the military hoopla is relieving. Someone who doesnt know anything about the military.. you can just be yourself around.
So basically some things many people may say is "well be thankful hes only been gone 2 weeks." "imagine how people feel whose husbands have been gone 2 years." or my favorite... "just two weeks? that's not bad. my husband was gone for 8 months and..." don't get me wrong, it is pretty different when your hubs is gone 2 weeks compared to 2 years, however, its just not nice to minimize someone elses feelings for their spouse to be returning home no matter the length of time.At times, that's what happens in the real military world.
So i thought of some other things floating around in my head related to being a military spouse and my experiences and things I wish I did more of... and this i would say is for the newer military spouses. Here are my pieces of advice in no special order;
10. You don't have to be friends with everyone. Its nice to be friendly, but there's no reason to try to be friends with every single person. Sometimes ti doesn't work out, and that's ok. keep a few good girls by your side that you click with and keep the rest acquaintances.
9. It is ok to not join every group, go to every meeting etc... its encouraged to take part in these things of course! but sometimes there's just groups and meetings falling out your ears you don't know what ones are important and what ones aren't any more. Its ok to be choosey. Quite honestly, some of us have other things to do outside of the military life. (school, work, other commitments) You are not a bad spouse for not being an active member of more than 1 group. At times, unless you know the people involved, you never know what you are going to get either. its ok to go a few times then decide this is not for you, or what the group has to offer you don't need.
8. network. Know a few spouses in the command as well as a few out of the command. you'll always have someone to fill you in on whats going on in the command, someone to go to functions with, complain about long deployments with, laugh cry etc... its a good feeling. having some good chicks outside of the command is good too. you'll have someone who you can swap sittings with (if you have kids) when there are functions, you don't know their people, they dont know your people...
7. Don't talk about your husbands rank unless asked.. IF you want to disclose that information (or have to). Unless there is a gathering at your home and you are wanting to invite her husband, its not really important. Us wives (or husbands married to females serving) can be friends with whoever we want despite ranks. We are not our spouses rank.
6. Know what you need to know and leave the rest alone. I admit, I know the basics. I know enough about my husbands job, whats going on in the command that could affect our family, who is important to know, etc. earlier in the game of being a military wife, i would hear these wives talk about things that i had NO clue about... and to be honest, it was all irrelevant.
5. Know your resources and what services are available to you and if you don't know, ask. there's the ombudsmen, the few groups you may have joined, the couple of friends you have made... chances are whoever you ask, they have either used those resources before too or knew someone who did, or are happy to share what they know but maybe haven't used before. If you feel "stupid" whip out the phone book or google search your base and see what they offer on their website.
4. leave politics, parenting, and religion at the door unless you feel you're in a group of people who, even if you may disagree, you will still be friends in the end. We all come from different walks of life. Don't assume every person in the military is the same or has the same views.
3. Its ok not to love the place your stationed at. It never fails, someone will always say "if you think this place is bad, you should of seen ..." or "This place isn't bad at all!" everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but then you have some people that just wont let you feel the way you feel and try to convince you that where you are is great. It's ok.. think the place you're at sucks... its not home, its not what you're used to, you haven't adjusted to the place.. whatever the reason it is ok to feel that way. just make the best of it :) after 3-4 years you get new orders and start all over!
2. Take advantage of being able to travel and seeing new places that had you not been involved in the military, you would not ever had gotten to see or experience. That choice could end up changing you life forever.
1. Make non-military friends. They keep you grounded, know all the best local places to go, and sometimes just not being a part of the military hoopla is relieving. Someone who doesnt know anything about the military.. you can just be yourself around.
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