One of our worse fears as parents is that something may be wrong with our children. my children are great, healthy, wonderful kids. I wish this for their future. Sometimes, we don't know there is Something different about our children until they are older.
...it is happening... the signs are clear...i've been through this... now... what do i do?
I wanted to come home and have a good cry is what i wanted to do. instead.. i blog. maybe someone else is in a similar position or maybe i can help someone.
My son is showing signs of anxiety. for the last 2 years little things have happened, and over the last few months it has gotten worse. Boy, this is a familiar story. My mother "suffers" from anxiety, it pretty much runs in my family. well say that. i am anxious, i had horrible panic attacks in high school, and my very first real episode of panic i was about 12.
Brody has become extremely anxious about death. this is really familiar to me, because i really remember this happening to me also as a little girl, but not to the point it drives my son to. when i was a kid, i remember thinking to myself.. the world just goes on and on and on??? there's no end? i just could not comprehend it. my little boy.. this was his problem tonight, as many times this is what hes afraid of. perfectly normal for this age group i understand, but my son had a full blown anxiety attack. im self diagnosis that btw, but after having this for so many years, i know it when i see it. so what do i do??...
my husband just came home after being away for over 2 weeks, we just got back from having an afternoon full of activities.. each boy got their hair cut... mommy got some new makeup, took a trip to target to look at legos and Nintendo games... then to game stop... and off to dinner. it was good. on our way home the sun is just about set, we are sitting in the car... my husband and i are talking when out of absolutely nowhere my son starts to freak out.. screaming in the car...mark and i look at each other in the dark, and hes kind of confused as to what happened but i know exactly what has happened.. and think i know what to do. My boy is worried about the world and that it isn't ever going to end and him living forever and ever.. a concept even i do not fully understand myself and it just instantly takes me back to being a little girl... wondering these same things myself. "why is this happening to my kid?"...
For his sake, i hope this goes away, but i know all too well it just may not be. so what do i do? i start with what i know, i start with everything ive read about anxiety, everything thats worked for me. i use touch to keep him as calm as i can in the moving vehicle.. put my hand on his knee, and just rub his knee...i teach him to breath... several times, just breathing... in 1-2-3 out 1-2-3- lets do that 5 times.. lets do that 1 more time.. lets focus on breathing.. lets try to minimize this anxiety so we can talk.
its late for them, near bed time.. he gets like this especially around this time. Once he is semi-calm.. i try to talk about something else. not to minimize his feelings, but the timing is all wrong for an in-depth convo about this topic... i ask about his day at school.. and he tells me he is learning math. we get talking about fractions. "you know mommy just isn't that great with fractions.. did you learn more about fractions after the homework assignment we went over together." once hes a bit more calm, i get more in depth about the math.. give an example of a math problem... mark chimes in... this is all working. he doesn't seem like he is in panic mode.. hes voice calmer.. hes able to focus on the question being asked and give appropriate answers...
we are near home and as we get closer he is back to normal as if nothing has ever happened. i really want to cry.. i feel like this is the beginning of me giving my kid the bad gene of anxiety.. but i also know, that at this little age of his, and with us being so close, its the perfect opportunity to teach him techniques and maybe this thing will either go away or at least not ever consume him. i don't want my kid to feel like a freak of nature.
these days, it is so common, so (we) he is lucky for that. many people have this. as a boy, and some day a man, i see how this could potentially threaten him in the future.
As of right now, well just keep trucking along and hope it gets better and if not, down the road we can go to a dr. but at this point, he is ok. he is an outgoing boy, and sometimes he gets a little embarrassed and i try to ease that for him, teach him ways to deal with that feeling. hes a lot like me in that aspect too. i also feel he is too young to get too in depth about my problem with anxiety, and just how bad i used to have it. that i think could make him more anxious, but for him to know we all have feelings like this sometimes, and we just have to figure out a way to live in this world with it, to me, that is important at this point. anxiety is not always a terrible thing, but when it gets to panic mode where you cant function or it consumes your life, that is different. At another time, if he brings the issue up of the world going on and on we will talk about it, or during the day when hes in a good mood, maybe i will hint at it a bit to see if he is ready to talk about it. to never bring it up again though would send a negative message to him i feel. "we brush things under the rug that we don't understand or that brings out an emotion in us that we don't want to deal with." not healthy.
we are also getting him into karate classes. He is a confident boy, but for more reasons than one, i feel activities like this, will build him up more, make him feel better about himself, and leave a hell of a lot less room for anxiety or anything that may be negative to him.
...one day at a time, well just work through it.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Monday, March 11, 2013
Friday, March 9, 2012
You know you're a couponing junkie when...
not all of these apply to me, however, just noticing some friends are starting to really take off with the couponing and with all these tv shows, thought it'd be funk to do a finish the sentence kind of thing...
You know youre a couponing junkie when:
1. you're excited about someone elses savings
2. ..if the kids are starving youll tell them to wait a minute so you can finish watching Dr phil or whatever is on, but if you get an email notification on your cell phone for new printable coupons your ass is flying off that couch to go print off your coupons!
3. you wake up at 7:30am and start your computer to search for the latest coupon deals... before getting your coffee, before getting your kids ready for school...
4. a trip alone to the grocery store so you can 'focus' has become more appealing to you than a date night out with your spouse.
5. you have a stock pile of 50 bottles of K.Y. jelly but you're not having sex because you're too busy looking for coupons.
6. you'll drive 20 minutes to get the latest deals at cvs but a 5 minute drive to get your husbands dry cleaning is a hassle.
7. you're thinking right now, about looking for a coupon as soon as you're done reading this.
8. you'll let a call go to voice mail if its your mother but if a friend calls about a coupon she just found that you HAVE to get, you'll answer it.
9. You've spent time convincing your child, in the grocery store, that they don't want a particular cereal, that they should get this other brand because you have a coupon for it.
10. You've managed to convince your husband to switch brands of body wash/deoderant that hes been using since before you met each other, because you dont have a coupon for that brand.
11. you'll spend 2 hours looking for a good coupon but complain when you have to fold the laundry because it takes too long.
12. The house is stocked with food from all the purchases you made with your coupons, but you go to mcdonalds for dinner because you're too exhausted to cook after the major shopping trip you just did.
13. you get mad at your husband for buying shaving cream after he ran out so you tell him he should have consulted with you first to see if you had a coupon for it! which you did!
You know youre a couponing junkie when:
1. you're excited about someone elses savings
2. ..if the kids are starving youll tell them to wait a minute so you can finish watching Dr phil or whatever is on, but if you get an email notification on your cell phone for new printable coupons your ass is flying off that couch to go print off your coupons!
3. you wake up at 7:30am and start your computer to search for the latest coupon deals... before getting your coffee, before getting your kids ready for school...
4. a trip alone to the grocery store so you can 'focus' has become more appealing to you than a date night out with your spouse.
5. you have a stock pile of 50 bottles of K.Y. jelly but you're not having sex because you're too busy looking for coupons.
6. you'll drive 20 minutes to get the latest deals at cvs but a 5 minute drive to get your husbands dry cleaning is a hassle.
7. you're thinking right now, about looking for a coupon as soon as you're done reading this.
8. you'll let a call go to voice mail if its your mother but if a friend calls about a coupon she just found that you HAVE to get, you'll answer it.
9. You've spent time convincing your child, in the grocery store, that they don't want a particular cereal, that they should get this other brand because you have a coupon for it.
10. You've managed to convince your husband to switch brands of body wash/deoderant that hes been using since before you met each other, because you dont have a coupon for that brand.
11. you'll spend 2 hours looking for a good coupon but complain when you have to fold the laundry because it takes too long.
12. The house is stocked with food from all the purchases you made with your coupons, but you go to mcdonalds for dinner because you're too exhausted to cook after the major shopping trip you just did.
13. you get mad at your husband for buying shaving cream after he ran out so you tell him he should have consulted with you first to see if you had a coupon for it! which you did!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
singing in the rain! just siiiingin in the raaaiiin!
ok so this has nothing to do with rain, but i am feeling pretty glorious! :)
Ive been making some pretty good life style changes that im pretty proud of. years ago when the kids were babies, i used to make their baby food at home (very easy and fun btw!) nothing wrong with Gerber or any other big brands of baby food, but i felt good being able to make my kids their foods from scratch. i was pretty proud of that. so over the years ive made a home made thing or two myself.. things you normally would by at the store like a jar of pasta sauce or something. as time goes on my collection of recipes (most are great, some ehh..) has really expanded. mostly thanks to allrecipes.com and comparing recipes that have a rating of a 4 1/2 star or greater to other recipes and info i can find online, and my own preference.
When i was growing up, most of my food came from a box or a can. (like hamburger helper which i still cant stomach.. not because it would taste bad now.. because i probably would like it, just that smell and that box.. and how often we had it.. no..) my mom could cook some things pretty well, and she did have a hand full of hand me down recipes that i now have, but there's other family members that come to mind when i think of good cooking. its a bummer btw, to find out all this time you think something is cooked for hours over a stove, only to find out it came from a microwave (ah hem! jag... yes, my Grammy gave me a recipe for microwave jag and it is amazing... but she did make hers on the stove of what i remember) anyways...
my heritage is italian, german, english, irish (just found out) and cape verdean (google it) i grew up mostly connected to my cape verdean and italian roots and the older i get the more i really enjoy cooking meals from my heritage. besides, i absolutely LOVE italian food, and certain dishes my Grammy always had available when we would visit on the weekends, or after school id stop over and grab some monchupa out of the fridge mmm. mmm.
SO i have really started to WANT to eat a little healthier. not every day all day, but i want to know whats in my foods as often as possible. food labels can be tricky and deceiving. if i can make it at home, i will give it a try at least.
also, this is great therapy for me. im an artist, and everything i love involves art... i like to paint, sew, crochet, cook, make jewelry, paint my nails with designs etc... all arts. even my profession someday :nursing. all arts. (and a little science :) ) when im making something from scratch it may not taste the best the first time or two around. i try to stick close to the original recipe if its something i have never made before or tried much of before altering it too much. but something like a pasta sauce or bread crumbs ... its pretty easy to figure out how to do and what to add and what to skip. theres basic ingredients then theres seasonings and fillers.
something else i really like about making things from scratch is substituting. did you know you can make baking powder if you dont have any on hand? did you know you can substitute apple sauce for oil? did you know there are more than 1 or 2 ways to cook to cook a vegetable? lol. i laugh, but seriously, some people just dont know and i didn't know until i grew up and educated myself.
im by far an expert on any of this stuff and cooking from scratch however i have been doing it for a few years and really love it. i know a thing or two about cooking and i am always looking for suggestions and ideas. i think about all the snacks i buy at the store ad feed to my kids that i could so easily make at home, like these fruit roll ups im making right now. they have just peaches, strawberries, and about 2 tsps of sugar in it that's 8 grams of sugar TOTAL for the entire batch for anyone wondering. i could've used honey or nectar or juice but i didn't have any. cant say all the time every time i will be making everything at home from scratch, its a lot of work, and time, and once school starts i doubt ill have time to experiment like i can now. but it sure is fun :)
so look in your cabinet and see if maybe there is something you can try to make from scratch just for the fun of it. start easy... like the pasta sauce i keep mentioning. sauces are really simple and you can jar it or freeze it and use it for another day :)if it tastes terrible well, at least you'll have fun making it!
so in conclusion to this entire blog.. which ive strayed a bit from the main point here... and the conclusion has little to do with the body of my blog lol... i went to the gym today, ive been going 1-2 times a week, ive been going to church most sundays, eating a little healthier for the most part, taking part in my hobbies like i used to do, and feeling pretty damn good right now. i got into a rut of feeling just "blah" for a little while, it happens to us all from time to time. but i can feel im getting back on track :) i have to say i am really, REALLY loving yoga btw and i am really looking forward to starting school in april!
Ive been making some pretty good life style changes that im pretty proud of. years ago when the kids were babies, i used to make their baby food at home (very easy and fun btw!) nothing wrong with Gerber or any other big brands of baby food, but i felt good being able to make my kids their foods from scratch. i was pretty proud of that. so over the years ive made a home made thing or two myself.. things you normally would by at the store like a jar of pasta sauce or something. as time goes on my collection of recipes (most are great, some ehh..) has really expanded. mostly thanks to allrecipes.com and comparing recipes that have a rating of a 4 1/2 star or greater to other recipes and info i can find online, and my own preference.
When i was growing up, most of my food came from a box or a can. (like hamburger helper which i still cant stomach.. not because it would taste bad now.. because i probably would like it, just that smell and that box.. and how often we had it.. no..) my mom could cook some things pretty well, and she did have a hand full of hand me down recipes that i now have, but there's other family members that come to mind when i think of good cooking. its a bummer btw, to find out all this time you think something is cooked for hours over a stove, only to find out it came from a microwave (ah hem! jag... yes, my Grammy gave me a recipe for microwave jag and it is amazing... but she did make hers on the stove of what i remember) anyways...
my heritage is italian, german, english, irish (just found out) and cape verdean (google it) i grew up mostly connected to my cape verdean and italian roots and the older i get the more i really enjoy cooking meals from my heritage. besides, i absolutely LOVE italian food, and certain dishes my Grammy always had available when we would visit on the weekends, or after school id stop over and grab some monchupa out of the fridge mmm. mmm.
SO i have really started to WANT to eat a little healthier. not every day all day, but i want to know whats in my foods as often as possible. food labels can be tricky and deceiving. if i can make it at home, i will give it a try at least.
also, this is great therapy for me. im an artist, and everything i love involves art... i like to paint, sew, crochet, cook, make jewelry, paint my nails with designs etc... all arts. even my profession someday :nursing. all arts. (and a little science :) ) when im making something from scratch it may not taste the best the first time or two around. i try to stick close to the original recipe if its something i have never made before or tried much of before altering it too much. but something like a pasta sauce or bread crumbs ... its pretty easy to figure out how to do and what to add and what to skip. theres basic ingredients then theres seasonings and fillers.
something else i really like about making things from scratch is substituting. did you know you can make baking powder if you dont have any on hand? did you know you can substitute apple sauce for oil? did you know there are more than 1 or 2 ways to cook to cook a vegetable? lol. i laugh, but seriously, some people just dont know and i didn't know until i grew up and educated myself.
im by far an expert on any of this stuff and cooking from scratch however i have been doing it for a few years and really love it. i know a thing or two about cooking and i am always looking for suggestions and ideas. i think about all the snacks i buy at the store ad feed to my kids that i could so easily make at home, like these fruit roll ups im making right now. they have just peaches, strawberries, and about 2 tsps of sugar in it that's 8 grams of sugar TOTAL for the entire batch for anyone wondering. i could've used honey or nectar or juice but i didn't have any. cant say all the time every time i will be making everything at home from scratch, its a lot of work, and time, and once school starts i doubt ill have time to experiment like i can now. but it sure is fun :)
so look in your cabinet and see if maybe there is something you can try to make from scratch just for the fun of it. start easy... like the pasta sauce i keep mentioning. sauces are really simple and you can jar it or freeze it and use it for another day :)if it tastes terrible well, at least you'll have fun making it!
so in conclusion to this entire blog.. which ive strayed a bit from the main point here... and the conclusion has little to do with the body of my blog lol... i went to the gym today, ive been going 1-2 times a week, ive been going to church most sundays, eating a little healthier for the most part, taking part in my hobbies like i used to do, and feeling pretty damn good right now. i got into a rut of feeling just "blah" for a little while, it happens to us all from time to time. but i can feel im getting back on track :) i have to say i am really, REALLY loving yoga btw and i am really looking forward to starting school in april!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
A military wifes (thats me) top ten
I can NOT sleep, and ive been looking up the most random things online and i think that is why my brain will not allow me to sleep. that and fighting off a major migraine a few hours ago. IN ADVANCE.. PLEASE forgive the typos. i probably will not edit this once i write it. im hoping this will make me feel tired. its been a while since ive typed up anything like this :)
I decided to come up with a top ten list of things you miss and exchange them for as a military wife.. and really as a family. you know how hard it is for me to think of JUST 10 THINGS? very.... i already have a slew coming to me which is why i had to jump up out of bed and type them out before i forgot.
You know, choosing to be an active duty military family for a career to me is very different than i think anyone can imagine unless your husband (family) has decided to do this as a career. This is why as time goes on, i feel myself detaching a bit from my old life and settling ok into this life now and almost at a loss for what it will be like when we are done with this career. it is becoming all ive known as an adult, and raising my kids, and i kind of dont mind it, aside from missing on the stuff back home. there is not a person that can relate to my life style back home.. not from a career perspective and moving around like we have, so the other families i have met along the way that have become my family, i really cherish because they get it! :)
ON WITH THE COUNT DOWN! in NO particular order.. come on, it IS 2am here, way too late to care about ordering for this OCD chick... ;P
1. You MISS OUT on family dinners for holidays which can sometimes turn routine or result in feuds. you dont have moms traditional plate and your aunts home made pie she has every year. INSTEAD... you get to have a new face at the table or go to a new friends home for dinner and share fond memories of dinners back home, and really appreciate those memories. You share one of your family traditional dishes with others and have a dish you never had before. This make you appreciate family more because you cant be with them, and you think about the day when you will be able to have a nice family dinner with them again.
2. You MISS OUT of friends getting married and having children of their own and your friends kids growing up with yours and the dream you once had of living next door to your best friend doesnt happen. INSTEAD you get to meet a TON of new people, your kids have best friends all over the U.S. and maybe over seas, and every chance you get to talk to your best friend on the phone it puts a smile on your heart because had you lived so close to one another, you wouldnt appreciate your friend the way you do being away from them. with every visit back home, you realize just how much you miss your friend, but also just how special they are and unique from the military friends you now have... its something very special :)
3. you MISS OUT on feeling like any new place is home and just when you get used to being somewhere, your up and moving again! in EXCHANGE, you know you ALWAYS have a place to call home when you go visit your home town... you know someone will always let you crash at their place. You have memories of special events that took place at certain locations... you leave your foot prints and will always have places to go back and visit once you settle down. like for us, Florida is where we really became a family. i will always remember florida for that. it is our home away from home. California is where life changed again for us and Mark made chief and i will be finishing college. Some day, it will be nice to travel again to the places we had lived and say "remember when..."
4. you MISS OUT on nights out with your friends, and doing each others makeup and hair and asking them how do i look and them giving you an honest opinion..and going to the same little dive bar on the corner every so often where people know you.INSTEAD, you can have a new friend to go out with every time you go out. you dont have to love the person your hanging out with because in a few months maybe theyre moving... but for right now, theyre actually pretty cool to hang with, you havent known them that long so you havent had enough time to figure out what annoys you about them. Or maybe you really click with them and you know you will both be stationed here for 4 years, so you have 4 years to cram in everything you can without the BS because you dont have time to waste on BS!
5. You MISS OUT on your husband having a regular 9-5 job with weekends off. INSTEAD its pretty random at times, sometimes they do work weekends, but sometimes they get extra days off of work too. The unpredictable schedule gives you a chance to catch up on some house chores or treat yourself to a pedicure, or watch some really awful reality tv show your husband hates while you wait for him to get home.
6. you MISS OUT on being able to sleep next to your husband every night and sometimes for 6 months or more at a time. INSTEEEEAAADDD.... you get the ENTIRE BED to yourself, you can spread out, sleep witha light on, or the tv, have your kids snuggle with you on those nights, eat in bed, wear your footie jammies, ...whatever you wanna do because the entire bed is yours!
7. you MISS OUT on being able to eat at your favorite places that are 'back home' and even if you try to attempt to make your favorite food, you cant find all the ingredients you need at your local stores in your new town. INSTEAD... you learn to improvise, or try a new dish to cook for dinner, or get take out at a restaurant youve never heard of before then tell your friends back home all about it.
8. you MISS OUT on taking your kids to do things that you did as a kid unless you do some really careful planning and even then its just not enough time. INSTEAD, when you do get the chance to show your child where you grew up and played, its pretty special because its not a place down the road they can go to any time they want... you know they wouldnt.... how many times have you complained about not having a gym to go to then when you find one within walking distance how often have you gone? if youre like me, not that often!
9. you MISS OUT on bonding with your younger family members the way you imagined it would be when your brother told you he was having a child...and every time you see them it is almost like reintroducing yourself to them then you have to leave and it can be heart breaking. INSTEAD you can create a really special bond with them long distance in unique ways and when you come to town they are really excited that the coolest aunt in the world is coming to visit! ;P
10. you MISS OUT on tradition.. which isnt always a bad thing. trying to keep up with traditions when you are moving around and life is fairly rapidly changing can be a challenge. INSTEAD you choose a traditional cookie recipe to make for christmas or try a new way of exchanging gifts long distance and its not as stressful trying to keep up with all these traditions and no one is looking over your shoulder making sure you are doing the traditions or even doing them correct! can you imagine if your mother knew you werent using grandmas china for christmas dinner that year... the same dish set thats been used every thanksgiving for the last 50 years!? and you wanted to use a new, much cooler dish set you just bought? she may just pass out! but its YOUR house, YOUR new tradition of not having much tradition... you pick and choose which traditions are important to you rather than doing all of the traditions because well.. youd just collapse trying to keep everything perfect as though life around you hadnt changed.
11. (yes 11, a bonus one.. arent you lucky!!) you "MISS OUT" on getting family member hand me downs you dont have room for. shucks. All those damn dishes from all 4 of your grandparents that mom dug out of their attics in 1976 cant POSSIBLY survive a move across the country! whatever shall you do? INSTEAD you can buy a new dish set :) you can pick and choose what you will and can not/will not accept because you may not have room or it could break etc...
and THAT my friends is my 'top ten' things you miss out on and exchange for something else. its a good life, enjoy it while you can. the good, the bad AND yes the ugly because some day it will be all over. ive been in this life style for 8 years and not everything gets easier, but you just adjust and make things work, and become stronger and learn things you never would have known had you stayed "home" all your life and not ventured past the mississippi lol. :) HOWEVER, i WILL be very happy to move back to new england some day or at least within a few hours drive of my friends and family who i adore so much <3
I decided to come up with a top ten list of things you miss and exchange them for as a military wife.. and really as a family. you know how hard it is for me to think of JUST 10 THINGS? very.... i already have a slew coming to me which is why i had to jump up out of bed and type them out before i forgot.
You know, choosing to be an active duty military family for a career to me is very different than i think anyone can imagine unless your husband (family) has decided to do this as a career. This is why as time goes on, i feel myself detaching a bit from my old life and settling ok into this life now and almost at a loss for what it will be like when we are done with this career. it is becoming all ive known as an adult, and raising my kids, and i kind of dont mind it, aside from missing on the stuff back home. there is not a person that can relate to my life style back home.. not from a career perspective and moving around like we have, so the other families i have met along the way that have become my family, i really cherish because they get it! :)
ON WITH THE COUNT DOWN! in NO particular order.. come on, it IS 2am here, way too late to care about ordering for this OCD chick... ;P
1. You MISS OUT on family dinners for holidays which can sometimes turn routine or result in feuds. you dont have moms traditional plate and your aunts home made pie she has every year. INSTEAD... you get to have a new face at the table or go to a new friends home for dinner and share fond memories of dinners back home, and really appreciate those memories. You share one of your family traditional dishes with others and have a dish you never had before. This make you appreciate family more because you cant be with them, and you think about the day when you will be able to have a nice family dinner with them again.
2. You MISS OUT of friends getting married and having children of their own and your friends kids growing up with yours and the dream you once had of living next door to your best friend doesnt happen. INSTEAD you get to meet a TON of new people, your kids have best friends all over the U.S. and maybe over seas, and every chance you get to talk to your best friend on the phone it puts a smile on your heart because had you lived so close to one another, you wouldnt appreciate your friend the way you do being away from them. with every visit back home, you realize just how much you miss your friend, but also just how special they are and unique from the military friends you now have... its something very special :)
3. you MISS OUT on feeling like any new place is home and just when you get used to being somewhere, your up and moving again! in EXCHANGE, you know you ALWAYS have a place to call home when you go visit your home town... you know someone will always let you crash at their place. You have memories of special events that took place at certain locations... you leave your foot prints and will always have places to go back and visit once you settle down. like for us, Florida is where we really became a family. i will always remember florida for that. it is our home away from home. California is where life changed again for us and Mark made chief and i will be finishing college. Some day, it will be nice to travel again to the places we had lived and say "remember when..."
4. you MISS OUT on nights out with your friends, and doing each others makeup and hair and asking them how do i look and them giving you an honest opinion..and going to the same little dive bar on the corner every so often where people know you.INSTEAD, you can have a new friend to go out with every time you go out. you dont have to love the person your hanging out with because in a few months maybe theyre moving... but for right now, theyre actually pretty cool to hang with, you havent known them that long so you havent had enough time to figure out what annoys you about them. Or maybe you really click with them and you know you will both be stationed here for 4 years, so you have 4 years to cram in everything you can without the BS because you dont have time to waste on BS!
5. You MISS OUT on your husband having a regular 9-5 job with weekends off. INSTEAD its pretty random at times, sometimes they do work weekends, but sometimes they get extra days off of work too. The unpredictable schedule gives you a chance to catch up on some house chores or treat yourself to a pedicure, or watch some really awful reality tv show your husband hates while you wait for him to get home.
6. you MISS OUT on being able to sleep next to your husband every night and sometimes for 6 months or more at a time. INSTEEEEAAADDD.... you get the ENTIRE BED to yourself, you can spread out, sleep witha light on, or the tv, have your kids snuggle with you on those nights, eat in bed, wear your footie jammies, ...whatever you wanna do because the entire bed is yours!
7. you MISS OUT on being able to eat at your favorite places that are 'back home' and even if you try to attempt to make your favorite food, you cant find all the ingredients you need at your local stores in your new town. INSTEAD... you learn to improvise, or try a new dish to cook for dinner, or get take out at a restaurant youve never heard of before then tell your friends back home all about it.
8. you MISS OUT on taking your kids to do things that you did as a kid unless you do some really careful planning and even then its just not enough time. INSTEAD, when you do get the chance to show your child where you grew up and played, its pretty special because its not a place down the road they can go to any time they want... you know they wouldnt.... how many times have you complained about not having a gym to go to then when you find one within walking distance how often have you gone? if youre like me, not that often!
9. you MISS OUT on bonding with your younger family members the way you imagined it would be when your brother told you he was having a child...and every time you see them it is almost like reintroducing yourself to them then you have to leave and it can be heart breaking. INSTEAD you can create a really special bond with them long distance in unique ways and when you come to town they are really excited that the coolest aunt in the world is coming to visit! ;P
10. you MISS OUT on tradition.. which isnt always a bad thing. trying to keep up with traditions when you are moving around and life is fairly rapidly changing can be a challenge. INSTEAD you choose a traditional cookie recipe to make for christmas or try a new way of exchanging gifts long distance and its not as stressful trying to keep up with all these traditions and no one is looking over your shoulder making sure you are doing the traditions or even doing them correct! can you imagine if your mother knew you werent using grandmas china for christmas dinner that year... the same dish set thats been used every thanksgiving for the last 50 years!? and you wanted to use a new, much cooler dish set you just bought? she may just pass out! but its YOUR house, YOUR new tradition of not having much tradition... you pick and choose which traditions are important to you rather than doing all of the traditions because well.. youd just collapse trying to keep everything perfect as though life around you hadnt changed.
11. (yes 11, a bonus one.. arent you lucky!!) you "MISS OUT" on getting family member hand me downs you dont have room for. shucks. All those damn dishes from all 4 of your grandparents that mom dug out of their attics in 1976 cant POSSIBLY survive a move across the country! whatever shall you do? INSTEAD you can buy a new dish set :) you can pick and choose what you will and can not/will not accept because you may not have room or it could break etc...
and THAT my friends is my 'top ten' things you miss out on and exchange for something else. its a good life, enjoy it while you can. the good, the bad AND yes the ugly because some day it will be all over. ive been in this life style for 8 years and not everything gets easier, but you just adjust and make things work, and become stronger and learn things you never would have known had you stayed "home" all your life and not ventured past the mississippi lol. :) HOWEVER, i WILL be very happy to move back to new england some day or at least within a few hours drive of my friends and family who i adore so much <3
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
whoever said a mothers work is never done is so right!
this past week things have gotten out of hand. up until around this last week, i had pretty much everything under control then i stopped to look around and its just clutter everywhere! most people probably wouldnt notice but i have to have certain things cleaned and organized just so. idk where this came from because as a teenager my room was a slop.
i feel like i just did this stuff. last week i spent probably a total of 15 hours putting little legos together because theres models the kids took apart... thought it would be nice for them to have them together.. their lego bins were a mess and they were starting to get everywhere. that was the start of this..
then i reorganized our 2 closets out by the living room. there was just random things tossed in there. i blame mark :p i fixed up some of the garage. id like for it to be much cleaner than it is. today i cleaned off our desk for like oh i dont know.. the millionth time since marks been training! a few weeks ago i created folders to help us keep our papers organized and mark still cant manage to get his paper work in his folder.. properly labeled 'MARKS WORK' lol! i guess we balance each other out though because i need organization and he throws things everywhere...so he gives me something to do and i give him something to mess up.
i bathed harley a few days ago, somehow he just got really filthy and stinky again... bathed him again today. washed 2 loads of dished, 2 loads of laundry... i had a 4 and 5th load done but im not folding that right now. i need a break!
i think i was thinking about scheduling our dentist and dr appointments too and that made me feel like im just way behind. i have so much going on with trying to see what i can do about getting ethan into school, myself into school, teaching Ethan lessons at home, getting brody to school, helping with homework.. all the other thing parents do..i have gurnick academy appointments to get ready for LPN school, and im still trying to get my schooling situated with coastline community college. was told i had to take a class when after i got the book and started studying for what is similar to a clept test, found out i do not need this class. wasting my time and money. jeez.:P dont these people know i have things to do :D
...and i am all out of wine!
SO i guess this blog was just a rant. cant rant to my mom like i normally would because i dropped my phone in water. cant watch tv because something (idk what) happened to the cable so i have no cable for 2 more days. but atleast theres plenty of cleaning to do to ease my stress! (sort of does work for me.)
on a good note, life is great and going the way i want it for once. my relationships are good, my friends are awesome! the kids are lovely and now my house is clean (almost) aside from floors and my room of course. that room is always done last! and i still need to trim harley up, and finalize a gift for mark for his pinning ceremony on the 16th.
well, i better go and grab the kids because now i must get them showered and ready for bed and make lunches and blah blah blah blah.... :)
i feel like i just did this stuff. last week i spent probably a total of 15 hours putting little legos together because theres models the kids took apart... thought it would be nice for them to have them together.. their lego bins were a mess and they were starting to get everywhere. that was the start of this..
then i reorganized our 2 closets out by the living room. there was just random things tossed in there. i blame mark :p i fixed up some of the garage. id like for it to be much cleaner than it is. today i cleaned off our desk for like oh i dont know.. the millionth time since marks been training! a few weeks ago i created folders to help us keep our papers organized and mark still cant manage to get his paper work in his folder.. properly labeled 'MARKS WORK' lol! i guess we balance each other out though because i need organization and he throws things everywhere...so he gives me something to do and i give him something to mess up.
i bathed harley a few days ago, somehow he just got really filthy and stinky again... bathed him again today. washed 2 loads of dished, 2 loads of laundry... i had a 4 and 5th load done but im not folding that right now. i need a break!
i think i was thinking about scheduling our dentist and dr appointments too and that made me feel like im just way behind. i have so much going on with trying to see what i can do about getting ethan into school, myself into school, teaching Ethan lessons at home, getting brody to school, helping with homework.. all the other thing parents do..i have gurnick academy appointments to get ready for LPN school, and im still trying to get my schooling situated with coastline community college. was told i had to take a class when after i got the book and started studying for what is similar to a clept test, found out i do not need this class. wasting my time and money. jeez.:P dont these people know i have things to do :D
...and i am all out of wine!
SO i guess this blog was just a rant. cant rant to my mom like i normally would because i dropped my phone in water. cant watch tv because something (idk what) happened to the cable so i have no cable for 2 more days. but atleast theres plenty of cleaning to do to ease my stress! (sort of does work for me.)
on a good note, life is great and going the way i want it for once. my relationships are good, my friends are awesome! the kids are lovely and now my house is clean (almost) aside from floors and my room of course. that room is always done last! and i still need to trim harley up, and finalize a gift for mark for his pinning ceremony on the 16th.
well, i better go and grab the kids because now i must get them showered and ready for bed and make lunches and blah blah blah blah.... :)
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The greatest things in life
again, im sorry if there are typos. im not fixing them. i have some homework to do but felt the need to write...
:)
I am not incredibly religious, but i do believe in god, and many things related to Christianity. i consider myself a christian. One thing that my grandmother who is religious and has a very close relationship to god.. always tells me 'let go and let god.' and 95% of the time i do listen to her. ive been noticing a trend lately and i think it is related to that.
I am the type of person who likes to have control of everything going on in my life, i do not like the unknown, or change, although over the last 3 years id say, ive done better with change and sort of welcome it now. The reason is kind of simple, but it came with a few lessons, and lessons i dont think ill ever forget because they changed my life, and for the better, and im so thankful.
It started around the time i broke up with my long term boyfriend in high school. ill spare all the fine details because it is kind of boring, and a bit repetitive if youve known me for a while, then you probably know what happened over the year or so after he and i broke up. it was a friendly breakup. we just werent compatible anymore. i wish him well always.
I moved out of my moms house, i was a pissed off teenager. her and i at the time werent getting along. live with my dad. planned to stay for a few months then return to maine. i had a car that i was paying way too much money for, dated a guy i normally wouldnt choose for myself although while it lasted it was fun, and moved on a whim... all these things werent like me to do.. but i did them. theres the short version of what happened.
when i moved back to maine i met mark and things REALLY changed for the better. you (most of you) know my family's past. specifically, my parents... my dad dropped out of school in 8th grade, my mother became a mom at 16 and had 4 kids and had a few abusive relationships, and we were ok even though at times struggling. theres the short version of that if you didnt know. although, my mother did end up getting her diploma eventually after becoming a mother, and even went to college for a little while. my dad got his GED a few years ago, and im proud of both of my parents for picking up their education.
so education has always been important to me in my adult life. most of you know and see this. so recently, ive been thinking so much about my live over the last 7 years with mark, and how much it has changed, adn how when i am in control, or think im in control,things dont always seem to go the way i planned for it. i planned to go to nursing school when i was a mom of two babies and it didnt work out. i tried again in sc and was told we had to move to cali. i never ever wanted to move to cali, never wanted to go to FL...etc..etc... i could go on with my list of things i DIDNT want to do. my grammy as i said always tells me 'let go and let god...jesus is your best friend.' so the more i did let go and let god, things started happening for me. ok ok i didnt want to go to florida.. but i did. i didnt have a choice if i wanted to be with my husband and raise our family together. it was one of the highlights in my life that i would say was the toughest decision. i just had this baby (ethan) and i left behind a good job, all my friends and family, i had anxiety, i felt like i was not ready and i never imagined if leave new england. but i did and i made new friends. i learned how to get by on my own.. things i had always done for myself but with protection around me 'just in-case'...i had my safety net of friends, family, and things i knew.. so i was still doing the same things in FL but without my safety net and it scared me.
so fast forward... after FL we got to go to SC wehre i felt i was closer to my safety net. then we were told we had to move to cali.. i think this is where i finally threw in the towel adn said 'ok god.. you win.. YOU WIN! what am i suposed to do now?' so basically, god dragged my by the ear, had me drive across country feel nervous and anxious.. and i got here and thigns started to happen. I am getting everything i want but on gods time... gods plan for me, not mine.
so heres a list of other things i didnt want to do.. i did not want to move to cali, didnt want to drive across country, didnt want to pay 30,000 for school, didnt want to drive to fresno for school, didnt want to have ethan home with me (i wanted him in school) didnt want to work at home on my associates degree in something i didnt want, didnt want.... didnt want...didnt ant.. you get my point. well all the things i didnt want i ended up doing anyways because at this point, 'gods pla' for me just seemed to make me happier. i was kind of lost in my direction.
dear god, you know i tried to get out of going to fresno and choosing a school closer to me.. so god said 'ok jacquie.. im gonna let you go to that meeting at the other school, but im telling you, thats not where you belong'. so i went to that meeting at the other school, and of course, god was right lol. that school wouldve been closer, and in what i felt a safer area, the only downfall was it was a thousand or so more expensive, but i got everything else I WANTED in that school. but something told me to stick with gurnick and i did. so im on this streak of good things here now...
... now i have certain classes approved for that anywhere else i ried, they would not approve my classes. this brought tuition down, and i only have 8 months of school befor eim an LPN...which is amazing.. I DIDNT WANT to be an LPN.. i wanted to be an RN! but.. thats not my plan. right now i have 2 years here thats it. i think about RN school and i get a nausea feeling because my time limit here and the stress i had at PJC when i started the RN program there... i just didnt have enough time here and id be pressuring myself way too much so this LPN school fell into my lap and seemed more for me. the other thing with the school thats closer to me is that they kept trying to pressure me into doing the RN program because i had so many classes done already. it was tempting ill tell you, but it wasnt the plan for me... i could just hear god and my grandmother saying no... no.. no.. youre doing what you want again and not following with what would make life easier and your goal more attainable... so i stopped myself and just stuck with gurnick which has been really a helpful school so far! so im hoping now that things will continue to go well for me here. also, childcare fell into place. never, ever has it been this easy for me with getting things together for school. also, i got my day time classes. i was placed on an alternate list.. a list I DIDNT WANT to be on, but my gut (and god) told me to get on that alternate list and i listened and the counselor told me that morning before my enrollment appointment a spot opened up for me and i was first on her list. so the spot was mine. theres only 22 spots in the program so i made it! i made it by letting go and letting god as my grandmother would say adn i do believe it. im not preachy about god or religion. im spiritual, and i leave it at that and rarely share my beliefs with other people. This blog is about what worked for me and whether you believe in god or not, i am not trying to persuade... so dont think that. my experience however, has been much more smooth when i listened to my grandmother.
another great thing that has happened to my family since we just did what we had to do and not necessarily what we wanted to was that my husband made chief. it is 6 weeks of tough training but i have no doubt in him or my ability to pull through. again, it is NOT what i WANT to be doing, but no one gets served on a silver platter... no one in this family anyways, and i like it this way. theres lessons to be learned in life and plenty of good advice out there from people have have lived through situations we are going through and theres a bigger picture as to why things are the way they are. so we shut up, and get the job done. in south carolina my family was tested big time. i thought it wouldve been a better experience for us and was so happy to be closer to family and I CHOSE to go to SC. i pushed for it hard. we got there and things started to fall apart. at times,it seemed we were on the right track but of course when you are getting your way it seems that way.
it took for us to let go of things for our family to have what it needs and yes i am a believer that if you just have faith in a higher power that you will be put on the right track it will happen. of course, not with work on your end though. It doesnt just happen. and you will fall off that track at some point because there are other lessons you have to learn.. adn once you learn that lesson and get the bigger picture, youll get back on track again. how boring would it be if we stayed on this strait, predictable path our entire lives? quite boring!
:)
I am not incredibly religious, but i do believe in god, and many things related to Christianity. i consider myself a christian. One thing that my grandmother who is religious and has a very close relationship to god.. always tells me 'let go and let god.' and 95% of the time i do listen to her. ive been noticing a trend lately and i think it is related to that.
I am the type of person who likes to have control of everything going on in my life, i do not like the unknown, or change, although over the last 3 years id say, ive done better with change and sort of welcome it now. The reason is kind of simple, but it came with a few lessons, and lessons i dont think ill ever forget because they changed my life, and for the better, and im so thankful.
It started around the time i broke up with my long term boyfriend in high school. ill spare all the fine details because it is kind of boring, and a bit repetitive if youve known me for a while, then you probably know what happened over the year or so after he and i broke up. it was a friendly breakup. we just werent compatible anymore. i wish him well always.
I moved out of my moms house, i was a pissed off teenager. her and i at the time werent getting along. live with my dad. planned to stay for a few months then return to maine. i had a car that i was paying way too much money for, dated a guy i normally wouldnt choose for myself although while it lasted it was fun, and moved on a whim... all these things werent like me to do.. but i did them. theres the short version of what happened.
when i moved back to maine i met mark and things REALLY changed for the better. you (most of you) know my family's past. specifically, my parents... my dad dropped out of school in 8th grade, my mother became a mom at 16 and had 4 kids and had a few abusive relationships, and we were ok even though at times struggling. theres the short version of that if you didnt know. although, my mother did end up getting her diploma eventually after becoming a mother, and even went to college for a little while. my dad got his GED a few years ago, and im proud of both of my parents for picking up their education.
so education has always been important to me in my adult life. most of you know and see this. so recently, ive been thinking so much about my live over the last 7 years with mark, and how much it has changed, adn how when i am in control, or think im in control,things dont always seem to go the way i planned for it. i planned to go to nursing school when i was a mom of two babies and it didnt work out. i tried again in sc and was told we had to move to cali. i never ever wanted to move to cali, never wanted to go to FL...etc..etc... i could go on with my list of things i DIDNT want to do. my grammy as i said always tells me 'let go and let god...jesus is your best friend.' so the more i did let go and let god, things started happening for me. ok ok i didnt want to go to florida.. but i did. i didnt have a choice if i wanted to be with my husband and raise our family together. it was one of the highlights in my life that i would say was the toughest decision. i just had this baby (ethan) and i left behind a good job, all my friends and family, i had anxiety, i felt like i was not ready and i never imagined if leave new england. but i did and i made new friends. i learned how to get by on my own.. things i had always done for myself but with protection around me 'just in-case'...i had my safety net of friends, family, and things i knew.. so i was still doing the same things in FL but without my safety net and it scared me.
so fast forward... after FL we got to go to SC wehre i felt i was closer to my safety net. then we were told we had to move to cali.. i think this is where i finally threw in the towel adn said 'ok god.. you win.. YOU WIN! what am i suposed to do now?' so basically, god dragged my by the ear, had me drive across country feel nervous and anxious.. and i got here and thigns started to happen. I am getting everything i want but on gods time... gods plan for me, not mine.
so heres a list of other things i didnt want to do.. i did not want to move to cali, didnt want to drive across country, didnt want to pay 30,000 for school, didnt want to drive to fresno for school, didnt want to have ethan home with me (i wanted him in school) didnt want to work at home on my associates degree in something i didnt want, didnt want.... didnt want...didnt ant.. you get my point. well all the things i didnt want i ended up doing anyways because at this point, 'gods pla' for me just seemed to make me happier. i was kind of lost in my direction.
dear god, you know i tried to get out of going to fresno and choosing a school closer to me.. so god said 'ok jacquie.. im gonna let you go to that meeting at the other school, but im telling you, thats not where you belong'. so i went to that meeting at the other school, and of course, god was right lol. that school wouldve been closer, and in what i felt a safer area, the only downfall was it was a thousand or so more expensive, but i got everything else I WANTED in that school. but something told me to stick with gurnick and i did. so im on this streak of good things here now...
... now i have certain classes approved for that anywhere else i ried, they would not approve my classes. this brought tuition down, and i only have 8 months of school befor eim an LPN...which is amazing.. I DIDNT WANT to be an LPN.. i wanted to be an RN! but.. thats not my plan. right now i have 2 years here thats it. i think about RN school and i get a nausea feeling because my time limit here and the stress i had at PJC when i started the RN program there... i just didnt have enough time here and id be pressuring myself way too much so this LPN school fell into my lap and seemed more for me. the other thing with the school thats closer to me is that they kept trying to pressure me into doing the RN program because i had so many classes done already. it was tempting ill tell you, but it wasnt the plan for me... i could just hear god and my grandmother saying no... no.. no.. youre doing what you want again and not following with what would make life easier and your goal more attainable... so i stopped myself and just stuck with gurnick which has been really a helpful school so far! so im hoping now that things will continue to go well for me here. also, childcare fell into place. never, ever has it been this easy for me with getting things together for school. also, i got my day time classes. i was placed on an alternate list.. a list I DIDNT WANT to be on, but my gut (and god) told me to get on that alternate list and i listened and the counselor told me that morning before my enrollment appointment a spot opened up for me and i was first on her list. so the spot was mine. theres only 22 spots in the program so i made it! i made it by letting go and letting god as my grandmother would say adn i do believe it. im not preachy about god or religion. im spiritual, and i leave it at that and rarely share my beliefs with other people. This blog is about what worked for me and whether you believe in god or not, i am not trying to persuade... so dont think that. my experience however, has been much more smooth when i listened to my grandmother.
another great thing that has happened to my family since we just did what we had to do and not necessarily what we wanted to was that my husband made chief. it is 6 weeks of tough training but i have no doubt in him or my ability to pull through. again, it is NOT what i WANT to be doing, but no one gets served on a silver platter... no one in this family anyways, and i like it this way. theres lessons to be learned in life and plenty of good advice out there from people have have lived through situations we are going through and theres a bigger picture as to why things are the way they are. so we shut up, and get the job done. in south carolina my family was tested big time. i thought it wouldve been a better experience for us and was so happy to be closer to family and I CHOSE to go to SC. i pushed for it hard. we got there and things started to fall apart. at times,it seemed we were on the right track but of course when you are getting your way it seems that way.
it took for us to let go of things for our family to have what it needs and yes i am a believer that if you just have faith in a higher power that you will be put on the right track it will happen. of course, not with work on your end though. It doesnt just happen. and you will fall off that track at some point because there are other lessons you have to learn.. adn once you learn that lesson and get the bigger picture, youll get back on track again. how boring would it be if we stayed on this strait, predictable path our entire lives? quite boring!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Breaking the chain-family (you WILL relate)
Another old post worth sharing:
Monday, June 23, 2008
"an original wounding"
Current mood: calm
I was talking to my friend jenny tonight and religion came up..and lack of also..
and she found this unitarian church in pensacola so i thought i would check out the home page, then i came across somethign i felt like sharing. the title was "Breaking the Chain" and i say that a lot when i talk about my own parents and myself..so i felt like sharing this with everyone who would be interested. its a bit long though, but its interesting.
it does give some light to why i feel the way i do sometimes. especially with this move to FL, and old friends, and myself feeling like people just dont care sometimes. i know its probably not the case, but still.. i get discouraged because every good friend i meet, it is very hard for me to let go when i need to. i hate having relationships end.. its very hard for me, and if its worth it, ill fight 'til the bitter end to save my friendships/relationships. ..and with my mother..this does apply. i get angry with her for some things she couldnt help, others she probably couldve.. and im sure someday my kids will feel the same if theyre like me.
i see so much of brody in me, he needs extra mommy time..extra attention to know that he is loved and cared about... he needs me to TELL him im proud of him and hes a good boy...much like what i feel i needed..and not for any reason at all..just because, and maybe my mom didnt see that? idk... but hopefully i can give my children what they need based on what they need individually (emotionally, physically.mentally..etc..) not every person responds in the same way.
so ...happy reading :)
"Breaking the Chain"
March 9, 2008
Rev. Julie Kain
Unitarian Universalist Church of Pensacola
Every person in this room today and every person outside of this room has experienced early in our lives what I am going to refer to as "an original wounding." This means that somewhere and sometime when we were young, every one of us was presented with one particular situation that caused us to feel deeply hurt. Some particular situation in our early life caused some kind of original wounding in the very heart of our psyche or being.
It could have arisen from a variety of situations, but most often this original wounding happens in the context of our family dynamics. That is, some kind of difficult and challenging habit of interaction into which we were born by destiny of fate. You know some people say –"we don't pick our parents in life." But a few other people say that "even though we don't pick our parents in life, there is something within each of us where our greatest learning in life comes from the challenge we are presented by some part of our relationship with our parents, or whoever was our primary caregiver in,what we can refer to as, our family of origin.
This "original wounding" has such a distinctive impact on the fabric of our personal being, that we often and most unknowingly will frame subsequent difficulties and challenges we encounter in our lives through a perceptual lens that is tainted, you might say, with the original wounding.
For example, perhaps when you were young your mother was compelled by circumstance to be unavailable to you. Perhaps she had to work outside of the home for instance, or maybe it was a relationship in her life that demanded primary attention from her, and left you with a mother who was not involved primarily with you. She was perhaps both physically and emotionally distant from you at a time in your life when she was one of your primary relationships.
And so to continue with this example, if your particular "original wounding" in life came from this kind of being hurt, what you might call a sense of abandonment or even rejection in your relationship with your mother, later in your life whenever you get close to someone, perhaps a good friend or maybe your first love relationship, if something difficult happens in that later relationship, you are likely to experience it in a similar way to this original wounding with your mother. The outside circumstances may be totally different but your internal perception of them will be filtered through the lens of your experience with abandonment or rejection. You will perceive this other person as behaving in a way which is familiar to you because you feel this sense of being hurt. This particular kind of loss. You may even unconsciously anticipate being hurt like this in your next closest relationship and have what we often hear called "trust issues." That is you are hesitant to trust another person for fear of being hurt, like you were hurt before.
This is an example of "original wounding" and somehow until we are able to work through consciously how we came to cope with this original situation, we tend to find it as a repeating pattern in our lives. we will see it occurring in other relationships and situations.
We may see it happening actually even in situations where it may not be warranted. For example, your first best friend disappoints you by choosing to do something with someone else rather than going to a movie with you. You respond by feeling that your best friend is going to leave you or abandon your friendship, or that they are somehow rejecting you. You take it perhaps too personally that they are going to do something with someone else. You make it mean something big about you when your best friend may simply be making a small decision that actually has no bearing on their feelings of affection and appreciation of you.
We naturally and unconsciously tend to re-experience an earlier painful situation, in our attempts to come to terms with it, to understand or figure out why this happened. Was the pain you felt caused by something you did wrong or some bad quality in you that somehow deserves this rejection or abandonment?
It is incredibly common, especially in young people, that we tend to make sense of something that has happened by internalizing the responsibility for it. "It was my fault that this happened", we tell ourselves. Does this sound familiar to you? Can you recall a situation in your life when you were young when you felt you had somehow caused a mishap and it turned out that it didn't even have to do with you really?
And so one of the major ways we have found to overcome the challenges we carry in ourselves as a result of an original wounding, is to bring our conscious awareness to the pattern as it manifests in our lives. At some point along the way, the child whose mother had to work, or whose mother was preoccupied with a daunting and problematic relationship in her life, that child comes to realize that her behavior had more to do with these other circumstances than it had to do with him or her. What we thought and experienced as abandonment and rejection was not intended by the mother. It happened but it was not her intention to abandon or reject.
It's good to find a way to reflect on the original woundings in our lives. We are presented with a painful and difficult situation early in our loves and we find ways to cope with that. These coping mechanisms work in our loves to manage the difficult parts, but when we keep using them even in other kinds of situations that don't warrant them, we fall into a cycle which limits us. We can end up defining ourselves by this original sorrow and overusing the ways we found to cope with it. We can fall into a destructive cycle that repeats itself in different areas of our lives. In our attempts to protect ourselves from being hurt again, we cut ourselves off from other people and even from parts of ourselves. The cycle is a destructive one because it limits who we are and our interactions with other people. We inadvertently set ourselves up to actually be hurt in the same kinds of ways again and again like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Wayne Muller in his book Legacy of the Heart, the Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood writes—
"When we are hurt as children, we can quickly learn to see ourselves as broken, handicapped, or defective in some essential way." Muller brings his background as a therapist and a Harvard Divinity school graduate to his writing. He continues in the introduction of his book by saying "you are not broken; childhood suffering is not a mortal wound, and it did not irrevocably shape your destiny. You need not remove, destroy or tear anything out of yourself in order to build something new. Your challenge is not to keep trying to repair what was damaged; your practice instead is to reawaken what is already wise, strong and whole within you, to cultivate those qualities of heart and spirit that are available to you in this very moment."
Whether the original wounding in our lives left us with invisible patterns such as the inability to easily trust another person, or with the more visible patterns of physical or substance abuse, we are all capable of growing beyond these difficult limitations.
In the same way that our individual sorrow and suffering is a universal human experience, we all have access to tools for healing old wounds. There is a love in our lives that will not let us go.
May we each have the courage to look honestly at our lives and to take the steps that loosen us from the limiting patters we have inherited from the past. May we cultivate compassionate patience with the other people who have touched our lives. May we learn that the scars of our past have the power to teach us great strength and true wisdom. May we maintain our sense of worth and dignity even in the face of thoughtless and pain-provoking behavior on the part of others.
May we break through the chains of our past to embrace the fullness of this moment and the bright possibility of tomorrow.
Amen and Blessed Be.
Monday, June 23, 2008
"an original wounding"
Current mood: calm
I was talking to my friend jenny tonight and religion came up..and lack of also..
and she found this unitarian church in pensacola so i thought i would check out the home page, then i came across somethign i felt like sharing. the title was "Breaking the Chain" and i say that a lot when i talk about my own parents and myself..so i felt like sharing this with everyone who would be interested. its a bit long though, but its interesting.
it does give some light to why i feel the way i do sometimes. especially with this move to FL, and old friends, and myself feeling like people just dont care sometimes. i know its probably not the case, but still.. i get discouraged because every good friend i meet, it is very hard for me to let go when i need to. i hate having relationships end.. its very hard for me, and if its worth it, ill fight 'til the bitter end to save my friendships/relationships. ..and with my mother..this does apply. i get angry with her for some things she couldnt help, others she probably couldve.. and im sure someday my kids will feel the same if theyre like me.
i see so much of brody in me, he needs extra mommy time..extra attention to know that he is loved and cared about... he needs me to TELL him im proud of him and hes a good boy...much like what i feel i needed..and not for any reason at all..just because, and maybe my mom didnt see that? idk... but hopefully i can give my children what they need based on what they need individually (emotionally, physically.mentally..etc..) not every person responds in the same way.
so ...happy reading :)
"Breaking the Chain"
March 9, 2008
Rev. Julie Kain
Unitarian Universalist Church of Pensacola
Every person in this room today and every person outside of this room has experienced early in our lives what I am going to refer to as "an original wounding." This means that somewhere and sometime when we were young, every one of us was presented with one particular situation that caused us to feel deeply hurt. Some particular situation in our early life caused some kind of original wounding in the very heart of our psyche or being.
It could have arisen from a variety of situations, but most often this original wounding happens in the context of our family dynamics. That is, some kind of difficult and challenging habit of interaction into which we were born by destiny of fate. You know some people say –"we don't pick our parents in life." But a few other people say that "even though we don't pick our parents in life, there is something within each of us where our greatest learning in life comes from the challenge we are presented by some part of our relationship with our parents, or whoever was our primary caregiver in,what we can refer to as, our family of origin.
This "original wounding" has such a distinctive impact on the fabric of our personal being, that we often and most unknowingly will frame subsequent difficulties and challenges we encounter in our lives through a perceptual lens that is tainted, you might say, with the original wounding.
For example, perhaps when you were young your mother was compelled by circumstance to be unavailable to you. Perhaps she had to work outside of the home for instance, or maybe it was a relationship in her life that demanded primary attention from her, and left you with a mother who was not involved primarily with you. She was perhaps both physically and emotionally distant from you at a time in your life when she was one of your primary relationships.
And so to continue with this example, if your particular "original wounding" in life came from this kind of being hurt, what you might call a sense of abandonment or even rejection in your relationship with your mother, later in your life whenever you get close to someone, perhaps a good friend or maybe your first love relationship, if something difficult happens in that later relationship, you are likely to experience it in a similar way to this original wounding with your mother. The outside circumstances may be totally different but your internal perception of them will be filtered through the lens of your experience with abandonment or rejection. You will perceive this other person as behaving in a way which is familiar to you because you feel this sense of being hurt. This particular kind of loss. You may even unconsciously anticipate being hurt like this in your next closest relationship and have what we often hear called "trust issues." That is you are hesitant to trust another person for fear of being hurt, like you were hurt before.
This is an example of "original wounding" and somehow until we are able to work through consciously how we came to cope with this original situation, we tend to find it as a repeating pattern in our lives. we will see it occurring in other relationships and situations.
We may see it happening actually even in situations where it may not be warranted. For example, your first best friend disappoints you by choosing to do something with someone else rather than going to a movie with you. You respond by feeling that your best friend is going to leave you or abandon your friendship, or that they are somehow rejecting you. You take it perhaps too personally that they are going to do something with someone else. You make it mean something big about you when your best friend may simply be making a small decision that actually has no bearing on their feelings of affection and appreciation of you.
We naturally and unconsciously tend to re-experience an earlier painful situation, in our attempts to come to terms with it, to understand or figure out why this happened. Was the pain you felt caused by something you did wrong or some bad quality in you that somehow deserves this rejection or abandonment?
It is incredibly common, especially in young people, that we tend to make sense of something that has happened by internalizing the responsibility for it. "It was my fault that this happened", we tell ourselves. Does this sound familiar to you? Can you recall a situation in your life when you were young when you felt you had somehow caused a mishap and it turned out that it didn't even have to do with you really?
And so one of the major ways we have found to overcome the challenges we carry in ourselves as a result of an original wounding, is to bring our conscious awareness to the pattern as it manifests in our lives. At some point along the way, the child whose mother had to work, or whose mother was preoccupied with a daunting and problematic relationship in her life, that child comes to realize that her behavior had more to do with these other circumstances than it had to do with him or her. What we thought and experienced as abandonment and rejection was not intended by the mother. It happened but it was not her intention to abandon or reject.
It's good to find a way to reflect on the original woundings in our lives. We are presented with a painful and difficult situation early in our loves and we find ways to cope with that. These coping mechanisms work in our loves to manage the difficult parts, but when we keep using them even in other kinds of situations that don't warrant them, we fall into a cycle which limits us. We can end up defining ourselves by this original sorrow and overusing the ways we found to cope with it. We can fall into a destructive cycle that repeats itself in different areas of our lives. In our attempts to protect ourselves from being hurt again, we cut ourselves off from other people and even from parts of ourselves. The cycle is a destructive one because it limits who we are and our interactions with other people. We inadvertently set ourselves up to actually be hurt in the same kinds of ways again and again like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Wayne Muller in his book Legacy of the Heart, the Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood writes—
"When we are hurt as children, we can quickly learn to see ourselves as broken, handicapped, or defective in some essential way." Muller brings his background as a therapist and a Harvard Divinity school graduate to his writing. He continues in the introduction of his book by saying "you are not broken; childhood suffering is not a mortal wound, and it did not irrevocably shape your destiny. You need not remove, destroy or tear anything out of yourself in order to build something new. Your challenge is not to keep trying to repair what was damaged; your practice instead is to reawaken what is already wise, strong and whole within you, to cultivate those qualities of heart and spirit that are available to you in this very moment."
Whether the original wounding in our lives left us with invisible patterns such as the inability to easily trust another person, or with the more visible patterns of physical or substance abuse, we are all capable of growing beyond these difficult limitations.
In the same way that our individual sorrow and suffering is a universal human experience, we all have access to tools for healing old wounds. There is a love in our lives that will not let us go.
May we each have the courage to look honestly at our lives and to take the steps that loosen us from the limiting patters we have inherited from the past. May we cultivate compassionate patience with the other people who have touched our lives. May we learn that the scars of our past have the power to teach us great strength and true wisdom. May we maintain our sense of worth and dignity even in the face of thoughtless and pain-provoking behavior on the part of others.
May we break through the chains of our past to embrace the fullness of this moment and the bright possibility of tomorrow.
Amen and Blessed Be.
A mothers emotions about her baby getting older
This is an old post from last year, but worth sharing:
April 11, 2005 Current mood: blessed
i have been so emotional about brody turning 4, not a bad thing, just reminiscing. Having brody marks an incredible turning point in my life that i feel i am still continuing. i felt like sharing some pictures and quotes from a journal i started for my boys around the time i found out i was pregnant with brody. once in a while i still write in it. enjoy! :)
before you were born:" you are going to change my life forever, its scary sometimes because its reality, but ill never regret any of this""In 10 years from now, i will hold this book and rememebr being so young, and so in love with your daddy , and im going to say how time has passed by so fast...it always does!
"December 5, 2004 " hello baby boy! we found out november 18, which was thursday. we were so excited! i knew you were a boy! we got your crib, stroller, and car seat. mom proudly put the stroller together. daddy got us a new house too right next to my mother, you will have your own room! we got our first snow yesterday. youve been kicking like crazy lately. its so nice to feel you move"
February 17, 2005 "Hey brody hunny. just afew ore weeks to go! Now let me share some news with you. my belly button is really polking out, and i have my first tiny stretchmarks. Your always kicking in my ribs now and i jump. Ooh it bothers me. its like your foot is resting on my side, then you push like pushing yourself off the wall of a pool."
"dads leaving in june and i feel like i cant and wont be able to keep myself together. i have to for you and my sanity, but i still feel like i need help. "
"im working at friendlys and the gap 1 daya week each and going to school to be a CNA. me and your father painted your bedroom and ducky bathroom. even though youre not here yet i 'see' so much of your father in you. i imagine what you wil look like, dads cheeks, big eyes, and smile, but my lips, your dads nose, my hairline :) dads ears, and his smarts. "
"i gained 25 pounds and i hear you have a big head"
November 2005 "you are amazing! a perfect baby, a perfect blend of me and your dad. you love to be tickled and i always make time for that! i love to take you shopping with me. we have fun. daddy s on deployment through the navy and will be home december 8th. "
"...i will always believe in you even if you are at your wost point in life. im going to be here for you."
August 3, 2006 " you learned how to kiss! we went to RI and you kised cousin sam. You make the funniest expressions...theres this one face you make you scrunch up your face and make this 'laugh' sound. everyone gets a kick out of it. you have full conversations even though noone knows what you are saying. you love electronics, especially the phone and computer. "
" i love the little boy you are . youre already an awesome goofy kid you blow farts on my arm, and dance, and your feet smell too! Every day i discover something new i love about you."
April 11, 2005 Current mood: blessed
i have been so emotional about brody turning 4, not a bad thing, just reminiscing. Having brody marks an incredible turning point in my life that i feel i am still continuing. i felt like sharing some pictures and quotes from a journal i started for my boys around the time i found out i was pregnant with brody. once in a while i still write in it. enjoy! :)
before you were born:" you are going to change my life forever, its scary sometimes because its reality, but ill never regret any of this""In 10 years from now, i will hold this book and rememebr being so young, and so in love with your daddy , and im going to say how time has passed by so fast...it always does!
"December 5, 2004 " hello baby boy! we found out november 18, which was thursday. we were so excited! i knew you were a boy! we got your crib, stroller, and car seat. mom proudly put the stroller together. daddy got us a new house too right next to my mother, you will have your own room! we got our first snow yesterday. youve been kicking like crazy lately. its so nice to feel you move"
February 17, 2005 "Hey brody hunny. just afew ore weeks to go! Now let me share some news with you. my belly button is really polking out, and i have my first tiny stretchmarks. Your always kicking in my ribs now and i jump. Ooh it bothers me. its like your foot is resting on my side, then you push like pushing yourself off the wall of a pool."
"dads leaving in june and i feel like i cant and wont be able to keep myself together. i have to for you and my sanity, but i still feel like i need help. "
"im working at friendlys and the gap 1 daya week each and going to school to be a CNA. me and your father painted your bedroom and ducky bathroom. even though youre not here yet i 'see' so much of your father in you. i imagine what you wil look like, dads cheeks, big eyes, and smile, but my lips, your dads nose, my hairline :) dads ears, and his smarts. "
"i gained 25 pounds and i hear you have a big head"
November 2005 "you are amazing! a perfect baby, a perfect blend of me and your dad. you love to be tickled and i always make time for that! i love to take you shopping with me. we have fun. daddy s on deployment through the navy and will be home december 8th. "
"...i will always believe in you even if you are at your wost point in life. im going to be here for you."
August 3, 2006 " you learned how to kiss! we went to RI and you kised cousin sam. You make the funniest expressions...theres this one face you make you scrunch up your face and make this 'laugh' sound. everyone gets a kick out of it. you have full conversations even though noone knows what you are saying. you love electronics, especially the phone and computer. "
" i love the little boy you are . youre already an awesome goofy kid you blow farts on my arm, and dance, and your feet smell too! Every day i discover something new i love about you."
Friday, February 19, 2010
Sushi and babies
I have SO much to write about but ill save it for another time.
so were in Chicago visiting marks side of the family. Tonight we decided to take the boys out for sushi... a nice, fairly quiet place. They are usually pretty good when we take them out. this place was not extremely kid friendly, but for my boys i thought we would be ok. HA.
So they put a couple behind us who you can tell have no kids. i see the mans head shaking now and then, his hand go up near his head now and then lol. i can tell he was a little annoyed, BUT if he only knew the adventure we had been on over the last week, and that i was trying my best to keep them happy.. they really werent THAT bad, they were just being kids! and ethans voice is naturally loud at times. they shouldve sat somewhere else and things would be fine. anyways...
so im going to make this kind of short because i need to get to bed!
well you know how you get glasses of water? ethan decided to dip his napkin in the water so he could wash his face... his WHOLE face lol. he left half of his napkin in the glass. so we had to give it to the waitress. no big deal. i brought crayons, and paper, i try to go anywhere prepared. ok, so were all just coloring... ethans fussing.. 'hey i dont want crayons, i want markers' well, i had no markers. eventually he decided he did want to color.
then all of a sudden i hear 'i farted' from ethans mouth... oh ethan shush!! lol. that was the first of about 2 or 3 times he said that. hes 2! were trying to teach him whats acceptable and whats not.. hes usually very polite ut hes not used to eating in a palce where it is so quiet. i guess. lol.
so then he is eating his rice, finally! after some convincing and almost having to take him to the bathroom so he could stop complaining... but we didnt need to. so anyways he drops the spoon and the damn thing breaks! it was the kind of spoon i got with my miso soup... so we sent that back to the kitchen.
then brody is wanting shrimp.. but i think since the museum he has been concerned about certain foods being 'real' or 'alive' so i have to get into a littl discussion about the food... i explain the shrimp was alive once, but its not now. so he tells me to eat it first then he will eat it. so i do. gladly btw... i love seafood! finally he tries it and thats all he eats for dinner.. that was ok by me at that point. he IS a good eater so ah well.. one time is ok.
so brody tries a piece of sushi... he likes the inside, but not the seaweek wrap part... 'thats gross' he says loud ..... uuhhh 'brody...shoosh!' he also made a loud comment about the smell of it lol. 'that stinks!'
so then i order them ice cream so i can enjoy my meal... hey i paid a good penny for this meal and its not often we get to do this ...i will never see these people again and my kids WILL learn to eat in nice restaurants.. they HAVE to learn so we can all go out together. and like i said, this was unexpected, theyre usually not that bad.
so then theyre eating their ice cream, its japanese style so its kind of got a flim on the outside, its kind of thick, and ethan is trying to 'cut' through it and all of a sudden "SMASH!!" the damn bowl falls on the floor beneath us and breaks... UUHHHH ETHHHAAANNNNN! lol. i felt a little stupid. lol. but its not like we caused such a scene, it was in my head though that we were, but most people, aside from that one couple, didnt notice our table. i dont think. lol.
so the staff were SOOOOO nice, and cleaned it up. i felt like more of a jerk because they have no idea who we are and about our traveling and busy schedule, and that my boys are good kids.. they probably thought they were little brats for all i know, but it didnt show if so.. because really they were SO helpful!
so finally moments later we get our check and leave and i had a LONG talk with both boys on the way home about appropriate ways of acting in a restaurant and la-de da-de da... like all you moms have probably told your kids... lol. so they came home and went to bed very well and tomorrow is a new day!!
so were in Chicago visiting marks side of the family. Tonight we decided to take the boys out for sushi... a nice, fairly quiet place. They are usually pretty good when we take them out. this place was not extremely kid friendly, but for my boys i thought we would be ok. HA.
So they put a couple behind us who you can tell have no kids. i see the mans head shaking now and then, his hand go up near his head now and then lol. i can tell he was a little annoyed, BUT if he only knew the adventure we had been on over the last week, and that i was trying my best to keep them happy.. they really werent THAT bad, they were just being kids! and ethans voice is naturally loud at times. they shouldve sat somewhere else and things would be fine. anyways...
so im going to make this kind of short because i need to get to bed!
well you know how you get glasses of water? ethan decided to dip his napkin in the water so he could wash his face... his WHOLE face lol. he left half of his napkin in the glass. so we had to give it to the waitress. no big deal. i brought crayons, and paper, i try to go anywhere prepared. ok, so were all just coloring... ethans fussing.. 'hey i dont want crayons, i want markers' well, i had no markers. eventually he decided he did want to color.
then all of a sudden i hear 'i farted' from ethans mouth... oh ethan shush!! lol. that was the first of about 2 or 3 times he said that. hes 2! were trying to teach him whats acceptable and whats not.. hes usually very polite ut hes not used to eating in a palce where it is so quiet. i guess. lol.
so then he is eating his rice, finally! after some convincing and almost having to take him to the bathroom so he could stop complaining... but we didnt need to. so anyways he drops the spoon and the damn thing breaks! it was the kind of spoon i got with my miso soup... so we sent that back to the kitchen.
then brody is wanting shrimp.. but i think since the museum he has been concerned about certain foods being 'real' or 'alive' so i have to get into a littl discussion about the food... i explain the shrimp was alive once, but its not now. so he tells me to eat it first then he will eat it. so i do. gladly btw... i love seafood! finally he tries it and thats all he eats for dinner.. that was ok by me at that point. he IS a good eater so ah well.. one time is ok.
so brody tries a piece of sushi... he likes the inside, but not the seaweek wrap part... 'thats gross' he says loud ..... uuhhh 'brody...shoosh!' he also made a loud comment about the smell of it lol. 'that stinks!'
so then i order them ice cream so i can enjoy my meal... hey i paid a good penny for this meal and its not often we get to do this ...i will never see these people again and my kids WILL learn to eat in nice restaurants.. they HAVE to learn so we can all go out together. and like i said, this was unexpected, theyre usually not that bad.
so then theyre eating their ice cream, its japanese style so its kind of got a flim on the outside, its kind of thick, and ethan is trying to 'cut' through it and all of a sudden "SMASH!!" the damn bowl falls on the floor beneath us and breaks... UUHHHH ETHHHAAANNNNN! lol. i felt a little stupid. lol. but its not like we caused such a scene, it was in my head though that we were, but most people, aside from that one couple, didnt notice our table. i dont think. lol.
so the staff were SOOOOO nice, and cleaned it up. i felt like more of a jerk because they have no idea who we are and about our traveling and busy schedule, and that my boys are good kids.. they probably thought they were little brats for all i know, but it didnt show if so.. because really they were SO helpful!
so finally moments later we get our check and leave and i had a LONG talk with both boys on the way home about appropriate ways of acting in a restaurant and la-de da-de da... like all you moms have probably told your kids... lol. so they came home and went to bed very well and tomorrow is a new day!!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
'You Lost' ...and a baseball story
To get Brody and Ethan moving their bum-bums in the morning ill have them race to get dressed, but Brody is usually slower than Ethan just because Brody is just not paying attention. so I usually hear ethan say 'oh yeah I won!' and Brody feels sad... so anyways It has helped Brody to get dressed faster, adn pretty much anything I want them to do, if they are not doing it I make a game of it...
SO I did this to get them in the car too (get their belts on and stuff etc... just to get out the door and to school on time!) so anyways, lately i hear Brody saying 'Oh yeah I won, you lose!' Then Ethan would say the same thing...'You lose!' whenever he would win...well i didnt like that... 'you lose'?????
So i explained to my boys, ' you finished first, he finished second....everyone won because you didnt give up. you only lose when you give up' Brody seems to really understand this.
When Brody played baseball we were pretty srtict with him finishing a game. he decided he wanted to play he was going to finish the game even if that meant he just sat on the bench or stood in the outfield, he was going to be there with his team.. he was apart of that team. I dont want him to get used to giving up so easy and it being ok. if he really really hated baseball i wouldnt make him go, but he did like it. he just got side tracked here and there now and then especialyl in the beginning when they were all just learning...(well it was a little boring sometimes!)
i remember hearing one grandmother of another kid say 'that boy doesnt want to be here he should go home' talking about brody, not knowing i was his mom. i ignored it but i really wanted to give her a piece of my mind because hes just a kid.. he was having an off day...
funny thing though is that at next practice, her grandson was fussing, crying, whinning, not wanting to play and well he didnt go home. they had him stick it out... but the grandmother wasnt there that day...unfortunately! kinda wish she got to see that so she could see all kids have bad days!
ok so back to my story...
so i started thinking about that statement in the adult world and how true i feel that really is. we dont lose until we give up. we are not losers unless we giveup. I started thinking about some of the decisions i know others have made and if they are, by my statement well... a loser lol. and the outcome is YES because they gave up on something they could have worked harder on. Like Dr. Phil says (lol) dont give up until you have tried absolutely everything, everything in your power... mostly speaking on marriages and divorce, but i agree with this.
So then i started to think about my schooling, and replacing the word 'loser' with 'failure' i am not a failure until i give up, before all other options were tried. and im certainly not ready to do that. I havent tried everything yet. With everything i do i try to do it with all of me...all that is inside of me. Same goes for my close relationships and trying everything i can to salvage the important ones.. upkeep them, kind of like a spring cleaning...make a phone call if its been a while... send a note..whatever... you get my point...
with relationships they all need a little tweak now and then or a clean up... you part a little, get close again...etc... this is just the way it is and its ok.
I have a best friend who i have known for 22 years and not all of those 22 years did we get along, or were always hanging out, etc... mostly in middle school we kind of drifted a little bit, but we were still friends and friendly. we found other friends too, and then eventually we got closer again and now still she is one of the 3 people i consider my 'best' friend'. she definitely holds the number 1 spot though because weve known eachother SOOOOOOO long.
SO I did this to get them in the car too (get their belts on and stuff etc... just to get out the door and to school on time!) so anyways, lately i hear Brody saying 'Oh yeah I won, you lose!' Then Ethan would say the same thing...'You lose!' whenever he would win...well i didnt like that... 'you lose'?????
So i explained to my boys, ' you finished first, he finished second....everyone won because you didnt give up. you only lose when you give up' Brody seems to really understand this.
When Brody played baseball we were pretty srtict with him finishing a game. he decided he wanted to play he was going to finish the game even if that meant he just sat on the bench or stood in the outfield, he was going to be there with his team.. he was apart of that team. I dont want him to get used to giving up so easy and it being ok. if he really really hated baseball i wouldnt make him go, but he did like it. he just got side tracked here and there now and then especialyl in the beginning when they were all just learning...(well it was a little boring sometimes!)
i remember hearing one grandmother of another kid say 'that boy doesnt want to be here he should go home' talking about brody, not knowing i was his mom. i ignored it but i really wanted to give her a piece of my mind because hes just a kid.. he was having an off day...
funny thing though is that at next practice, her grandson was fussing, crying, whinning, not wanting to play and well he didnt go home. they had him stick it out... but the grandmother wasnt there that day...unfortunately! kinda wish she got to see that so she could see all kids have bad days!
ok so back to my story...
so i started thinking about that statement in the adult world and how true i feel that really is. we dont lose until we give up. we are not losers unless we giveup. I started thinking about some of the decisions i know others have made and if they are, by my statement well... a loser lol. and the outcome is YES because they gave up on something they could have worked harder on. Like Dr. Phil says (lol) dont give up until you have tried absolutely everything, everything in your power... mostly speaking on marriages and divorce, but i agree with this.
So then i started to think about my schooling, and replacing the word 'loser' with 'failure' i am not a failure until i give up, before all other options were tried. and im certainly not ready to do that. I havent tried everything yet. With everything i do i try to do it with all of me...all that is inside of me. Same goes for my close relationships and trying everything i can to salvage the important ones.. upkeep them, kind of like a spring cleaning...make a phone call if its been a while... send a note..whatever... you get my point...
with relationships they all need a little tweak now and then or a clean up... you part a little, get close again...etc... this is just the way it is and its ok.
I have a best friend who i have known for 22 years and not all of those 22 years did we get along, or were always hanging out, etc... mostly in middle school we kind of drifted a little bit, but we were still friends and friendly. we found other friends too, and then eventually we got closer again and now still she is one of the 3 people i consider my 'best' friend'. she definitely holds the number 1 spot though because weve known eachother SOOOOOOO long.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Ethie... We have a problem
I know normally, i should give an introduction first, but right now i have to get my morning tantrum (uh, ethies mornign tantrum) out to the world i guess. Ethan (aka ethie) is my 2 1/2 year old son.
SO the mornign starts off well, sort of. My 2 little boys are snuggling with me in bed, i wake them up to snuggles and tickles, my kids are happy and laughing, and suprizingly, were going to get my older son to school on time. I have to get Brody, my oldest, to school by 8am. so we head on out, get to school adn that is where the trouble starts with ethie.
ohhhh ethie...
i have to put in a code on a screen to get brody into his school...and usually the kids like to push the right buttons to make the door open. ethie likes to push the stop light button for the door to open...well, brody got to it first, so of course ethie flips out. once i get the door open and ethie behind it though, i can atleast drop brody off to class and let ethie flip out for just a second in the hallway at the door. im about 100 feet from him, hes fine.
so off brody goes to class and i grab ethie, now theres probably about 10 people there who hear my child cries and fusses, and i try to explain to ethie when we go to get brody, he then can push the button...
that wasnt going to fly with ethie..
so i get ethie in the car asap, dont even buckle him in yet. i sit there for a minute because i know whats to come next.... hes going to have a bad tantrum.. well, it technically already started, but it wasnt that bad yet. so he refuses to get in his seat. so i turn around in my chair to try to help my wild 2 year old get in his seat...yeah right... so i get out the car, hop in the bac seat to get ethie down in his chair, finally after successfully managing to do that i try to open the door to get out of the car but we have the child protection lock on, so i have to climb in the front seat. so i feel a little silly because now ive been climbing all around the car liek an animal, and im parked right in front of the building. ah well..
so we drive home.. all the way home, the 10 minute drive, ethie is crying and fussing about this button. i try to convince him to get out of the car when we get home, tellign him he can puh the lock button.. ok, so that worked. then i have to try to get him in the house. he loves to close the front door, so i make it sound really exciting "ethie you want to close the door? you can close the door! yay! lets go!" ok, so he starts walking up the drive way as if he is going to walk to daycare so he can push that button.. uuuhh!!!! ethie....
so finally, he starts walking to the door, but doesnt step inside the house...so i close the door on him and peek out the window and tell him" bye bye" and then he gets upset after a few seconds, so i let him in... then he comes in..
after a while of playing do you want to close the door, him saying yes, then not doing it, i gave up. i closed the door and started to clean. ive learned how to dealw ith ethies tantrums. he is nothing liek his older brother, who really was a lot easier lol.... so instead of me getting frustrated, i really do laugh in my head to myself, and i just clean... as long as im up usually its a distractor for both of us.
so i start vaccuming... when i walked in the door one of th dogs got ahold of ethies pull up so there was stuffing all over the place. (clean pullup thankfully. they must have gotten it from my bag!) so im vaccuming. ethie is so upset ... probably because the vaccum is louder than him.. so he comes over to the vaccum adn hits it.. i tell him we do not hit.. and continue to vaccum.. then he practically climbs on the vaccum, trying to turn it off, adn i figure, ok, if hes going to do this, ill make it more difficult for him,.... so i start vaccuming a little out of control lol. i get a laugh out of it in my head as ethie is barely hanging onto the vaccuma dn trying with all his might to turn it off. eventually he goes away. so i throw in a load of laundry, make a bed, get him juice that he threw on the floor.. he also told me not to make brodys bed.. while all of these tasks are bing done of mine, im askign ethie if he wants to help me to distract him but he didnt want to. he just cried at the door.
so ok, 45 minutes later, since the tantrum began, ethie says he wants to close the door, so i tell him ill allow him to do it and he has to be a good boy.. so i did it...and he was just fine... he grabbed his juice, and is now watching sesame street lol.
OHHH ethie.... ethie...ethie....
total tantrum time: 45 minutes.
total stress level from 1-10 on average: 3
total level of patience tested on a 1-10 scale: 10
SO the mornign starts off well, sort of. My 2 little boys are snuggling with me in bed, i wake them up to snuggles and tickles, my kids are happy and laughing, and suprizingly, were going to get my older son to school on time. I have to get Brody, my oldest, to school by 8am. so we head on out, get to school adn that is where the trouble starts with ethie.
ohhhh ethie...
i have to put in a code on a screen to get brody into his school...and usually the kids like to push the right buttons to make the door open. ethie likes to push the stop light button for the door to open...well, brody got to it first, so of course ethie flips out. once i get the door open and ethie behind it though, i can atleast drop brody off to class and let ethie flip out for just a second in the hallway at the door. im about 100 feet from him, hes fine.
so off brody goes to class and i grab ethie, now theres probably about 10 people there who hear my child cries and fusses, and i try to explain to ethie when we go to get brody, he then can push the button...
that wasnt going to fly with ethie..
so i get ethie in the car asap, dont even buckle him in yet. i sit there for a minute because i know whats to come next.... hes going to have a bad tantrum.. well, it technically already started, but it wasnt that bad yet. so he refuses to get in his seat. so i turn around in my chair to try to help my wild 2 year old get in his seat...yeah right... so i get out the car, hop in the bac seat to get ethie down in his chair, finally after successfully managing to do that i try to open the door to get out of the car but we have the child protection lock on, so i have to climb in the front seat. so i feel a little silly because now ive been climbing all around the car liek an animal, and im parked right in front of the building. ah well..
so we drive home.. all the way home, the 10 minute drive, ethie is crying and fussing about this button. i try to convince him to get out of the car when we get home, tellign him he can puh the lock button.. ok, so that worked. then i have to try to get him in the house. he loves to close the front door, so i make it sound really exciting "ethie you want to close the door? you can close the door! yay! lets go!" ok, so he starts walking up the drive way as if he is going to walk to daycare so he can push that button.. uuuhh!!!! ethie....
so finally, he starts walking to the door, but doesnt step inside the house...so i close the door on him and peek out the window and tell him" bye bye" and then he gets upset after a few seconds, so i let him in... then he comes in..
after a while of playing do you want to close the door, him saying yes, then not doing it, i gave up. i closed the door and started to clean. ive learned how to dealw ith ethies tantrums. he is nothing liek his older brother, who really was a lot easier lol.... so instead of me getting frustrated, i really do laugh in my head to myself, and i just clean... as long as im up usually its a distractor for both of us.
so i start vaccuming... when i walked in the door one of th dogs got ahold of ethies pull up so there was stuffing all over the place. (clean pullup thankfully. they must have gotten it from my bag!) so im vaccuming. ethie is so upset ... probably because the vaccum is louder than him.. so he comes over to the vaccum adn hits it.. i tell him we do not hit.. and continue to vaccum.. then he practically climbs on the vaccum, trying to turn it off, adn i figure, ok, if hes going to do this, ill make it more difficult for him,.... so i start vaccuming a little out of control lol. i get a laugh out of it in my head as ethie is barely hanging onto the vaccuma dn trying with all his might to turn it off. eventually he goes away. so i throw in a load of laundry, make a bed, get him juice that he threw on the floor.. he also told me not to make brodys bed.. while all of these tasks are bing done of mine, im askign ethie if he wants to help me to distract him but he didnt want to. he just cried at the door.
so ok, 45 minutes later, since the tantrum began, ethie says he wants to close the door, so i tell him ill allow him to do it and he has to be a good boy.. so i did it...and he was just fine... he grabbed his juice, and is now watching sesame street lol.
OHHH ethie.... ethie...ethie....
total tantrum time: 45 minutes.
total stress level from 1-10 on average: 3
total level of patience tested on a 1-10 scale: 10
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