The Goodbye

(Originally written in 2013)

And so it has come.. the time where once more, We have to say goodbye to our friends and neighbors and move onto the next chapter in our lives. Over the last few years I have gotten very used to having to say goodbye to good people. The way I do it has changed and I wonder how others deal with the inevitable.

When I had my very first move, I remember sitting at my neighbors house for hours, and trying to get in as much time as I possibly could as if that would change anything. I cried, I was really bummed, I just could not believe I was leaving. It could be compared to a very hard break up from your boyfriend. That's how it felt to me. I was heart broken.

That was the hardest move for me emotionally. I was leaving New England...a place a called home my whole life, a place where I had all of my family and friends, a place I could never imagine myself living away from. 

Then came our next move from Florida to South Carolina. With that move, it was not as hard, but because I was leaving the place where my children made their first real friends, it was tough. As for saying goodbye to friends, it was easier than the first move, but sad because those were my first mom friends I had. I had a good group of women to lean on. But I was very happy to be going to SC! Just 15 hours from home! WOO-HOO! So we said our goodbyes, and it was bitter sweet. 

SC to CA was a real pain. I had JUST started making some good laid back mom and adult friends and my oldest son had an awesome school. I found myself a nice little "trailer-bar" as I called it, that did karaoke.. man I was pretty set in SC. That was a difficult goodbye because again, my son had made another really good friend. This was a more mature friendship. He was a bit sad leaving his friend. For me, I was sad but I was just wanting to get it over with. The road trip was awesome by the way. 

With that move, it was extremely difficult in a way because I knew I would not see most of my family again for 2-3 years. The thought of that just broke my heart. 

Well... here we are now. We are going from CA to TN and we have to say our goodbyes again. This time, I have mostly military and school friends, most with kids. The difficulty with this move for me is that being so far from family for 2 years I have really gotten close to a few who have become just about as close to me as most of my good friends back home that's I have known my whole life practically. I will lose that security of having them close by. I will miss hanging out with my neighbor at night having a glass of wine, bbq's... that sort of stuff. Both of my two boys had to say good bye to friends this time around. We are squeezing in last minute get together's for them and for me too. My oldest was bummed about leaving karate more than anything but they made it a big deal for him. 

At karate, they play this game called "belt throw down" where you hold your opponents belt and try to pull them to the ground and Brody is ALWAYS requesting that game! SO today, sensei had him play a round against EVERYONE! lol! it was awesome! everyone gave Brody a hug, and it was just really touching. 

So the punchline here that I really wanted to talk about but ended up reminiscing a bit is that in the beginning, my goodbyes were really drawn out as if it would be the last time I would ever see my friends/family again. It was really sad and just painful and heart breaking. Now it has been 3 moves since then and 6 years and with every move it does get a bit easier. It is actually more painful for me to linger around than it is for me to just leave quietly. 

I know that sounds a bit messed up, but I am such an emotional person, and along the way somehow I learned to sort of pacify my emotions and deal with my sadness in a different way. It gets really overwhelming saying goodbye to everyone and making it such a big deal than it is to just go. So the last 2-3 weeks I try to see everyone one last time and then just leave. But I also know that it is important to actually say goodbye, give your friends that hug.. some people really just need that closure. I used to be that way. I still sort of am deep down. 

This all started, I noticed, after visiting home every 6-12 months. Eventually I just got so sad saying goodbye to everyone, that I just started leaving. People knew I was going, but just not what time. So if I saw them the day before I would just call and say "Hey I am leaving. Sorry I didn't say goodbye it is just really hard for me." and eventually that became more comfortable for me. 

My theory for leaving like this is that it is like seeing someone alive then seeing them when they die. Not to be morbid, but you know you have these good memories of the person when they were here of you guys shopping, laughing, hanging out with the kids at the playground and you want to keep that image and remember them as they were. I guess that's how it is in my head too. I don't want the last time I may see someone I care about to be all teary and sad. Just a quick hug, Ill miss you, and adios is good. 

I remember the first move I had when I was leaving Maine, a friend of mine had given me this sort of goodbye. She was military, she was used to moving around and saying goodbye. I remember thinking ok that was "easy." But now I understand why it was a goodbye like that one.

With all of this said, I don't mean to sound insensitive, and I know I will get more than just a quick hug, I'll miss you adios... and I am ok with that. :) Sometimes we need to say things or feel things with someone before we leave. Sometimes it is not all about us and we owe it to our friends who have been good and loyal to us, to say goodbye to them. . But just know that this is not easy leaving another set of amazing friends!