This is kind of stemming of my recent FB status. Over the last few years ive really tried to make it a point to tell other people how i feel (the good kind of comments... im a professional at putting a person in their place if i need to, however, the older you get the more you realize its just not worth it. ) So im going back to a Dr phil comment...if you know me you know i love dr phil. if you listen to the guy, he actually has some pretty good advice. i cant remember the exact quote but the meat of the quote was that when you wake up in the morning, ask yourself whats one thing you can do for your spouse to make their day better that day. i really do try to make an effort to do SOMEthing for mark. whether it be dishes, folding the laundry despite the busy day ive had, making him a cup of coffee without asking him, reminding him he is a great person...etc.. something. ive extended this to just the people i associate with in general.
You have heard (or maybe not) how powerful words are. they can cut like a knife or they can do just the opposite. have you ever noticed sometimes the way a persons face lights up when you compliment them? have you ever taken the time to maybe go out of your own comfort zone just to let someone know their efforts are noticed? its pretty awesome.
In a world like the one we live in today it is so easy to flip off the asshole that cut you off on your way to school (true story :D ) it is very easy to get wrapped up in the drama of others or to assist your best friend in bashing her ex boyfriend...all this is good and lovely especially the ex boyfriend bashing, but then sometimes it just really takes a reprogramming of your mind to thank a complete stranger or tell someone in detail other than just "thanks". and once you do it a time or two and see a change of expression in someones face, it becomes almost habit and its self rewarding too.
Thursday, July 1, 2021
My spouse is in the military and...
(Originally written around 2010-2011)
I want to go to college!
College certainly is not for everyone, and not everyone needs to go to college to be successful, but for some people it is the right decision.
Very briefly, I will mention that it has taken me about 9 years to finally earn 2 degrees and my license as a Practical Nurse. Many may say well, it is just an associates of arts degree or its just your LPN license. To me, it is so much more than that and for you too, it will be much more than that.
I value my education and take it pretty serious. What I have earned, despite how minimal it may seem to some, is equivalent of winning the lottery to me. In 9 years we have had 2 children, owned 3 homes, moved 4 times, and were still able to go to college. My husband received his associates degree and made chief 2 years ago. We have both been fairly busy people.
To give you a perspective on why I value education, a piece of that comes from my family background. My mother became a mother at age 16, and a grandmother at about age 32. She dropped out of high school but eventually did get her diploma and later completed a college program. My father did not make it past an 8th grade level of education and 2 out of 3 of my brothers did not complete high school. As a kid and teenager, what may have been "failures" in their eyes, it really was a blessing for me because college was my only option although I was never really sure I would stick with it or even sincerely go.
I would like to address the fears many military spouses have regarding having to choose whether to go to college or raise a family and how it can be done. You can do both successfully as long as you are determined and have a good support system at home. It definitely is not an easy task but when it is all over you get such a feeling of pride and accomplishment that you completed your goal. What may take some 2 years to finish may take you 4 years but do not lose focus of the ultimate goal; completing school.
Money is a big factor for some and while your spouse can transfer some of his G.I. bill to you, that could be taking away from him using it if he is wanting to go to college. We did both. The first few years of school we paid out of pocket, got minimal financial aid, and put my college bills (and even some daycare) on student loans. Eventually there was a program for military spouses called "MYCAA" that came out which you can learn about more here. https://aiportal.acc.af.mil/mycaa/default.aspx
Here is another site that has scholarship information which will open up in December http://www.militaryfamily.org/our-programs/military-spouse-scholarships/
One place that really helped me just before I left Pensacola Florida was Workforce Escarosa. You can find info at the following website, click on programs, then military family. This was an excellent program that has so much to offer. http://www.workforceescarosa.com/
If you are a parent, and feel that if you go to school it will take away time you have with your family it does not have to. When my kids were babies, I was one of those mothers who followed many of the the "attachment parenting" ways of raising my boys. I made some of their baby foods, used slings to carry them, breast fed, co-slept etc. I also worked before my second child was born. I made school work for us by balancing family time and school time. Some days while in nursing school, I remember reading my assignment to my son as if I was teaching him. Sometimes he would actually listen. Other times he scribbled in my text book but that's ok! :)
We have a lot going on as military spouses. Will there ever be an ideal time to go to college? will you ever really have enough money or time? The answer is no. There is not. If what you want to do in life requires a degree, go for it today. You will have prerequisite classes to work on before you can get started on your core classes. You could go to school part time or even online. One college I went to online that was great for spouses was Coastline Community College. I earned 2 degrees from this school and they also accepted many credits I had from other schools.
College certainly is not for everyone, and not everyone needs to go to college to be successful, but for some people it is the right decision.
Very briefly, I will mention that it has taken me about 9 years to finally earn 2 degrees and my license as a Practical Nurse. Many may say well, it is just an associates of arts degree or its just your LPN license. To me, it is so much more than that and for you too, it will be much more than that.
I value my education and take it pretty serious. What I have earned, despite how minimal it may seem to some, is equivalent of winning the lottery to me. In 9 years we have had 2 children, owned 3 homes, moved 4 times, and were still able to go to college. My husband received his associates degree and made chief 2 years ago. We have both been fairly busy people.
To give you a perspective on why I value education, a piece of that comes from my family background. My mother became a mother at age 16, and a grandmother at about age 32. She dropped out of high school but eventually did get her diploma and later completed a college program. My father did not make it past an 8th grade level of education and 2 out of 3 of my brothers did not complete high school. As a kid and teenager, what may have been "failures" in their eyes, it really was a blessing for me because college was my only option although I was never really sure I would stick with it or even sincerely go.
I would like to address the fears many military spouses have regarding having to choose whether to go to college or raise a family and how it can be done. You can do both successfully as long as you are determined and have a good support system at home. It definitely is not an easy task but when it is all over you get such a feeling of pride and accomplishment that you completed your goal. What may take some 2 years to finish may take you 4 years but do not lose focus of the ultimate goal; completing school.
Money is a big factor for some and while your spouse can transfer some of his G.I. bill to you, that could be taking away from him using it if he is wanting to go to college. We did both. The first few years of school we paid out of pocket, got minimal financial aid, and put my college bills (and even some daycare) on student loans. Eventually there was a program for military spouses called "MYCAA" that came out which you can learn about more here. https://aiportal.acc.af.mil/mycaa/default.aspx
Here is another site that has scholarship information which will open up in December http://www.militaryfamily.org/our-programs/military-spouse-scholarships/
One place that really helped me just before I left Pensacola Florida was Workforce Escarosa. You can find info at the following website, click on programs, then military family. This was an excellent program that has so much to offer. http://www.workforceescarosa.com/
If you are a parent, and feel that if you go to school it will take away time you have with your family it does not have to. When my kids were babies, I was one of those mothers who followed many of the the "attachment parenting" ways of raising my boys. I made some of their baby foods, used slings to carry them, breast fed, co-slept etc. I also worked before my second child was born. I made school work for us by balancing family time and school time. Some days while in nursing school, I remember reading my assignment to my son as if I was teaching him. Sometimes he would actually listen. Other times he scribbled in my text book but that's ok! :)
We have a lot going on as military spouses. Will there ever be an ideal time to go to college? will you ever really have enough money or time? The answer is no. There is not. If what you want to do in life requires a degree, go for it today. You will have prerequisite classes to work on before you can get started on your core classes. You could go to school part time or even online. One college I went to online that was great for spouses was Coastline Community College. I earned 2 degrees from this school and they also accepted many credits I had from other schools.
The Goodbye
(Originally written in 2013)
When I had my very first move, I remember sitting at my neighbors house for hours, and trying to get in as much time as I possibly could as if that would change anything. I cried, I was really bummed, I just could not believe I was leaving. It could be compared to a very hard break up from your boyfriend. That's how it felt to me. I was heart broken.
That was the hardest move for me emotionally. I was leaving New England...a place a called home my whole life, a place where I had all of my family and friends, a place I could never imagine myself living away from.
Then came our next move from Florida to South Carolina. With that move, it was not as hard, but because I was leaving the place where my children made their first real friends, it was tough. As for saying goodbye to friends, it was easier than the first move, but sad because those were my first mom friends I had. I had a good group of women to lean on. But I was very happy to be going to SC! Just 15 hours from home! WOO-HOO! So we said our goodbyes, and it was bitter sweet.
SC to CA was a real pain. I had JUST started making some good laid back mom and adult friends and my oldest son had an awesome school. I found myself a nice little "trailer-bar" as I called it, that did karaoke.. man I was pretty set in SC. That was a difficult goodbye because again, my son had made another really good friend. This was a more mature friendship. He was a bit sad leaving his friend. For me, I was sad but I was just wanting to get it over with. The road trip was awesome by the way.
With that move, it was extremely difficult in a way because I knew I would not see most of my family again for 2-3 years. The thought of that just broke my heart.
Well... here we are now. We are going from CA to TN and we have to say our goodbyes again. This time, I have mostly military and school friends, most with kids. The difficulty with this move for me is that being so far from family for 2 years I have really gotten close to a few who have become just about as close to me as most of my good friends back home that's I have known my whole life practically. I will lose that security of having them close by. I will miss hanging out with my neighbor at night having a glass of wine, bbq's... that sort of stuff. Both of my two boys had to say good bye to friends this time around. We are squeezing in last minute get together's for them and for me too. My oldest was bummed about leaving karate more than anything but they made it a big deal for him.
At karate, they play this game called "belt throw down" where you hold your opponents belt and try to pull them to the ground and Brody is ALWAYS requesting that game! SO today, sensei had him play a round against EVERYONE! lol! it was awesome! everyone gave Brody a hug, and it was just really touching.
So the punchline here that I really wanted to talk about but ended up reminiscing a bit is that in the beginning, my goodbyes were really drawn out as if it would be the last time I would ever see my friends/family again. It was really sad and just painful and heart breaking. Now it has been 3 moves since then and 6 years and with every move it does get a bit easier. It is actually more painful for me to linger around than it is for me to just leave quietly.
I know that sounds a bit messed up, but I am such an emotional person, and along the way somehow I learned to sort of pacify my emotions and deal with my sadness in a different way. It gets really overwhelming saying goodbye to everyone and making it such a big deal than it is to just go. So the last 2-3 weeks I try to see everyone one last time and then just leave. But I also know that it is important to actually say goodbye, give your friends that hug.. some people really just need that closure. I used to be that way. I still sort of am deep down.
This all started, I noticed, after visiting home every 6-12 months. Eventually I just got so sad saying goodbye to everyone, that I just started leaving. People knew I was going, but just not what time. So if I saw them the day before I would just call and say "Hey I am leaving. Sorry I didn't say goodbye it is just really hard for me." and eventually that became more comfortable for me.
My theory for leaving like this is that it is like seeing someone alive then seeing them when they die. Not to be morbid, but you know you have these good memories of the person when they were here of you guys shopping, laughing, hanging out with the kids at the playground and you want to keep that image and remember them as they were. I guess that's how it is in my head too. I don't want the last time I may see someone I care about to be all teary and sad. Just a quick hug, Ill miss you, and adios is good.
I remember the first move I had when I was leaving Maine, a friend of mine had given me this sort of goodbye. She was military, she was used to moving around and saying goodbye. I remember thinking ok that was "easy." But now I understand why it was a goodbye like that one.
With all of this said, I don't mean to sound insensitive, and I know I will get more than just a quick hug, I'll miss you adios... and I am ok with that. :) Sometimes we need to say things or feel things with someone before we leave. Sometimes it is not all about us and we owe it to our friends who have been good and loyal to us, to say goodbye to them. . But just know that this is not easy leaving another set of amazing friends!
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