This morning I was reminiscing...supposed to be cleaning, but i get side tracked sometimes :) Its very common for me to do this and usually i have this urge to write but ive been so busy with school lately.. who has the time? but right now...I soooort of do.. not really. but anyways...
when you think back to when you were a kid and the games you liked to play, you can see the connection to the child you were to the adult you are now. I was telling mark (as he was cleaning) stories about me as a kid and games i liked to play; house, school, paint my nails, do my hair, and some nurse-ey stuff. (tag and climb trees and stuff too, but career wise these things...)
you know these things are all things i still love to do. i always knew id be a young mom, i still LOVE to do my nails and hair, i like teaching and im going to be a nurse.
i was telling mark, when i was a little girl, we had brown doors and i had a brown book shelf, and i used to write on the book shelf with chalk (i stole it from my teacher..oops! shh!) i remember being so excited when our school got new books because they gave us the old ones for free. English my the subject i loved the most!
i have a niece who is 6 years younger than me, i remember teaching her all the time! she was my baby doll, my student, my patient, etc. i remember teaching her cursive and i actually made one of those banners like they had in school around the top of the walls with the alphabet in cursive. i made that for her. i taught her many things...some things like how to pluck that uni brow, shave her legs, dye hair lol...
this little niece of mine was also the one i diagnosed with a scar lol! we were running up the stairs away from my dogs, and there was a baby gate at the bottom so the dogs couldn't get up the stairs. i had to of been about...maybe 11. probably even 10. so she was about 5... she couldn't climb over the gate as quickly as my awkwardly little long legs could at the time, and she ended up cutting her knee open on the metal part of the gate... so i helped her upstairs, had her sit on the bed, grabbed out moms old first aid kit. it was blue with a yellow handle. we had it since i was a little girl, as young as i could remember! i cleaned her up, and told her it may scar... and sure enough, it did! i was her little nurse that day.
a little girl (about 5-9 years old) i used to go in that first aid kit all the time.
my favorite stuff to play with was the calamine lotion (it was pink! duh!) any little itch i had, i put that stuff on me. i like the ace wraps, OH the little thermometers that had the dots on them. they were brown and turned blue or vice verca...and a one time use. those were fun! that kit was a mess because of me. idk if mom even knew i played in that thing.
mom worked as a medical assistant and i remember her having mickey mouses x-ray. i also remember her purple stethoscope :)
So i am very close to completing part of my dream. i never knew that i really wanted to go to school to be a nurse.. mostly because of time. i didnt want to invest years of school. the older i get, the more i wish i did this much sooner, but im also indecisive. some reason i had it in my head that whatever i did, id be stuck doing that career forever.. it didn't really cross my mind that i could go back to school to do something else.. but as i got older it did, and i just didnt want to waste so many years of my life, and time, going to school for something i really wouldnt end up enjoying.
so anyhow, i wont be an RN as i had hoped when i first really decided to go to school to become a nurse, but an LPN/LVN is just as good for right now. this is something i was born to do, i naturally have this thing in me to care for people. when you choose to do something as a career, and it is something you love that comes natural, its not really a "job"... you're getting paid to do something you love to do. how wonderful is that?
I'm looking forward to ending my time at gurnick academy, getting my ass out there and working, and eventually heading back to school. now my big dilemma is once Im a nurse, what do i want to do? med-surg? oncology? etc... and all i can tell myself is to let god direct me. as ive said in previous posts, once i stopped having to have so much control over my life, (which was fairly recently) things fell into place for me. god will not allow me to fall without having another plan for me... and as long as i am doing my best and putting in the effort, i will get to go exactly where i need to be! god hasn't disappointed me yet, there has always been a second, third, or even fourth plan for me that always seemed to work. the day it wont work is the day i give up on myself. yes, god is a miracle worker, but god alone can not get me where i need to be... he can only guide me. i have to put the work into what i want myself and follow gods lead. i have absolute faith in myself and god to get me to where i am supposed to be in life! and i am SO beyond excited to get started on this new journey as a nurse! <3
...and now its back to cleaning :)
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
Scoliosis
I was dx with scoliosis about 3 years ago in florida. however, i had symptoms way before this. the entire reason i learned i had this, was because i was tired of back pain and headaches. i had headaches (really migraines quite often) since i was about 14 and they just have gotten progressively worse. i would say once a week now since starting school i have a debilitating migraine where i come home from school and just go to bed. i put a hot rice pack on my back, take some ibuprofen and turn off the lights. Right now i have just been managing pain and kind of didnt realize i was doing it... it just seemed natural after so many years.. ok.. got a migraine.. lets try to get rid of it.
So i had tried to find the source of all these damn migraines. funny thing is, is that for every place i went to, there was a possibility of the source. the eye dr said i strain my eyes..maybe that caused the headache. spent a lot of money on glasses. then the dentist said i grind my teeth and need a night guard ok. tried that. sometimes when a person clenches the jaw it causes headaches. then i went to physical therapy when i was pregnant with ethan and found my hip was out of placement and the therapist would pull on my leg to stretch the joint. she thought it contributed to the pregnancy.. i thought my legs were uneven lol!! didnt think it couldve been just the joint. makes sense now. when i used to work full time i would come home with unbelievable pains in my legs, and have my boyfriend at the time rub them until his arms fell off. i think because of the scoliosis, it caused problems with standing (and sitting!!) and all of this pain ive been having. OH they did give me tramadol. i didnt really like taking it though i wanted to find something else i coudl do aside from pop a pill. it made me really tired also.
So i went to a dr for the headaches. i believe he was some kind of a neuro...something dr.. he did an MRI and this was the first time i had heard of me having scoliosis. i went thinking maybe theres something in my brain causing all these migraines. i tried everything else. so he showed me my spine and in the cervical area of the spine, it was crooked. the dr didnt really do too much for me aside from give me a dx and tell me to do weight bearing exercises.
i found a physical therapy through my primary care dr and he was from nigeria, which i believe may have had something to do with why his practice was so great! its a small office he had, but you would leave feeling better. problem is, is that it only lasted about 2 days. on a good day. he used the tens unit and applied creams and heat and such.
i went back to that neuro dr. to see if my insurance would cover a tens unit and it did! so i went and got one and that helped too. so i quit therapy since my schedule was hectic with school and now i could use this tens at home.
before i left that physical therapist office, he told me more about my scoliosis and that my shoulders appeared uneven. i went home that day and looked in the mirror and he was right. i even measured them. totally uneven.
so now its been about 2 years since i had anyone talk to me about this. none of my pcps have ever talked to me about this or my options. which is odd considering the pcp sent me to therapy in the first place. anyhow... im going to call my dr and set an appt to see what i can do because now that im sitting at a desk writing for about 7 hours in clinical, it really is bothering me a lot again and i have no time to devote hours to napping to get rid of this pain. im going to start back up with the weight bearing exercises and ive been applying creams to my back and marks been rubbing my shoulders now and then. when he does it though, he has to like rip the muscle. i cant explain it.. but i need really deep massages to the point it kind of hurts but that feel good feeling is more so than the pain.
i refuse to have surgery on my back or anything invasive like that. so i guess we will see what can be done about this before i lose my mind :)
on another note my legs no longer hurt. ive been wearing compression stockings when im at school and i shift my weight when standing to relieve pressure on my back. seems to work out ok for now.
the other thing is, i wonder why no one had caught on to this earlier. when i went to school they used to do scoliosis tests and never said anything and during my yearly physical appts my whole life no one said anything even though they looked at my back and heard me complain about back pain since i was an early teenager. kind of irritating because maybe back then i could have had a brace or something. but ill just move forward and see what i can do now.
so, here is something i found online and this is exactly what my back looks like. more so the upper part but i suspect maybe my hip has something to do with it also condering what i went through with the pregnancy? :
Symptoms:
Scoliosis is often painless. The curvature itself may often be too subtle to be noticed, even by observant parents. Some parents may notice abnormal posture in their growing child that includes:
A tilted head that does not line up over the hips
A protruding shoulder blade
One hip or shoulder that is higher than the other, causing an uneven hem or shirt line
An uneven neckline
Leaning more to one side than the other
In developing girls, breasts appearing to be of unequal size
One side of the upper back is higher than the other when the child bends over, knees together, with the arms dangling down
Signs of scoliosis
Scoliosis may be suspected when one shoulder appears to be higher than the other, there is a curvature in the spine, or the pelvis appears to be tilted. The treatment of scoliosis can involve the use of a brace or surgery. Treatment is determined by the cause of the scoliosis, the size and location of the curve, and the stage of bone growth of the patient.
With more advanced scoliosis, fatigue may occur after prolonged sitting or standing. Scoliosis caused by muscle spasms or growths on the spine can sometimes cause pain. Nearly always, however, mild scoliosis produces no symptoms, and the condition is usually detected by a pediatrician or during a school screening test.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Mental health
Its no secret that i love mental health. Ive taken so many classes for mental health/psychology and it never gets old to me. I have to say my absolute favorite part of nursing school (ok my top 3) is mental health. several reasons for this. number one being that i come from an interesting family and as i explain it, thanks to them they helped me pass pretty much any psych class ive ever taken especially my psychiatric mental health nursing class.
Heres the thing...i have anxiety. ive had it since i was about 12 that i knew of, before i even knew what it was. i remember the first experience i really had was when i was in the car with one of my best friends and remember describing to her that i felt fake. now if youve never experienced this feeling it can be pretty scary and it can put you into a fight or flight mode and escalate to panic sometimes.
I talk pretty openly about my anxiety. infact, i welcome anyone to talk to me about it. to me, it is what it is, it is a part of who i am and im ok with it. ive also noticed since moving to cali people seem to not talk about issues like this openly. not sure if it is the area im in or if i am misreading this.. who knows. but i know back home and among the people i met east coast.. people are pretty open about it.
when i was in middle school i was pretty embarrassed about it. i felt like i was the only one with this weird thing..why the hell couldn't i do a presentation without feeling ill, or worrying about what anyone thinks.. ugh...so frustrating.
this blog can get pretty lengthy but ill keep it to a minimum :) ill try...
so back to middle school. now that was just an awkward time in life anyways and just everyones eyes on me...gah! i wanted to run. but i went through with my presentations anyways. praying to god for it to end quickly. my best friend also had anxiety so we kind of bonded that way and joked about our anxiety even though it was very real, it helped make us feel better.
then in high school it was at its absolute WORSE. when i say worse i mean i would pay 10 bucks sometimes just so i didn't have to ride the bus. i avoided presenting at all cost, i wanted to cry trying to explain to the teacher that i just couldn't do it. i would skip class because of this sometimes. not because i didn't want to be there (not always anyways) but sometimes. i always thought this was just not normal. no one else seemed to act like this or felt like i did. what the hell was wrong with me?
i mean, i had moved from rhode island to maine and i was PISSED for...well, for ever it seemed lol. until i became an adult and realized what a good move it actually was for me. so that made my problem worse. i was the new kid, with a weird accent, had no time to prepare myself for the move (if you know me you know i like notice so i can mentally and physically prepare)i was a teenager and felt like my world as i knew it was crashing down on me. at the time i had a lot of issues with my parents and i was going through that weird teenage stuff like when you feel like your feet are too big or your arms are too long..your face breaks out lol... so i was just pissed at the world for a while. a good...looooonnng while.
ok i was digressing a bit.. back to the anxiety...
so i avoided really making friends then the friends i did eventually make, some of them were into some bad habits but we got along and i felt accepted and looking back it was what it was and i wouldn't have changed it. but i just flat out didn't give a shit in 9th grade.
10th grade is when i started to care more, and made friends and knew i was there in maine there was not much i could do about it. i started wanting to make better grades. i attended school more often and skipped classes less. now really my biggest problem was the presenting still.
one other story i will share with you is that in 10th grade i met my high school sweet heart and we were in the same english class. well, he was more outgoing and actually added to my anxiety. after about a month of dating i just had to get out of that class. i think because he was a distraction and people knew we dated...something about that atmosphere and attention being drawn to us.. i just had to get out of there. so i did. it was really hard to try to explain to my teacher why i had to switch my class. i really liked that teacher a lot too but my anxiety had won. i lied to her.. my reasoning for leaving that class because i thought it was pretty stupid that a boyfriend could honestly bring this much anxiety out in me...during class. what the hell. well, i didnt really lie, but sort of.
so 11th and 12 grade were pretty similar, im going to digress a bit here again so skip to the next paragraph if you are so over with my digressing...although i started to show my sweeter side of who i was and dropped some of my bitchy "city girl" attitude....i wasnt a bitch, i just had an attitude and actually most people would disagree with me but i felt bitchy. lol. probably in part to being a teenager and life was kind of competitive especially at work. me and a friend of mine at work were always pissing each other off. we had a love hate relationship, trying to be top dog, but really, we just weren't. but we did try! i mean, we could slap the hell out of pizza dough and multitask like no other but it was just pizza. we were both good workers...teenagers trying to gain control. ahhh those were the good old days :) If i was one of the elders working there i probably would've stuffed he and i in the freezer during shift :) and also, being called a bitch by the people who were supposed to help build my self esteem, amongst other names.. but thats a whole other story.
OK.. heres where we pick up the anxiety story again lol. :) so.. i started college and im pretty sure somewhere within this blog site theres a post about this, so i wont get much into it, but i wanted control of it, i had enough of the BS with anxiety taking over who i was and who i wanted to be. funny thing is out of school i was different. in school i was kind of quiet and just hung with my friends at lunch and stuff... i mean i had friends in classes too but i just kind of stayed quiet i think not to draw attention to myself so i wouldn't panic. in high school.. it was panic attacks i was dealing with. out of my classrooms is where i could be myself. in the lunch room.. during break time. etc. in class forget it. hide me. my best defense against drawing attention was hiding in my hoodie.
i went through a thing where i used to like to wear my jackets and hoodies because i guess maybe it was almost like a security blanket. i could hide. problem was... that hoodie would get hot thus resulting in panicking sometimes when attention was drawn on me. you see how this cycle works? it is so vicious when it is out of control.
now if you are reading this and have anxiety, maybe you are sitting there shaking your head in agree-ance with some of these things ive mentioned. if you haven't experienced it, you may think knowing all this now about me that maybe you didnt, that i was tapped lol! and i cant say i blame anyone for feelign like that because a person who hasn't dealt with it just doesn't know the feeling... just doesn't understand how this could happen. i know.. i know. and i especially know because my mother has/had anxiety bad...waaay back when it was kind of thought to be "crazy" and us kids made fun of her horribly. we did. then i got this and thought oh shit.. im turning into my crazy mother.
...the good thing about that though is i've seen how my mom dealt with her problem which really made me consider my own issues and how i would deal with them. i had a few options at this point in life. i could drop out of college and give into this anxiety.. i could get medication... go to counseling... read books to self educate about this... hide in my hoodie for the rest of my life... i mean the possibilities were really endless lol.
i decided to do a combination of things which again i know somewhere around here i've mentioned in detail before.. (i think!) so ill keep it brief but basically what i did was everything i could. counseling, medicine, self educate, talking openly about my problem etc... and it all worked! it took a little time but it worked.
my main thing is i didn't want to be like a particular person, on medication for the rest of my life. the good news was I didn't have to. the bad news for me was that sometimes people really need medication and i could have been one of them but my view was already tainted about meds. i wanted to avoid them like the plague. over the years my view has changed about that and no one should be ashamed for needing to take medicine for a mental health issue.
for me though, i had really wanted to try to stay off the medicine. long story short.. i decided my little rituals weren't working any more, i was getting older and needed to get over my fears. so what did i do? i took the meds LOL!! BUT...i used themt o help me and only used them as long as i felt i needed to.
what i did was my second year of college i remember sitting in a class and i had to speak from my chair. i knew my turn was coming to speak.. now im going to walk you though my feelings... "im sitting here in my chair... theres about 10 people that have to speak before i do.. i know my turn is coming up, my hands are sweating, im swallowing about 20 times, my throat is dry.. i need water... but now after if taken a few sips i have too much fluid in my mouth what if i spit... ok ok.. theres just 4 people left now.. i feel like im getting hot, im gonna pass out. let me take my jacket off. i need to touch something cool so i can put it on the back of my neck because im gonna pass out if i dont. ok theres 1 person in front of me now.. omg.. ok ok how am i gonna start this.. ok jacquie i just gotta do this and not think about feeling like a freak.. deep breath, another swallow, another palm check yup still clammy.. ok my turn.." then i speak and while im speaking i feel like everyone can see im having anxiety but really, they probably didnt at all. i dont think anyone ever noticed. i mean i didnt get to say all i wanted to saya dn i wasnt too confident but i did it and before i know it my fight or flight response has chilled out and things are ok.
SO soon after that episode (it was in an english class btw...another freakin english class lol) i decided to try the zoloft. nothing too high, just 50mg.. something to help me out so i could help myself.
i felt like things were getting better. i used it for maybe under a year, learned how to deal with this, then got off the medicine.
now my next challenge was interesting. now i went through the cna schooling ok i was pregnant with brody.. did fine. used all the skills i taught myself while i was on my medicine. enrolled into my medical assisting program an found out OH i HAVE to take a speach class! unfreaking believable. an entire semester dedicated to my anxiety trigger. you kidding me??
well, instead of freaking out and stamping my feet, i decided now was a perfect time to take advantage of this class, volunteer to take it sooner rather than wait until the last possible moment when i wouldn't have a choice (having a choice really helped me manage my anxiety) so i took the class, got an A in it, did great and that really opened some amazing doors for me!
the only way to get over a fear is to face it head on. now i know for some people, this can be debilitating and really hard to do, you have to do it when you're ready, and if you ever feel you are ready to do it. if you are never ready then to each his own. only we know our own bodies and what we are capable of trying.
for years i stayed off any medicine. about 4 years? and i did really well off of it. i started RN school and like they say in nursing school if you weren't on medication when you started, you will be LOL! so true!
so the goal is to manage anxiety. it is never ever going to go away. i no longer take the zoloft. im starting to go swimming now that the weather is nice. yoga helps, my gardening, and remembering to let loose everyone now and then. go to dinner with mark and live in that moment and worry about school when i get home and have to study. its important to take care of ourselves mentally as well as physically.
honestly, i could go on forever with this however i have to be at clinical tomorrow morning so i suppose now is a good time to stop. That and if you actually are still reading this...holy crap!:D have a good night.
Heres the thing...i have anxiety. ive had it since i was about 12 that i knew of, before i even knew what it was. i remember the first experience i really had was when i was in the car with one of my best friends and remember describing to her that i felt fake. now if youve never experienced this feeling it can be pretty scary and it can put you into a fight or flight mode and escalate to panic sometimes.
I talk pretty openly about my anxiety. infact, i welcome anyone to talk to me about it. to me, it is what it is, it is a part of who i am and im ok with it. ive also noticed since moving to cali people seem to not talk about issues like this openly. not sure if it is the area im in or if i am misreading this.. who knows. but i know back home and among the people i met east coast.. people are pretty open about it.
when i was in middle school i was pretty embarrassed about it. i felt like i was the only one with this weird thing..why the hell couldn't i do a presentation without feeling ill, or worrying about what anyone thinks.. ugh...so frustrating.
this blog can get pretty lengthy but ill keep it to a minimum :) ill try...
so back to middle school. now that was just an awkward time in life anyways and just everyones eyes on me...gah! i wanted to run. but i went through with my presentations anyways. praying to god for it to end quickly. my best friend also had anxiety so we kind of bonded that way and joked about our anxiety even though it was very real, it helped make us feel better.
then in high school it was at its absolute WORSE. when i say worse i mean i would pay 10 bucks sometimes just so i didn't have to ride the bus. i avoided presenting at all cost, i wanted to cry trying to explain to the teacher that i just couldn't do it. i would skip class because of this sometimes. not because i didn't want to be there (not always anyways) but sometimes. i always thought this was just not normal. no one else seemed to act like this or felt like i did. what the hell was wrong with me?
i mean, i had moved from rhode island to maine and i was PISSED for...well, for ever it seemed lol. until i became an adult and realized what a good move it actually was for me. so that made my problem worse. i was the new kid, with a weird accent, had no time to prepare myself for the move (if you know me you know i like notice so i can mentally and physically prepare)i was a teenager and felt like my world as i knew it was crashing down on me. at the time i had a lot of issues with my parents and i was going through that weird teenage stuff like when you feel like your feet are too big or your arms are too long..your face breaks out lol... so i was just pissed at the world for a while. a good...looooonnng while.
ok i was digressing a bit.. back to the anxiety...
so i avoided really making friends then the friends i did eventually make, some of them were into some bad habits but we got along and i felt accepted and looking back it was what it was and i wouldn't have changed it. but i just flat out didn't give a shit in 9th grade.
10th grade is when i started to care more, and made friends and knew i was there in maine there was not much i could do about it. i started wanting to make better grades. i attended school more often and skipped classes less. now really my biggest problem was the presenting still.
one other story i will share with you is that in 10th grade i met my high school sweet heart and we were in the same english class. well, he was more outgoing and actually added to my anxiety. after about a month of dating i just had to get out of that class. i think because he was a distraction and people knew we dated...something about that atmosphere and attention being drawn to us.. i just had to get out of there. so i did. it was really hard to try to explain to my teacher why i had to switch my class. i really liked that teacher a lot too but my anxiety had won. i lied to her.. my reasoning for leaving that class because i thought it was pretty stupid that a boyfriend could honestly bring this much anxiety out in me...during class. what the hell. well, i didnt really lie, but sort of.
so 11th and 12 grade were pretty similar, im going to digress a bit here again so skip to the next paragraph if you are so over with my digressing...although i started to show my sweeter side of who i was and dropped some of my bitchy "city girl" attitude....i wasnt a bitch, i just had an attitude and actually most people would disagree with me but i felt bitchy. lol. probably in part to being a teenager and life was kind of competitive especially at work. me and a friend of mine at work were always pissing each other off. we had a love hate relationship, trying to be top dog, but really, we just weren't. but we did try! i mean, we could slap the hell out of pizza dough and multitask like no other but it was just pizza. we were both good workers...teenagers trying to gain control. ahhh those were the good old days :) If i was one of the elders working there i probably would've stuffed he and i in the freezer during shift :) and also, being called a bitch by the people who were supposed to help build my self esteem, amongst other names.. but thats a whole other story.
OK.. heres where we pick up the anxiety story again lol. :) so.. i started college and im pretty sure somewhere within this blog site theres a post about this, so i wont get much into it, but i wanted control of it, i had enough of the BS with anxiety taking over who i was and who i wanted to be. funny thing is out of school i was different. in school i was kind of quiet and just hung with my friends at lunch and stuff... i mean i had friends in classes too but i just kind of stayed quiet i think not to draw attention to myself so i wouldn't panic. in high school.. it was panic attacks i was dealing with. out of my classrooms is where i could be myself. in the lunch room.. during break time. etc. in class forget it. hide me. my best defense against drawing attention was hiding in my hoodie.
i went through a thing where i used to like to wear my jackets and hoodies because i guess maybe it was almost like a security blanket. i could hide. problem was... that hoodie would get hot thus resulting in panicking sometimes when attention was drawn on me. you see how this cycle works? it is so vicious when it is out of control.
now if you are reading this and have anxiety, maybe you are sitting there shaking your head in agree-ance with some of these things ive mentioned. if you haven't experienced it, you may think knowing all this now about me that maybe you didnt, that i was tapped lol! and i cant say i blame anyone for feelign like that because a person who hasn't dealt with it just doesn't know the feeling... just doesn't understand how this could happen. i know.. i know. and i especially know because my mother has/had anxiety bad...waaay back when it was kind of thought to be "crazy" and us kids made fun of her horribly. we did. then i got this and thought oh shit.. im turning into my crazy mother.
...the good thing about that though is i've seen how my mom dealt with her problem which really made me consider my own issues and how i would deal with them. i had a few options at this point in life. i could drop out of college and give into this anxiety.. i could get medication... go to counseling... read books to self educate about this... hide in my hoodie for the rest of my life... i mean the possibilities were really endless lol.
i decided to do a combination of things which again i know somewhere around here i've mentioned in detail before.. (i think!) so ill keep it brief but basically what i did was everything i could. counseling, medicine, self educate, talking openly about my problem etc... and it all worked! it took a little time but it worked.
my main thing is i didn't want to be like a particular person, on medication for the rest of my life. the good news was I didn't have to. the bad news for me was that sometimes people really need medication and i could have been one of them but my view was already tainted about meds. i wanted to avoid them like the plague. over the years my view has changed about that and no one should be ashamed for needing to take medicine for a mental health issue.
for me though, i had really wanted to try to stay off the medicine. long story short.. i decided my little rituals weren't working any more, i was getting older and needed to get over my fears. so what did i do? i took the meds LOL!! BUT...i used themt o help me and only used them as long as i felt i needed to.
what i did was my second year of college i remember sitting in a class and i had to speak from my chair. i knew my turn was coming to speak.. now im going to walk you though my feelings... "im sitting here in my chair... theres about 10 people that have to speak before i do.. i know my turn is coming up, my hands are sweating, im swallowing about 20 times, my throat is dry.. i need water... but now after if taken a few sips i have too much fluid in my mouth what if i spit... ok ok.. theres just 4 people left now.. i feel like im getting hot, im gonna pass out. let me take my jacket off. i need to touch something cool so i can put it on the back of my neck because im gonna pass out if i dont. ok theres 1 person in front of me now.. omg.. ok ok how am i gonna start this.. ok jacquie i just gotta do this and not think about feeling like a freak.. deep breath, another swallow, another palm check yup still clammy.. ok my turn.." then i speak and while im speaking i feel like everyone can see im having anxiety but really, they probably didnt at all. i dont think anyone ever noticed. i mean i didnt get to say all i wanted to saya dn i wasnt too confident but i did it and before i know it my fight or flight response has chilled out and things are ok.
SO soon after that episode (it was in an english class btw...another freakin english class lol) i decided to try the zoloft. nothing too high, just 50mg.. something to help me out so i could help myself.
i felt like things were getting better. i used it for maybe under a year, learned how to deal with this, then got off the medicine.
now my next challenge was interesting. now i went through the cna schooling ok i was pregnant with brody.. did fine. used all the skills i taught myself while i was on my medicine. enrolled into my medical assisting program an found out OH i HAVE to take a speach class! unfreaking believable. an entire semester dedicated to my anxiety trigger. you kidding me??
well, instead of freaking out and stamping my feet, i decided now was a perfect time to take advantage of this class, volunteer to take it sooner rather than wait until the last possible moment when i wouldn't have a choice (having a choice really helped me manage my anxiety) so i took the class, got an A in it, did great and that really opened some amazing doors for me!
the only way to get over a fear is to face it head on. now i know for some people, this can be debilitating and really hard to do, you have to do it when you're ready, and if you ever feel you are ready to do it. if you are never ready then to each his own. only we know our own bodies and what we are capable of trying.
for years i stayed off any medicine. about 4 years? and i did really well off of it. i started RN school and like they say in nursing school if you weren't on medication when you started, you will be LOL! so true!
so the goal is to manage anxiety. it is never ever going to go away. i no longer take the zoloft. im starting to go swimming now that the weather is nice. yoga helps, my gardening, and remembering to let loose everyone now and then. go to dinner with mark and live in that moment and worry about school when i get home and have to study. its important to take care of ourselves mentally as well as physically.
honestly, i could go on forever with this however i have to be at clinical tomorrow morning so i suppose now is a good time to stop. That and if you actually are still reading this...holy crap!:D have a good night.
Friday, March 30, 2012
The butterfly connection
I have had a connection to them since i was about 9 when my nanibob passed away. nani bob was my step-grandmother. this is when i really remember loving them. she had pins with butterflies and necklaces..she loved them too. she wasnt supposed to die, and when she did it really effected me. i was just a young kid and its not easy to explain suicide to someone. that was the explanation of the way she went out.
now i remember nanibob as a woman with a lot of presence. she worked with her church, loved god, read her bible (which i now have) loved us kids as her own family, she did sign language and worked with children who were deaf...i remember she had a book about learning sign language and i used it to help me learn a few words...and also the alphabet. i guess i kind of looked up to her. so her passing really broke my heart. i still have a note she wrote to me when i first started 4th grade. it was on a paper pad in my trapper keeper (remember those? lol) its the last paper i have on that pad... i just always saved it. she meant a lot to me and that note that someone really took the time to write to me and it be a suprise for when i got to school really meant a lot to me (a little side conversation here...kinda sad, but you know how you see in movies moms putting notes in kids lunches? well, i thought they really did that. i got a hot lunch usually and on a field trip i had to bring a cold lunch so i made my own lunch and wrote a note to myself as if it came from my mom. it said something like "i love you" on it ...something short lol.) a little over a month after i started school that year is when she passed. i had her bedroom set, her little end table, her bible as i said, a necklace of hers with a "B" on it, and i still have one of her butterfly pins thats on my dresser now. guess you can say a few people have walked in and out of my life...and i get attached and she was certainly one ive attached myself to. im an emotional person as it is and sometimes people dont even realize their "walking out" on me im sure.... i cant even really define it as them walking out....its just natural that people part ways but im not always ready for that. but there were a few that really did walk out, pop in, etc... and it hurt me. so her dying really hurt.
so anyways... the butterfly became my thing. they also remind me of my great gradmother helen. she liked to garden and was the perfect little nana you could think of...cooking, baking, feeding you when you come to visit, sharing her recipes with me, she was very very good to me. her and i had a connection whenever my mom and i went to her house, there was 4 generations of women sitting there...me, my mom, my grandmother ginny, and my great grandmother helen. my mom and nana ginny could TAAAAAAALLLLLKKK and it could get loud! its just the way they are. my grandmothers thought i was just so quiet...which i kind of was...but...not really! i think they were just so loud i just ...stayed quiet lol. me and my great grandmother were the quiet ones. after hearing the other two go on for a while, she would offer me a diet coke and some cookies from her little cabinet next to her little kitchen that no more than 2 people could fit in.
nana helens favorite color was yellow. so when i see a yellow butterfly, it makes me think of her.
now my boys... my love for butterflies really developed over the years and i got 2 tattoos of them on my back. if it were up to me, id have about 15 more butterflies somehow, in different ways tattooed on me. (in trees...realistic ones, black shadow looking ones... flying up my side...) i just absolutely love them. so the tattoos i got are for my boys. i chose them on my back/shoulder blade because my boys will always have my back. (i hope) so i thought it was an appropriate place. i have a blue and pink one for brody, and a green and purple one for ethan. (blue and green the color of their eyes, and pink and purple are my favorite colors) i just didnt want to put names all over my body. thought the butterflies was more me.
so.. im sad to say i didnt get to go, but wouldnt you know it that there was a butterfly house in FL close to where we moved?? im not sure why i never went... did they have weird hours or something? i cant remember. i know it was a little bit of a drive. but i wish i went!! then we moved to sc and down town they had a butterfly shop. i was in heaven! the owner was super nice and i would take the kids in there now and then even if it was just to say hello and gain some knowledge from the guy. he once showed us a really fat caterpillar that someone brought into him. he kept it in hopes it would turn to a butterfly. then he also showed us a few other caterpillars.... one in particular that i remember is this one that was hairy and when you pet it, it let out this awful stink! it was its defense mechanism against prey. pretty neat! unfortunately, that place closed and i think turned into a clothing store or something. bummer! that was such a neat little place.
now i have butterflies on the walls in my room and a painting i did of butterflies, i put a few on garden pots outside. have a few pieces of jewelry.... i just love them :) (and now lady bugs also!!! so cute!!)
so anyhow.. thats where it all started and led to. not even sure what led me to decide to blog about this, but i was looking at some things on pin terest with butterflies on them and kind of got lost in it.
now i remember nanibob as a woman with a lot of presence. she worked with her church, loved god, read her bible (which i now have) loved us kids as her own family, she did sign language and worked with children who were deaf...i remember she had a book about learning sign language and i used it to help me learn a few words...and also the alphabet. i guess i kind of looked up to her. so her passing really broke my heart. i still have a note she wrote to me when i first started 4th grade. it was on a paper pad in my trapper keeper (remember those? lol) its the last paper i have on that pad... i just always saved it. she meant a lot to me and that note that someone really took the time to write to me and it be a suprise for when i got to school really meant a lot to me (a little side conversation here...kinda sad, but you know how you see in movies moms putting notes in kids lunches? well, i thought they really did that. i got a hot lunch usually and on a field trip i had to bring a cold lunch so i made my own lunch and wrote a note to myself as if it came from my mom. it said something like "i love you" on it ...something short lol.) a little over a month after i started school that year is when she passed. i had her bedroom set, her little end table, her bible as i said, a necklace of hers with a "B" on it, and i still have one of her butterfly pins thats on my dresser now. guess you can say a few people have walked in and out of my life...and i get attached and she was certainly one ive attached myself to. im an emotional person as it is and sometimes people dont even realize their "walking out" on me im sure.... i cant even really define it as them walking out....its just natural that people part ways but im not always ready for that. but there were a few that really did walk out, pop in, etc... and it hurt me. so her dying really hurt.
so anyways... the butterfly became my thing. they also remind me of my great gradmother helen. she liked to garden and was the perfect little nana you could think of...cooking, baking, feeding you when you come to visit, sharing her recipes with me, she was very very good to me. her and i had a connection whenever my mom and i went to her house, there was 4 generations of women sitting there...me, my mom, my grandmother ginny, and my great grandmother helen. my mom and nana ginny could TAAAAAAALLLLLKKK and it could get loud! its just the way they are. my grandmothers thought i was just so quiet...which i kind of was...but...not really! i think they were just so loud i just ...stayed quiet lol. me and my great grandmother were the quiet ones. after hearing the other two go on for a while, she would offer me a diet coke and some cookies from her little cabinet next to her little kitchen that no more than 2 people could fit in.
nana helens favorite color was yellow. so when i see a yellow butterfly, it makes me think of her.
now my boys... my love for butterflies really developed over the years and i got 2 tattoos of them on my back. if it were up to me, id have about 15 more butterflies somehow, in different ways tattooed on me. (in trees...realistic ones, black shadow looking ones... flying up my side...) i just absolutely love them. so the tattoos i got are for my boys. i chose them on my back/shoulder blade because my boys will always have my back. (i hope) so i thought it was an appropriate place. i have a blue and pink one for brody, and a green and purple one for ethan. (blue and green the color of their eyes, and pink and purple are my favorite colors) i just didnt want to put names all over my body. thought the butterflies was more me.
so.. im sad to say i didnt get to go, but wouldnt you know it that there was a butterfly house in FL close to where we moved?? im not sure why i never went... did they have weird hours or something? i cant remember. i know it was a little bit of a drive. but i wish i went!! then we moved to sc and down town they had a butterfly shop. i was in heaven! the owner was super nice and i would take the kids in there now and then even if it was just to say hello and gain some knowledge from the guy. he once showed us a really fat caterpillar that someone brought into him. he kept it in hopes it would turn to a butterfly. then he also showed us a few other caterpillars.... one in particular that i remember is this one that was hairy and when you pet it, it let out this awful stink! it was its defense mechanism against prey. pretty neat! unfortunately, that place closed and i think turned into a clothing store or something. bummer! that was such a neat little place.
now i have butterflies on the walls in my room and a painting i did of butterflies, i put a few on garden pots outside. have a few pieces of jewelry.... i just love them :) (and now lady bugs also!!! so cute!!)
so anyhow.. thats where it all started and led to. not even sure what led me to decide to blog about this, but i was looking at some things on pin terest with butterflies on them and kind of got lost in it.
Monday, March 19, 2012
rant about LEMOORE OOooOOo :) Its not THAT bad!! Just read it!
because i want to vent.. or piss someone off.. whichever way you wanna take it.. heres my outlook on the "LEMOORE CA SUX" case... (and if you're tired of reading or annoyed with me, or think im a depressing fool, skip to the 2nd to last paragraph for some much nicer commentary... although, if you read the garbage in between here and there, you maaaaayyyy consider something that maybe you haven't before. idk. maybe not! :) )
I really admire anyone that can adapt to change well and handle being away from family and friends they've known forever, and go through their every day life being completely content with the situation they are in. but that is certainly not me.. or it wasn't anyways... ive come a long long way with adapting to this.
most people i have met in the military, haven't traveled too far from where they consider home. That, or they don't mind moving around, or they are not close to their family, or some other excuse. i wasn't like that at all and to some extent im still not. im just really really good at convincing myself that this is what it is and to find the positive in where im at in life.
At first, this was so hard to do. you can go back and read my earlier blogs if you want to. i was only 19 when i married mark and a little immature and it took some time for me to realize i was going to move away from my family and it could be really far away, and i didn't realize just how little control we actually had over picking orders. i met mark and once i discovered i actually really liked him lol, i fell in love with the idea of having a family with him and being married.
i was just starting to figure out life at 19... like most 19 year olds do.
so anyways... florida was our first big move. i tried to keep the family and married life in with the military life which is actually pretty challenging. ive met spouses who either choose one or the other, fail at combining both, or end up having to be away from their husbands for sometimes years at a time... i do NOT know how they keep that working, but man i admire that they can do it!!
for me, i didn't grow up in a house with a picket white fence and even a clue as to how i was going to go to school and raise my family and etc..etc... i can go on... my parents were divorced, each married a few times (lol) etc..etc... so after high school i pretty much just jumped into everything, with advice from people who didn't have a clue themselves as to how to keep a family together, how the military life worked...how to get ready for college and be successful. most people i know only accomplish one of those things or try to do multiple and one thing just not working out...
i was determined to do it all.. and i did and am still doing it. (going to college since 2002 with hardly any time off, raising 2 boys who are only 2 years apart, having my dogs, keeping life as normal as possible, but also moving with the military and dealing with that side of life too) i want it all and im so determined to have it all.. my life just the way i want it. despite the bumps in the road and no matter how long it takes.
so anyways... like most things, we didn't get to choose to come to lemoore. not even close. the exact opposite.t he entire squadron moved here.. mind you, we have a house we own in Florida, and chose orders to SC...which we thought we would be there for 3 years. nope. just a few months after getting to SC we were told we had to move to lemoore. LEMOORE? WHERE the frig is that??? WELL... ya see, its this little place on the west coast that i was told no one likes to go to.. and after moving here i CAN see why. this place is very different from anything ive ever seen. yes we wives try to make the best of it, and try not to complain but were human and sometimes we confide in people we think are our friends.. that we can complaint o..and other times, we just have a really bad day and bitch and moan about this "hell hole" until everyone and their grannies have heard us... and other days were like.."ya know.. this place isn't too bad.. its safe, the weathers good" etc...
believe me, i have days like this all the time.
surprisingly, one thing i have NOT done since being here, was CRIED about being here. i thought i would fall apart. i felt physically ill at the thought of being away from the east coast or the gulf. i tend to be somewhat dramatic sometimes. im not oblivious to this. i try to be tough but truth is, i miss my family and if i could be anywhere in the world it'd be Italy. I mean.. with my family in new england :D seriously.. it'd be with my family.
SO next time if you're tired of hearing about someone complain about lemoore... look at the big picture.. maybe its not even that its lemoroe..maybe that its that the person has no connection to this place or anything like it.. maybe its that their home sick, maybe their having a bad day.. maybe they could use a girl friend who doesn't mind being here to show them some cool things around here... maybe they need a drink or some xanax..idk.. but its perfectly normal to complain about a place you don't want to be in.
now i get that there are people who just bitch n bitch n bitch about being in a place like this... but i really haven't seen that. i haven't met anyone that is not tolerable to be around.. someone that constantly brings up hating living here and cant hold a conversation about anything else.
and i highly doubt that anyone is dogging your home town if you are from here...just to be a jerk. for me, when im annoyed with this place (and the flies! the cow poop smell! the heat! the terrible air quality! the bad school systems...you get my point!) im not saying people from here are bastards and this place should fall off into the ocean.. im saying this place is NOT for me.
so..what do we want to spouses that are here to do? leave their husbands? go back home? people say "make the best of it' which is just not that easy for some people to do. and for others, it takes time.
I guess my suggestions to the people who say "stop complaining and make the best of it" is that consider who you're talking to, where they came from, what their life was like before, if this is their first major move, if maybe they're depressed, and if you cant help them out then just don't bother with them. there's nothing wrong with not being friends with someone especially if their bringing you down and the truth is..maybe that person doesn't even know their complaining too much to you ..
i could go on and on :) but you don't want me to now do you? you have probably actually stopped reading this especially if you were just wanting to see what i was going to blog about but got tired of reading the complaints and suggestions...
now after all that has been said, i don't mind here here TOO much... for 2 years, its do able for me. i mean aside from all the shit i mentioned earlier that i could care less for about being here, its not THAT bad... will i miss being here after i leave? HELLLLLL no.. but i will miss being close to cool places like san fran and LA and las vegas and stuff.
some places we move to we fight tooth and nail not to go, then we get there and love it and wish we didn't have to leave so soon (this was pensacola for me) other places we cant wait to leave.. ya know we just gotta roll with it. i believe that a good military spouse will have anothers back and suggest things to do and places to go. ive been really lucky to have met a person or two like that. if it wasn't for the few ladies ive met here that have helped me out a little, ill tell ya i think id cry a lot more and feel really stuck here. im so thankful for the cool chicks ive met that have really made this place more tolerable. im excited to go to LA for the first time here soon, and im excited to try out new wines and head to the wineries! my gardening skills have REALLY improved since being in a place like this...and i have learned more ways to kill flies than i ever knew of before ;P im a pretty positive person, but even the most positive people need to lean on someone else once in a while...
and on that corny note.. THE END! <3
I really admire anyone that can adapt to change well and handle being away from family and friends they've known forever, and go through their every day life being completely content with the situation they are in. but that is certainly not me.. or it wasn't anyways... ive come a long long way with adapting to this.
most people i have met in the military, haven't traveled too far from where they consider home. That, or they don't mind moving around, or they are not close to their family, or some other excuse. i wasn't like that at all and to some extent im still not. im just really really good at convincing myself that this is what it is and to find the positive in where im at in life.
At first, this was so hard to do. you can go back and read my earlier blogs if you want to. i was only 19 when i married mark and a little immature and it took some time for me to realize i was going to move away from my family and it could be really far away, and i didn't realize just how little control we actually had over picking orders. i met mark and once i discovered i actually really liked him lol, i fell in love with the idea of having a family with him and being married.
i was just starting to figure out life at 19... like most 19 year olds do.
so anyways... florida was our first big move. i tried to keep the family and married life in with the military life which is actually pretty challenging. ive met spouses who either choose one or the other, fail at combining both, or end up having to be away from their husbands for sometimes years at a time... i do NOT know how they keep that working, but man i admire that they can do it!!
for me, i didn't grow up in a house with a picket white fence and even a clue as to how i was going to go to school and raise my family and etc..etc... i can go on... my parents were divorced, each married a few times (lol) etc..etc... so after high school i pretty much just jumped into everything, with advice from people who didn't have a clue themselves as to how to keep a family together, how the military life worked...how to get ready for college and be successful. most people i know only accomplish one of those things or try to do multiple and one thing just not working out...
i was determined to do it all.. and i did and am still doing it. (going to college since 2002 with hardly any time off, raising 2 boys who are only 2 years apart, having my dogs, keeping life as normal as possible, but also moving with the military and dealing with that side of life too) i want it all and im so determined to have it all.. my life just the way i want it. despite the bumps in the road and no matter how long it takes.
so anyways... like most things, we didn't get to choose to come to lemoore. not even close. the exact opposite.t he entire squadron moved here.. mind you, we have a house we own in Florida, and chose orders to SC...which we thought we would be there for 3 years. nope. just a few months after getting to SC we were told we had to move to lemoore. LEMOORE? WHERE the frig is that??? WELL... ya see, its this little place on the west coast that i was told no one likes to go to.. and after moving here i CAN see why. this place is very different from anything ive ever seen. yes we wives try to make the best of it, and try not to complain but were human and sometimes we confide in people we think are our friends.. that we can complaint o..and other times, we just have a really bad day and bitch and moan about this "hell hole" until everyone and their grannies have heard us... and other days were like.."ya know.. this place isn't too bad.. its safe, the weathers good" etc...
believe me, i have days like this all the time.
surprisingly, one thing i have NOT done since being here, was CRIED about being here. i thought i would fall apart. i felt physically ill at the thought of being away from the east coast or the gulf. i tend to be somewhat dramatic sometimes. im not oblivious to this. i try to be tough but truth is, i miss my family and if i could be anywhere in the world it'd be Italy. I mean.. with my family in new england :D seriously.. it'd be with my family.
SO next time if you're tired of hearing about someone complain about lemoore... look at the big picture.. maybe its not even that its lemoroe..maybe that its that the person has no connection to this place or anything like it.. maybe its that their home sick, maybe their having a bad day.. maybe they could use a girl friend who doesn't mind being here to show them some cool things around here... maybe they need a drink or some xanax..idk.. but its perfectly normal to complain about a place you don't want to be in.
now i get that there are people who just bitch n bitch n bitch about being in a place like this... but i really haven't seen that. i haven't met anyone that is not tolerable to be around.. someone that constantly brings up hating living here and cant hold a conversation about anything else.
and i highly doubt that anyone is dogging your home town if you are from here...just to be a jerk. for me, when im annoyed with this place (and the flies! the cow poop smell! the heat! the terrible air quality! the bad school systems...you get my point!) im not saying people from here are bastards and this place should fall off into the ocean.. im saying this place is NOT for me.
so..what do we want to spouses that are here to do? leave their husbands? go back home? people say "make the best of it' which is just not that easy for some people to do. and for others, it takes time.
I guess my suggestions to the people who say "stop complaining and make the best of it" is that consider who you're talking to, where they came from, what their life was like before, if this is their first major move, if maybe they're depressed, and if you cant help them out then just don't bother with them. there's nothing wrong with not being friends with someone especially if their bringing you down and the truth is..maybe that person doesn't even know their complaining too much to you ..
i could go on and on :) but you don't want me to now do you? you have probably actually stopped reading this especially if you were just wanting to see what i was going to blog about but got tired of reading the complaints and suggestions...
now after all that has been said, i don't mind here here TOO much... for 2 years, its do able for me. i mean aside from all the shit i mentioned earlier that i could care less for about being here, its not THAT bad... will i miss being here after i leave? HELLLLLL no.. but i will miss being close to cool places like san fran and LA and las vegas and stuff.
some places we move to we fight tooth and nail not to go, then we get there and love it and wish we didn't have to leave so soon (this was pensacola for me) other places we cant wait to leave.. ya know we just gotta roll with it. i believe that a good military spouse will have anothers back and suggest things to do and places to go. ive been really lucky to have met a person or two like that. if it wasn't for the few ladies ive met here that have helped me out a little, ill tell ya i think id cry a lot more and feel really stuck here. im so thankful for the cool chicks ive met that have really made this place more tolerable. im excited to go to LA for the first time here soon, and im excited to try out new wines and head to the wineries! my gardening skills have REALLY improved since being in a place like this...and i have learned more ways to kill flies than i ever knew of before ;P im a pretty positive person, but even the most positive people need to lean on someone else once in a while...
and on that corny note.. THE END! <3
Friday, March 9, 2012
You know you're a couponing junkie when...
not all of these apply to me, however, just noticing some friends are starting to really take off with the couponing and with all these tv shows, thought it'd be funk to do a finish the sentence kind of thing...
You know youre a couponing junkie when:
1. you're excited about someone elses savings
2. ..if the kids are starving youll tell them to wait a minute so you can finish watching Dr phil or whatever is on, but if you get an email notification on your cell phone for new printable coupons your ass is flying off that couch to go print off your coupons!
3. you wake up at 7:30am and start your computer to search for the latest coupon deals... before getting your coffee, before getting your kids ready for school...
4. a trip alone to the grocery store so you can 'focus' has become more appealing to you than a date night out with your spouse.
5. you have a stock pile of 50 bottles of K.Y. jelly but you're not having sex because you're too busy looking for coupons.
6. you'll drive 20 minutes to get the latest deals at cvs but a 5 minute drive to get your husbands dry cleaning is a hassle.
7. you're thinking right now, about looking for a coupon as soon as you're done reading this.
8. you'll let a call go to voice mail if its your mother but if a friend calls about a coupon she just found that you HAVE to get, you'll answer it.
9. You've spent time convincing your child, in the grocery store, that they don't want a particular cereal, that they should get this other brand because you have a coupon for it.
10. You've managed to convince your husband to switch brands of body wash/deoderant that hes been using since before you met each other, because you dont have a coupon for that brand.
11. you'll spend 2 hours looking for a good coupon but complain when you have to fold the laundry because it takes too long.
12. The house is stocked with food from all the purchases you made with your coupons, but you go to mcdonalds for dinner because you're too exhausted to cook after the major shopping trip you just did.
13. you get mad at your husband for buying shaving cream after he ran out so you tell him he should have consulted with you first to see if you had a coupon for it! which you did!
You know youre a couponing junkie when:
1. you're excited about someone elses savings
2. ..if the kids are starving youll tell them to wait a minute so you can finish watching Dr phil or whatever is on, but if you get an email notification on your cell phone for new printable coupons your ass is flying off that couch to go print off your coupons!
3. you wake up at 7:30am and start your computer to search for the latest coupon deals... before getting your coffee, before getting your kids ready for school...
4. a trip alone to the grocery store so you can 'focus' has become more appealing to you than a date night out with your spouse.
5. you have a stock pile of 50 bottles of K.Y. jelly but you're not having sex because you're too busy looking for coupons.
6. you'll drive 20 minutes to get the latest deals at cvs but a 5 minute drive to get your husbands dry cleaning is a hassle.
7. you're thinking right now, about looking for a coupon as soon as you're done reading this.
8. you'll let a call go to voice mail if its your mother but if a friend calls about a coupon she just found that you HAVE to get, you'll answer it.
9. You've spent time convincing your child, in the grocery store, that they don't want a particular cereal, that they should get this other brand because you have a coupon for it.
10. You've managed to convince your husband to switch brands of body wash/deoderant that hes been using since before you met each other, because you dont have a coupon for that brand.
11. you'll spend 2 hours looking for a good coupon but complain when you have to fold the laundry because it takes too long.
12. The house is stocked with food from all the purchases you made with your coupons, but you go to mcdonalds for dinner because you're too exhausted to cook after the major shopping trip you just did.
13. you get mad at your husband for buying shaving cream after he ran out so you tell him he should have consulted with you first to see if you had a coupon for it! which you did!
Friday, March 2, 2012
the simplest things
For the last maybe 4 days ive been really kind of obsessing about life and my appreciation for mine and what i have and who i have in it. As some know, ive been following the journal of a family whose son had a horrible car accident back in November. I knew him from church when i was a teenager. Once in a while a situation comes along unexpectedly and kind of knocks me off my feet and makes me think ya know.. it could be me.. it could be my brother, it could be my kid.. my husband, my best friend etc...
Along with this, I have been going to church more often, and i feel it has been a realyl great move for me and my family, AND my relationship with Mark. We dont have too many times in a day when it is just he and I, and his work schedule hours are random as far as when he comes home sometimes. i usually dont even ask when he will be home. i just know if hes not home by 8, i should call to check that he is ok. brody is in school, so its just me and ethan together a lot. and even then, i had gotten so wrapped up in my own stuff, including spending way too much time bumming around. in previous blogs, i wrote some about that... this place has just taken away some of that drive to do anything that i had in me. but im getting it back :)
So over the last maybe 2 months weve been going to church and life's been moving forward in a direction im liking, so ive really been enjoying it, however, not to the fullest, adn i want that full cup. then 4 days ago things started coming full circle for me and im liking it. life really is wonderful. for some, maybe not so much but you gotta figure out a way to get back onto that path and sometimes, it takes someone elses story to make you realize this. sometimes even a total stranger.
ive been in these situations before where ive been so moved by another story its helped me get back on my own track of where i want to be in life. i thank god for those opportunities. I woke up this morning, and as soon as i sent Brody off to school (hes been riding his bike again because the weathers been nice and he is SOOOOO excited about that btw!) before i even got my cup of coffee, something came over me to write on my little pink wipe board top 10 reasons why my husband rocks lol. so i did, and i ran out of room. hes amazing! see thsi chain reaction happens when someone elses story touches your heart... and it extends to the world around you... its like a smile.. its contagious. so hopefully that made marks night.. which i believe it did, because in return, we spent some much needed time just snuggling on the couch, watching alton brown with the kids. we also decided not to go out tonight, just stay in and enjoy the night together. i made us each a nice drink and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. it was a great night. tomorrow is going to be another great day. were taking the boys to the movies which we havent all done together in a while.
anyhow... i just felt the need to blog because ive had so much on my mind and ive been feeling really good. we have a great life here. i may not where physically where i want to be, some days are tough being out here 'alone', my schooling has extended way beyond what i ever though it wouldve been.. in addition my upbringing, some of it, wasnt a fairy tale although far from being down right awful... but all of this is trivial compared to other possibilities. eventually i will complete school and i will be home with my family and who knows..maybe i wont like it being back home after all lol!! my personal life with my family members is in a good place, for everyone i want to be close to and im happy about that. even long distance i feel loved :) I have one life, thats it, and I am really enjoying it despite the obstacles.
Along with this, I have been going to church more often, and i feel it has been a realyl great move for me and my family, AND my relationship with Mark. We dont have too many times in a day when it is just he and I, and his work schedule hours are random as far as when he comes home sometimes. i usually dont even ask when he will be home. i just know if hes not home by 8, i should call to check that he is ok. brody is in school, so its just me and ethan together a lot. and even then, i had gotten so wrapped up in my own stuff, including spending way too much time bumming around. in previous blogs, i wrote some about that... this place has just taken away some of that drive to do anything that i had in me. but im getting it back :)
So over the last maybe 2 months weve been going to church and life's been moving forward in a direction im liking, so ive really been enjoying it, however, not to the fullest, adn i want that full cup. then 4 days ago things started coming full circle for me and im liking it. life really is wonderful. for some, maybe not so much but you gotta figure out a way to get back onto that path and sometimes, it takes someone elses story to make you realize this. sometimes even a total stranger.
ive been in these situations before where ive been so moved by another story its helped me get back on my own track of where i want to be in life. i thank god for those opportunities. I woke up this morning, and as soon as i sent Brody off to school (hes been riding his bike again because the weathers been nice and he is SOOOOO excited about that btw!) before i even got my cup of coffee, something came over me to write on my little pink wipe board top 10 reasons why my husband rocks lol. so i did, and i ran out of room. hes amazing! see thsi chain reaction happens when someone elses story touches your heart... and it extends to the world around you... its like a smile.. its contagious. so hopefully that made marks night.. which i believe it did, because in return, we spent some much needed time just snuggling on the couch, watching alton brown with the kids. we also decided not to go out tonight, just stay in and enjoy the night together. i made us each a nice drink and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. it was a great night. tomorrow is going to be another great day. were taking the boys to the movies which we havent all done together in a while.
anyhow... i just felt the need to blog because ive had so much on my mind and ive been feeling really good. we have a great life here. i may not where physically where i want to be, some days are tough being out here 'alone', my schooling has extended way beyond what i ever though it wouldve been.. in addition my upbringing, some of it, wasnt a fairy tale although far from being down right awful... but all of this is trivial compared to other possibilities. eventually i will complete school and i will be home with my family and who knows..maybe i wont like it being back home after all lol!! my personal life with my family members is in a good place, for everyone i want to be close to and im happy about that. even long distance i feel loved :) I have one life, thats it, and I am really enjoying it despite the obstacles.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
singing in the rain! just siiiingin in the raaaiiin!
ok so this has nothing to do with rain, but i am feeling pretty glorious! :)
Ive been making some pretty good life style changes that im pretty proud of. years ago when the kids were babies, i used to make their baby food at home (very easy and fun btw!) nothing wrong with Gerber or any other big brands of baby food, but i felt good being able to make my kids their foods from scratch. i was pretty proud of that. so over the years ive made a home made thing or two myself.. things you normally would by at the store like a jar of pasta sauce or something. as time goes on my collection of recipes (most are great, some ehh..) has really expanded. mostly thanks to allrecipes.com and comparing recipes that have a rating of a 4 1/2 star or greater to other recipes and info i can find online, and my own preference.
When i was growing up, most of my food came from a box or a can. (like hamburger helper which i still cant stomach.. not because it would taste bad now.. because i probably would like it, just that smell and that box.. and how often we had it.. no..) my mom could cook some things pretty well, and she did have a hand full of hand me down recipes that i now have, but there's other family members that come to mind when i think of good cooking. its a bummer btw, to find out all this time you think something is cooked for hours over a stove, only to find out it came from a microwave (ah hem! jag... yes, my Grammy gave me a recipe for microwave jag and it is amazing... but she did make hers on the stove of what i remember) anyways...
my heritage is italian, german, english, irish (just found out) and cape verdean (google it) i grew up mostly connected to my cape verdean and italian roots and the older i get the more i really enjoy cooking meals from my heritage. besides, i absolutely LOVE italian food, and certain dishes my Grammy always had available when we would visit on the weekends, or after school id stop over and grab some monchupa out of the fridge mmm. mmm.
SO i have really started to WANT to eat a little healthier. not every day all day, but i want to know whats in my foods as often as possible. food labels can be tricky and deceiving. if i can make it at home, i will give it a try at least.
also, this is great therapy for me. im an artist, and everything i love involves art... i like to paint, sew, crochet, cook, make jewelry, paint my nails with designs etc... all arts. even my profession someday :nursing. all arts. (and a little science :) ) when im making something from scratch it may not taste the best the first time or two around. i try to stick close to the original recipe if its something i have never made before or tried much of before altering it too much. but something like a pasta sauce or bread crumbs ... its pretty easy to figure out how to do and what to add and what to skip. theres basic ingredients then theres seasonings and fillers.
something else i really like about making things from scratch is substituting. did you know you can make baking powder if you dont have any on hand? did you know you can substitute apple sauce for oil? did you know there are more than 1 or 2 ways to cook to cook a vegetable? lol. i laugh, but seriously, some people just dont know and i didn't know until i grew up and educated myself.
im by far an expert on any of this stuff and cooking from scratch however i have been doing it for a few years and really love it. i know a thing or two about cooking and i am always looking for suggestions and ideas. i think about all the snacks i buy at the store ad feed to my kids that i could so easily make at home, like these fruit roll ups im making right now. they have just peaches, strawberries, and about 2 tsps of sugar in it that's 8 grams of sugar TOTAL for the entire batch for anyone wondering. i could've used honey or nectar or juice but i didn't have any. cant say all the time every time i will be making everything at home from scratch, its a lot of work, and time, and once school starts i doubt ill have time to experiment like i can now. but it sure is fun :)
so look in your cabinet and see if maybe there is something you can try to make from scratch just for the fun of it. start easy... like the pasta sauce i keep mentioning. sauces are really simple and you can jar it or freeze it and use it for another day :)if it tastes terrible well, at least you'll have fun making it!
so in conclusion to this entire blog.. which ive strayed a bit from the main point here... and the conclusion has little to do with the body of my blog lol... i went to the gym today, ive been going 1-2 times a week, ive been going to church most sundays, eating a little healthier for the most part, taking part in my hobbies like i used to do, and feeling pretty damn good right now. i got into a rut of feeling just "blah" for a little while, it happens to us all from time to time. but i can feel im getting back on track :) i have to say i am really, REALLY loving yoga btw and i am really looking forward to starting school in april!
Ive been making some pretty good life style changes that im pretty proud of. years ago when the kids were babies, i used to make their baby food at home (very easy and fun btw!) nothing wrong with Gerber or any other big brands of baby food, but i felt good being able to make my kids their foods from scratch. i was pretty proud of that. so over the years ive made a home made thing or two myself.. things you normally would by at the store like a jar of pasta sauce or something. as time goes on my collection of recipes (most are great, some ehh..) has really expanded. mostly thanks to allrecipes.com and comparing recipes that have a rating of a 4 1/2 star or greater to other recipes and info i can find online, and my own preference.
When i was growing up, most of my food came from a box or a can. (like hamburger helper which i still cant stomach.. not because it would taste bad now.. because i probably would like it, just that smell and that box.. and how often we had it.. no..) my mom could cook some things pretty well, and she did have a hand full of hand me down recipes that i now have, but there's other family members that come to mind when i think of good cooking. its a bummer btw, to find out all this time you think something is cooked for hours over a stove, only to find out it came from a microwave (ah hem! jag... yes, my Grammy gave me a recipe for microwave jag and it is amazing... but she did make hers on the stove of what i remember) anyways...
my heritage is italian, german, english, irish (just found out) and cape verdean (google it) i grew up mostly connected to my cape verdean and italian roots and the older i get the more i really enjoy cooking meals from my heritage. besides, i absolutely LOVE italian food, and certain dishes my Grammy always had available when we would visit on the weekends, or after school id stop over and grab some monchupa out of the fridge mmm. mmm.
SO i have really started to WANT to eat a little healthier. not every day all day, but i want to know whats in my foods as often as possible. food labels can be tricky and deceiving. if i can make it at home, i will give it a try at least.
also, this is great therapy for me. im an artist, and everything i love involves art... i like to paint, sew, crochet, cook, make jewelry, paint my nails with designs etc... all arts. even my profession someday :nursing. all arts. (and a little science :) ) when im making something from scratch it may not taste the best the first time or two around. i try to stick close to the original recipe if its something i have never made before or tried much of before altering it too much. but something like a pasta sauce or bread crumbs ... its pretty easy to figure out how to do and what to add and what to skip. theres basic ingredients then theres seasonings and fillers.
something else i really like about making things from scratch is substituting. did you know you can make baking powder if you dont have any on hand? did you know you can substitute apple sauce for oil? did you know there are more than 1 or 2 ways to cook to cook a vegetable? lol. i laugh, but seriously, some people just dont know and i didn't know until i grew up and educated myself.
im by far an expert on any of this stuff and cooking from scratch however i have been doing it for a few years and really love it. i know a thing or two about cooking and i am always looking for suggestions and ideas. i think about all the snacks i buy at the store ad feed to my kids that i could so easily make at home, like these fruit roll ups im making right now. they have just peaches, strawberries, and about 2 tsps of sugar in it that's 8 grams of sugar TOTAL for the entire batch for anyone wondering. i could've used honey or nectar or juice but i didn't have any. cant say all the time every time i will be making everything at home from scratch, its a lot of work, and time, and once school starts i doubt ill have time to experiment like i can now. but it sure is fun :)
so look in your cabinet and see if maybe there is something you can try to make from scratch just for the fun of it. start easy... like the pasta sauce i keep mentioning. sauces are really simple and you can jar it or freeze it and use it for another day :)if it tastes terrible well, at least you'll have fun making it!
so in conclusion to this entire blog.. which ive strayed a bit from the main point here... and the conclusion has little to do with the body of my blog lol... i went to the gym today, ive been going 1-2 times a week, ive been going to church most sundays, eating a little healthier for the most part, taking part in my hobbies like i used to do, and feeling pretty damn good right now. i got into a rut of feeling just "blah" for a little while, it happens to us all from time to time. but i can feel im getting back on track :) i have to say i am really, REALLY loving yoga btw and i am really looking forward to starting school in april!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
a little blue. i want to be pink... or purple. but for now it is what it is.
I am feeling a little strong minded today, and also a little blue, but ill get over it. I should be clipping my coupons and heading out the door here soon but i am not.
i am unsure if i went through some PTSD or what from the shock of moving here after just settling into sc.. i think people need to consider this when looking at what i am doing... its STRESSFUL even after 6 months it is stressful. we didnt move down the block, we moved across the U.S. out of my own free will. also, with school and feeling down about that.. MAYBE that is why i felt so tired and unable to do much aside from the very basic things. im unsure, all i do know is i felt miserable and i finally went to the dr about it and other issues, however just my primary care doc.. so its a process im working on still. getting better. things are starting to get good for me though i feel.
i started yoga last week at my own free will... i felt ready. started drinking a few healthy shakes, getting up and getting dressed. woke up this morning feeling good, before i even sipped my coffee started finishing up laundry from last night, taking care of some house chores like putting about the christmas decor bins that sat around for weeks, and cleaning the garage... i mean those were big tasks for ME to accomplish.. after feeling so lousy. i FELT good. and you know what, i still do feel proud of myself.
i have to take life one day at a time.. for everything. for getting my energy back up, for working on my relationship with god, becoming a better person... just one day at a time and this pace works for me, otherwise i get overwhelmed and want to give up. im not a dirt bag kind of person, i do have great intentions and i am working on full-filling those intentions because to em, intentions dont matter, what matters is what is being done. (although knowing my intent was good or someone else's is comforting)
i am unsure if i went through some PTSD or what from the shock of moving here after just settling into sc.. i think people need to consider this when looking at what i am doing... its STRESSFUL even after 6 months it is stressful. we didnt move down the block, we moved across the U.S. out of my own free will. also, with school and feeling down about that.. MAYBE that is why i felt so tired and unable to do much aside from the very basic things. im unsure, all i do know is i felt miserable and i finally went to the dr about it and other issues, however just my primary care doc.. so its a process im working on still. getting better. things are starting to get good for me though i feel.
i started yoga last week at my own free will... i felt ready. started drinking a few healthy shakes, getting up and getting dressed. woke up this morning feeling good, before i even sipped my coffee started finishing up laundry from last night, taking care of some house chores like putting about the christmas decor bins that sat around for weeks, and cleaning the garage... i mean those were big tasks for ME to accomplish.. after feeling so lousy. i FELT good. and you know what, i still do feel proud of myself.
i have to take life one day at a time.. for everything. for getting my energy back up, for working on my relationship with god, becoming a better person... just one day at a time and this pace works for me, otherwise i get overwhelmed and want to give up. im not a dirt bag kind of person, i do have great intentions and i am working on full-filling those intentions because to em, intentions dont matter, what matters is what is being done. (although knowing my intent was good or someone else's is comforting)
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
kids :)
i was going to write a blog about this rut im in but it sounded miserable LOL! and im not miserable.. just in a funk because im so bored here and tired all the time.. so anyways... this blog will not be abotu that really.. however, it has made me think about all the places ive been adn the things ive gotten to see adn people i met and things we did together.
you know when i first had my kids and we moved to FL i did everythign in my power to make sure life was normal. i was struggling with so many roles as a new mom of 2, and not losing my relationship i had with brody now that ethan was around and making time for mark, and school, and my own personal issues with moving away etc... i look back adn think holy crap i moved mountains LOL! wish i had th energy to do that now!
brody and i had an activity planned just about every day when ethan went down for his nap. he was my little buddy when he was a baby! i absolutely adored him! he came with me everywhere. awe i just love my little bummy :) once ethan came around i had to learn how to divide my time and after some time it came natural but at first i just felt so guilty for not having enough time with brody. so, now i get just about all day with ethan which is nice most days and i hardly see my brody man.. ethan and i are like how brody and i used to be... ethan is my little mini me and weve really bonded a lot! the older he gets the more we bond and hes justa fun silly kid... now brody, its a little different now because hes at the age where if his friends are around he wants to hang with them! which is ok, but some days i miss him. its not until days like tonight that i sit and think how much time has gone by, since i last had a nice alone time with brody... and without ethan. i think its important to make time with all your kdis together and separately.
so tonight, ethan fell asleep early which was nice. he was grumpy lol. so brody adn i played jenga and uno and he walked on my back lol! (im sore from yesterdays yoga class) and we had a great time! mark was at the gym so we had about 2 hours just to ourselves. i forget sometimes how cool brody is alone. around others hes just fine too dont get me wrong, but you know what i mean... certain traits come out in people when they are aroudn others vs being just them. i cant believe my kids gonna be 7 soon. makes me sad, but happy at the same time. hes becomming such a cool little guy :)
this all stemmed from a conversation with him yesterday. i forget what braught it up, but mark was upset with brody for something and he didnt have such a good day yesterday... and he looked bummed out so at night, i talked to him and long story short, asked him if he woudl like to go out somewhere just he and i ... and he said yes. and we talked some more adn he seemed happy before he went to bed. i tell my kids when they need attention, and im not giving it to them, please tell me... sometimes we all get caught up doing our own thing and i want my boys to know its ok to ask me for attention. i dont like when my kids are sad or feeling unloved... no matter how many times we tell our kids we love them, if they dont feel loved, or feel like their parents care about them, it can change who they are. so this is why i tell them to ask for attention if they arent getting enough from us. :)
i love being a mom. i have the best kids in the world for me.... honestly. other kids are fine and lovely, but no other kids could work with my personality, to be mine... my kids are good about expressing themselves and their feelings most of the time, and their overall just good. mark and i put a lot of work into the begining of our kids lives at a very early age and we take a lot of pride in that.
you know when i first had my kids and we moved to FL i did everythign in my power to make sure life was normal. i was struggling with so many roles as a new mom of 2, and not losing my relationship i had with brody now that ethan was around and making time for mark, and school, and my own personal issues with moving away etc... i look back adn think holy crap i moved mountains LOL! wish i had th energy to do that now!
brody and i had an activity planned just about every day when ethan went down for his nap. he was my little buddy when he was a baby! i absolutely adored him! he came with me everywhere. awe i just love my little bummy :) once ethan came around i had to learn how to divide my time and after some time it came natural but at first i just felt so guilty for not having enough time with brody. so, now i get just about all day with ethan which is nice most days and i hardly see my brody man.. ethan and i are like how brody and i used to be... ethan is my little mini me and weve really bonded a lot! the older he gets the more we bond and hes justa fun silly kid... now brody, its a little different now because hes at the age where if his friends are around he wants to hang with them! which is ok, but some days i miss him. its not until days like tonight that i sit and think how much time has gone by, since i last had a nice alone time with brody... and without ethan. i think its important to make time with all your kdis together and separately.
so tonight, ethan fell asleep early which was nice. he was grumpy lol. so brody adn i played jenga and uno and he walked on my back lol! (im sore from yesterdays yoga class) and we had a great time! mark was at the gym so we had about 2 hours just to ourselves. i forget sometimes how cool brody is alone. around others hes just fine too dont get me wrong, but you know what i mean... certain traits come out in people when they are aroudn others vs being just them. i cant believe my kids gonna be 7 soon. makes me sad, but happy at the same time. hes becomming such a cool little guy :)
this all stemmed from a conversation with him yesterday. i forget what braught it up, but mark was upset with brody for something and he didnt have such a good day yesterday... and he looked bummed out so at night, i talked to him and long story short, asked him if he woudl like to go out somewhere just he and i ... and he said yes. and we talked some more adn he seemed happy before he went to bed. i tell my kids when they need attention, and im not giving it to them, please tell me... sometimes we all get caught up doing our own thing and i want my boys to know its ok to ask me for attention. i dont like when my kids are sad or feeling unloved... no matter how many times we tell our kids we love them, if they dont feel loved, or feel like their parents care about them, it can change who they are. so this is why i tell them to ask for attention if they arent getting enough from us. :)
i love being a mom. i have the best kids in the world for me.... honestly. other kids are fine and lovely, but no other kids could work with my personality, to be mine... my kids are good about expressing themselves and their feelings most of the time, and their overall just good. mark and i put a lot of work into the begining of our kids lives at a very early age and we take a lot of pride in that.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
A military wifes (thats me) top ten
I can NOT sleep, and ive been looking up the most random things online and i think that is why my brain will not allow me to sleep. that and fighting off a major migraine a few hours ago. IN ADVANCE.. PLEASE forgive the typos. i probably will not edit this once i write it. im hoping this will make me feel tired. its been a while since ive typed up anything like this :)
I decided to come up with a top ten list of things you miss and exchange them for as a military wife.. and really as a family. you know how hard it is for me to think of JUST 10 THINGS? very.... i already have a slew coming to me which is why i had to jump up out of bed and type them out before i forgot.
You know, choosing to be an active duty military family for a career to me is very different than i think anyone can imagine unless your husband (family) has decided to do this as a career. This is why as time goes on, i feel myself detaching a bit from my old life and settling ok into this life now and almost at a loss for what it will be like when we are done with this career. it is becoming all ive known as an adult, and raising my kids, and i kind of dont mind it, aside from missing on the stuff back home. there is not a person that can relate to my life style back home.. not from a career perspective and moving around like we have, so the other families i have met along the way that have become my family, i really cherish because they get it! :)
ON WITH THE COUNT DOWN! in NO particular order.. come on, it IS 2am here, way too late to care about ordering for this OCD chick... ;P
1. You MISS OUT on family dinners for holidays which can sometimes turn routine or result in feuds. you dont have moms traditional plate and your aunts home made pie she has every year. INSTEAD... you get to have a new face at the table or go to a new friends home for dinner and share fond memories of dinners back home, and really appreciate those memories. You share one of your family traditional dishes with others and have a dish you never had before. This make you appreciate family more because you cant be with them, and you think about the day when you will be able to have a nice family dinner with them again.
2. You MISS OUT of friends getting married and having children of their own and your friends kids growing up with yours and the dream you once had of living next door to your best friend doesnt happen. INSTEAD you get to meet a TON of new people, your kids have best friends all over the U.S. and maybe over seas, and every chance you get to talk to your best friend on the phone it puts a smile on your heart because had you lived so close to one another, you wouldnt appreciate your friend the way you do being away from them. with every visit back home, you realize just how much you miss your friend, but also just how special they are and unique from the military friends you now have... its something very special :)
3. you MISS OUT on feeling like any new place is home and just when you get used to being somewhere, your up and moving again! in EXCHANGE, you know you ALWAYS have a place to call home when you go visit your home town... you know someone will always let you crash at their place. You have memories of special events that took place at certain locations... you leave your foot prints and will always have places to go back and visit once you settle down. like for us, Florida is where we really became a family. i will always remember florida for that. it is our home away from home. California is where life changed again for us and Mark made chief and i will be finishing college. Some day, it will be nice to travel again to the places we had lived and say "remember when..."
4. you MISS OUT on nights out with your friends, and doing each others makeup and hair and asking them how do i look and them giving you an honest opinion..and going to the same little dive bar on the corner every so often where people know you.INSTEAD, you can have a new friend to go out with every time you go out. you dont have to love the person your hanging out with because in a few months maybe theyre moving... but for right now, theyre actually pretty cool to hang with, you havent known them that long so you havent had enough time to figure out what annoys you about them. Or maybe you really click with them and you know you will both be stationed here for 4 years, so you have 4 years to cram in everything you can without the BS because you dont have time to waste on BS!
5. You MISS OUT on your husband having a regular 9-5 job with weekends off. INSTEAD its pretty random at times, sometimes they do work weekends, but sometimes they get extra days off of work too. The unpredictable schedule gives you a chance to catch up on some house chores or treat yourself to a pedicure, or watch some really awful reality tv show your husband hates while you wait for him to get home.
6. you MISS OUT on being able to sleep next to your husband every night and sometimes for 6 months or more at a time. INSTEEEEAAADDD.... you get the ENTIRE BED to yourself, you can spread out, sleep witha light on, or the tv, have your kids snuggle with you on those nights, eat in bed, wear your footie jammies, ...whatever you wanna do because the entire bed is yours!
7. you MISS OUT on being able to eat at your favorite places that are 'back home' and even if you try to attempt to make your favorite food, you cant find all the ingredients you need at your local stores in your new town. INSTEAD... you learn to improvise, or try a new dish to cook for dinner, or get take out at a restaurant youve never heard of before then tell your friends back home all about it.
8. you MISS OUT on taking your kids to do things that you did as a kid unless you do some really careful planning and even then its just not enough time. INSTEAD, when you do get the chance to show your child where you grew up and played, its pretty special because its not a place down the road they can go to any time they want... you know they wouldnt.... how many times have you complained about not having a gym to go to then when you find one within walking distance how often have you gone? if youre like me, not that often!
9. you MISS OUT on bonding with your younger family members the way you imagined it would be when your brother told you he was having a child...and every time you see them it is almost like reintroducing yourself to them then you have to leave and it can be heart breaking. INSTEAD you can create a really special bond with them long distance in unique ways and when you come to town they are really excited that the coolest aunt in the world is coming to visit! ;P
10. you MISS OUT on tradition.. which isnt always a bad thing. trying to keep up with traditions when you are moving around and life is fairly rapidly changing can be a challenge. INSTEAD you choose a traditional cookie recipe to make for christmas or try a new way of exchanging gifts long distance and its not as stressful trying to keep up with all these traditions and no one is looking over your shoulder making sure you are doing the traditions or even doing them correct! can you imagine if your mother knew you werent using grandmas china for christmas dinner that year... the same dish set thats been used every thanksgiving for the last 50 years!? and you wanted to use a new, much cooler dish set you just bought? she may just pass out! but its YOUR house, YOUR new tradition of not having much tradition... you pick and choose which traditions are important to you rather than doing all of the traditions because well.. youd just collapse trying to keep everything perfect as though life around you hadnt changed.
11. (yes 11, a bonus one.. arent you lucky!!) you "MISS OUT" on getting family member hand me downs you dont have room for. shucks. All those damn dishes from all 4 of your grandparents that mom dug out of their attics in 1976 cant POSSIBLY survive a move across the country! whatever shall you do? INSTEAD you can buy a new dish set :) you can pick and choose what you will and can not/will not accept because you may not have room or it could break etc...
and THAT my friends is my 'top ten' things you miss out on and exchange for something else. its a good life, enjoy it while you can. the good, the bad AND yes the ugly because some day it will be all over. ive been in this life style for 8 years and not everything gets easier, but you just adjust and make things work, and become stronger and learn things you never would have known had you stayed "home" all your life and not ventured past the mississippi lol. :) HOWEVER, i WILL be very happy to move back to new england some day or at least within a few hours drive of my friends and family who i adore so much <3
I decided to come up with a top ten list of things you miss and exchange them for as a military wife.. and really as a family. you know how hard it is for me to think of JUST 10 THINGS? very.... i already have a slew coming to me which is why i had to jump up out of bed and type them out before i forgot.
You know, choosing to be an active duty military family for a career to me is very different than i think anyone can imagine unless your husband (family) has decided to do this as a career. This is why as time goes on, i feel myself detaching a bit from my old life and settling ok into this life now and almost at a loss for what it will be like when we are done with this career. it is becoming all ive known as an adult, and raising my kids, and i kind of dont mind it, aside from missing on the stuff back home. there is not a person that can relate to my life style back home.. not from a career perspective and moving around like we have, so the other families i have met along the way that have become my family, i really cherish because they get it! :)
ON WITH THE COUNT DOWN! in NO particular order.. come on, it IS 2am here, way too late to care about ordering for this OCD chick... ;P
1. You MISS OUT on family dinners for holidays which can sometimes turn routine or result in feuds. you dont have moms traditional plate and your aunts home made pie she has every year. INSTEAD... you get to have a new face at the table or go to a new friends home for dinner and share fond memories of dinners back home, and really appreciate those memories. You share one of your family traditional dishes with others and have a dish you never had before. This make you appreciate family more because you cant be with them, and you think about the day when you will be able to have a nice family dinner with them again.
2. You MISS OUT of friends getting married and having children of their own and your friends kids growing up with yours and the dream you once had of living next door to your best friend doesnt happen. INSTEAD you get to meet a TON of new people, your kids have best friends all over the U.S. and maybe over seas, and every chance you get to talk to your best friend on the phone it puts a smile on your heart because had you lived so close to one another, you wouldnt appreciate your friend the way you do being away from them. with every visit back home, you realize just how much you miss your friend, but also just how special they are and unique from the military friends you now have... its something very special :)
3. you MISS OUT on feeling like any new place is home and just when you get used to being somewhere, your up and moving again! in EXCHANGE, you know you ALWAYS have a place to call home when you go visit your home town... you know someone will always let you crash at their place. You have memories of special events that took place at certain locations... you leave your foot prints and will always have places to go back and visit once you settle down. like for us, Florida is where we really became a family. i will always remember florida for that. it is our home away from home. California is where life changed again for us and Mark made chief and i will be finishing college. Some day, it will be nice to travel again to the places we had lived and say "remember when..."
4. you MISS OUT on nights out with your friends, and doing each others makeup and hair and asking them how do i look and them giving you an honest opinion..and going to the same little dive bar on the corner every so often where people know you.INSTEAD, you can have a new friend to go out with every time you go out. you dont have to love the person your hanging out with because in a few months maybe theyre moving... but for right now, theyre actually pretty cool to hang with, you havent known them that long so you havent had enough time to figure out what annoys you about them. Or maybe you really click with them and you know you will both be stationed here for 4 years, so you have 4 years to cram in everything you can without the BS because you dont have time to waste on BS!
5. You MISS OUT on your husband having a regular 9-5 job with weekends off. INSTEAD its pretty random at times, sometimes they do work weekends, but sometimes they get extra days off of work too. The unpredictable schedule gives you a chance to catch up on some house chores or treat yourself to a pedicure, or watch some really awful reality tv show your husband hates while you wait for him to get home.
6. you MISS OUT on being able to sleep next to your husband every night and sometimes for 6 months or more at a time. INSTEEEEAAADDD.... you get the ENTIRE BED to yourself, you can spread out, sleep witha light on, or the tv, have your kids snuggle with you on those nights, eat in bed, wear your footie jammies, ...whatever you wanna do because the entire bed is yours!
7. you MISS OUT on being able to eat at your favorite places that are 'back home' and even if you try to attempt to make your favorite food, you cant find all the ingredients you need at your local stores in your new town. INSTEAD... you learn to improvise, or try a new dish to cook for dinner, or get take out at a restaurant youve never heard of before then tell your friends back home all about it.
8. you MISS OUT on taking your kids to do things that you did as a kid unless you do some really careful planning and even then its just not enough time. INSTEAD, when you do get the chance to show your child where you grew up and played, its pretty special because its not a place down the road they can go to any time they want... you know they wouldnt.... how many times have you complained about not having a gym to go to then when you find one within walking distance how often have you gone? if youre like me, not that often!
9. you MISS OUT on bonding with your younger family members the way you imagined it would be when your brother told you he was having a child...and every time you see them it is almost like reintroducing yourself to them then you have to leave and it can be heart breaking. INSTEAD you can create a really special bond with them long distance in unique ways and when you come to town they are really excited that the coolest aunt in the world is coming to visit! ;P
10. you MISS OUT on tradition.. which isnt always a bad thing. trying to keep up with traditions when you are moving around and life is fairly rapidly changing can be a challenge. INSTEAD you choose a traditional cookie recipe to make for christmas or try a new way of exchanging gifts long distance and its not as stressful trying to keep up with all these traditions and no one is looking over your shoulder making sure you are doing the traditions or even doing them correct! can you imagine if your mother knew you werent using grandmas china for christmas dinner that year... the same dish set thats been used every thanksgiving for the last 50 years!? and you wanted to use a new, much cooler dish set you just bought? she may just pass out! but its YOUR house, YOUR new tradition of not having much tradition... you pick and choose which traditions are important to you rather than doing all of the traditions because well.. youd just collapse trying to keep everything perfect as though life around you hadnt changed.
11. (yes 11, a bonus one.. arent you lucky!!) you "MISS OUT" on getting family member hand me downs you dont have room for. shucks. All those damn dishes from all 4 of your grandparents that mom dug out of their attics in 1976 cant POSSIBLY survive a move across the country! whatever shall you do? INSTEAD you can buy a new dish set :) you can pick and choose what you will and can not/will not accept because you may not have room or it could break etc...
and THAT my friends is my 'top ten' things you miss out on and exchange for something else. its a good life, enjoy it while you can. the good, the bad AND yes the ugly because some day it will be all over. ive been in this life style for 8 years and not everything gets easier, but you just adjust and make things work, and become stronger and learn things you never would have known had you stayed "home" all your life and not ventured past the mississippi lol. :) HOWEVER, i WILL be very happy to move back to new england some day or at least within a few hours drive of my friends and family who i adore so much <3
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