I was cleaning the bathrooms this morning and the house is just about silent. When it is silent, my brain usually is not. My brain is always thinking. So as im cleaning behind our filthy toilet (i thought the boys bathroom was discusting until i took a closer look at my own... yuck...) and thinking about military, marriages and familes. Ethan walks in after he is done cleaning off his sink, asking me for a snack for about the 6th time this morning. (uugh!) Mark just left. he came in to take shower after working out, and by the way, walked all over the clean floor with his boots on dispite me yelling back to him AND ethan that i was washing the floor and not to walk on it.
Anyways.... enough side tracking...
So im cleaning behind the toilet and thinking of the people i know, the friends ive met over the years, what made those friendships successful, when i felt my best and worse etc. I am big on believing that it does take a village to raise a child, family is important, and strength comes in numbers. This has been tested even more so since being Military and having kids and having to be so far from my family. I have kind of adopted friends as family, and even if i was not too close to my kids friends parents, my kids were able to have close friendships and i atleast knew the parent and we were friendly to eachother, look out for eachothers kids etc.
In florida, i had an amazing network of other military spouses and mothers. it was a perfect experience for me. south carolina i didnt really have much of that with the military folks. it was a small command and communication i felt was poor. but i did meet some amazing people through brodys school a few months before we had to leave. south carolina i would say was where the biggest toll was put on my family. we made the best of it though. we thought that would have been a good move for us, and in a way, it was, because it made our family stronger i believe. Here in CA, this move seems to be good for our entire family. I never would have thought this but so far i really love it here.
i like knowing that i have atleast 1-3 people i can depend on to joke with, vent to, or ask for a favor and i can be the same kind of friend for them. we need that. its a part of being human.
and Sometimes we have to weed out the people who seem to have a pattern of trouble. even if the person is not intentionally doing things to make things difficult, there comes a time when either there is going to be a change or its time to move on from the friendship, and there is nothing wrong with that. ready for a corny quote? "weeds stunt the growth of what could be a beautiful garden." its true though :)
and now i am going to enjoy this gloomy day with ethie Bee :)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
whoever said a mothers work is never done is so right!
this past week things have gotten out of hand. up until around this last week, i had pretty much everything under control then i stopped to look around and its just clutter everywhere! most people probably wouldnt notice but i have to have certain things cleaned and organized just so. idk where this came from because as a teenager my room was a slop.
i feel like i just did this stuff. last week i spent probably a total of 15 hours putting little legos together because theres models the kids took apart... thought it would be nice for them to have them together.. their lego bins were a mess and they were starting to get everywhere. that was the start of this..
then i reorganized our 2 closets out by the living room. there was just random things tossed in there. i blame mark :p i fixed up some of the garage. id like for it to be much cleaner than it is. today i cleaned off our desk for like oh i dont know.. the millionth time since marks been training! a few weeks ago i created folders to help us keep our papers organized and mark still cant manage to get his paper work in his folder.. properly labeled 'MARKS WORK' lol! i guess we balance each other out though because i need organization and he throws things everywhere...so he gives me something to do and i give him something to mess up.
i bathed harley a few days ago, somehow he just got really filthy and stinky again... bathed him again today. washed 2 loads of dished, 2 loads of laundry... i had a 4 and 5th load done but im not folding that right now. i need a break!
i think i was thinking about scheduling our dentist and dr appointments too and that made me feel like im just way behind. i have so much going on with trying to see what i can do about getting ethan into school, myself into school, teaching Ethan lessons at home, getting brody to school, helping with homework.. all the other thing parents do..i have gurnick academy appointments to get ready for LPN school, and im still trying to get my schooling situated with coastline community college. was told i had to take a class when after i got the book and started studying for what is similar to a clept test, found out i do not need this class. wasting my time and money. jeez.:P dont these people know i have things to do :D
...and i am all out of wine!
SO i guess this blog was just a rant. cant rant to my mom like i normally would because i dropped my phone in water. cant watch tv because something (idk what) happened to the cable so i have no cable for 2 more days. but atleast theres plenty of cleaning to do to ease my stress! (sort of does work for me.)
on a good note, life is great and going the way i want it for once. my relationships are good, my friends are awesome! the kids are lovely and now my house is clean (almost) aside from floors and my room of course. that room is always done last! and i still need to trim harley up, and finalize a gift for mark for his pinning ceremony on the 16th.
well, i better go and grab the kids because now i must get them showered and ready for bed and make lunches and blah blah blah blah.... :)
i feel like i just did this stuff. last week i spent probably a total of 15 hours putting little legos together because theres models the kids took apart... thought it would be nice for them to have them together.. their lego bins were a mess and they were starting to get everywhere. that was the start of this..
then i reorganized our 2 closets out by the living room. there was just random things tossed in there. i blame mark :p i fixed up some of the garage. id like for it to be much cleaner than it is. today i cleaned off our desk for like oh i dont know.. the millionth time since marks been training! a few weeks ago i created folders to help us keep our papers organized and mark still cant manage to get his paper work in his folder.. properly labeled 'MARKS WORK' lol! i guess we balance each other out though because i need organization and he throws things everywhere...so he gives me something to do and i give him something to mess up.
i bathed harley a few days ago, somehow he just got really filthy and stinky again... bathed him again today. washed 2 loads of dished, 2 loads of laundry... i had a 4 and 5th load done but im not folding that right now. i need a break!
i think i was thinking about scheduling our dentist and dr appointments too and that made me feel like im just way behind. i have so much going on with trying to see what i can do about getting ethan into school, myself into school, teaching Ethan lessons at home, getting brody to school, helping with homework.. all the other thing parents do..i have gurnick academy appointments to get ready for LPN school, and im still trying to get my schooling situated with coastline community college. was told i had to take a class when after i got the book and started studying for what is similar to a clept test, found out i do not need this class. wasting my time and money. jeez.:P dont these people know i have things to do :D
...and i am all out of wine!
SO i guess this blog was just a rant. cant rant to my mom like i normally would because i dropped my phone in water. cant watch tv because something (idk what) happened to the cable so i have no cable for 2 more days. but atleast theres plenty of cleaning to do to ease my stress! (sort of does work for me.)
on a good note, life is great and going the way i want it for once. my relationships are good, my friends are awesome! the kids are lovely and now my house is clean (almost) aside from floors and my room of course. that room is always done last! and i still need to trim harley up, and finalize a gift for mark for his pinning ceremony on the 16th.
well, i better go and grab the kids because now i must get them showered and ready for bed and make lunches and blah blah blah blah.... :)
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Preschool Education in CA
I am sharing a few emails i have sent back and forth between 2 people. The first email is with the superintendant which i forward to the assemblymans secretary. i have a slew more, trying to get things to change, but i wont bore you all with them. its kind of repetitive anyways. i really am livid the way california is doing things. if theyre gonna have a preschool, then they need to do it right, and theyre not, and im annoyed. as a mother of a 4 year old who was denied preschool, for a 3 year old to be accepted... its b.s. i dont care what their parents income level is. YOUR KIDS 3.. THEY DONT NEED PRESCHOOL.. THEYRE NOT GOING TO KINDERGARTEN NEXT YEAR... anyways.. tell me.. am i the only one who sees a problem here?!?!?
On Jul 6, 2011, at 5:48 PM, Jacqueline Antepenko wrote:
Hi there. My name is Jacqueline Antepenko. We are new to the area. My husband is in the navy and we have just settled in our home on base. I have two children. My oldest will start first grade. My youngest, unfortunately, will not be going to preschool this year because of our INCOME status which outrages me. As many military families, we have lived in several states and I was hugely disappointed to find out my son cannot go to preschool based on the amount of money his father earned for his service in the military. I would have felt better if it was based on something such as an academic test and he tested too high to be considered for preschool.
What is the reasoning for basing entry into preschool on income alone? Does this mean that a child who is behind academically misses out on preschool if their parents make too much money? We have never had this problem before. This is a problem that several of us here in base housing are wanting more information on. It just seems very unfair.
A response would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely, Jacqueline Antepenko
From: rseaver@central.k12.ca.us
Subject: Re: Please respond
Date: Sat, 9 Jul 2011 09:50:45 -0700
To: pinky7284@msn.com
Jacqueline,
Central Union School District operates a "State Preschool" at three of our school sites. "State Preschool" is funded by the state and has specific requirements for both operation and enrollment. One of the criteria for enrollment is income eligibility. Over the last several years the state has also lowered the income level making it even harder for our military families to qualify. In fact if it goes any lower Central Union School District will have to cancel the preschool classes on the base.
If you're inclined to write letters or emails to political representatives, I might suggest you write and complain about the income level regarding "State Preschool" to either Assemblyman Valadao or Senator Rubio. I would really push the military service issue and deployment issues. If you would like more specific information on the income levels I would be happy to provide that information to you.
My personal belief is that the "State Preschool" should be available for all military dependents. Unfortunately, the state doesn't feel that way.
On another note, you have access to two great schools out at the base. Both Neutra and Akers have great reputation and history. I'm sure you'll enjoy either school.
Respectfully,
Ron Seaver
Superintendent
Central Union Elementary School District
SO, I forward this letter to this lady here Jane, who has been very very helpful and actually called me and is trying to settle this issue with me. Herers her reply:
From: Jane.Chakhlasyan@asm.ca.gov
To: pinky7284@msn.com
Date: Tue, 30 Aug 2011 11:15:57 -0700
Subject: RE: from the superintendant
Hi Mrs. Antepenko,
I do apologize for my delayed response, but I did get more information back from our contact within the CA Department of Education. Apparently, there are several allowances that can be considered exempt from being considered as part of your total income, with regards to the income eligbility. For example a housing allowance, or a uniform allowance that is provided for in each paycheck can be considered exempt from counting towards the total income that determines whether your child is eligible to attend the preschool on base. I have the link below to the latest bulletin regarding the fee schedule, and the name and contact number of the person who handles the Kings County schools. If you call Lupe Lopez, at 916-332-4275, and have the above information ready, then she can determine whether your income is within the eligibility or not. If that does not end up being the case, then we definitely want to look at this for potential legislation in the fall. Please keep me updated with the outcome, to let me know how else the Assemblyman can be of service. Thank you.
Here is the Web link to Management Bulletin 11-26 : http://www.cde.ca.gov/sp/cd/ci/mb1126.asp
Contact info:
Lupe Lopez 916-322-4275 llopez@cde.ca.gov
Jane Metcalf
Office Manager
Assemblyman David G. Valadao
559.585.7170 w
559.585.7175 f
From: Jacquie Santos-Antepenko [mailto:pinky7284@msn.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 30, 2011 11:51 AM
To: Chakhlasyan, Jane
Subject: RE: from the superintendant
you are saying housing allowance should not be considered as a part of total income? because when i went to sign my child up for school back in june they did consider it as income.
Jacqueline Antepenko
From: Jane.Chakhlasyan@asm.ca.gov
To: pinky7284@msn.com
Date: Tue, 30 Aug 2011 11:56:19 -0700
Subject: RE: from the superintendant
That may be the case, when I spoke with our contact in the legislative division, he said that it was recent federal policy that had passed indicating there are exemptions, and he mentioned housing as an example. He said not all child care centers know about it, but double check with Lupe and let me know if you have any trouble, I can always follow up with our legislative liaison to confirm the information.
Jane Metcalf
Office Manager
Assemblyman David G. Valadao
559.585.7170 w
559.585.7175 f
After getting off the phone with Lupe, she had called Linda here who is the person I registered my boys with for school. I wasn’t too happy after I talked with Linda. I sent Jane another email. I didn’t get the answer I was hoping for from Linda…so this matter is still being looked into…thank you JANE!
I talked with someone named Tina at our school district about this. thats who Lupe referred me to talk with. I am so angry with this entire school system. apparently, you have to make $3,908 to qualify and i make $3,441 a month. add BAH and that is about a thousand more. Until the school district gets a letter stating the change has been made in July, they are running things the old way, and we are not even considered anyways because of the BAH. They are allowing 3 year olds, who will not be even going to kindergarten next year attend preschool just because their parent made less money than my husband did, and this is so frustrating it makes absolutely no sense why they would do this. This is about the kids education as I said before, not how much money someone has or does not have. My son is 4, he is going to kindergarten next year, but a 3 year old is getting a better education than he is and it is not fair. you guys are failing the kids who deserve to be in this program just because their parent makes too much money. Why wouldnt the state give priority to all 4 year olds first, then the 3 year olds if there is room, and why wouldnt they do this BEFORE the school year starts? we are already into our 3rd week of school and they still dont have all the kids enrolled into school. This also means that the 3 year olds, based on income, will have 2 years of preschool since they wont be in kindergarten for another 2 years IF their parent doesnt get a pay raise. Then, if the parent does get a pay raise to an E6, what happens? That child wont be able to go to preschool and it is basically like throwing away a years worth of learning that could have gone to a child who is now in kindergarten, and behind, because a seat in preschool was not given to them when they were 4. . do you see the problem here or am I missing something with the way the state is run?
Jacqueline Antepenko
On Jul 6, 2011, at 5:48 PM, Jacqueline Antepenko wrote:
Hi there. My name is Jacqueline Antepenko. We are new to the area. My husband is in the navy and we have just settled in our home on base. I have two children. My oldest will start first grade. My youngest, unfortunately, will not be going to preschool this year because of our INCOME status which outrages me. As many military families, we have lived in several states and I was hugely disappointed to find out my son cannot go to preschool based on the amount of money his father earned for his service in the military. I would have felt better if it was based on something such as an academic test and he tested too high to be considered for preschool.
What is the reasoning for basing entry into preschool on income alone? Does this mean that a child who is behind academically misses out on preschool if their parents make too much money? We have never had this problem before. This is a problem that several of us here in base housing are wanting more information on. It just seems very unfair.
A response would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely, Jacqueline Antepenko
From: rseaver@central.k12.ca.us
Subject: Re: Please respond
Date: Sat, 9 Jul 2011 09:50:45 -0700
To: pinky7284@msn.com
Jacqueline,
Central Union School District operates a "State Preschool" at three of our school sites. "State Preschool" is funded by the state and has specific requirements for both operation and enrollment. One of the criteria for enrollment is income eligibility. Over the last several years the state has also lowered the income level making it even harder for our military families to qualify. In fact if it goes any lower Central Union School District will have to cancel the preschool classes on the base.
If you're inclined to write letters or emails to political representatives, I might suggest you write and complain about the income level regarding "State Preschool" to either Assemblyman Valadao or Senator Rubio. I would really push the military service issue and deployment issues. If you would like more specific information on the income levels I would be happy to provide that information to you.
My personal belief is that the "State Preschool" should be available for all military dependents. Unfortunately, the state doesn't feel that way.
On another note, you have access to two great schools out at the base. Both Neutra and Akers have great reputation and history. I'm sure you'll enjoy either school.
Respectfully,
Ron Seaver
Superintendent
Central Union Elementary School District
SO, I forward this letter to this lady here Jane, who has been very very helpful and actually called me and is trying to settle this issue with me. Herers her reply:
From: Jane.Chakhlasyan@asm.ca.gov
To: pinky7284@msn.com
Date: Tue, 30 Aug 2011 11:15:57 -0700
Subject: RE: from the superintendant
Hi Mrs. Antepenko,
I do apologize for my delayed response, but I did get more information back from our contact within the CA Department of Education. Apparently, there are several allowances that can be considered exempt from being considered as part of your total income, with regards to the income eligbility. For example a housing allowance, or a uniform allowance that is provided for in each paycheck can be considered exempt from counting towards the total income that determines whether your child is eligible to attend the preschool on base. I have the link below to the latest bulletin regarding the fee schedule, and the name and contact number of the person who handles the Kings County schools. If you call Lupe Lopez, at 916-332-4275, and have the above information ready, then she can determine whether your income is within the eligibility or not. If that does not end up being the case, then we definitely want to look at this for potential legislation in the fall. Please keep me updated with the outcome, to let me know how else the Assemblyman can be of service. Thank you.
Here is the Web link to Management Bulletin 11-26 : http://www.cde.ca.gov/sp/cd/ci/mb1126.asp
Contact info:
Lupe Lopez 916-322-4275 llopez@cde.ca.gov
Jane Metcalf
Office Manager
Assemblyman David G. Valadao
559.585.7170 w
559.585.7175 f
From: Jacquie Santos-Antepenko [mailto:pinky7284@msn.com]
Sent: Tuesday, August 30, 2011 11:51 AM
To: Chakhlasyan, Jane
Subject: RE: from the superintendant
you are saying housing allowance should not be considered as a part of total income? because when i went to sign my child up for school back in june they did consider it as income.
Jacqueline Antepenko
From: Jane.Chakhlasyan@asm.ca.gov
To: pinky7284@msn.com
Date: Tue, 30 Aug 2011 11:56:19 -0700
Subject: RE: from the superintendant
That may be the case, when I spoke with our contact in the legislative division, he said that it was recent federal policy that had passed indicating there are exemptions, and he mentioned housing as an example. He said not all child care centers know about it, but double check with Lupe and let me know if you have any trouble, I can always follow up with our legislative liaison to confirm the information.
Jane Metcalf
Office Manager
Assemblyman David G. Valadao
559.585.7170 w
559.585.7175 f
After getting off the phone with Lupe, she had called Linda here who is the person I registered my boys with for school. I wasn’t too happy after I talked with Linda. I sent Jane another email. I didn’t get the answer I was hoping for from Linda…so this matter is still being looked into…thank you JANE!
I talked with someone named Tina at our school district about this. thats who Lupe referred me to talk with. I am so angry with this entire school system. apparently, you have to make $3,908 to qualify and i make $3,441 a month. add BAH and that is about a thousand more. Until the school district gets a letter stating the change has been made in July, they are running things the old way, and we are not even considered anyways because of the BAH. They are allowing 3 year olds, who will not be even going to kindergarten next year attend preschool just because their parent made less money than my husband did, and this is so frustrating it makes absolutely no sense why they would do this. This is about the kids education as I said before, not how much money someone has or does not have. My son is 4, he is going to kindergarten next year, but a 3 year old is getting a better education than he is and it is not fair. you guys are failing the kids who deserve to be in this program just because their parent makes too much money. Why wouldnt the state give priority to all 4 year olds first, then the 3 year olds if there is room, and why wouldnt they do this BEFORE the school year starts? we are already into our 3rd week of school and they still dont have all the kids enrolled into school. This also means that the 3 year olds, based on income, will have 2 years of preschool since they wont be in kindergarten for another 2 years IF their parent doesnt get a pay raise. Then, if the parent does get a pay raise to an E6, what happens? That child wont be able to go to preschool and it is basically like throwing away a years worth of learning that could have gone to a child who is now in kindergarten, and behind, because a seat in preschool was not given to them when they were 4. . do you see the problem here or am I missing something with the way the state is run?
Jacqueline Antepenko
The greatest things in life
again, im sorry if there are typos. im not fixing them. i have some homework to do but felt the need to write...
:)
I am not incredibly religious, but i do believe in god, and many things related to Christianity. i consider myself a christian. One thing that my grandmother who is religious and has a very close relationship to god.. always tells me 'let go and let god.' and 95% of the time i do listen to her. ive been noticing a trend lately and i think it is related to that.
I am the type of person who likes to have control of everything going on in my life, i do not like the unknown, or change, although over the last 3 years id say, ive done better with change and sort of welcome it now. The reason is kind of simple, but it came with a few lessons, and lessons i dont think ill ever forget because they changed my life, and for the better, and im so thankful.
It started around the time i broke up with my long term boyfriend in high school. ill spare all the fine details because it is kind of boring, and a bit repetitive if youve known me for a while, then you probably know what happened over the year or so after he and i broke up. it was a friendly breakup. we just werent compatible anymore. i wish him well always.
I moved out of my moms house, i was a pissed off teenager. her and i at the time werent getting along. live with my dad. planned to stay for a few months then return to maine. i had a car that i was paying way too much money for, dated a guy i normally wouldnt choose for myself although while it lasted it was fun, and moved on a whim... all these things werent like me to do.. but i did them. theres the short version of what happened.
when i moved back to maine i met mark and things REALLY changed for the better. you (most of you) know my family's past. specifically, my parents... my dad dropped out of school in 8th grade, my mother became a mom at 16 and had 4 kids and had a few abusive relationships, and we were ok even though at times struggling. theres the short version of that if you didnt know. although, my mother did end up getting her diploma eventually after becoming a mother, and even went to college for a little while. my dad got his GED a few years ago, and im proud of both of my parents for picking up their education.
so education has always been important to me in my adult life. most of you know and see this. so recently, ive been thinking so much about my live over the last 7 years with mark, and how much it has changed, adn how when i am in control, or think im in control,things dont always seem to go the way i planned for it. i planned to go to nursing school when i was a mom of two babies and it didnt work out. i tried again in sc and was told we had to move to cali. i never ever wanted to move to cali, never wanted to go to FL...etc..etc... i could go on with my list of things i DIDNT want to do. my grammy as i said always tells me 'let go and let god...jesus is your best friend.' so the more i did let go and let god, things started happening for me. ok ok i didnt want to go to florida.. but i did. i didnt have a choice if i wanted to be with my husband and raise our family together. it was one of the highlights in my life that i would say was the toughest decision. i just had this baby (ethan) and i left behind a good job, all my friends and family, i had anxiety, i felt like i was not ready and i never imagined if leave new england. but i did and i made new friends. i learned how to get by on my own.. things i had always done for myself but with protection around me 'just in-case'...i had my safety net of friends, family, and things i knew.. so i was still doing the same things in FL but without my safety net and it scared me.
so fast forward... after FL we got to go to SC wehre i felt i was closer to my safety net. then we were told we had to move to cali.. i think this is where i finally threw in the towel adn said 'ok god.. you win.. YOU WIN! what am i suposed to do now?' so basically, god dragged my by the ear, had me drive across country feel nervous and anxious.. and i got here and thigns started to happen. I am getting everything i want but on gods time... gods plan for me, not mine.
so heres a list of other things i didnt want to do.. i did not want to move to cali, didnt want to drive across country, didnt want to pay 30,000 for school, didnt want to drive to fresno for school, didnt want to have ethan home with me (i wanted him in school) didnt want to work at home on my associates degree in something i didnt want, didnt want.... didnt want...didnt ant.. you get my point. well all the things i didnt want i ended up doing anyways because at this point, 'gods pla' for me just seemed to make me happier. i was kind of lost in my direction.
dear god, you know i tried to get out of going to fresno and choosing a school closer to me.. so god said 'ok jacquie.. im gonna let you go to that meeting at the other school, but im telling you, thats not where you belong'. so i went to that meeting at the other school, and of course, god was right lol. that school wouldve been closer, and in what i felt a safer area, the only downfall was it was a thousand or so more expensive, but i got everything else I WANTED in that school. but something told me to stick with gurnick and i did. so im on this streak of good things here now...
... now i have certain classes approved for that anywhere else i ried, they would not approve my classes. this brought tuition down, and i only have 8 months of school befor eim an LPN...which is amazing.. I DIDNT WANT to be an LPN.. i wanted to be an RN! but.. thats not my plan. right now i have 2 years here thats it. i think about RN school and i get a nausea feeling because my time limit here and the stress i had at PJC when i started the RN program there... i just didnt have enough time here and id be pressuring myself way too much so this LPN school fell into my lap and seemed more for me. the other thing with the school thats closer to me is that they kept trying to pressure me into doing the RN program because i had so many classes done already. it was tempting ill tell you, but it wasnt the plan for me... i could just hear god and my grandmother saying no... no.. no.. youre doing what you want again and not following with what would make life easier and your goal more attainable... so i stopped myself and just stuck with gurnick which has been really a helpful school so far! so im hoping now that things will continue to go well for me here. also, childcare fell into place. never, ever has it been this easy for me with getting things together for school. also, i got my day time classes. i was placed on an alternate list.. a list I DIDNT WANT to be on, but my gut (and god) told me to get on that alternate list and i listened and the counselor told me that morning before my enrollment appointment a spot opened up for me and i was first on her list. so the spot was mine. theres only 22 spots in the program so i made it! i made it by letting go and letting god as my grandmother would say adn i do believe it. im not preachy about god or religion. im spiritual, and i leave it at that and rarely share my beliefs with other people. This blog is about what worked for me and whether you believe in god or not, i am not trying to persuade... so dont think that. my experience however, has been much more smooth when i listened to my grandmother.
another great thing that has happened to my family since we just did what we had to do and not necessarily what we wanted to was that my husband made chief. it is 6 weeks of tough training but i have no doubt in him or my ability to pull through. again, it is NOT what i WANT to be doing, but no one gets served on a silver platter... no one in this family anyways, and i like it this way. theres lessons to be learned in life and plenty of good advice out there from people have have lived through situations we are going through and theres a bigger picture as to why things are the way they are. so we shut up, and get the job done. in south carolina my family was tested big time. i thought it wouldve been a better experience for us and was so happy to be closer to family and I CHOSE to go to SC. i pushed for it hard. we got there and things started to fall apart. at times,it seemed we were on the right track but of course when you are getting your way it seems that way.
it took for us to let go of things for our family to have what it needs and yes i am a believer that if you just have faith in a higher power that you will be put on the right track it will happen. of course, not with work on your end though. It doesnt just happen. and you will fall off that track at some point because there are other lessons you have to learn.. adn once you learn that lesson and get the bigger picture, youll get back on track again. how boring would it be if we stayed on this strait, predictable path our entire lives? quite boring!
:)
I am not incredibly religious, but i do believe in god, and many things related to Christianity. i consider myself a christian. One thing that my grandmother who is religious and has a very close relationship to god.. always tells me 'let go and let god.' and 95% of the time i do listen to her. ive been noticing a trend lately and i think it is related to that.
I am the type of person who likes to have control of everything going on in my life, i do not like the unknown, or change, although over the last 3 years id say, ive done better with change and sort of welcome it now. The reason is kind of simple, but it came with a few lessons, and lessons i dont think ill ever forget because they changed my life, and for the better, and im so thankful.
It started around the time i broke up with my long term boyfriend in high school. ill spare all the fine details because it is kind of boring, and a bit repetitive if youve known me for a while, then you probably know what happened over the year or so after he and i broke up. it was a friendly breakup. we just werent compatible anymore. i wish him well always.
I moved out of my moms house, i was a pissed off teenager. her and i at the time werent getting along. live with my dad. planned to stay for a few months then return to maine. i had a car that i was paying way too much money for, dated a guy i normally wouldnt choose for myself although while it lasted it was fun, and moved on a whim... all these things werent like me to do.. but i did them. theres the short version of what happened.
when i moved back to maine i met mark and things REALLY changed for the better. you (most of you) know my family's past. specifically, my parents... my dad dropped out of school in 8th grade, my mother became a mom at 16 and had 4 kids and had a few abusive relationships, and we were ok even though at times struggling. theres the short version of that if you didnt know. although, my mother did end up getting her diploma eventually after becoming a mother, and even went to college for a little while. my dad got his GED a few years ago, and im proud of both of my parents for picking up their education.
so education has always been important to me in my adult life. most of you know and see this. so recently, ive been thinking so much about my live over the last 7 years with mark, and how much it has changed, adn how when i am in control, or think im in control,things dont always seem to go the way i planned for it. i planned to go to nursing school when i was a mom of two babies and it didnt work out. i tried again in sc and was told we had to move to cali. i never ever wanted to move to cali, never wanted to go to FL...etc..etc... i could go on with my list of things i DIDNT want to do. my grammy as i said always tells me 'let go and let god...jesus is your best friend.' so the more i did let go and let god, things started happening for me. ok ok i didnt want to go to florida.. but i did. i didnt have a choice if i wanted to be with my husband and raise our family together. it was one of the highlights in my life that i would say was the toughest decision. i just had this baby (ethan) and i left behind a good job, all my friends and family, i had anxiety, i felt like i was not ready and i never imagined if leave new england. but i did and i made new friends. i learned how to get by on my own.. things i had always done for myself but with protection around me 'just in-case'...i had my safety net of friends, family, and things i knew.. so i was still doing the same things in FL but without my safety net and it scared me.
so fast forward... after FL we got to go to SC wehre i felt i was closer to my safety net. then we were told we had to move to cali.. i think this is where i finally threw in the towel adn said 'ok god.. you win.. YOU WIN! what am i suposed to do now?' so basically, god dragged my by the ear, had me drive across country feel nervous and anxious.. and i got here and thigns started to happen. I am getting everything i want but on gods time... gods plan for me, not mine.
so heres a list of other things i didnt want to do.. i did not want to move to cali, didnt want to drive across country, didnt want to pay 30,000 for school, didnt want to drive to fresno for school, didnt want to have ethan home with me (i wanted him in school) didnt want to work at home on my associates degree in something i didnt want, didnt want.... didnt want...didnt ant.. you get my point. well all the things i didnt want i ended up doing anyways because at this point, 'gods pla' for me just seemed to make me happier. i was kind of lost in my direction.
dear god, you know i tried to get out of going to fresno and choosing a school closer to me.. so god said 'ok jacquie.. im gonna let you go to that meeting at the other school, but im telling you, thats not where you belong'. so i went to that meeting at the other school, and of course, god was right lol. that school wouldve been closer, and in what i felt a safer area, the only downfall was it was a thousand or so more expensive, but i got everything else I WANTED in that school. but something told me to stick with gurnick and i did. so im on this streak of good things here now...
... now i have certain classes approved for that anywhere else i ried, they would not approve my classes. this brought tuition down, and i only have 8 months of school befor eim an LPN...which is amazing.. I DIDNT WANT to be an LPN.. i wanted to be an RN! but.. thats not my plan. right now i have 2 years here thats it. i think about RN school and i get a nausea feeling because my time limit here and the stress i had at PJC when i started the RN program there... i just didnt have enough time here and id be pressuring myself way too much so this LPN school fell into my lap and seemed more for me. the other thing with the school thats closer to me is that they kept trying to pressure me into doing the RN program because i had so many classes done already. it was tempting ill tell you, but it wasnt the plan for me... i could just hear god and my grandmother saying no... no.. no.. youre doing what you want again and not following with what would make life easier and your goal more attainable... so i stopped myself and just stuck with gurnick which has been really a helpful school so far! so im hoping now that things will continue to go well for me here. also, childcare fell into place. never, ever has it been this easy for me with getting things together for school. also, i got my day time classes. i was placed on an alternate list.. a list I DIDNT WANT to be on, but my gut (and god) told me to get on that alternate list and i listened and the counselor told me that morning before my enrollment appointment a spot opened up for me and i was first on her list. so the spot was mine. theres only 22 spots in the program so i made it! i made it by letting go and letting god as my grandmother would say adn i do believe it. im not preachy about god or religion. im spiritual, and i leave it at that and rarely share my beliefs with other people. This blog is about what worked for me and whether you believe in god or not, i am not trying to persuade... so dont think that. my experience however, has been much more smooth when i listened to my grandmother.
another great thing that has happened to my family since we just did what we had to do and not necessarily what we wanted to was that my husband made chief. it is 6 weeks of tough training but i have no doubt in him or my ability to pull through. again, it is NOT what i WANT to be doing, but no one gets served on a silver platter... no one in this family anyways, and i like it this way. theres lessons to be learned in life and plenty of good advice out there from people have have lived through situations we are going through and theres a bigger picture as to why things are the way they are. so we shut up, and get the job done. in south carolina my family was tested big time. i thought it wouldve been a better experience for us and was so happy to be closer to family and I CHOSE to go to SC. i pushed for it hard. we got there and things started to fall apart. at times,it seemed we were on the right track but of course when you are getting your way it seems that way.
it took for us to let go of things for our family to have what it needs and yes i am a believer that if you just have faith in a higher power that you will be put on the right track it will happen. of course, not with work on your end though. It doesnt just happen. and you will fall off that track at some point because there are other lessons you have to learn.. adn once you learn that lesson and get the bigger picture, youll get back on track again. how boring would it be if we stayed on this strait, predictable path our entire lives? quite boring!
Friday, July 29, 2011
values and other stuff some people may or may not care about.
Be prepared for some typos and such because i probably wont review this to correct them. :)
So, we have been in california for over a month now and so far we are really loving it here. i was vaccuming the couch a few minutes ago and thought i should probably blog because i was thinking about something. actually, the last several days i have been really thinking about several things. One of them is what i value, and what other people value, and how sometimes it can be perceived in a way its not meant to be.
anyhow, when we moved into base housing i didnt realyl know too much of what to expect. i thought ok this could be a really positive thing or really bad, but its for 2 years and it will be a good experience. we moved into this house, i bawled my eyes out because i didnt think our king size bed would fit in our room, and honestly, it wasnt about the bed... i had just been overwhelmed. even though our road trip here was AMAZING and almost perfect, it is still stressful and i guess that day my stress came out emotionally. after a good cry, i was better. later that night, i realized how ridiculus it was that i had cried...thats when i realized it wasnt over just the bed...
so with every move i try my best to make our house our home... with my things, decorated the way i like it within our means. when mark and i first got together he had practically nothing after going through a breakup with someone else, he just left that situation and started fresh. he had a bed, 2 tvs, a cooler, a table with no chairs, a fouton, and a dresser made out of cynder blocks and wood... and a tv stand made of cynder blocks and wood. honestly, thats about it! but we were happy. :) then we were very lucky to get some pieces of furniture we purchased from another coworker of marks when he was moving, and then my brother helped us get some things, and we purchased a couch together. brand new. that was exciting!
we always made the best out of what we had and we still do. we finally stepped into the current times with technology about a year 1/2 ago. we felt we deserved it, we went a long time doing things the right way, paying down our bills and not worrying about having new things. it wasnt a big deal! we worked on getting our credit better and things like that.
so in south carolina we made our house our home updating some of our things and it felt really good to be able to put a little more effor tinto making our home a bit nicer. not expensive, just better... i am pretty thrifty if you didnt know that about me :)
when we were kids we got tons of hand me downs. actually, im not sure when there was a time we got something brand new. i know we did i just cant rememebr a time. i had the same bed from the time i was 4 until i moved out and met mark. it wasnt important and honestly that damn bed was comfy even if it did sag in the middle ha! I was really proud the day i purchased a brand new desk for my room as a teenager. i remember my moms husband helping me put that thing together. but i worked my butt off to get that thing and it cost about 80 bucks. i had been working at dominos and we had gotten a bit of extra cash... it was around the holidays. i thought at the time 80 bucks was a lot for me. i used that desk until we moved from maine to florida when it finally start falling apart. it was the story behind the desk that made it important to me. its the story behind some of my things that make them important to me. i am so appreciative of what i have. i always have been. i value a nice home with things in it that have a story, or were given to me by someone special, or my art i put on my walls, my pictures of my friends, the lamp on my desk that belonged to my grandmother, i look around my own house and i see things that remind me of good times in my life and struggling times and saving, and things like that.
so when i go into someone elses home, i feel the same. i like to look around and see what their house looks like, you can gain a lot from looking around someones home and seeing what they value, what is important to them.. i learn a bit of who they are and what they like. do they have pictures of friends and family around everywhere? do they have a giant cook book full of old recipes? plants in every corner of the room? toys all over the floor? whatever it is... clean or messy, a room full of junk or an almost bare house... theres a story behind it.
living in military housing and picking up moving every 1-3 years (for us anyhow) its a chore somtimes... but i want to make my home feel like it is my own and not someone elses. this is where my kids will grow up and memories they will have. for me, i want them to have good memories and as normal as i can make it for them. with a comfortable, normal feeling home, with pets, and pictures on our walls, and stains on the rug if they make them, and toys in the bath tub that never get out, and a mess in their room from having kids come over and playing, and i want to deal with foot prints on my floor from them walking around with their dirty wet/muddy feet from playing in the water outside... you get my point. this is our life. everyone makes what they want of their lives, and for military families, it really is different than civilian life at times. everyone will choose something different for their family and this is my choice :) ive been very accepting over the last 6 months especially that this is our life, that i may not go home for 2 years, that my kids may not be around their cousins and uncles for a while... but we make the best of it, do video chats, write letters, make phone calls, hang pictures so we dont forget them adn when we do get to go home, we take advantage of seeing everyone we can and making good memories. i feel were on the right track and making this military life work for us instead of against us (me) and everything i ever wanted for my family and my kids especially :)
so i guess theres a bit of a moral to the story... dont look down on someone who doesnt appear to have as much as you do, and dont look down on someone who has more than you do. just be thankful with what you have. our spouses work every work day, long hours. some of us come from fortunate families and some of us do not. some of us value nice things, some of us do not. to some of us its important to have the trendiest things, adn to others it is not. wherever these things are on your scale of value and importance, it is ok and dont be ashamed of that. people will probably judge.. and maybe thats because they value things a bit different than you do! :)
So, we have been in california for over a month now and so far we are really loving it here. i was vaccuming the couch a few minutes ago and thought i should probably blog because i was thinking about something. actually, the last several days i have been really thinking about several things. One of them is what i value, and what other people value, and how sometimes it can be perceived in a way its not meant to be.
anyhow, when we moved into base housing i didnt realyl know too much of what to expect. i thought ok this could be a really positive thing or really bad, but its for 2 years and it will be a good experience. we moved into this house, i bawled my eyes out because i didnt think our king size bed would fit in our room, and honestly, it wasnt about the bed... i had just been overwhelmed. even though our road trip here was AMAZING and almost perfect, it is still stressful and i guess that day my stress came out emotionally. after a good cry, i was better. later that night, i realized how ridiculus it was that i had cried...thats when i realized it wasnt over just the bed...
so with every move i try my best to make our house our home... with my things, decorated the way i like it within our means. when mark and i first got together he had practically nothing after going through a breakup with someone else, he just left that situation and started fresh. he had a bed, 2 tvs, a cooler, a table with no chairs, a fouton, and a dresser made out of cynder blocks and wood... and a tv stand made of cynder blocks and wood. honestly, thats about it! but we were happy. :) then we were very lucky to get some pieces of furniture we purchased from another coworker of marks when he was moving, and then my brother helped us get some things, and we purchased a couch together. brand new. that was exciting!
we always made the best out of what we had and we still do. we finally stepped into the current times with technology about a year 1/2 ago. we felt we deserved it, we went a long time doing things the right way, paying down our bills and not worrying about having new things. it wasnt a big deal! we worked on getting our credit better and things like that.
so in south carolina we made our house our home updating some of our things and it felt really good to be able to put a little more effor tinto making our home a bit nicer. not expensive, just better... i am pretty thrifty if you didnt know that about me :)
when we were kids we got tons of hand me downs. actually, im not sure when there was a time we got something brand new. i know we did i just cant rememebr a time. i had the same bed from the time i was 4 until i moved out and met mark. it wasnt important and honestly that damn bed was comfy even if it did sag in the middle ha! I was really proud the day i purchased a brand new desk for my room as a teenager. i remember my moms husband helping me put that thing together. but i worked my butt off to get that thing and it cost about 80 bucks. i had been working at dominos and we had gotten a bit of extra cash... it was around the holidays. i thought at the time 80 bucks was a lot for me. i used that desk until we moved from maine to florida when it finally start falling apart. it was the story behind the desk that made it important to me. its the story behind some of my things that make them important to me. i am so appreciative of what i have. i always have been. i value a nice home with things in it that have a story, or were given to me by someone special, or my art i put on my walls, my pictures of my friends, the lamp on my desk that belonged to my grandmother, i look around my own house and i see things that remind me of good times in my life and struggling times and saving, and things like that.
so when i go into someone elses home, i feel the same. i like to look around and see what their house looks like, you can gain a lot from looking around someones home and seeing what they value, what is important to them.. i learn a bit of who they are and what they like. do they have pictures of friends and family around everywhere? do they have a giant cook book full of old recipes? plants in every corner of the room? toys all over the floor? whatever it is... clean or messy, a room full of junk or an almost bare house... theres a story behind it.
living in military housing and picking up moving every 1-3 years (for us anyhow) its a chore somtimes... but i want to make my home feel like it is my own and not someone elses. this is where my kids will grow up and memories they will have. for me, i want them to have good memories and as normal as i can make it for them. with a comfortable, normal feeling home, with pets, and pictures on our walls, and stains on the rug if they make them, and toys in the bath tub that never get out, and a mess in their room from having kids come over and playing, and i want to deal with foot prints on my floor from them walking around with their dirty wet/muddy feet from playing in the water outside... you get my point. this is our life. everyone makes what they want of their lives, and for military families, it really is different than civilian life at times. everyone will choose something different for their family and this is my choice :) ive been very accepting over the last 6 months especially that this is our life, that i may not go home for 2 years, that my kids may not be around their cousins and uncles for a while... but we make the best of it, do video chats, write letters, make phone calls, hang pictures so we dont forget them adn when we do get to go home, we take advantage of seeing everyone we can and making good memories. i feel were on the right track and making this military life work for us instead of against us (me) and everything i ever wanted for my family and my kids especially :)
so i guess theres a bit of a moral to the story... dont look down on someone who doesnt appear to have as much as you do, and dont look down on someone who has more than you do. just be thankful with what you have. our spouses work every work day, long hours. some of us come from fortunate families and some of us do not. some of us value nice things, some of us do not. to some of us its important to have the trendiest things, adn to others it is not. wherever these things are on your scale of value and importance, it is ok and dont be ashamed of that. people will probably judge.. and maybe thats because they value things a bit different than you do! :)
Monday, June 6, 2011
moving to cali
I meant to write sooner becuase i was feeling extremely anxious about a week ago, but i forgot. then i read a friends blog and it reminded me to get writting. it makes me feel better :) today i feel pretty good about our move. theres several things i am worried about with this move though. i am worried about my grandfather. he was diagnosed with bone cancer and was told he doesnt have long to live. he is feeling ok about this i hear, but it makes me worry a lot about my grandmother when he is gone. (my moms husbands parents) thinking of him made em think of my nanibob (another step grandparent) who i sadly lost due to an overdose of medication. i was walking around in kmart last night getting the last of my supplies for this move and "one sweet day" by boys 2 men and mariah carey came on. that song came out close to the time she had died and always reminded me of her. i hadnt heard that song in years. then my grandmother, i started thinking of her. she is 81. our last visit was great, and emotional. i was hard to leave her. she is still working and is on top of her game but i worry with being gone for 2 years that she will be ok. im a worrier! cant help it. i just want everyone to be healthy while im away. then, my mother inlaw, she has alxheimers. i worry so much for her. i just want people to pray for her. she is "ok" but i hear it varies day to day and i just wish i could take all my older relatives and keep them in one place and take care of them. its something i struggle with.
so as far as the move now, i just keep thinking how exciting it will be to get back into school and maybe start working part time again, go site seeing, and really just take advantage of being there. in 2 years my kids will e 8 and 6. thats depressing lol. so i dont want the time to go by fast, but i also want to just get back to the east coast as fast as possible.
over the years ive managed to realize that this is my life. for a while i kept saying this is marks life. all we are doing is centered around the military and marks career etc. its pretty much not my turn for anything. well, its our life and part of my success will be his success. i dont want to sit around doing nothing watching life pass by and look back and regret not having fun while we are moving and traveling. im trying my hardest to make the best of this. im still really anxious half the time but im ok. to manage this a little ive done as much damage control i can do and i am tsking this entire move day by day even if that means a little procrastination and then rushing around to get something done. im redirecting my anxiety. idk... ive become pretty good at doing
so as far as the move now, i just keep thinking how exciting it will be to get back into school and maybe start working part time again, go site seeing, and really just take advantage of being there. in 2 years my kids will e 8 and 6. thats depressing lol. so i dont want the time to go by fast, but i also want to just get back to the east coast as fast as possible.
over the years ive managed to realize that this is my life. for a while i kept saying this is marks life. all we are doing is centered around the military and marks career etc. its pretty much not my turn for anything. well, its our life and part of my success will be his success. i dont want to sit around doing nothing watching life pass by and look back and regret not having fun while we are moving and traveling. im trying my hardest to make the best of this. im still really anxious half the time but im ok. to manage this a little ive done as much damage control i can do and i am tsking this entire move day by day even if that means a little procrastination and then rushing around to get something done. im redirecting my anxiety. idk... ive become pretty good at doing
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)