The butterfly connection

I have had a connection to them since i was about 9 when my nanibob passed away. nani bob was my step-grandmother. this is when i really remember loving them. she had pins with butterflies and necklaces..she loved them too. she wasnt supposed to die, and when she did it really effected me. i was just a young kid and its not easy to explain suicide to someone. that was the explanation of the way she went out.

now i remember nanibob as a woman with a lot of presence. she worked with her church, loved god, read her bible (which i now have) loved us kids as her own family, she did sign language and worked with children who were deaf...i remember she had a book about learning sign language and i used it to help me learn a few words...and also the alphabet. i guess i kind of looked up to her. so her passing really broke my heart. i still have a note she wrote to me when i first started 4th grade. it was on a paper pad in my trapper keeper (remember those? lol) its the last paper i have on that pad... i just always saved it. she meant a lot to me and that note that someone really took the time to write to me and it be a suprise for when i got to school really meant a lot to me (a little side conversation here...kinda sad, but you know how you see in movies moms putting notes in kids lunches? well, i thought they really did that. i got a hot lunch usually and on a field trip i had to bring a cold lunch so i made my own lunch and wrote a note to myself as if it came from my mom. it said something like "i love you" on it ...something short lol.) a little over a month after i started school that year is when she passed. i had her bedroom set, her little end table, her bible as i said, a necklace of hers with a "B" on it, and i still have one of her butterfly pins thats on my dresser now. guess you can say a few people have walked in and out of my life...and i get attached and she was certainly one ive attached myself to. im an emotional person as it is and sometimes people dont even realize their "walking out" on me im sure.... i cant even really define it as them walking out....its just natural that people part ways but im not always ready for that. but there were a few that really did walk out, pop in, etc... and it hurt me. so her dying really hurt.

so anyways... the butterfly became my thing. they also remind me of my great gradmother helen. she liked to garden and was the perfect little nana you could think of...cooking, baking, feeding you when you come to visit, sharing her recipes with me, she was very very good to me. her and i had a connection whenever my mom and i went to her house, there was 4 generations of women sitting there...me, my mom, my grandmother ginny, and my great grandmother helen. my mom and nana ginny could TAAAAAAALLLLLKKK and it could get loud! its just the way they are. my grandmothers thought i was just so quiet...which i kind of was...but...not really! i think they were just so loud i just ...stayed quiet lol. me and my great grandmother were the quiet ones. after hearing the other two go on for a while, she would offer me a diet coke and some cookies from her little cabinet next to her little kitchen that no more than 2 people could fit in.

nana helens favorite color was yellow. so when i see a yellow butterfly, it makes me think of her.

now my boys... my love for butterflies really developed over the years and i got 2 tattoos of them on my back. if it were up to me, id have about 15 more butterflies somehow, in different ways tattooed on me. (in trees...realistic ones, black shadow looking ones... flying up my side...) i just absolutely love them. so the tattoos i got are for my boys. i chose them on my back/shoulder blade because my boys will always have my back. (i hope) so i thought it was an appropriate place. i have a blue and pink one for brody, and a green and purple one for ethan. (blue and green the color of their eyes, and pink and purple are my favorite colors) i just didnt want to put names all over my body. thought the butterflies was more me.

so.. im sad to say i didnt get to go, but wouldnt you know it that there was a butterfly house in FL close to where we moved?? im not sure why i never went... did they have weird hours or something? i cant remember. i know it was a little bit of a drive. but i wish i went!! then we moved to sc and down town they had a butterfly shop. i was in heaven! the owner was super nice and i would take the kids in there now and then even if it was just to say hello and gain some knowledge from the guy. he once showed us a really fat caterpillar that someone brought into him. he kept it in hopes it would turn to a butterfly. then he also showed us a few other caterpillars.... one in particular that i remember is this one that was hairy and when you pet it, it let out this awful stink! it was its defense mechanism against prey. pretty neat! unfortunately, that place closed and i think turned into a clothing store or something. bummer! that was such a neat little place.

now i have butterflies on the walls in my room and a painting i did of butterflies, i put a few on garden pots outside. have a few pieces of jewelry.... i just love them :) (and now lady bugs also!!! so cute!!)

so anyhow.. thats where it all started and led to. not even sure what led me to decide to blog about this, but i was looking at some things on pin terest with butterflies on them and kind of got lost in it.