Today my baby boy turns 10 and as most mothers do when it is their child's birthday, I have been doing a fair share of reminiscing today. I feel like 10 years blew past me! In honor of my son turning 10, I am going to share my top 10 lessons I learned from being a mother to this fascinating child (excuse the bragging, but I think it is appropriate for just today) in no particular order, I present to you the top 10 lessons I have learned over the years:
10. There is no such thing as a perfect mother
There is no point in comparing yourself to other mothers because your child is unique and the way you raise him/her is unique as well. I remember when my boys were very little being a little more critical (unfortunately) of other mothers because "I would not do that." My parenting style has always been bit over compensating because for a while I felt they were my whole world and I needed to make sure they were happy. Which leads to number...
9. Sometimes life gets in the way and you have to figure out how to turn lemons into lemonade
When I first moved to florida, I felt guilty taking the boys away from my family. I also felt a little lost trying to raise two boys and having my second child when my first child was still so young and very much so my little buddy. We had an amazing bond and when the second child came, it was challenging in the beginning. I did everything I could to keep life "normal" and I had enough arts and craft supplies to stock a kindergarten classroom and then some. We had a lot of fun and great memories! I sometimes felt I had to do those things to compensate for the loss of friends, family, and familiarity. We met friends in a local parenting group and some of those ladies became family to us. Looking back, I am glad we did those things. It was a great distraction from being so bummed out.
8. It is never too early to start handing out simple tasks and build on those tasks as appropriate
Brody was throwing away his own diapers when he was 1 1/2. He liked to help me clean and although he was not very good at it, I accepted the help. At a very young age the boys started putting their own laundry in the laundry basket and as time progressed, they started learning to put laundry in the washer and drier and putting their own clothes away. Today my 10 year old still does these things and is excellent at washing the dishes. Now, if I could only get the 7 year old to keep from being distracted and doing his dishes in less than an hour that would be great!
7. Figuring out how to balance motherhood and marriage is not always easy
I admit, I sometimes got so wrapped up in my kids that I forgot my husband needed my attention too. Anyone who tells you marriage is easy is lying. It takes work, energy and sometimes putting aside your own wants for what your spouse needs. Needs triumph wants. Date nights and time with adult friends (if they had kids even better) became very important to us. We were happier when we had someone else to hang out with who was in the same boat as us. We swapped baby sitting nights with friends and the kids benefitted from that too and were able to learn to trust that other people could care for them other than mommy and daddy. They also built friendships with the other kids. Now, we are at a different place in our lives. The kids are older and more self sufficient. We plan once a week to have dinner out together. It doesn't matter where, we just go. It has been awesome. After all, when the kids are gone, all we will have is each other. With that being said, don't lose the friendship you have with your spouse. It is a daily investment.
6. Literally walk away and count to 10 when you need to
A baby gate works wonders for these times. Several times, my 7 year old tried me when he was about 2-3 and I put the baby gate up in the doorway of his bedroom and walked away. In the end, there was a huge mess of thrown stuffed animals, books and toys but my sanity was kept. That, and amazingly he did help clean up after the tantrum blew over. The older the kids get (and the older I get) its been easier to walk away. You have to!
5. Mommy friends are awesome
Who else can you talk to about your kid pooping on the toilet for the first time? Theres no need to feel embarrassed when your mommy friend comes over and you have a trail of cheerios from the kitchen to the kids room (amongst other dirty messes). I actually had a friend who had 2 kids 11 months apart and there was no point in even putting the cheerios in a bowl. She gave up. The kids would dump it out anyways and the poor lady was exhausted. 4 kids total you would be too. So, on the floor the cheerios went lol!! I will never forget that and we just laughed and there was no judgement.
4. Kids can be jerks
Theres a few kids I wanted to trip myself but being the mature mother I am who has to set an example for my kids, I chose not to. Unless the kid is physically hurting my kid, I teach my kids how to handle it and tactics to use to keep the bully at bay. Unfortunately, jerks are everywhere and even as adults they still exist. Might as well teach the kids early how to deal with it. Now, When the boys were really little, I was definitely the mom peeking out the window to see what was going on and calling the school without my kid knowing just to give the teacher a heads up about whats going on. I would probably still do the same thing especially for my 7 year old. Brody is pretty good at handling himself and his confidence has shot up since going to karate/jiujitsu/wrestling. He and my 7 year old look out for the little guy and for that I'm pretty proud.
3. My own mother and I are closer
It took a while, but it finally happened. I don't like to talk about it too much though because mom is super emotional sooooo...NEXT! :P (love you mother!)
2. You realize your parents were human too and are able to forgive or at-least be at peace with some of their choices
Thats pretty much it. I am so busy being a parent myself that my main focus is that my parents are good grand parents to my kids. Once in a while things come up but its easier to let it go now that I have my own kids. There is too much energy wasted on going over and over the same stuff from the past. I would much rather expend that energy on my family, the family I created. My parents can either be apart of that or not. Thats up to them.
1. Being a parent changes you
It changes your outlook on life, your goals, priorities, relationships... lets just say everything. There is not one aspect of my life that I can look at and say "In 10 years that area is still the same." I am so blessed to have the kids that I have, the family I have and the friends that I have. I am no perfect parent or human. I am a constant work in process. We all are. The moment we realize that, the easier life becomes or did for me anyways.
I love you my little Bummy! My little boy who for months would more often than not only sleep with a vacuum cleaner turned on by his crib, ate sweet potatoes for what seemed like forever because this mommy made a huge home made batch of it and to this day still lets me call him Bummy and isn't embarrassed by it!
Life is precious... you only get one shot. Love your kids and take advantage of the lessons they unknowingly teach you about yourself and life.
I speechless and teary eyed. I never read anything so true and close to ur heart. I was blessed to have watched Brody aka bummy when he was a baby :-) When u moved my heart broke. I am so thanful I get to fly out and see everyone every yr. U my daughter r an amazing woman. I am so proud of u in so many ways. Ur emotional MOTHER is in tears, but happy ones. Bana will always be ur bana forever. 10 yrs, where did it go?? They r wonderful boys. Im blessed they love their Bana so much. He is a special young man. This is ur day bummy and the day u made ur mom, a mom!! I love u as wide as the sky and as deep as the ocean. ( something we would say on the phone) The one, the only, Bana
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