Surviving the Military

I was straightening my hair in the mirror, thinking about my husband who is currently waiting to come home.. he is a few hours late and has been gone just over 2 weeks. I made a FB post that triggered my thoughts for writing this blog. Th post was something like i am "patiently" waiting for my husband to get home.. hes hours late, im not a patient person. something like that. got me to think of a person who used to make snide remarks about a person like me.. who is excited to see her husband whether it be 20 days or 20 months... doesn't matter. We miss our guys. and while the break is nice, there's nothing like having him here.

So basically some things many people may say is "well be thankful hes only been gone 2 weeks." "imagine how people feel whose husbands have been gone 2 years." or my favorite... "just two weeks? that's not bad. my husband was gone for 8 months and..." don't get me wrong, it is pretty different when your hubs is gone 2 weeks compared to 2 years, however, its just not nice to minimize someone elses feelings for their spouse to be returning home no matter the length of time.At times, that's what happens in the real military world.

So i thought of some other things floating around in my head related to being a military spouse and my experiences and things I wish I did more of... and this i would say is for the newer military spouses. Here are my pieces of advice in no special order;

10. You don't have to be friends with everyone. Its nice to be friendly, but there's no reason to try to be friends with every single person. Sometimes ti doesn't work out, and that's ok. keep a few good girls by your side that you click with and keep the rest acquaintances.

9. It is ok to not join every group, go to every meeting etc... its encouraged to take part in these things of course! but sometimes there's just groups and meetings falling out your ears you don't know what ones are important and what ones aren't any more. Its ok to be choosey. Quite honestly, some of us have other things to do outside of the military life. (school, work, other commitments) You are not a bad spouse for not being an active member of more than 1 group. At times, unless you know the people involved, you never know what you are going to get either. its ok to go a few times then decide this is not for you, or what the group has to offer you don't need.

8. network. Know a few spouses in the command as well as a few out of the command. you'll always have someone to fill you in on whats going on in the command, someone to go to functions with, complain about long deployments with, laugh cry etc... its a good feeling. having some good chicks outside of the command is good too. you'll have someone who you can swap sittings with (if you have kids) when there are functions, you don't know their people, they dont know your people...

7. Don't talk about your husbands rank unless asked.. IF you want to disclose that information (or have to). Unless there is a gathering at your home and you are wanting to invite her husband, its not really important. Us wives (or husbands married to females serving) can be friends with whoever we want despite ranks. We are not our spouses rank.

6. Know what you need to know and leave the rest alone. I admit, I know the basics. I know enough about my husbands job, whats going on in the command that could affect our family, who is important to know, etc. earlier in the game of being a military wife, i would hear these wives talk about things that i had NO clue about... and to be honest, it was all irrelevant.

5. Know your resources and what services are available to you and if you don't know, ask. there's the ombudsmen, the few groups you may have joined, the couple of friends you have made... chances are whoever you ask, they have either used those resources before too or knew someone who did, or are happy to share what they know but maybe haven't used before. If you feel "stupid" whip out the phone book or google search your base and see what they offer on their website.

4. leave politics, parenting, and religion at the door unless you feel you're in a group of people who, even if you may disagree, you will still be friends in the end. We all come from different walks of life. Don't assume every person in the military is the same or has the same views.

3. Its ok not to love the place your stationed at. It never fails, someone will always say "if you think this place is bad, you should of seen ..." or "This place isn't bad at all!" everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but then you have some people that just wont let you feel the way you feel and try to convince you that where you are is great. It's ok.. think the place you're at sucks... its not home, its not what you're used to, you haven't adjusted to the place.. whatever the reason it is ok to feel that way. just make the best of it :) after 3-4 years you get new orders and start all over!

2. Take advantage of being able to travel and seeing new places that had you not been involved in the military, you would not ever had gotten to see or experience. That choice could end up changing you life forever.

1. Make non-military friends. They keep you grounded, know all the best local places to go, and sometimes just not being a part of the military hoopla is relieving. Someone who doesnt know anything about the military.. you can just be yourself around.