I was straightening my hair in the mirror, thinking about my husband who is currently waiting to come home.. he is a few hours late and has been gone just over 2 weeks. I made a FB post that triggered my thoughts for writing this blog. Th post was something like i am "patiently" waiting for my husband to get home.. hes hours late, im not a patient person. something like that. got me to think of a person who used to make snide remarks about a person like me.. who is excited to see her husband whether it be 20 days or 20 months... doesn't matter. We miss our guys. and while the break is nice, there's nothing like having him here.
So basically some things many people may say is "well be thankful hes only been gone 2 weeks." "imagine how people feel whose husbands have been gone 2 years." or my favorite... "just two weeks? that's not bad. my husband was gone for 8 months and..." don't get me wrong, it is pretty different when your hubs is gone 2 weeks compared to 2 years, however, its just not nice to minimize someone elses feelings for their spouse to be returning home no matter the length of time.At times, that's what happens in the real military world.
So i thought of some other things floating around in my head related to being a military spouse and my experiences and things I wish I did more of... and this i would say is for the newer military spouses. Here are my pieces of advice in no special order;
10. You don't have to be friends with everyone.
Its nice to be friendly, but there's no reason to try to be friends with every single person. Sometimes ti doesn't work out, and that's ok. keep a few good girls by your side that you click with and keep the rest acquaintances.
9. It is ok to not join every group, go to every meeting etc... its encouraged to take part in these things of course! but sometimes there's just groups and meetings falling out your ears you don't know what ones are important and what ones aren't any more. Its ok to be choosey. Quite honestly, some of us have other things to do outside of the military life. (school, work, other commitments) You are not a bad spouse for not being an active member of more than 1 group. At times, unless you know the people involved, you never know what you are going to get either. its ok to go a few times then decide this is not for you, or what the group has to offer you don't need.
8. network. Know a few spouses in the command as well as a few out of the command. you'll always have someone to fill you in on whats going on in the command, someone to go to functions with, complain about long deployments with, laugh cry etc... its a good feeling. having some good chicks outside of the command is good too. you'll have someone who you can swap sittings with (if you have kids) when there are functions, you don't know their people, they dont know your people...
7. Don't talk about your husbands rank unless asked.. IF you want to disclose that information (or have to). Unless there is a gathering at your home and you are wanting to invite her husband, its not really important. Us wives (or husbands married to females serving) can be friends with whoever we want despite ranks. We are not our spouses rank.
6. Know what you need to know and leave the rest alone. I admit, I know the basics. I know enough about my husbands job, whats going on in the command that could affect our family, who is important to know, etc. earlier in the game of being a military wife, i would hear these wives talk about things that i had NO clue about... and to be honest, it was all irrelevant.
5. Know your resources and what services are available to you and if you don't know, ask. there's the ombudsmen, the few groups you may have joined, the couple of friends you have made... chances are whoever you ask, they have either used those resources before too or knew someone who did, or are happy to share what they know but maybe haven't used before. If you feel "stupid" whip out the phone book or google search your base and see what they offer on their website.
4. leave politics, parenting, and religion at the door unless you feel you're in a group of people who, even if you may disagree, you will still be friends in the end. We all come from different walks of life. Don't assume every person in the military is the same or has the same views.
3. Its ok not to love the place your stationed at. It never fails, someone will always say "if you think this place is bad, you should of seen ..." or "This place isn't bad at all!" everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but then you have some people that just wont let you feel the way you feel and try to convince you that where you are is great. It's ok.. think the place you're at sucks... its not home, its not what you're used to, you haven't adjusted to the place.. whatever the reason it is ok to feel that way. just make the best of it :) after 3-4 years you get new orders and start all over!
2. Take advantage of being able to travel and seeing new places that had you not been involved in the military, you would not ever had gotten to see or experience. That choice could end up changing you life forever.
1. Make non-military friends. They keep you grounded, know all the best local places to go, and sometimes just not being a part of the military hoopla is relieving. Someone who doesnt know anything about the military.. you can just be yourself around.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Monday, April 16, 2012
Mental health
Its no secret that i love mental health. Ive taken so many classes for mental health/psychology and it never gets old to me. I have to say my absolute favorite part of nursing school (ok my top 3) is mental health. several reasons for this. number one being that i come from an interesting family and as i explain it, thanks to them they helped me pass pretty much any psych class ive ever taken especially my psychiatric mental health nursing class.
Heres the thing...i have anxiety. ive had it since i was about 12 that i knew of, before i even knew what it was. i remember the first experience i really had was when i was in the car with one of my best friends and remember describing to her that i felt fake. now if youve never experienced this feeling it can be pretty scary and it can put you into a fight or flight mode and escalate to panic sometimes.
I talk pretty openly about my anxiety. infact, i welcome anyone to talk to me about it. to me, it is what it is, it is a part of who i am and im ok with it. ive also noticed since moving to cali people seem to not talk about issues like this openly. not sure if it is the area im in or if i am misreading this.. who knows. but i know back home and among the people i met east coast.. people are pretty open about it.
when i was in middle school i was pretty embarrassed about it. i felt like i was the only one with this weird thing..why the hell couldn't i do a presentation without feeling ill, or worrying about what anyone thinks.. ugh...so frustrating.
this blog can get pretty lengthy but ill keep it to a minimum :) ill try...
so back to middle school. now that was just an awkward time in life anyways and just everyones eyes on me...gah! i wanted to run. but i went through with my presentations anyways. praying to god for it to end quickly. my best friend also had anxiety so we kind of bonded that way and joked about our anxiety even though it was very real, it helped make us feel better.
then in high school it was at its absolute WORSE. when i say worse i mean i would pay 10 bucks sometimes just so i didn't have to ride the bus. i avoided presenting at all cost, i wanted to cry trying to explain to the teacher that i just couldn't do it. i would skip class because of this sometimes. not because i didn't want to be there (not always anyways) but sometimes. i always thought this was just not normal. no one else seemed to act like this or felt like i did. what the hell was wrong with me?
i mean, i had moved from rhode island to maine and i was PISSED for...well, for ever it seemed lol. until i became an adult and realized what a good move it actually was for me. so that made my problem worse. i was the new kid, with a weird accent, had no time to prepare myself for the move (if you know me you know i like notice so i can mentally and physically prepare)i was a teenager and felt like my world as i knew it was crashing down on me. at the time i had a lot of issues with my parents and i was going through that weird teenage stuff like when you feel like your feet are too big or your arms are too long..your face breaks out lol... so i was just pissed at the world for a while. a good...looooonnng while.
ok i was digressing a bit.. back to the anxiety...
so i avoided really making friends then the friends i did eventually make, some of them were into some bad habits but we got along and i felt accepted and looking back it was what it was and i wouldn't have changed it. but i just flat out didn't give a shit in 9th grade.
10th grade is when i started to care more, and made friends and knew i was there in maine there was not much i could do about it. i started wanting to make better grades. i attended school more often and skipped classes less. now really my biggest problem was the presenting still.
one other story i will share with you is that in 10th grade i met my high school sweet heart and we were in the same english class. well, he was more outgoing and actually added to my anxiety. after about a month of dating i just had to get out of that class. i think because he was a distraction and people knew we dated...something about that atmosphere and attention being drawn to us.. i just had to get out of there. so i did. it was really hard to try to explain to my teacher why i had to switch my class. i really liked that teacher a lot too but my anxiety had won. i lied to her.. my reasoning for leaving that class because i thought it was pretty stupid that a boyfriend could honestly bring this much anxiety out in me...during class. what the hell. well, i didnt really lie, but sort of.
so 11th and 12 grade were pretty similar, im going to digress a bit here again so skip to the next paragraph if you are so over with my digressing...although i started to show my sweeter side of who i was and dropped some of my bitchy "city girl" attitude....i wasnt a bitch, i just had an attitude and actually most people would disagree with me but i felt bitchy. lol. probably in part to being a teenager and life was kind of competitive especially at work. me and a friend of mine at work were always pissing each other off. we had a love hate relationship, trying to be top dog, but really, we just weren't. but we did try! i mean, we could slap the hell out of pizza dough and multitask like no other but it was just pizza. we were both good workers...teenagers trying to gain control. ahhh those were the good old days :) If i was one of the elders working there i probably would've stuffed he and i in the freezer during shift :) and also, being called a bitch by the people who were supposed to help build my self esteem, amongst other names.. but thats a whole other story.
OK.. heres where we pick up the anxiety story again lol. :) so.. i started college and im pretty sure somewhere within this blog site theres a post about this, so i wont get much into it, but i wanted control of it, i had enough of the BS with anxiety taking over who i was and who i wanted to be. funny thing is out of school i was different. in school i was kind of quiet and just hung with my friends at lunch and stuff... i mean i had friends in classes too but i just kind of stayed quiet i think not to draw attention to myself so i wouldn't panic. in high school.. it was panic attacks i was dealing with. out of my classrooms is where i could be myself. in the lunch room.. during break time. etc. in class forget it. hide me. my best defense against drawing attention was hiding in my hoodie.
i went through a thing where i used to like to wear my jackets and hoodies because i guess maybe it was almost like a security blanket. i could hide. problem was... that hoodie would get hot thus resulting in panicking sometimes when attention was drawn on me. you see how this cycle works? it is so vicious when it is out of control.
now if you are reading this and have anxiety, maybe you are sitting there shaking your head in agree-ance with some of these things ive mentioned. if you haven't experienced it, you may think knowing all this now about me that maybe you didnt, that i was tapped lol! and i cant say i blame anyone for feelign like that because a person who hasn't dealt with it just doesn't know the feeling... just doesn't understand how this could happen. i know.. i know. and i especially know because my mother has/had anxiety bad...waaay back when it was kind of thought to be "crazy" and us kids made fun of her horribly. we did. then i got this and thought oh shit.. im turning into my crazy mother.
...the good thing about that though is i've seen how my mom dealt with her problem which really made me consider my own issues and how i would deal with them. i had a few options at this point in life. i could drop out of college and give into this anxiety.. i could get medication... go to counseling... read books to self educate about this... hide in my hoodie for the rest of my life... i mean the possibilities were really endless lol.
i decided to do a combination of things which again i know somewhere around here i've mentioned in detail before.. (i think!) so ill keep it brief but basically what i did was everything i could. counseling, medicine, self educate, talking openly about my problem etc... and it all worked! it took a little time but it worked.
my main thing is i didn't want to be like a particular person, on medication for the rest of my life. the good news was I didn't have to. the bad news for me was that sometimes people really need medication and i could have been one of them but my view was already tainted about meds. i wanted to avoid them like the plague. over the years my view has changed about that and no one should be ashamed for needing to take medicine for a mental health issue.
for me though, i had really wanted to try to stay off the medicine. long story short.. i decided my little rituals weren't working any more, i was getting older and needed to get over my fears. so what did i do? i took the meds LOL!! BUT...i used themt o help me and only used them as long as i felt i needed to.
what i did was my second year of college i remember sitting in a class and i had to speak from my chair. i knew my turn was coming to speak.. now im going to walk you though my feelings... "im sitting here in my chair... theres about 10 people that have to speak before i do.. i know my turn is coming up, my hands are sweating, im swallowing about 20 times, my throat is dry.. i need water... but now after if taken a few sips i have too much fluid in my mouth what if i spit... ok ok.. theres just 4 people left now.. i feel like im getting hot, im gonna pass out. let me take my jacket off. i need to touch something cool so i can put it on the back of my neck because im gonna pass out if i dont. ok theres 1 person in front of me now.. omg.. ok ok how am i gonna start this.. ok jacquie i just gotta do this and not think about feeling like a freak.. deep breath, another swallow, another palm check yup still clammy.. ok my turn.." then i speak and while im speaking i feel like everyone can see im having anxiety but really, they probably didnt at all. i dont think anyone ever noticed. i mean i didnt get to say all i wanted to saya dn i wasnt too confident but i did it and before i know it my fight or flight response has chilled out and things are ok.
SO soon after that episode (it was in an english class btw...another freakin english class lol) i decided to try the zoloft. nothing too high, just 50mg.. something to help me out so i could help myself.
i felt like things were getting better. i used it for maybe under a year, learned how to deal with this, then got off the medicine.
now my next challenge was interesting. now i went through the cna schooling ok i was pregnant with brody.. did fine. used all the skills i taught myself while i was on my medicine. enrolled into my medical assisting program an found out OH i HAVE to take a speach class! unfreaking believable. an entire semester dedicated to my anxiety trigger. you kidding me??
well, instead of freaking out and stamping my feet, i decided now was a perfect time to take advantage of this class, volunteer to take it sooner rather than wait until the last possible moment when i wouldn't have a choice (having a choice really helped me manage my anxiety) so i took the class, got an A in it, did great and that really opened some amazing doors for me!
the only way to get over a fear is to face it head on. now i know for some people, this can be debilitating and really hard to do, you have to do it when you're ready, and if you ever feel you are ready to do it. if you are never ready then to each his own. only we know our own bodies and what we are capable of trying.
for years i stayed off any medicine. about 4 years? and i did really well off of it. i started RN school and like they say in nursing school if you weren't on medication when you started, you will be LOL! so true!
so the goal is to manage anxiety. it is never ever going to go away. i no longer take the zoloft. im starting to go swimming now that the weather is nice. yoga helps, my gardening, and remembering to let loose everyone now and then. go to dinner with mark and live in that moment and worry about school when i get home and have to study. its important to take care of ourselves mentally as well as physically.
honestly, i could go on forever with this however i have to be at clinical tomorrow morning so i suppose now is a good time to stop. That and if you actually are still reading this...holy crap!:D have a good night.
Heres the thing...i have anxiety. ive had it since i was about 12 that i knew of, before i even knew what it was. i remember the first experience i really had was when i was in the car with one of my best friends and remember describing to her that i felt fake. now if youve never experienced this feeling it can be pretty scary and it can put you into a fight or flight mode and escalate to panic sometimes.
I talk pretty openly about my anxiety. infact, i welcome anyone to talk to me about it. to me, it is what it is, it is a part of who i am and im ok with it. ive also noticed since moving to cali people seem to not talk about issues like this openly. not sure if it is the area im in or if i am misreading this.. who knows. but i know back home and among the people i met east coast.. people are pretty open about it.
when i was in middle school i was pretty embarrassed about it. i felt like i was the only one with this weird thing..why the hell couldn't i do a presentation without feeling ill, or worrying about what anyone thinks.. ugh...so frustrating.
this blog can get pretty lengthy but ill keep it to a minimum :) ill try...
so back to middle school. now that was just an awkward time in life anyways and just everyones eyes on me...gah! i wanted to run. but i went through with my presentations anyways. praying to god for it to end quickly. my best friend also had anxiety so we kind of bonded that way and joked about our anxiety even though it was very real, it helped make us feel better.
then in high school it was at its absolute WORSE. when i say worse i mean i would pay 10 bucks sometimes just so i didn't have to ride the bus. i avoided presenting at all cost, i wanted to cry trying to explain to the teacher that i just couldn't do it. i would skip class because of this sometimes. not because i didn't want to be there (not always anyways) but sometimes. i always thought this was just not normal. no one else seemed to act like this or felt like i did. what the hell was wrong with me?
i mean, i had moved from rhode island to maine and i was PISSED for...well, for ever it seemed lol. until i became an adult and realized what a good move it actually was for me. so that made my problem worse. i was the new kid, with a weird accent, had no time to prepare myself for the move (if you know me you know i like notice so i can mentally and physically prepare)i was a teenager and felt like my world as i knew it was crashing down on me. at the time i had a lot of issues with my parents and i was going through that weird teenage stuff like when you feel like your feet are too big or your arms are too long..your face breaks out lol... so i was just pissed at the world for a while. a good...looooonnng while.
ok i was digressing a bit.. back to the anxiety...
so i avoided really making friends then the friends i did eventually make, some of them were into some bad habits but we got along and i felt accepted and looking back it was what it was and i wouldn't have changed it. but i just flat out didn't give a shit in 9th grade.
10th grade is when i started to care more, and made friends and knew i was there in maine there was not much i could do about it. i started wanting to make better grades. i attended school more often and skipped classes less. now really my biggest problem was the presenting still.
one other story i will share with you is that in 10th grade i met my high school sweet heart and we were in the same english class. well, he was more outgoing and actually added to my anxiety. after about a month of dating i just had to get out of that class. i think because he was a distraction and people knew we dated...something about that atmosphere and attention being drawn to us.. i just had to get out of there. so i did. it was really hard to try to explain to my teacher why i had to switch my class. i really liked that teacher a lot too but my anxiety had won. i lied to her.. my reasoning for leaving that class because i thought it was pretty stupid that a boyfriend could honestly bring this much anxiety out in me...during class. what the hell. well, i didnt really lie, but sort of.
so 11th and 12 grade were pretty similar, im going to digress a bit here again so skip to the next paragraph if you are so over with my digressing...although i started to show my sweeter side of who i was and dropped some of my bitchy "city girl" attitude....i wasnt a bitch, i just had an attitude and actually most people would disagree with me but i felt bitchy. lol. probably in part to being a teenager and life was kind of competitive especially at work. me and a friend of mine at work were always pissing each other off. we had a love hate relationship, trying to be top dog, but really, we just weren't. but we did try! i mean, we could slap the hell out of pizza dough and multitask like no other but it was just pizza. we were both good workers...teenagers trying to gain control. ahhh those were the good old days :) If i was one of the elders working there i probably would've stuffed he and i in the freezer during shift :) and also, being called a bitch by the people who were supposed to help build my self esteem, amongst other names.. but thats a whole other story.
OK.. heres where we pick up the anxiety story again lol. :) so.. i started college and im pretty sure somewhere within this blog site theres a post about this, so i wont get much into it, but i wanted control of it, i had enough of the BS with anxiety taking over who i was and who i wanted to be. funny thing is out of school i was different. in school i was kind of quiet and just hung with my friends at lunch and stuff... i mean i had friends in classes too but i just kind of stayed quiet i think not to draw attention to myself so i wouldn't panic. in high school.. it was panic attacks i was dealing with. out of my classrooms is where i could be myself. in the lunch room.. during break time. etc. in class forget it. hide me. my best defense against drawing attention was hiding in my hoodie.
i went through a thing where i used to like to wear my jackets and hoodies because i guess maybe it was almost like a security blanket. i could hide. problem was... that hoodie would get hot thus resulting in panicking sometimes when attention was drawn on me. you see how this cycle works? it is so vicious when it is out of control.
now if you are reading this and have anxiety, maybe you are sitting there shaking your head in agree-ance with some of these things ive mentioned. if you haven't experienced it, you may think knowing all this now about me that maybe you didnt, that i was tapped lol! and i cant say i blame anyone for feelign like that because a person who hasn't dealt with it just doesn't know the feeling... just doesn't understand how this could happen. i know.. i know. and i especially know because my mother has/had anxiety bad...waaay back when it was kind of thought to be "crazy" and us kids made fun of her horribly. we did. then i got this and thought oh shit.. im turning into my crazy mother.
...the good thing about that though is i've seen how my mom dealt with her problem which really made me consider my own issues and how i would deal with them. i had a few options at this point in life. i could drop out of college and give into this anxiety.. i could get medication... go to counseling... read books to self educate about this... hide in my hoodie for the rest of my life... i mean the possibilities were really endless lol.
i decided to do a combination of things which again i know somewhere around here i've mentioned in detail before.. (i think!) so ill keep it brief but basically what i did was everything i could. counseling, medicine, self educate, talking openly about my problem etc... and it all worked! it took a little time but it worked.
my main thing is i didn't want to be like a particular person, on medication for the rest of my life. the good news was I didn't have to. the bad news for me was that sometimes people really need medication and i could have been one of them but my view was already tainted about meds. i wanted to avoid them like the plague. over the years my view has changed about that and no one should be ashamed for needing to take medicine for a mental health issue.
for me though, i had really wanted to try to stay off the medicine. long story short.. i decided my little rituals weren't working any more, i was getting older and needed to get over my fears. so what did i do? i took the meds LOL!! BUT...i used themt o help me and only used them as long as i felt i needed to.
what i did was my second year of college i remember sitting in a class and i had to speak from my chair. i knew my turn was coming to speak.. now im going to walk you though my feelings... "im sitting here in my chair... theres about 10 people that have to speak before i do.. i know my turn is coming up, my hands are sweating, im swallowing about 20 times, my throat is dry.. i need water... but now after if taken a few sips i have too much fluid in my mouth what if i spit... ok ok.. theres just 4 people left now.. i feel like im getting hot, im gonna pass out. let me take my jacket off. i need to touch something cool so i can put it on the back of my neck because im gonna pass out if i dont. ok theres 1 person in front of me now.. omg.. ok ok how am i gonna start this.. ok jacquie i just gotta do this and not think about feeling like a freak.. deep breath, another swallow, another palm check yup still clammy.. ok my turn.." then i speak and while im speaking i feel like everyone can see im having anxiety but really, they probably didnt at all. i dont think anyone ever noticed. i mean i didnt get to say all i wanted to saya dn i wasnt too confident but i did it and before i know it my fight or flight response has chilled out and things are ok.
SO soon after that episode (it was in an english class btw...another freakin english class lol) i decided to try the zoloft. nothing too high, just 50mg.. something to help me out so i could help myself.
i felt like things were getting better. i used it for maybe under a year, learned how to deal with this, then got off the medicine.
now my next challenge was interesting. now i went through the cna schooling ok i was pregnant with brody.. did fine. used all the skills i taught myself while i was on my medicine. enrolled into my medical assisting program an found out OH i HAVE to take a speach class! unfreaking believable. an entire semester dedicated to my anxiety trigger. you kidding me??
well, instead of freaking out and stamping my feet, i decided now was a perfect time to take advantage of this class, volunteer to take it sooner rather than wait until the last possible moment when i wouldn't have a choice (having a choice really helped me manage my anxiety) so i took the class, got an A in it, did great and that really opened some amazing doors for me!
the only way to get over a fear is to face it head on. now i know for some people, this can be debilitating and really hard to do, you have to do it when you're ready, and if you ever feel you are ready to do it. if you are never ready then to each his own. only we know our own bodies and what we are capable of trying.
for years i stayed off any medicine. about 4 years? and i did really well off of it. i started RN school and like they say in nursing school if you weren't on medication when you started, you will be LOL! so true!
so the goal is to manage anxiety. it is never ever going to go away. i no longer take the zoloft. im starting to go swimming now that the weather is nice. yoga helps, my gardening, and remembering to let loose everyone now and then. go to dinner with mark and live in that moment and worry about school when i get home and have to study. its important to take care of ourselves mentally as well as physically.
honestly, i could go on forever with this however i have to be at clinical tomorrow morning so i suppose now is a good time to stop. That and if you actually are still reading this...holy crap!:D have a good night.
Friday, March 2, 2012
the simplest things
For the last maybe 4 days ive been really kind of obsessing about life and my appreciation for mine and what i have and who i have in it. As some know, ive been following the journal of a family whose son had a horrible car accident back in November. I knew him from church when i was a teenager. Once in a while a situation comes along unexpectedly and kind of knocks me off my feet and makes me think ya know.. it could be me.. it could be my brother, it could be my kid.. my husband, my best friend etc...
Along with this, I have been going to church more often, and i feel it has been a realyl great move for me and my family, AND my relationship with Mark. We dont have too many times in a day when it is just he and I, and his work schedule hours are random as far as when he comes home sometimes. i usually dont even ask when he will be home. i just know if hes not home by 8, i should call to check that he is ok. brody is in school, so its just me and ethan together a lot. and even then, i had gotten so wrapped up in my own stuff, including spending way too much time bumming around. in previous blogs, i wrote some about that... this place has just taken away some of that drive to do anything that i had in me. but im getting it back :)
So over the last maybe 2 months weve been going to church and life's been moving forward in a direction im liking, so ive really been enjoying it, however, not to the fullest, adn i want that full cup. then 4 days ago things started coming full circle for me and im liking it. life really is wonderful. for some, maybe not so much but you gotta figure out a way to get back onto that path and sometimes, it takes someone elses story to make you realize this. sometimes even a total stranger.
ive been in these situations before where ive been so moved by another story its helped me get back on my own track of where i want to be in life. i thank god for those opportunities. I woke up this morning, and as soon as i sent Brody off to school (hes been riding his bike again because the weathers been nice and he is SOOOOO excited about that btw!) before i even got my cup of coffee, something came over me to write on my little pink wipe board top 10 reasons why my husband rocks lol. so i did, and i ran out of room. hes amazing! see thsi chain reaction happens when someone elses story touches your heart... and it extends to the world around you... its like a smile.. its contagious. so hopefully that made marks night.. which i believe it did, because in return, we spent some much needed time just snuggling on the couch, watching alton brown with the kids. we also decided not to go out tonight, just stay in and enjoy the night together. i made us each a nice drink and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. it was a great night. tomorrow is going to be another great day. were taking the boys to the movies which we havent all done together in a while.
anyhow... i just felt the need to blog because ive had so much on my mind and ive been feeling really good. we have a great life here. i may not where physically where i want to be, some days are tough being out here 'alone', my schooling has extended way beyond what i ever though it wouldve been.. in addition my upbringing, some of it, wasnt a fairy tale although far from being down right awful... but all of this is trivial compared to other possibilities. eventually i will complete school and i will be home with my family and who knows..maybe i wont like it being back home after all lol!! my personal life with my family members is in a good place, for everyone i want to be close to and im happy about that. even long distance i feel loved :) I have one life, thats it, and I am really enjoying it despite the obstacles.
Along with this, I have been going to church more often, and i feel it has been a realyl great move for me and my family, AND my relationship with Mark. We dont have too many times in a day when it is just he and I, and his work schedule hours are random as far as when he comes home sometimes. i usually dont even ask when he will be home. i just know if hes not home by 8, i should call to check that he is ok. brody is in school, so its just me and ethan together a lot. and even then, i had gotten so wrapped up in my own stuff, including spending way too much time bumming around. in previous blogs, i wrote some about that... this place has just taken away some of that drive to do anything that i had in me. but im getting it back :)
So over the last maybe 2 months weve been going to church and life's been moving forward in a direction im liking, so ive really been enjoying it, however, not to the fullest, adn i want that full cup. then 4 days ago things started coming full circle for me and im liking it. life really is wonderful. for some, maybe not so much but you gotta figure out a way to get back onto that path and sometimes, it takes someone elses story to make you realize this. sometimes even a total stranger.
ive been in these situations before where ive been so moved by another story its helped me get back on my own track of where i want to be in life. i thank god for those opportunities. I woke up this morning, and as soon as i sent Brody off to school (hes been riding his bike again because the weathers been nice and he is SOOOOO excited about that btw!) before i even got my cup of coffee, something came over me to write on my little pink wipe board top 10 reasons why my husband rocks lol. so i did, and i ran out of room. hes amazing! see thsi chain reaction happens when someone elses story touches your heart... and it extends to the world around you... its like a smile.. its contagious. so hopefully that made marks night.. which i believe it did, because in return, we spent some much needed time just snuggling on the couch, watching alton brown with the kids. we also decided not to go out tonight, just stay in and enjoy the night together. i made us each a nice drink and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. it was a great night. tomorrow is going to be another great day. were taking the boys to the movies which we havent all done together in a while.
anyhow... i just felt the need to blog because ive had so much on my mind and ive been feeling really good. we have a great life here. i may not where physically where i want to be, some days are tough being out here 'alone', my schooling has extended way beyond what i ever though it wouldve been.. in addition my upbringing, some of it, wasnt a fairy tale although far from being down right awful... but all of this is trivial compared to other possibilities. eventually i will complete school and i will be home with my family and who knows..maybe i wont like it being back home after all lol!! my personal life with my family members is in a good place, for everyone i want to be close to and im happy about that. even long distance i feel loved :) I have one life, thats it, and I am really enjoying it despite the obstacles.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
singing in the rain! just siiiingin in the raaaiiin!
ok so this has nothing to do with rain, but i am feeling pretty glorious! :)
Ive been making some pretty good life style changes that im pretty proud of. years ago when the kids were babies, i used to make their baby food at home (very easy and fun btw!) nothing wrong with Gerber or any other big brands of baby food, but i felt good being able to make my kids their foods from scratch. i was pretty proud of that. so over the years ive made a home made thing or two myself.. things you normally would by at the store like a jar of pasta sauce or something. as time goes on my collection of recipes (most are great, some ehh..) has really expanded. mostly thanks to allrecipes.com and comparing recipes that have a rating of a 4 1/2 star or greater to other recipes and info i can find online, and my own preference.
When i was growing up, most of my food came from a box or a can. (like hamburger helper which i still cant stomach.. not because it would taste bad now.. because i probably would like it, just that smell and that box.. and how often we had it.. no..) my mom could cook some things pretty well, and she did have a hand full of hand me down recipes that i now have, but there's other family members that come to mind when i think of good cooking. its a bummer btw, to find out all this time you think something is cooked for hours over a stove, only to find out it came from a microwave (ah hem! jag... yes, my Grammy gave me a recipe for microwave jag and it is amazing... but she did make hers on the stove of what i remember) anyways...
my heritage is italian, german, english, irish (just found out) and cape verdean (google it) i grew up mostly connected to my cape verdean and italian roots and the older i get the more i really enjoy cooking meals from my heritage. besides, i absolutely LOVE italian food, and certain dishes my Grammy always had available when we would visit on the weekends, or after school id stop over and grab some monchupa out of the fridge mmm. mmm.
SO i have really started to WANT to eat a little healthier. not every day all day, but i want to know whats in my foods as often as possible. food labels can be tricky and deceiving. if i can make it at home, i will give it a try at least.
also, this is great therapy for me. im an artist, and everything i love involves art... i like to paint, sew, crochet, cook, make jewelry, paint my nails with designs etc... all arts. even my profession someday :nursing. all arts. (and a little science :) ) when im making something from scratch it may not taste the best the first time or two around. i try to stick close to the original recipe if its something i have never made before or tried much of before altering it too much. but something like a pasta sauce or bread crumbs ... its pretty easy to figure out how to do and what to add and what to skip. theres basic ingredients then theres seasonings and fillers.
something else i really like about making things from scratch is substituting. did you know you can make baking powder if you dont have any on hand? did you know you can substitute apple sauce for oil? did you know there are more than 1 or 2 ways to cook to cook a vegetable? lol. i laugh, but seriously, some people just dont know and i didn't know until i grew up and educated myself.
im by far an expert on any of this stuff and cooking from scratch however i have been doing it for a few years and really love it. i know a thing or two about cooking and i am always looking for suggestions and ideas. i think about all the snacks i buy at the store ad feed to my kids that i could so easily make at home, like these fruit roll ups im making right now. they have just peaches, strawberries, and about 2 tsps of sugar in it that's 8 grams of sugar TOTAL for the entire batch for anyone wondering. i could've used honey or nectar or juice but i didn't have any. cant say all the time every time i will be making everything at home from scratch, its a lot of work, and time, and once school starts i doubt ill have time to experiment like i can now. but it sure is fun :)
so look in your cabinet and see if maybe there is something you can try to make from scratch just for the fun of it. start easy... like the pasta sauce i keep mentioning. sauces are really simple and you can jar it or freeze it and use it for another day :)if it tastes terrible well, at least you'll have fun making it!
so in conclusion to this entire blog.. which ive strayed a bit from the main point here... and the conclusion has little to do with the body of my blog lol... i went to the gym today, ive been going 1-2 times a week, ive been going to church most sundays, eating a little healthier for the most part, taking part in my hobbies like i used to do, and feeling pretty damn good right now. i got into a rut of feeling just "blah" for a little while, it happens to us all from time to time. but i can feel im getting back on track :) i have to say i am really, REALLY loving yoga btw and i am really looking forward to starting school in april!
Ive been making some pretty good life style changes that im pretty proud of. years ago when the kids were babies, i used to make their baby food at home (very easy and fun btw!) nothing wrong with Gerber or any other big brands of baby food, but i felt good being able to make my kids their foods from scratch. i was pretty proud of that. so over the years ive made a home made thing or two myself.. things you normally would by at the store like a jar of pasta sauce or something. as time goes on my collection of recipes (most are great, some ehh..) has really expanded. mostly thanks to allrecipes.com and comparing recipes that have a rating of a 4 1/2 star or greater to other recipes and info i can find online, and my own preference.
When i was growing up, most of my food came from a box or a can. (like hamburger helper which i still cant stomach.. not because it would taste bad now.. because i probably would like it, just that smell and that box.. and how often we had it.. no..) my mom could cook some things pretty well, and she did have a hand full of hand me down recipes that i now have, but there's other family members that come to mind when i think of good cooking. its a bummer btw, to find out all this time you think something is cooked for hours over a stove, only to find out it came from a microwave (ah hem! jag... yes, my Grammy gave me a recipe for microwave jag and it is amazing... but she did make hers on the stove of what i remember) anyways...
my heritage is italian, german, english, irish (just found out) and cape verdean (google it) i grew up mostly connected to my cape verdean and italian roots and the older i get the more i really enjoy cooking meals from my heritage. besides, i absolutely LOVE italian food, and certain dishes my Grammy always had available when we would visit on the weekends, or after school id stop over and grab some monchupa out of the fridge mmm. mmm.
SO i have really started to WANT to eat a little healthier. not every day all day, but i want to know whats in my foods as often as possible. food labels can be tricky and deceiving. if i can make it at home, i will give it a try at least.
also, this is great therapy for me. im an artist, and everything i love involves art... i like to paint, sew, crochet, cook, make jewelry, paint my nails with designs etc... all arts. even my profession someday :nursing. all arts. (and a little science :) ) when im making something from scratch it may not taste the best the first time or two around. i try to stick close to the original recipe if its something i have never made before or tried much of before altering it too much. but something like a pasta sauce or bread crumbs ... its pretty easy to figure out how to do and what to add and what to skip. theres basic ingredients then theres seasonings and fillers.
something else i really like about making things from scratch is substituting. did you know you can make baking powder if you dont have any on hand? did you know you can substitute apple sauce for oil? did you know there are more than 1 or 2 ways to cook to cook a vegetable? lol. i laugh, but seriously, some people just dont know and i didn't know until i grew up and educated myself.
im by far an expert on any of this stuff and cooking from scratch however i have been doing it for a few years and really love it. i know a thing or two about cooking and i am always looking for suggestions and ideas. i think about all the snacks i buy at the store ad feed to my kids that i could so easily make at home, like these fruit roll ups im making right now. they have just peaches, strawberries, and about 2 tsps of sugar in it that's 8 grams of sugar TOTAL for the entire batch for anyone wondering. i could've used honey or nectar or juice but i didn't have any. cant say all the time every time i will be making everything at home from scratch, its a lot of work, and time, and once school starts i doubt ill have time to experiment like i can now. but it sure is fun :)
so look in your cabinet and see if maybe there is something you can try to make from scratch just for the fun of it. start easy... like the pasta sauce i keep mentioning. sauces are really simple and you can jar it or freeze it and use it for another day :)if it tastes terrible well, at least you'll have fun making it!
so in conclusion to this entire blog.. which ive strayed a bit from the main point here... and the conclusion has little to do with the body of my blog lol... i went to the gym today, ive been going 1-2 times a week, ive been going to church most sundays, eating a little healthier for the most part, taking part in my hobbies like i used to do, and feeling pretty damn good right now. i got into a rut of feeling just "blah" for a little while, it happens to us all from time to time. but i can feel im getting back on track :) i have to say i am really, REALLY loving yoga btw and i am really looking forward to starting school in april!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
A military wifes (thats me) top ten
I can NOT sleep, and ive been looking up the most random things online and i think that is why my brain will not allow me to sleep. that and fighting off a major migraine a few hours ago. IN ADVANCE.. PLEASE forgive the typos. i probably will not edit this once i write it. im hoping this will make me feel tired. its been a while since ive typed up anything like this :)
I decided to come up with a top ten list of things you miss and exchange them for as a military wife.. and really as a family. you know how hard it is for me to think of JUST 10 THINGS? very.... i already have a slew coming to me which is why i had to jump up out of bed and type them out before i forgot.
You know, choosing to be an active duty military family for a career to me is very different than i think anyone can imagine unless your husband (family) has decided to do this as a career. This is why as time goes on, i feel myself detaching a bit from my old life and settling ok into this life now and almost at a loss for what it will be like when we are done with this career. it is becoming all ive known as an adult, and raising my kids, and i kind of dont mind it, aside from missing on the stuff back home. there is not a person that can relate to my life style back home.. not from a career perspective and moving around like we have, so the other families i have met along the way that have become my family, i really cherish because they get it! :)
ON WITH THE COUNT DOWN! in NO particular order.. come on, it IS 2am here, way too late to care about ordering for this OCD chick... ;P
1. You MISS OUT on family dinners for holidays which can sometimes turn routine or result in feuds. you dont have moms traditional plate and your aunts home made pie she has every year. INSTEAD... you get to have a new face at the table or go to a new friends home for dinner and share fond memories of dinners back home, and really appreciate those memories. You share one of your family traditional dishes with others and have a dish you never had before. This make you appreciate family more because you cant be with them, and you think about the day when you will be able to have a nice family dinner with them again.
2. You MISS OUT of friends getting married and having children of their own and your friends kids growing up with yours and the dream you once had of living next door to your best friend doesnt happen. INSTEAD you get to meet a TON of new people, your kids have best friends all over the U.S. and maybe over seas, and every chance you get to talk to your best friend on the phone it puts a smile on your heart because had you lived so close to one another, you wouldnt appreciate your friend the way you do being away from them. with every visit back home, you realize just how much you miss your friend, but also just how special they are and unique from the military friends you now have... its something very special :)
3. you MISS OUT on feeling like any new place is home and just when you get used to being somewhere, your up and moving again! in EXCHANGE, you know you ALWAYS have a place to call home when you go visit your home town... you know someone will always let you crash at their place. You have memories of special events that took place at certain locations... you leave your foot prints and will always have places to go back and visit once you settle down. like for us, Florida is where we really became a family. i will always remember florida for that. it is our home away from home. California is where life changed again for us and Mark made chief and i will be finishing college. Some day, it will be nice to travel again to the places we had lived and say "remember when..."
4. you MISS OUT on nights out with your friends, and doing each others makeup and hair and asking them how do i look and them giving you an honest opinion..and going to the same little dive bar on the corner every so often where people know you.INSTEAD, you can have a new friend to go out with every time you go out. you dont have to love the person your hanging out with because in a few months maybe theyre moving... but for right now, theyre actually pretty cool to hang with, you havent known them that long so you havent had enough time to figure out what annoys you about them. Or maybe you really click with them and you know you will both be stationed here for 4 years, so you have 4 years to cram in everything you can without the BS because you dont have time to waste on BS!
5. You MISS OUT on your husband having a regular 9-5 job with weekends off. INSTEAD its pretty random at times, sometimes they do work weekends, but sometimes they get extra days off of work too. The unpredictable schedule gives you a chance to catch up on some house chores or treat yourself to a pedicure, or watch some really awful reality tv show your husband hates while you wait for him to get home.
6. you MISS OUT on being able to sleep next to your husband every night and sometimes for 6 months or more at a time. INSTEEEEAAADDD.... you get the ENTIRE BED to yourself, you can spread out, sleep witha light on, or the tv, have your kids snuggle with you on those nights, eat in bed, wear your footie jammies, ...whatever you wanna do because the entire bed is yours!
7. you MISS OUT on being able to eat at your favorite places that are 'back home' and even if you try to attempt to make your favorite food, you cant find all the ingredients you need at your local stores in your new town. INSTEAD... you learn to improvise, or try a new dish to cook for dinner, or get take out at a restaurant youve never heard of before then tell your friends back home all about it.
8. you MISS OUT on taking your kids to do things that you did as a kid unless you do some really careful planning and even then its just not enough time. INSTEAD, when you do get the chance to show your child where you grew up and played, its pretty special because its not a place down the road they can go to any time they want... you know they wouldnt.... how many times have you complained about not having a gym to go to then when you find one within walking distance how often have you gone? if youre like me, not that often!
9. you MISS OUT on bonding with your younger family members the way you imagined it would be when your brother told you he was having a child...and every time you see them it is almost like reintroducing yourself to them then you have to leave and it can be heart breaking. INSTEAD you can create a really special bond with them long distance in unique ways and when you come to town they are really excited that the coolest aunt in the world is coming to visit! ;P
10. you MISS OUT on tradition.. which isnt always a bad thing. trying to keep up with traditions when you are moving around and life is fairly rapidly changing can be a challenge. INSTEAD you choose a traditional cookie recipe to make for christmas or try a new way of exchanging gifts long distance and its not as stressful trying to keep up with all these traditions and no one is looking over your shoulder making sure you are doing the traditions or even doing them correct! can you imagine if your mother knew you werent using grandmas china for christmas dinner that year... the same dish set thats been used every thanksgiving for the last 50 years!? and you wanted to use a new, much cooler dish set you just bought? she may just pass out! but its YOUR house, YOUR new tradition of not having much tradition... you pick and choose which traditions are important to you rather than doing all of the traditions because well.. youd just collapse trying to keep everything perfect as though life around you hadnt changed.
11. (yes 11, a bonus one.. arent you lucky!!) you "MISS OUT" on getting family member hand me downs you dont have room for. shucks. All those damn dishes from all 4 of your grandparents that mom dug out of their attics in 1976 cant POSSIBLY survive a move across the country! whatever shall you do? INSTEAD you can buy a new dish set :) you can pick and choose what you will and can not/will not accept because you may not have room or it could break etc...
and THAT my friends is my 'top ten' things you miss out on and exchange for something else. its a good life, enjoy it while you can. the good, the bad AND yes the ugly because some day it will be all over. ive been in this life style for 8 years and not everything gets easier, but you just adjust and make things work, and become stronger and learn things you never would have known had you stayed "home" all your life and not ventured past the mississippi lol. :) HOWEVER, i WILL be very happy to move back to new england some day or at least within a few hours drive of my friends and family who i adore so much <3
I decided to come up with a top ten list of things you miss and exchange them for as a military wife.. and really as a family. you know how hard it is for me to think of JUST 10 THINGS? very.... i already have a slew coming to me which is why i had to jump up out of bed and type them out before i forgot.
You know, choosing to be an active duty military family for a career to me is very different than i think anyone can imagine unless your husband (family) has decided to do this as a career. This is why as time goes on, i feel myself detaching a bit from my old life and settling ok into this life now and almost at a loss for what it will be like when we are done with this career. it is becoming all ive known as an adult, and raising my kids, and i kind of dont mind it, aside from missing on the stuff back home. there is not a person that can relate to my life style back home.. not from a career perspective and moving around like we have, so the other families i have met along the way that have become my family, i really cherish because they get it! :)
ON WITH THE COUNT DOWN! in NO particular order.. come on, it IS 2am here, way too late to care about ordering for this OCD chick... ;P
1. You MISS OUT on family dinners for holidays which can sometimes turn routine or result in feuds. you dont have moms traditional plate and your aunts home made pie she has every year. INSTEAD... you get to have a new face at the table or go to a new friends home for dinner and share fond memories of dinners back home, and really appreciate those memories. You share one of your family traditional dishes with others and have a dish you never had before. This make you appreciate family more because you cant be with them, and you think about the day when you will be able to have a nice family dinner with them again.
2. You MISS OUT of friends getting married and having children of their own and your friends kids growing up with yours and the dream you once had of living next door to your best friend doesnt happen. INSTEAD you get to meet a TON of new people, your kids have best friends all over the U.S. and maybe over seas, and every chance you get to talk to your best friend on the phone it puts a smile on your heart because had you lived so close to one another, you wouldnt appreciate your friend the way you do being away from them. with every visit back home, you realize just how much you miss your friend, but also just how special they are and unique from the military friends you now have... its something very special :)
3. you MISS OUT on feeling like any new place is home and just when you get used to being somewhere, your up and moving again! in EXCHANGE, you know you ALWAYS have a place to call home when you go visit your home town... you know someone will always let you crash at their place. You have memories of special events that took place at certain locations... you leave your foot prints and will always have places to go back and visit once you settle down. like for us, Florida is where we really became a family. i will always remember florida for that. it is our home away from home. California is where life changed again for us and Mark made chief and i will be finishing college. Some day, it will be nice to travel again to the places we had lived and say "remember when..."
4. you MISS OUT on nights out with your friends, and doing each others makeup and hair and asking them how do i look and them giving you an honest opinion..and going to the same little dive bar on the corner every so often where people know you.INSTEAD, you can have a new friend to go out with every time you go out. you dont have to love the person your hanging out with because in a few months maybe theyre moving... but for right now, theyre actually pretty cool to hang with, you havent known them that long so you havent had enough time to figure out what annoys you about them. Or maybe you really click with them and you know you will both be stationed here for 4 years, so you have 4 years to cram in everything you can without the BS because you dont have time to waste on BS!
5. You MISS OUT on your husband having a regular 9-5 job with weekends off. INSTEAD its pretty random at times, sometimes they do work weekends, but sometimes they get extra days off of work too. The unpredictable schedule gives you a chance to catch up on some house chores or treat yourself to a pedicure, or watch some really awful reality tv show your husband hates while you wait for him to get home.
6. you MISS OUT on being able to sleep next to your husband every night and sometimes for 6 months or more at a time. INSTEEEEAAADDD.... you get the ENTIRE BED to yourself, you can spread out, sleep witha light on, or the tv, have your kids snuggle with you on those nights, eat in bed, wear your footie jammies, ...whatever you wanna do because the entire bed is yours!
7. you MISS OUT on being able to eat at your favorite places that are 'back home' and even if you try to attempt to make your favorite food, you cant find all the ingredients you need at your local stores in your new town. INSTEAD... you learn to improvise, or try a new dish to cook for dinner, or get take out at a restaurant youve never heard of before then tell your friends back home all about it.
8. you MISS OUT on taking your kids to do things that you did as a kid unless you do some really careful planning and even then its just not enough time. INSTEAD, when you do get the chance to show your child where you grew up and played, its pretty special because its not a place down the road they can go to any time they want... you know they wouldnt.... how many times have you complained about not having a gym to go to then when you find one within walking distance how often have you gone? if youre like me, not that often!
9. you MISS OUT on bonding with your younger family members the way you imagined it would be when your brother told you he was having a child...and every time you see them it is almost like reintroducing yourself to them then you have to leave and it can be heart breaking. INSTEAD you can create a really special bond with them long distance in unique ways and when you come to town they are really excited that the coolest aunt in the world is coming to visit! ;P
10. you MISS OUT on tradition.. which isnt always a bad thing. trying to keep up with traditions when you are moving around and life is fairly rapidly changing can be a challenge. INSTEAD you choose a traditional cookie recipe to make for christmas or try a new way of exchanging gifts long distance and its not as stressful trying to keep up with all these traditions and no one is looking over your shoulder making sure you are doing the traditions or even doing them correct! can you imagine if your mother knew you werent using grandmas china for christmas dinner that year... the same dish set thats been used every thanksgiving for the last 50 years!? and you wanted to use a new, much cooler dish set you just bought? she may just pass out! but its YOUR house, YOUR new tradition of not having much tradition... you pick and choose which traditions are important to you rather than doing all of the traditions because well.. youd just collapse trying to keep everything perfect as though life around you hadnt changed.
11. (yes 11, a bonus one.. arent you lucky!!) you "MISS OUT" on getting family member hand me downs you dont have room for. shucks. All those damn dishes from all 4 of your grandparents that mom dug out of their attics in 1976 cant POSSIBLY survive a move across the country! whatever shall you do? INSTEAD you can buy a new dish set :) you can pick and choose what you will and can not/will not accept because you may not have room or it could break etc...
and THAT my friends is my 'top ten' things you miss out on and exchange for something else. its a good life, enjoy it while you can. the good, the bad AND yes the ugly because some day it will be all over. ive been in this life style for 8 years and not everything gets easier, but you just adjust and make things work, and become stronger and learn things you never would have known had you stayed "home" all your life and not ventured past the mississippi lol. :) HOWEVER, i WILL be very happy to move back to new england some day or at least within a few hours drive of my friends and family who i adore so much <3
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The greatest things in life
again, im sorry if there are typos. im not fixing them. i have some homework to do but felt the need to write...
:)
I am not incredibly religious, but i do believe in god, and many things related to Christianity. i consider myself a christian. One thing that my grandmother who is religious and has a very close relationship to god.. always tells me 'let go and let god.' and 95% of the time i do listen to her. ive been noticing a trend lately and i think it is related to that.
I am the type of person who likes to have control of everything going on in my life, i do not like the unknown, or change, although over the last 3 years id say, ive done better with change and sort of welcome it now. The reason is kind of simple, but it came with a few lessons, and lessons i dont think ill ever forget because they changed my life, and for the better, and im so thankful.
It started around the time i broke up with my long term boyfriend in high school. ill spare all the fine details because it is kind of boring, and a bit repetitive if youve known me for a while, then you probably know what happened over the year or so after he and i broke up. it was a friendly breakup. we just werent compatible anymore. i wish him well always.
I moved out of my moms house, i was a pissed off teenager. her and i at the time werent getting along. live with my dad. planned to stay for a few months then return to maine. i had a car that i was paying way too much money for, dated a guy i normally wouldnt choose for myself although while it lasted it was fun, and moved on a whim... all these things werent like me to do.. but i did them. theres the short version of what happened.
when i moved back to maine i met mark and things REALLY changed for the better. you (most of you) know my family's past. specifically, my parents... my dad dropped out of school in 8th grade, my mother became a mom at 16 and had 4 kids and had a few abusive relationships, and we were ok even though at times struggling. theres the short version of that if you didnt know. although, my mother did end up getting her diploma eventually after becoming a mother, and even went to college for a little while. my dad got his GED a few years ago, and im proud of both of my parents for picking up their education.
so education has always been important to me in my adult life. most of you know and see this. so recently, ive been thinking so much about my live over the last 7 years with mark, and how much it has changed, adn how when i am in control, or think im in control,things dont always seem to go the way i planned for it. i planned to go to nursing school when i was a mom of two babies and it didnt work out. i tried again in sc and was told we had to move to cali. i never ever wanted to move to cali, never wanted to go to FL...etc..etc... i could go on with my list of things i DIDNT want to do. my grammy as i said always tells me 'let go and let god...jesus is your best friend.' so the more i did let go and let god, things started happening for me. ok ok i didnt want to go to florida.. but i did. i didnt have a choice if i wanted to be with my husband and raise our family together. it was one of the highlights in my life that i would say was the toughest decision. i just had this baby (ethan) and i left behind a good job, all my friends and family, i had anxiety, i felt like i was not ready and i never imagined if leave new england. but i did and i made new friends. i learned how to get by on my own.. things i had always done for myself but with protection around me 'just in-case'...i had my safety net of friends, family, and things i knew.. so i was still doing the same things in FL but without my safety net and it scared me.
so fast forward... after FL we got to go to SC wehre i felt i was closer to my safety net. then we were told we had to move to cali.. i think this is where i finally threw in the towel adn said 'ok god.. you win.. YOU WIN! what am i suposed to do now?' so basically, god dragged my by the ear, had me drive across country feel nervous and anxious.. and i got here and thigns started to happen. I am getting everything i want but on gods time... gods plan for me, not mine.
so heres a list of other things i didnt want to do.. i did not want to move to cali, didnt want to drive across country, didnt want to pay 30,000 for school, didnt want to drive to fresno for school, didnt want to have ethan home with me (i wanted him in school) didnt want to work at home on my associates degree in something i didnt want, didnt want.... didnt want...didnt ant.. you get my point. well all the things i didnt want i ended up doing anyways because at this point, 'gods pla' for me just seemed to make me happier. i was kind of lost in my direction.
dear god, you know i tried to get out of going to fresno and choosing a school closer to me.. so god said 'ok jacquie.. im gonna let you go to that meeting at the other school, but im telling you, thats not where you belong'. so i went to that meeting at the other school, and of course, god was right lol. that school wouldve been closer, and in what i felt a safer area, the only downfall was it was a thousand or so more expensive, but i got everything else I WANTED in that school. but something told me to stick with gurnick and i did. so im on this streak of good things here now...
... now i have certain classes approved for that anywhere else i ried, they would not approve my classes. this brought tuition down, and i only have 8 months of school befor eim an LPN...which is amazing.. I DIDNT WANT to be an LPN.. i wanted to be an RN! but.. thats not my plan. right now i have 2 years here thats it. i think about RN school and i get a nausea feeling because my time limit here and the stress i had at PJC when i started the RN program there... i just didnt have enough time here and id be pressuring myself way too much so this LPN school fell into my lap and seemed more for me. the other thing with the school thats closer to me is that they kept trying to pressure me into doing the RN program because i had so many classes done already. it was tempting ill tell you, but it wasnt the plan for me... i could just hear god and my grandmother saying no... no.. no.. youre doing what you want again and not following with what would make life easier and your goal more attainable... so i stopped myself and just stuck with gurnick which has been really a helpful school so far! so im hoping now that things will continue to go well for me here. also, childcare fell into place. never, ever has it been this easy for me with getting things together for school. also, i got my day time classes. i was placed on an alternate list.. a list I DIDNT WANT to be on, but my gut (and god) told me to get on that alternate list and i listened and the counselor told me that morning before my enrollment appointment a spot opened up for me and i was first on her list. so the spot was mine. theres only 22 spots in the program so i made it! i made it by letting go and letting god as my grandmother would say adn i do believe it. im not preachy about god or religion. im spiritual, and i leave it at that and rarely share my beliefs with other people. This blog is about what worked for me and whether you believe in god or not, i am not trying to persuade... so dont think that. my experience however, has been much more smooth when i listened to my grandmother.
another great thing that has happened to my family since we just did what we had to do and not necessarily what we wanted to was that my husband made chief. it is 6 weeks of tough training but i have no doubt in him or my ability to pull through. again, it is NOT what i WANT to be doing, but no one gets served on a silver platter... no one in this family anyways, and i like it this way. theres lessons to be learned in life and plenty of good advice out there from people have have lived through situations we are going through and theres a bigger picture as to why things are the way they are. so we shut up, and get the job done. in south carolina my family was tested big time. i thought it wouldve been a better experience for us and was so happy to be closer to family and I CHOSE to go to SC. i pushed for it hard. we got there and things started to fall apart. at times,it seemed we were on the right track but of course when you are getting your way it seems that way.
it took for us to let go of things for our family to have what it needs and yes i am a believer that if you just have faith in a higher power that you will be put on the right track it will happen. of course, not with work on your end though. It doesnt just happen. and you will fall off that track at some point because there are other lessons you have to learn.. adn once you learn that lesson and get the bigger picture, youll get back on track again. how boring would it be if we stayed on this strait, predictable path our entire lives? quite boring!
:)
I am not incredibly religious, but i do believe in god, and many things related to Christianity. i consider myself a christian. One thing that my grandmother who is religious and has a very close relationship to god.. always tells me 'let go and let god.' and 95% of the time i do listen to her. ive been noticing a trend lately and i think it is related to that.
I am the type of person who likes to have control of everything going on in my life, i do not like the unknown, or change, although over the last 3 years id say, ive done better with change and sort of welcome it now. The reason is kind of simple, but it came with a few lessons, and lessons i dont think ill ever forget because they changed my life, and for the better, and im so thankful.
It started around the time i broke up with my long term boyfriend in high school. ill spare all the fine details because it is kind of boring, and a bit repetitive if youve known me for a while, then you probably know what happened over the year or so after he and i broke up. it was a friendly breakup. we just werent compatible anymore. i wish him well always.
I moved out of my moms house, i was a pissed off teenager. her and i at the time werent getting along. live with my dad. planned to stay for a few months then return to maine. i had a car that i was paying way too much money for, dated a guy i normally wouldnt choose for myself although while it lasted it was fun, and moved on a whim... all these things werent like me to do.. but i did them. theres the short version of what happened.
when i moved back to maine i met mark and things REALLY changed for the better. you (most of you) know my family's past. specifically, my parents... my dad dropped out of school in 8th grade, my mother became a mom at 16 and had 4 kids and had a few abusive relationships, and we were ok even though at times struggling. theres the short version of that if you didnt know. although, my mother did end up getting her diploma eventually after becoming a mother, and even went to college for a little while. my dad got his GED a few years ago, and im proud of both of my parents for picking up their education.
so education has always been important to me in my adult life. most of you know and see this. so recently, ive been thinking so much about my live over the last 7 years with mark, and how much it has changed, adn how when i am in control, or think im in control,things dont always seem to go the way i planned for it. i planned to go to nursing school when i was a mom of two babies and it didnt work out. i tried again in sc and was told we had to move to cali. i never ever wanted to move to cali, never wanted to go to FL...etc..etc... i could go on with my list of things i DIDNT want to do. my grammy as i said always tells me 'let go and let god...jesus is your best friend.' so the more i did let go and let god, things started happening for me. ok ok i didnt want to go to florida.. but i did. i didnt have a choice if i wanted to be with my husband and raise our family together. it was one of the highlights in my life that i would say was the toughest decision. i just had this baby (ethan) and i left behind a good job, all my friends and family, i had anxiety, i felt like i was not ready and i never imagined if leave new england. but i did and i made new friends. i learned how to get by on my own.. things i had always done for myself but with protection around me 'just in-case'...i had my safety net of friends, family, and things i knew.. so i was still doing the same things in FL but without my safety net and it scared me.
so fast forward... after FL we got to go to SC wehre i felt i was closer to my safety net. then we were told we had to move to cali.. i think this is where i finally threw in the towel adn said 'ok god.. you win.. YOU WIN! what am i suposed to do now?' so basically, god dragged my by the ear, had me drive across country feel nervous and anxious.. and i got here and thigns started to happen. I am getting everything i want but on gods time... gods plan for me, not mine.
so heres a list of other things i didnt want to do.. i did not want to move to cali, didnt want to drive across country, didnt want to pay 30,000 for school, didnt want to drive to fresno for school, didnt want to have ethan home with me (i wanted him in school) didnt want to work at home on my associates degree in something i didnt want, didnt want.... didnt want...didnt ant.. you get my point. well all the things i didnt want i ended up doing anyways because at this point, 'gods pla' for me just seemed to make me happier. i was kind of lost in my direction.
dear god, you know i tried to get out of going to fresno and choosing a school closer to me.. so god said 'ok jacquie.. im gonna let you go to that meeting at the other school, but im telling you, thats not where you belong'. so i went to that meeting at the other school, and of course, god was right lol. that school wouldve been closer, and in what i felt a safer area, the only downfall was it was a thousand or so more expensive, but i got everything else I WANTED in that school. but something told me to stick with gurnick and i did. so im on this streak of good things here now...
... now i have certain classes approved for that anywhere else i ried, they would not approve my classes. this brought tuition down, and i only have 8 months of school befor eim an LPN...which is amazing.. I DIDNT WANT to be an LPN.. i wanted to be an RN! but.. thats not my plan. right now i have 2 years here thats it. i think about RN school and i get a nausea feeling because my time limit here and the stress i had at PJC when i started the RN program there... i just didnt have enough time here and id be pressuring myself way too much so this LPN school fell into my lap and seemed more for me. the other thing with the school thats closer to me is that they kept trying to pressure me into doing the RN program because i had so many classes done already. it was tempting ill tell you, but it wasnt the plan for me... i could just hear god and my grandmother saying no... no.. no.. youre doing what you want again and not following with what would make life easier and your goal more attainable... so i stopped myself and just stuck with gurnick which has been really a helpful school so far! so im hoping now that things will continue to go well for me here. also, childcare fell into place. never, ever has it been this easy for me with getting things together for school. also, i got my day time classes. i was placed on an alternate list.. a list I DIDNT WANT to be on, but my gut (and god) told me to get on that alternate list and i listened and the counselor told me that morning before my enrollment appointment a spot opened up for me and i was first on her list. so the spot was mine. theres only 22 spots in the program so i made it! i made it by letting go and letting god as my grandmother would say adn i do believe it. im not preachy about god or religion. im spiritual, and i leave it at that and rarely share my beliefs with other people. This blog is about what worked for me and whether you believe in god or not, i am not trying to persuade... so dont think that. my experience however, has been much more smooth when i listened to my grandmother.
another great thing that has happened to my family since we just did what we had to do and not necessarily what we wanted to was that my husband made chief. it is 6 weeks of tough training but i have no doubt in him or my ability to pull through. again, it is NOT what i WANT to be doing, but no one gets served on a silver platter... no one in this family anyways, and i like it this way. theres lessons to be learned in life and plenty of good advice out there from people have have lived through situations we are going through and theres a bigger picture as to why things are the way they are. so we shut up, and get the job done. in south carolina my family was tested big time. i thought it wouldve been a better experience for us and was so happy to be closer to family and I CHOSE to go to SC. i pushed for it hard. we got there and things started to fall apart. at times,it seemed we were on the right track but of course when you are getting your way it seems that way.
it took for us to let go of things for our family to have what it needs and yes i am a believer that if you just have faith in a higher power that you will be put on the right track it will happen. of course, not with work on your end though. It doesnt just happen. and you will fall off that track at some point because there are other lessons you have to learn.. adn once you learn that lesson and get the bigger picture, youll get back on track again. how boring would it be if we stayed on this strait, predictable path our entire lives? quite boring!
Friday, July 29, 2011
values and other stuff some people may or may not care about.
Be prepared for some typos and such because i probably wont review this to correct them. :)
So, we have been in california for over a month now and so far we are really loving it here. i was vaccuming the couch a few minutes ago and thought i should probably blog because i was thinking about something. actually, the last several days i have been really thinking about several things. One of them is what i value, and what other people value, and how sometimes it can be perceived in a way its not meant to be.
anyhow, when we moved into base housing i didnt realyl know too much of what to expect. i thought ok this could be a really positive thing or really bad, but its for 2 years and it will be a good experience. we moved into this house, i bawled my eyes out because i didnt think our king size bed would fit in our room, and honestly, it wasnt about the bed... i had just been overwhelmed. even though our road trip here was AMAZING and almost perfect, it is still stressful and i guess that day my stress came out emotionally. after a good cry, i was better. later that night, i realized how ridiculus it was that i had cried...thats when i realized it wasnt over just the bed...
so with every move i try my best to make our house our home... with my things, decorated the way i like it within our means. when mark and i first got together he had practically nothing after going through a breakup with someone else, he just left that situation and started fresh. he had a bed, 2 tvs, a cooler, a table with no chairs, a fouton, and a dresser made out of cynder blocks and wood... and a tv stand made of cynder blocks and wood. honestly, thats about it! but we were happy. :) then we were very lucky to get some pieces of furniture we purchased from another coworker of marks when he was moving, and then my brother helped us get some things, and we purchased a couch together. brand new. that was exciting!
we always made the best out of what we had and we still do. we finally stepped into the current times with technology about a year 1/2 ago. we felt we deserved it, we went a long time doing things the right way, paying down our bills and not worrying about having new things. it wasnt a big deal! we worked on getting our credit better and things like that.
so in south carolina we made our house our home updating some of our things and it felt really good to be able to put a little more effor tinto making our home a bit nicer. not expensive, just better... i am pretty thrifty if you didnt know that about me :)
when we were kids we got tons of hand me downs. actually, im not sure when there was a time we got something brand new. i know we did i just cant rememebr a time. i had the same bed from the time i was 4 until i moved out and met mark. it wasnt important and honestly that damn bed was comfy even if it did sag in the middle ha! I was really proud the day i purchased a brand new desk for my room as a teenager. i remember my moms husband helping me put that thing together. but i worked my butt off to get that thing and it cost about 80 bucks. i had been working at dominos and we had gotten a bit of extra cash... it was around the holidays. i thought at the time 80 bucks was a lot for me. i used that desk until we moved from maine to florida when it finally start falling apart. it was the story behind the desk that made it important to me. its the story behind some of my things that make them important to me. i am so appreciative of what i have. i always have been. i value a nice home with things in it that have a story, or were given to me by someone special, or my art i put on my walls, my pictures of my friends, the lamp on my desk that belonged to my grandmother, i look around my own house and i see things that remind me of good times in my life and struggling times and saving, and things like that.
so when i go into someone elses home, i feel the same. i like to look around and see what their house looks like, you can gain a lot from looking around someones home and seeing what they value, what is important to them.. i learn a bit of who they are and what they like. do they have pictures of friends and family around everywhere? do they have a giant cook book full of old recipes? plants in every corner of the room? toys all over the floor? whatever it is... clean or messy, a room full of junk or an almost bare house... theres a story behind it.
living in military housing and picking up moving every 1-3 years (for us anyhow) its a chore somtimes... but i want to make my home feel like it is my own and not someone elses. this is where my kids will grow up and memories they will have. for me, i want them to have good memories and as normal as i can make it for them. with a comfortable, normal feeling home, with pets, and pictures on our walls, and stains on the rug if they make them, and toys in the bath tub that never get out, and a mess in their room from having kids come over and playing, and i want to deal with foot prints on my floor from them walking around with their dirty wet/muddy feet from playing in the water outside... you get my point. this is our life. everyone makes what they want of their lives, and for military families, it really is different than civilian life at times. everyone will choose something different for their family and this is my choice :) ive been very accepting over the last 6 months especially that this is our life, that i may not go home for 2 years, that my kids may not be around their cousins and uncles for a while... but we make the best of it, do video chats, write letters, make phone calls, hang pictures so we dont forget them adn when we do get to go home, we take advantage of seeing everyone we can and making good memories. i feel were on the right track and making this military life work for us instead of against us (me) and everything i ever wanted for my family and my kids especially :)
so i guess theres a bit of a moral to the story... dont look down on someone who doesnt appear to have as much as you do, and dont look down on someone who has more than you do. just be thankful with what you have. our spouses work every work day, long hours. some of us come from fortunate families and some of us do not. some of us value nice things, some of us do not. to some of us its important to have the trendiest things, adn to others it is not. wherever these things are on your scale of value and importance, it is ok and dont be ashamed of that. people will probably judge.. and maybe thats because they value things a bit different than you do! :)
So, we have been in california for over a month now and so far we are really loving it here. i was vaccuming the couch a few minutes ago and thought i should probably blog because i was thinking about something. actually, the last several days i have been really thinking about several things. One of them is what i value, and what other people value, and how sometimes it can be perceived in a way its not meant to be.
anyhow, when we moved into base housing i didnt realyl know too much of what to expect. i thought ok this could be a really positive thing or really bad, but its for 2 years and it will be a good experience. we moved into this house, i bawled my eyes out because i didnt think our king size bed would fit in our room, and honestly, it wasnt about the bed... i had just been overwhelmed. even though our road trip here was AMAZING and almost perfect, it is still stressful and i guess that day my stress came out emotionally. after a good cry, i was better. later that night, i realized how ridiculus it was that i had cried...thats when i realized it wasnt over just the bed...
so with every move i try my best to make our house our home... with my things, decorated the way i like it within our means. when mark and i first got together he had practically nothing after going through a breakup with someone else, he just left that situation and started fresh. he had a bed, 2 tvs, a cooler, a table with no chairs, a fouton, and a dresser made out of cynder blocks and wood... and a tv stand made of cynder blocks and wood. honestly, thats about it! but we were happy. :) then we were very lucky to get some pieces of furniture we purchased from another coworker of marks when he was moving, and then my brother helped us get some things, and we purchased a couch together. brand new. that was exciting!
we always made the best out of what we had and we still do. we finally stepped into the current times with technology about a year 1/2 ago. we felt we deserved it, we went a long time doing things the right way, paying down our bills and not worrying about having new things. it wasnt a big deal! we worked on getting our credit better and things like that.
so in south carolina we made our house our home updating some of our things and it felt really good to be able to put a little more effor tinto making our home a bit nicer. not expensive, just better... i am pretty thrifty if you didnt know that about me :)
when we were kids we got tons of hand me downs. actually, im not sure when there was a time we got something brand new. i know we did i just cant rememebr a time. i had the same bed from the time i was 4 until i moved out and met mark. it wasnt important and honestly that damn bed was comfy even if it did sag in the middle ha! I was really proud the day i purchased a brand new desk for my room as a teenager. i remember my moms husband helping me put that thing together. but i worked my butt off to get that thing and it cost about 80 bucks. i had been working at dominos and we had gotten a bit of extra cash... it was around the holidays. i thought at the time 80 bucks was a lot for me. i used that desk until we moved from maine to florida when it finally start falling apart. it was the story behind the desk that made it important to me. its the story behind some of my things that make them important to me. i am so appreciative of what i have. i always have been. i value a nice home with things in it that have a story, or were given to me by someone special, or my art i put on my walls, my pictures of my friends, the lamp on my desk that belonged to my grandmother, i look around my own house and i see things that remind me of good times in my life and struggling times and saving, and things like that.
so when i go into someone elses home, i feel the same. i like to look around and see what their house looks like, you can gain a lot from looking around someones home and seeing what they value, what is important to them.. i learn a bit of who they are and what they like. do they have pictures of friends and family around everywhere? do they have a giant cook book full of old recipes? plants in every corner of the room? toys all over the floor? whatever it is... clean or messy, a room full of junk or an almost bare house... theres a story behind it.
living in military housing and picking up moving every 1-3 years (for us anyhow) its a chore somtimes... but i want to make my home feel like it is my own and not someone elses. this is where my kids will grow up and memories they will have. for me, i want them to have good memories and as normal as i can make it for them. with a comfortable, normal feeling home, with pets, and pictures on our walls, and stains on the rug if they make them, and toys in the bath tub that never get out, and a mess in their room from having kids come over and playing, and i want to deal with foot prints on my floor from them walking around with their dirty wet/muddy feet from playing in the water outside... you get my point. this is our life. everyone makes what they want of their lives, and for military families, it really is different than civilian life at times. everyone will choose something different for their family and this is my choice :) ive been very accepting over the last 6 months especially that this is our life, that i may not go home for 2 years, that my kids may not be around their cousins and uncles for a while... but we make the best of it, do video chats, write letters, make phone calls, hang pictures so we dont forget them adn when we do get to go home, we take advantage of seeing everyone we can and making good memories. i feel were on the right track and making this military life work for us instead of against us (me) and everything i ever wanted for my family and my kids especially :)
so i guess theres a bit of a moral to the story... dont look down on someone who doesnt appear to have as much as you do, and dont look down on someone who has more than you do. just be thankful with what you have. our spouses work every work day, long hours. some of us come from fortunate families and some of us do not. some of us value nice things, some of us do not. to some of us its important to have the trendiest things, adn to others it is not. wherever these things are on your scale of value and importance, it is ok and dont be ashamed of that. people will probably judge.. and maybe thats because they value things a bit different than you do! :)
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
'You Lost' ...and a baseball story
To get Brody and Ethan moving their bum-bums in the morning ill have them race to get dressed, but Brody is usually slower than Ethan just because Brody is just not paying attention. so I usually hear ethan say 'oh yeah I won!' and Brody feels sad... so anyways It has helped Brody to get dressed faster, adn pretty much anything I want them to do, if they are not doing it I make a game of it...
SO I did this to get them in the car too (get their belts on and stuff etc... just to get out the door and to school on time!) so anyways, lately i hear Brody saying 'Oh yeah I won, you lose!' Then Ethan would say the same thing...'You lose!' whenever he would win...well i didnt like that... 'you lose'?????
So i explained to my boys, ' you finished first, he finished second....everyone won because you didnt give up. you only lose when you give up' Brody seems to really understand this.
When Brody played baseball we were pretty srtict with him finishing a game. he decided he wanted to play he was going to finish the game even if that meant he just sat on the bench or stood in the outfield, he was going to be there with his team.. he was apart of that team. I dont want him to get used to giving up so easy and it being ok. if he really really hated baseball i wouldnt make him go, but he did like it. he just got side tracked here and there now and then especialyl in the beginning when they were all just learning...(well it was a little boring sometimes!)
i remember hearing one grandmother of another kid say 'that boy doesnt want to be here he should go home' talking about brody, not knowing i was his mom. i ignored it but i really wanted to give her a piece of my mind because hes just a kid.. he was having an off day...
funny thing though is that at next practice, her grandson was fussing, crying, whinning, not wanting to play and well he didnt go home. they had him stick it out... but the grandmother wasnt there that day...unfortunately! kinda wish she got to see that so she could see all kids have bad days!
ok so back to my story...
so i started thinking about that statement in the adult world and how true i feel that really is. we dont lose until we give up. we are not losers unless we giveup. I started thinking about some of the decisions i know others have made and if they are, by my statement well... a loser lol. and the outcome is YES because they gave up on something they could have worked harder on. Like Dr. Phil says (lol) dont give up until you have tried absolutely everything, everything in your power... mostly speaking on marriages and divorce, but i agree with this.
So then i started to think about my schooling, and replacing the word 'loser' with 'failure' i am not a failure until i give up, before all other options were tried. and im certainly not ready to do that. I havent tried everything yet. With everything i do i try to do it with all of me...all that is inside of me. Same goes for my close relationships and trying everything i can to salvage the important ones.. upkeep them, kind of like a spring cleaning...make a phone call if its been a while... send a note..whatever... you get my point...
with relationships they all need a little tweak now and then or a clean up... you part a little, get close again...etc... this is just the way it is and its ok.
I have a best friend who i have known for 22 years and not all of those 22 years did we get along, or were always hanging out, etc... mostly in middle school we kind of drifted a little bit, but we were still friends and friendly. we found other friends too, and then eventually we got closer again and now still she is one of the 3 people i consider my 'best' friend'. she definitely holds the number 1 spot though because weve known eachother SOOOOOOO long.
SO I did this to get them in the car too (get their belts on and stuff etc... just to get out the door and to school on time!) so anyways, lately i hear Brody saying 'Oh yeah I won, you lose!' Then Ethan would say the same thing...'You lose!' whenever he would win...well i didnt like that... 'you lose'?????
So i explained to my boys, ' you finished first, he finished second....everyone won because you didnt give up. you only lose when you give up' Brody seems to really understand this.
When Brody played baseball we were pretty srtict with him finishing a game. he decided he wanted to play he was going to finish the game even if that meant he just sat on the bench or stood in the outfield, he was going to be there with his team.. he was apart of that team. I dont want him to get used to giving up so easy and it being ok. if he really really hated baseball i wouldnt make him go, but he did like it. he just got side tracked here and there now and then especialyl in the beginning when they were all just learning...(well it was a little boring sometimes!)
i remember hearing one grandmother of another kid say 'that boy doesnt want to be here he should go home' talking about brody, not knowing i was his mom. i ignored it but i really wanted to give her a piece of my mind because hes just a kid.. he was having an off day...
funny thing though is that at next practice, her grandson was fussing, crying, whinning, not wanting to play and well he didnt go home. they had him stick it out... but the grandmother wasnt there that day...unfortunately! kinda wish she got to see that so she could see all kids have bad days!
ok so back to my story...
so i started thinking about that statement in the adult world and how true i feel that really is. we dont lose until we give up. we are not losers unless we giveup. I started thinking about some of the decisions i know others have made and if they are, by my statement well... a loser lol. and the outcome is YES because they gave up on something they could have worked harder on. Like Dr. Phil says (lol) dont give up until you have tried absolutely everything, everything in your power... mostly speaking on marriages and divorce, but i agree with this.
So then i started to think about my schooling, and replacing the word 'loser' with 'failure' i am not a failure until i give up, before all other options were tried. and im certainly not ready to do that. I havent tried everything yet. With everything i do i try to do it with all of me...all that is inside of me. Same goes for my close relationships and trying everything i can to salvage the important ones.. upkeep them, kind of like a spring cleaning...make a phone call if its been a while... send a note..whatever... you get my point...
with relationships they all need a little tweak now and then or a clean up... you part a little, get close again...etc... this is just the way it is and its ok.
I have a best friend who i have known for 22 years and not all of those 22 years did we get along, or were always hanging out, etc... mostly in middle school we kind of drifted a little bit, but we were still friends and friendly. we found other friends too, and then eventually we got closer again and now still she is one of the 3 people i consider my 'best' friend'. she definitely holds the number 1 spot though because weve known eachother SOOOOOOO long.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
the power of LOYALTY (and how to become a loyal person)
Some of this i am just going to copy and paste to use from another website, because it is so great. my promise to myself is that i will strive to be a loyal person. At times, i feel as though i give and give myself, especially my heart and ear, to my friends and family, and this can be taken advantage of. I dont want to be mistaken for being a push over, because im not
so as mentioned in the previous post... i discovered loyalty... the word that defines what i have been striving to work towards without putting a word to it until now. I have good days and bad days, and days where i have so much built up inside of me i just want to explode on some people... my way to redirect that explosion is to frankly.. bitch about it to my best friend, or write about it and usually 9 out of 10 times i delete it after ive chilled out...
So anyways here it is:
We live in a world where selfishness seems to be the rule of the day, and personal gain the objective of most relationships and endeavors. One of the most honorable character traits a person can develop is the ability to be loyal, whether to family, friends, an employer, or clubs and organizations to which we may belong.
1. Understand what being loyal means. You must be willing to allow your own interests to take second place to be truly loyal to another person or cause. Loyalty is simply the act of putting someone or something else ahead of one's self.
2. Be willing to sacrifice. Being loyal in a patriot sense, as in loyal to one's country, has placed millions in harm's way in wars throughout history. The people who serve in the modern military are loyal to their nation, its flag, and the purpose they serve for. Being loyal to a friend or your own family can also require sacrifice.
3. Take time to look at the needs of whomever will have your loyalty. To take steps of loyalty, you need to recognize that it is a deliberate effort, and to be truly loyal to someone, you have to be willing to invest yourself, your time and energy in them.
4. Ask yourself if what or who you are offering your loyalty to is worthy of the investment. Is the person or organization who asks for your loyalty worthwhile?
5. Consider the benefits of loyalty. This may be most obvious in the case of employment. Being a loyal employee often creates its own rewards, with increases in pay, job security, and respect from your employer. Being a loyal employer, who is willing to look after your employees, will give them incentive to be more dedicated and productive for you.
6. Weigh the costs of being loyal. You should always structure the hierarchy of your loyalties according to your valuation of their importance. If being loyal to a group or club creates negative influence in your family or other social circumstance, it may not be worthwhile to continue that loyalty.
7. Balance your loyalties with the day-to-day needs of your own life and your family Being loyal to a volunteer group or social organization at the expense of taking time for your family may result in suffering loss in your personal relationships.
8. Look for reward and appreciation in your efforts to be loyal. Being loyal to an unappreciative person or group is not very rewarding, and although this implies a selfish motivation for your loyalty, it is a practical thing to expect the person or group to which you give your loyalty to be loyal to you in return.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)