I was straightening my hair in the mirror, thinking about my husband who is currently waiting to come home.. he is a few hours late and has been gone just over 2 weeks. I made a FB post that triggered my thoughts for writing this blog. Th post was something like i am "patiently" waiting for my husband to get home.. hes hours late, im not a patient person. something like that. got me to think of a person who used to make snide remarks about a person like me.. who is excited to see her husband whether it be 20 days or 20 months... doesn't matter. We miss our guys. and while the break is nice, there's nothing like having him here.
So basically some things many people may say is "well be thankful hes only been gone 2 weeks." "imagine how people feel whose husbands have been gone 2 years." or my favorite... "just two weeks? that's not bad. my husband was gone for 8 months and..." don't get me wrong, it is pretty different when your hubs is gone 2 weeks compared to 2 years, however, its just not nice to minimize someone elses feelings for their spouse to be returning home no matter the length of time.At times, that's what happens in the real military world.
So i thought of some other things floating around in my head related to being a military spouse and my experiences and things I wish I did more of... and this i would say is for the newer military spouses. Here are my pieces of advice in no special order;
10. You don't have to be friends with everyone.
Its nice to be friendly, but there's no reason to try to be friends with every single person. Sometimes ti doesn't work out, and that's ok. keep a few good girls by your side that you click with and keep the rest acquaintances.
9. It is ok to not join every group, go to every meeting etc... its encouraged to take part in these things of course! but sometimes there's just groups and meetings falling out your ears you don't know what ones are important and what ones aren't any more. Its ok to be choosey. Quite honestly, some of us have other things to do outside of the military life. (school, work, other commitments) You are not a bad spouse for not being an active member of more than 1 group. At times, unless you know the people involved, you never know what you are going to get either. its ok to go a few times then decide this is not for you, or what the group has to offer you don't need.
8. network. Know a few spouses in the command as well as a few out of the command. you'll always have someone to fill you in on whats going on in the command, someone to go to functions with, complain about long deployments with, laugh cry etc... its a good feeling. having some good chicks outside of the command is good too. you'll have someone who you can swap sittings with (if you have kids) when there are functions, you don't know their people, they dont know your people...
7. Don't talk about your husbands rank unless asked.. IF you want to disclose that information (or have to). Unless there is a gathering at your home and you are wanting to invite her husband, its not really important. Us wives (or husbands married to females serving) can be friends with whoever we want despite ranks. We are not our spouses rank.
6. Know what you need to know and leave the rest alone. I admit, I know the basics. I know enough about my husbands job, whats going on in the command that could affect our family, who is important to know, etc. earlier in the game of being a military wife, i would hear these wives talk about things that i had NO clue about... and to be honest, it was all irrelevant.
5. Know your resources and what services are available to you and if you don't know, ask. there's the ombudsmen, the few groups you may have joined, the couple of friends you have made... chances are whoever you ask, they have either used those resources before too or knew someone who did, or are happy to share what they know but maybe haven't used before. If you feel "stupid" whip out the phone book or google search your base and see what they offer on their website.
4. leave politics, parenting, and religion at the door unless you feel you're in a group of people who, even if you may disagree, you will still be friends in the end. We all come from different walks of life. Don't assume every person in the military is the same or has the same views.
3. Its ok not to love the place your stationed at. It never fails, someone will always say "if you think this place is bad, you should of seen ..." or "This place isn't bad at all!" everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but then you have some people that just wont let you feel the way you feel and try to convince you that where you are is great. It's ok.. think the place you're at sucks... its not home, its not what you're used to, you haven't adjusted to the place.. whatever the reason it is ok to feel that way. just make the best of it :) after 3-4 years you get new orders and start all over!
2. Take advantage of being able to travel and seeing new places that had you not been involved in the military, you would not ever had gotten to see or experience. That choice could end up changing you life forever.
1. Make non-military friends. They keep you grounded, know all the best local places to go, and sometimes just not being a part of the military hoopla is relieving. Someone who doesnt know anything about the military.. you can just be yourself around.
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Monday, April 16, 2012
Mental health
Its no secret that i love mental health. Ive taken so many classes for mental health/psychology and it never gets old to me. I have to say my absolute favorite part of nursing school (ok my top 3) is mental health. several reasons for this. number one being that i come from an interesting family and as i explain it, thanks to them they helped me pass pretty much any psych class ive ever taken especially my psychiatric mental health nursing class.
Heres the thing...i have anxiety. ive had it since i was about 12 that i knew of, before i even knew what it was. i remember the first experience i really had was when i was in the car with one of my best friends and remember describing to her that i felt fake. now if youve never experienced this feeling it can be pretty scary and it can put you into a fight or flight mode and escalate to panic sometimes.
I talk pretty openly about my anxiety. infact, i welcome anyone to talk to me about it. to me, it is what it is, it is a part of who i am and im ok with it. ive also noticed since moving to cali people seem to not talk about issues like this openly. not sure if it is the area im in or if i am misreading this.. who knows. but i know back home and among the people i met east coast.. people are pretty open about it.
when i was in middle school i was pretty embarrassed about it. i felt like i was the only one with this weird thing..why the hell couldn't i do a presentation without feeling ill, or worrying about what anyone thinks.. ugh...so frustrating.
this blog can get pretty lengthy but ill keep it to a minimum :) ill try...
so back to middle school. now that was just an awkward time in life anyways and just everyones eyes on me...gah! i wanted to run. but i went through with my presentations anyways. praying to god for it to end quickly. my best friend also had anxiety so we kind of bonded that way and joked about our anxiety even though it was very real, it helped make us feel better.
then in high school it was at its absolute WORSE. when i say worse i mean i would pay 10 bucks sometimes just so i didn't have to ride the bus. i avoided presenting at all cost, i wanted to cry trying to explain to the teacher that i just couldn't do it. i would skip class because of this sometimes. not because i didn't want to be there (not always anyways) but sometimes. i always thought this was just not normal. no one else seemed to act like this or felt like i did. what the hell was wrong with me?
i mean, i had moved from rhode island to maine and i was PISSED for...well, for ever it seemed lol. until i became an adult and realized what a good move it actually was for me. so that made my problem worse. i was the new kid, with a weird accent, had no time to prepare myself for the move (if you know me you know i like notice so i can mentally and physically prepare)i was a teenager and felt like my world as i knew it was crashing down on me. at the time i had a lot of issues with my parents and i was going through that weird teenage stuff like when you feel like your feet are too big or your arms are too long..your face breaks out lol... so i was just pissed at the world for a while. a good...looooonnng while.
ok i was digressing a bit.. back to the anxiety...
so i avoided really making friends then the friends i did eventually make, some of them were into some bad habits but we got along and i felt accepted and looking back it was what it was and i wouldn't have changed it. but i just flat out didn't give a shit in 9th grade.
10th grade is when i started to care more, and made friends and knew i was there in maine there was not much i could do about it. i started wanting to make better grades. i attended school more often and skipped classes less. now really my biggest problem was the presenting still.
one other story i will share with you is that in 10th grade i met my high school sweet heart and we were in the same english class. well, he was more outgoing and actually added to my anxiety. after about a month of dating i just had to get out of that class. i think because he was a distraction and people knew we dated...something about that atmosphere and attention being drawn to us.. i just had to get out of there. so i did. it was really hard to try to explain to my teacher why i had to switch my class. i really liked that teacher a lot too but my anxiety had won. i lied to her.. my reasoning for leaving that class because i thought it was pretty stupid that a boyfriend could honestly bring this much anxiety out in me...during class. what the hell. well, i didnt really lie, but sort of.
so 11th and 12 grade were pretty similar, im going to digress a bit here again so skip to the next paragraph if you are so over with my digressing...although i started to show my sweeter side of who i was and dropped some of my bitchy "city girl" attitude....i wasnt a bitch, i just had an attitude and actually most people would disagree with me but i felt bitchy. lol. probably in part to being a teenager and life was kind of competitive especially at work. me and a friend of mine at work were always pissing each other off. we had a love hate relationship, trying to be top dog, but really, we just weren't. but we did try! i mean, we could slap the hell out of pizza dough and multitask like no other but it was just pizza. we were both good workers...teenagers trying to gain control. ahhh those were the good old days :) If i was one of the elders working there i probably would've stuffed he and i in the freezer during shift :) and also, being called a bitch by the people who were supposed to help build my self esteem, amongst other names.. but thats a whole other story.
OK.. heres where we pick up the anxiety story again lol. :) so.. i started college and im pretty sure somewhere within this blog site theres a post about this, so i wont get much into it, but i wanted control of it, i had enough of the BS with anxiety taking over who i was and who i wanted to be. funny thing is out of school i was different. in school i was kind of quiet and just hung with my friends at lunch and stuff... i mean i had friends in classes too but i just kind of stayed quiet i think not to draw attention to myself so i wouldn't panic. in high school.. it was panic attacks i was dealing with. out of my classrooms is where i could be myself. in the lunch room.. during break time. etc. in class forget it. hide me. my best defense against drawing attention was hiding in my hoodie.
i went through a thing where i used to like to wear my jackets and hoodies because i guess maybe it was almost like a security blanket. i could hide. problem was... that hoodie would get hot thus resulting in panicking sometimes when attention was drawn on me. you see how this cycle works? it is so vicious when it is out of control.
now if you are reading this and have anxiety, maybe you are sitting there shaking your head in agree-ance with some of these things ive mentioned. if you haven't experienced it, you may think knowing all this now about me that maybe you didnt, that i was tapped lol! and i cant say i blame anyone for feelign like that because a person who hasn't dealt with it just doesn't know the feeling... just doesn't understand how this could happen. i know.. i know. and i especially know because my mother has/had anxiety bad...waaay back when it was kind of thought to be "crazy" and us kids made fun of her horribly. we did. then i got this and thought oh shit.. im turning into my crazy mother.
...the good thing about that though is i've seen how my mom dealt with her problem which really made me consider my own issues and how i would deal with them. i had a few options at this point in life. i could drop out of college and give into this anxiety.. i could get medication... go to counseling... read books to self educate about this... hide in my hoodie for the rest of my life... i mean the possibilities were really endless lol.
i decided to do a combination of things which again i know somewhere around here i've mentioned in detail before.. (i think!) so ill keep it brief but basically what i did was everything i could. counseling, medicine, self educate, talking openly about my problem etc... and it all worked! it took a little time but it worked.
my main thing is i didn't want to be like a particular person, on medication for the rest of my life. the good news was I didn't have to. the bad news for me was that sometimes people really need medication and i could have been one of them but my view was already tainted about meds. i wanted to avoid them like the plague. over the years my view has changed about that and no one should be ashamed for needing to take medicine for a mental health issue.
for me though, i had really wanted to try to stay off the medicine. long story short.. i decided my little rituals weren't working any more, i was getting older and needed to get over my fears. so what did i do? i took the meds LOL!! BUT...i used themt o help me and only used them as long as i felt i needed to.
what i did was my second year of college i remember sitting in a class and i had to speak from my chair. i knew my turn was coming to speak.. now im going to walk you though my feelings... "im sitting here in my chair... theres about 10 people that have to speak before i do.. i know my turn is coming up, my hands are sweating, im swallowing about 20 times, my throat is dry.. i need water... but now after if taken a few sips i have too much fluid in my mouth what if i spit... ok ok.. theres just 4 people left now.. i feel like im getting hot, im gonna pass out. let me take my jacket off. i need to touch something cool so i can put it on the back of my neck because im gonna pass out if i dont. ok theres 1 person in front of me now.. omg.. ok ok how am i gonna start this.. ok jacquie i just gotta do this and not think about feeling like a freak.. deep breath, another swallow, another palm check yup still clammy.. ok my turn.." then i speak and while im speaking i feel like everyone can see im having anxiety but really, they probably didnt at all. i dont think anyone ever noticed. i mean i didnt get to say all i wanted to saya dn i wasnt too confident but i did it and before i know it my fight or flight response has chilled out and things are ok.
SO soon after that episode (it was in an english class btw...another freakin english class lol) i decided to try the zoloft. nothing too high, just 50mg.. something to help me out so i could help myself.
i felt like things were getting better. i used it for maybe under a year, learned how to deal with this, then got off the medicine.
now my next challenge was interesting. now i went through the cna schooling ok i was pregnant with brody.. did fine. used all the skills i taught myself while i was on my medicine. enrolled into my medical assisting program an found out OH i HAVE to take a speach class! unfreaking believable. an entire semester dedicated to my anxiety trigger. you kidding me??
well, instead of freaking out and stamping my feet, i decided now was a perfect time to take advantage of this class, volunteer to take it sooner rather than wait until the last possible moment when i wouldn't have a choice (having a choice really helped me manage my anxiety) so i took the class, got an A in it, did great and that really opened some amazing doors for me!
the only way to get over a fear is to face it head on. now i know for some people, this can be debilitating and really hard to do, you have to do it when you're ready, and if you ever feel you are ready to do it. if you are never ready then to each his own. only we know our own bodies and what we are capable of trying.
for years i stayed off any medicine. about 4 years? and i did really well off of it. i started RN school and like they say in nursing school if you weren't on medication when you started, you will be LOL! so true!
so the goal is to manage anxiety. it is never ever going to go away. i no longer take the zoloft. im starting to go swimming now that the weather is nice. yoga helps, my gardening, and remembering to let loose everyone now and then. go to dinner with mark and live in that moment and worry about school when i get home and have to study. its important to take care of ourselves mentally as well as physically.
honestly, i could go on forever with this however i have to be at clinical tomorrow morning so i suppose now is a good time to stop. That and if you actually are still reading this...holy crap!:D have a good night.
Heres the thing...i have anxiety. ive had it since i was about 12 that i knew of, before i even knew what it was. i remember the first experience i really had was when i was in the car with one of my best friends and remember describing to her that i felt fake. now if youve never experienced this feeling it can be pretty scary and it can put you into a fight or flight mode and escalate to panic sometimes.
I talk pretty openly about my anxiety. infact, i welcome anyone to talk to me about it. to me, it is what it is, it is a part of who i am and im ok with it. ive also noticed since moving to cali people seem to not talk about issues like this openly. not sure if it is the area im in or if i am misreading this.. who knows. but i know back home and among the people i met east coast.. people are pretty open about it.
when i was in middle school i was pretty embarrassed about it. i felt like i was the only one with this weird thing..why the hell couldn't i do a presentation without feeling ill, or worrying about what anyone thinks.. ugh...so frustrating.
this blog can get pretty lengthy but ill keep it to a minimum :) ill try...
so back to middle school. now that was just an awkward time in life anyways and just everyones eyes on me...gah! i wanted to run. but i went through with my presentations anyways. praying to god for it to end quickly. my best friend also had anxiety so we kind of bonded that way and joked about our anxiety even though it was very real, it helped make us feel better.
then in high school it was at its absolute WORSE. when i say worse i mean i would pay 10 bucks sometimes just so i didn't have to ride the bus. i avoided presenting at all cost, i wanted to cry trying to explain to the teacher that i just couldn't do it. i would skip class because of this sometimes. not because i didn't want to be there (not always anyways) but sometimes. i always thought this was just not normal. no one else seemed to act like this or felt like i did. what the hell was wrong with me?
i mean, i had moved from rhode island to maine and i was PISSED for...well, for ever it seemed lol. until i became an adult and realized what a good move it actually was for me. so that made my problem worse. i was the new kid, with a weird accent, had no time to prepare myself for the move (if you know me you know i like notice so i can mentally and physically prepare)i was a teenager and felt like my world as i knew it was crashing down on me. at the time i had a lot of issues with my parents and i was going through that weird teenage stuff like when you feel like your feet are too big or your arms are too long..your face breaks out lol... so i was just pissed at the world for a while. a good...looooonnng while.
ok i was digressing a bit.. back to the anxiety...
so i avoided really making friends then the friends i did eventually make, some of them were into some bad habits but we got along and i felt accepted and looking back it was what it was and i wouldn't have changed it. but i just flat out didn't give a shit in 9th grade.
10th grade is when i started to care more, and made friends and knew i was there in maine there was not much i could do about it. i started wanting to make better grades. i attended school more often and skipped classes less. now really my biggest problem was the presenting still.
one other story i will share with you is that in 10th grade i met my high school sweet heart and we were in the same english class. well, he was more outgoing and actually added to my anxiety. after about a month of dating i just had to get out of that class. i think because he was a distraction and people knew we dated...something about that atmosphere and attention being drawn to us.. i just had to get out of there. so i did. it was really hard to try to explain to my teacher why i had to switch my class. i really liked that teacher a lot too but my anxiety had won. i lied to her.. my reasoning for leaving that class because i thought it was pretty stupid that a boyfriend could honestly bring this much anxiety out in me...during class. what the hell. well, i didnt really lie, but sort of.
so 11th and 12 grade were pretty similar, im going to digress a bit here again so skip to the next paragraph if you are so over with my digressing...although i started to show my sweeter side of who i was and dropped some of my bitchy "city girl" attitude....i wasnt a bitch, i just had an attitude and actually most people would disagree with me but i felt bitchy. lol. probably in part to being a teenager and life was kind of competitive especially at work. me and a friend of mine at work were always pissing each other off. we had a love hate relationship, trying to be top dog, but really, we just weren't. but we did try! i mean, we could slap the hell out of pizza dough and multitask like no other but it was just pizza. we were both good workers...teenagers trying to gain control. ahhh those were the good old days :) If i was one of the elders working there i probably would've stuffed he and i in the freezer during shift :) and also, being called a bitch by the people who were supposed to help build my self esteem, amongst other names.. but thats a whole other story.
OK.. heres where we pick up the anxiety story again lol. :) so.. i started college and im pretty sure somewhere within this blog site theres a post about this, so i wont get much into it, but i wanted control of it, i had enough of the BS with anxiety taking over who i was and who i wanted to be. funny thing is out of school i was different. in school i was kind of quiet and just hung with my friends at lunch and stuff... i mean i had friends in classes too but i just kind of stayed quiet i think not to draw attention to myself so i wouldn't panic. in high school.. it was panic attacks i was dealing with. out of my classrooms is where i could be myself. in the lunch room.. during break time. etc. in class forget it. hide me. my best defense against drawing attention was hiding in my hoodie.
i went through a thing where i used to like to wear my jackets and hoodies because i guess maybe it was almost like a security blanket. i could hide. problem was... that hoodie would get hot thus resulting in panicking sometimes when attention was drawn on me. you see how this cycle works? it is so vicious when it is out of control.
now if you are reading this and have anxiety, maybe you are sitting there shaking your head in agree-ance with some of these things ive mentioned. if you haven't experienced it, you may think knowing all this now about me that maybe you didnt, that i was tapped lol! and i cant say i blame anyone for feelign like that because a person who hasn't dealt with it just doesn't know the feeling... just doesn't understand how this could happen. i know.. i know. and i especially know because my mother has/had anxiety bad...waaay back when it was kind of thought to be "crazy" and us kids made fun of her horribly. we did. then i got this and thought oh shit.. im turning into my crazy mother.
...the good thing about that though is i've seen how my mom dealt with her problem which really made me consider my own issues and how i would deal with them. i had a few options at this point in life. i could drop out of college and give into this anxiety.. i could get medication... go to counseling... read books to self educate about this... hide in my hoodie for the rest of my life... i mean the possibilities were really endless lol.
i decided to do a combination of things which again i know somewhere around here i've mentioned in detail before.. (i think!) so ill keep it brief but basically what i did was everything i could. counseling, medicine, self educate, talking openly about my problem etc... and it all worked! it took a little time but it worked.
my main thing is i didn't want to be like a particular person, on medication for the rest of my life. the good news was I didn't have to. the bad news for me was that sometimes people really need medication and i could have been one of them but my view was already tainted about meds. i wanted to avoid them like the plague. over the years my view has changed about that and no one should be ashamed for needing to take medicine for a mental health issue.
for me though, i had really wanted to try to stay off the medicine. long story short.. i decided my little rituals weren't working any more, i was getting older and needed to get over my fears. so what did i do? i took the meds LOL!! BUT...i used themt o help me and only used them as long as i felt i needed to.
what i did was my second year of college i remember sitting in a class and i had to speak from my chair. i knew my turn was coming to speak.. now im going to walk you though my feelings... "im sitting here in my chair... theres about 10 people that have to speak before i do.. i know my turn is coming up, my hands are sweating, im swallowing about 20 times, my throat is dry.. i need water... but now after if taken a few sips i have too much fluid in my mouth what if i spit... ok ok.. theres just 4 people left now.. i feel like im getting hot, im gonna pass out. let me take my jacket off. i need to touch something cool so i can put it on the back of my neck because im gonna pass out if i dont. ok theres 1 person in front of me now.. omg.. ok ok how am i gonna start this.. ok jacquie i just gotta do this and not think about feeling like a freak.. deep breath, another swallow, another palm check yup still clammy.. ok my turn.." then i speak and while im speaking i feel like everyone can see im having anxiety but really, they probably didnt at all. i dont think anyone ever noticed. i mean i didnt get to say all i wanted to saya dn i wasnt too confident but i did it and before i know it my fight or flight response has chilled out and things are ok.
SO soon after that episode (it was in an english class btw...another freakin english class lol) i decided to try the zoloft. nothing too high, just 50mg.. something to help me out so i could help myself.
i felt like things were getting better. i used it for maybe under a year, learned how to deal with this, then got off the medicine.
now my next challenge was interesting. now i went through the cna schooling ok i was pregnant with brody.. did fine. used all the skills i taught myself while i was on my medicine. enrolled into my medical assisting program an found out OH i HAVE to take a speach class! unfreaking believable. an entire semester dedicated to my anxiety trigger. you kidding me??
well, instead of freaking out and stamping my feet, i decided now was a perfect time to take advantage of this class, volunteer to take it sooner rather than wait until the last possible moment when i wouldn't have a choice (having a choice really helped me manage my anxiety) so i took the class, got an A in it, did great and that really opened some amazing doors for me!
the only way to get over a fear is to face it head on. now i know for some people, this can be debilitating and really hard to do, you have to do it when you're ready, and if you ever feel you are ready to do it. if you are never ready then to each his own. only we know our own bodies and what we are capable of trying.
for years i stayed off any medicine. about 4 years? and i did really well off of it. i started RN school and like they say in nursing school if you weren't on medication when you started, you will be LOL! so true!
so the goal is to manage anxiety. it is never ever going to go away. i no longer take the zoloft. im starting to go swimming now that the weather is nice. yoga helps, my gardening, and remembering to let loose everyone now and then. go to dinner with mark and live in that moment and worry about school when i get home and have to study. its important to take care of ourselves mentally as well as physically.
honestly, i could go on forever with this however i have to be at clinical tomorrow morning so i suppose now is a good time to stop. That and if you actually are still reading this...holy crap!:D have a good night.
Friday, March 2, 2012
the simplest things
For the last maybe 4 days ive been really kind of obsessing about life and my appreciation for mine and what i have and who i have in it. As some know, ive been following the journal of a family whose son had a horrible car accident back in November. I knew him from church when i was a teenager. Once in a while a situation comes along unexpectedly and kind of knocks me off my feet and makes me think ya know.. it could be me.. it could be my brother, it could be my kid.. my husband, my best friend etc...
Along with this, I have been going to church more often, and i feel it has been a realyl great move for me and my family, AND my relationship with Mark. We dont have too many times in a day when it is just he and I, and his work schedule hours are random as far as when he comes home sometimes. i usually dont even ask when he will be home. i just know if hes not home by 8, i should call to check that he is ok. brody is in school, so its just me and ethan together a lot. and even then, i had gotten so wrapped up in my own stuff, including spending way too much time bumming around. in previous blogs, i wrote some about that... this place has just taken away some of that drive to do anything that i had in me. but im getting it back :)
So over the last maybe 2 months weve been going to church and life's been moving forward in a direction im liking, so ive really been enjoying it, however, not to the fullest, adn i want that full cup. then 4 days ago things started coming full circle for me and im liking it. life really is wonderful. for some, maybe not so much but you gotta figure out a way to get back onto that path and sometimes, it takes someone elses story to make you realize this. sometimes even a total stranger.
ive been in these situations before where ive been so moved by another story its helped me get back on my own track of where i want to be in life. i thank god for those opportunities. I woke up this morning, and as soon as i sent Brody off to school (hes been riding his bike again because the weathers been nice and he is SOOOOO excited about that btw!) before i even got my cup of coffee, something came over me to write on my little pink wipe board top 10 reasons why my husband rocks lol. so i did, and i ran out of room. hes amazing! see thsi chain reaction happens when someone elses story touches your heart... and it extends to the world around you... its like a smile.. its contagious. so hopefully that made marks night.. which i believe it did, because in return, we spent some much needed time just snuggling on the couch, watching alton brown with the kids. we also decided not to go out tonight, just stay in and enjoy the night together. i made us each a nice drink and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. it was a great night. tomorrow is going to be another great day. were taking the boys to the movies which we havent all done together in a while.
anyhow... i just felt the need to blog because ive had so much on my mind and ive been feeling really good. we have a great life here. i may not where physically where i want to be, some days are tough being out here 'alone', my schooling has extended way beyond what i ever though it wouldve been.. in addition my upbringing, some of it, wasnt a fairy tale although far from being down right awful... but all of this is trivial compared to other possibilities. eventually i will complete school and i will be home with my family and who knows..maybe i wont like it being back home after all lol!! my personal life with my family members is in a good place, for everyone i want to be close to and im happy about that. even long distance i feel loved :) I have one life, thats it, and I am really enjoying it despite the obstacles.
Along with this, I have been going to church more often, and i feel it has been a realyl great move for me and my family, AND my relationship with Mark. We dont have too many times in a day when it is just he and I, and his work schedule hours are random as far as when he comes home sometimes. i usually dont even ask when he will be home. i just know if hes not home by 8, i should call to check that he is ok. brody is in school, so its just me and ethan together a lot. and even then, i had gotten so wrapped up in my own stuff, including spending way too much time bumming around. in previous blogs, i wrote some about that... this place has just taken away some of that drive to do anything that i had in me. but im getting it back :)
So over the last maybe 2 months weve been going to church and life's been moving forward in a direction im liking, so ive really been enjoying it, however, not to the fullest, adn i want that full cup. then 4 days ago things started coming full circle for me and im liking it. life really is wonderful. for some, maybe not so much but you gotta figure out a way to get back onto that path and sometimes, it takes someone elses story to make you realize this. sometimes even a total stranger.
ive been in these situations before where ive been so moved by another story its helped me get back on my own track of where i want to be in life. i thank god for those opportunities. I woke up this morning, and as soon as i sent Brody off to school (hes been riding his bike again because the weathers been nice and he is SOOOOO excited about that btw!) before i even got my cup of coffee, something came over me to write on my little pink wipe board top 10 reasons why my husband rocks lol. so i did, and i ran out of room. hes amazing! see thsi chain reaction happens when someone elses story touches your heart... and it extends to the world around you... its like a smile.. its contagious. so hopefully that made marks night.. which i believe it did, because in return, we spent some much needed time just snuggling on the couch, watching alton brown with the kids. we also decided not to go out tonight, just stay in and enjoy the night together. i made us each a nice drink and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. it was a great night. tomorrow is going to be another great day. were taking the boys to the movies which we havent all done together in a while.
anyhow... i just felt the need to blog because ive had so much on my mind and ive been feeling really good. we have a great life here. i may not where physically where i want to be, some days are tough being out here 'alone', my schooling has extended way beyond what i ever though it wouldve been.. in addition my upbringing, some of it, wasnt a fairy tale although far from being down right awful... but all of this is trivial compared to other possibilities. eventually i will complete school and i will be home with my family and who knows..maybe i wont like it being back home after all lol!! my personal life with my family members is in a good place, for everyone i want to be close to and im happy about that. even long distance i feel loved :) I have one life, thats it, and I am really enjoying it despite the obstacles.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
singing in the rain! just siiiingin in the raaaiiin!
ok so this has nothing to do with rain, but i am feeling pretty glorious! :)
Ive been making some pretty good life style changes that im pretty proud of. years ago when the kids were babies, i used to make their baby food at home (very easy and fun btw!) nothing wrong with Gerber or any other big brands of baby food, but i felt good being able to make my kids their foods from scratch. i was pretty proud of that. so over the years ive made a home made thing or two myself.. things you normally would by at the store like a jar of pasta sauce or something. as time goes on my collection of recipes (most are great, some ehh..) has really expanded. mostly thanks to allrecipes.com and comparing recipes that have a rating of a 4 1/2 star or greater to other recipes and info i can find online, and my own preference.
When i was growing up, most of my food came from a box or a can. (like hamburger helper which i still cant stomach.. not because it would taste bad now.. because i probably would like it, just that smell and that box.. and how often we had it.. no..) my mom could cook some things pretty well, and she did have a hand full of hand me down recipes that i now have, but there's other family members that come to mind when i think of good cooking. its a bummer btw, to find out all this time you think something is cooked for hours over a stove, only to find out it came from a microwave (ah hem! jag... yes, my Grammy gave me a recipe for microwave jag and it is amazing... but she did make hers on the stove of what i remember) anyways...
my heritage is italian, german, english, irish (just found out) and cape verdean (google it) i grew up mostly connected to my cape verdean and italian roots and the older i get the more i really enjoy cooking meals from my heritage. besides, i absolutely LOVE italian food, and certain dishes my Grammy always had available when we would visit on the weekends, or after school id stop over and grab some monchupa out of the fridge mmm. mmm.
SO i have really started to WANT to eat a little healthier. not every day all day, but i want to know whats in my foods as often as possible. food labels can be tricky and deceiving. if i can make it at home, i will give it a try at least.
also, this is great therapy for me. im an artist, and everything i love involves art... i like to paint, sew, crochet, cook, make jewelry, paint my nails with designs etc... all arts. even my profession someday :nursing. all arts. (and a little science :) ) when im making something from scratch it may not taste the best the first time or two around. i try to stick close to the original recipe if its something i have never made before or tried much of before altering it too much. but something like a pasta sauce or bread crumbs ... its pretty easy to figure out how to do and what to add and what to skip. theres basic ingredients then theres seasonings and fillers.
something else i really like about making things from scratch is substituting. did you know you can make baking powder if you dont have any on hand? did you know you can substitute apple sauce for oil? did you know there are more than 1 or 2 ways to cook to cook a vegetable? lol. i laugh, but seriously, some people just dont know and i didn't know until i grew up and educated myself.
im by far an expert on any of this stuff and cooking from scratch however i have been doing it for a few years and really love it. i know a thing or two about cooking and i am always looking for suggestions and ideas. i think about all the snacks i buy at the store ad feed to my kids that i could so easily make at home, like these fruit roll ups im making right now. they have just peaches, strawberries, and about 2 tsps of sugar in it that's 8 grams of sugar TOTAL for the entire batch for anyone wondering. i could've used honey or nectar or juice but i didn't have any. cant say all the time every time i will be making everything at home from scratch, its a lot of work, and time, and once school starts i doubt ill have time to experiment like i can now. but it sure is fun :)
so look in your cabinet and see if maybe there is something you can try to make from scratch just for the fun of it. start easy... like the pasta sauce i keep mentioning. sauces are really simple and you can jar it or freeze it and use it for another day :)if it tastes terrible well, at least you'll have fun making it!
so in conclusion to this entire blog.. which ive strayed a bit from the main point here... and the conclusion has little to do with the body of my blog lol... i went to the gym today, ive been going 1-2 times a week, ive been going to church most sundays, eating a little healthier for the most part, taking part in my hobbies like i used to do, and feeling pretty damn good right now. i got into a rut of feeling just "blah" for a little while, it happens to us all from time to time. but i can feel im getting back on track :) i have to say i am really, REALLY loving yoga btw and i am really looking forward to starting school in april!
Ive been making some pretty good life style changes that im pretty proud of. years ago when the kids were babies, i used to make their baby food at home (very easy and fun btw!) nothing wrong with Gerber or any other big brands of baby food, but i felt good being able to make my kids their foods from scratch. i was pretty proud of that. so over the years ive made a home made thing or two myself.. things you normally would by at the store like a jar of pasta sauce or something. as time goes on my collection of recipes (most are great, some ehh..) has really expanded. mostly thanks to allrecipes.com and comparing recipes that have a rating of a 4 1/2 star or greater to other recipes and info i can find online, and my own preference.
When i was growing up, most of my food came from a box or a can. (like hamburger helper which i still cant stomach.. not because it would taste bad now.. because i probably would like it, just that smell and that box.. and how often we had it.. no..) my mom could cook some things pretty well, and she did have a hand full of hand me down recipes that i now have, but there's other family members that come to mind when i think of good cooking. its a bummer btw, to find out all this time you think something is cooked for hours over a stove, only to find out it came from a microwave (ah hem! jag... yes, my Grammy gave me a recipe for microwave jag and it is amazing... but she did make hers on the stove of what i remember) anyways...
my heritage is italian, german, english, irish (just found out) and cape verdean (google it) i grew up mostly connected to my cape verdean and italian roots and the older i get the more i really enjoy cooking meals from my heritage. besides, i absolutely LOVE italian food, and certain dishes my Grammy always had available when we would visit on the weekends, or after school id stop over and grab some monchupa out of the fridge mmm. mmm.
SO i have really started to WANT to eat a little healthier. not every day all day, but i want to know whats in my foods as often as possible. food labels can be tricky and deceiving. if i can make it at home, i will give it a try at least.
also, this is great therapy for me. im an artist, and everything i love involves art... i like to paint, sew, crochet, cook, make jewelry, paint my nails with designs etc... all arts. even my profession someday :nursing. all arts. (and a little science :) ) when im making something from scratch it may not taste the best the first time or two around. i try to stick close to the original recipe if its something i have never made before or tried much of before altering it too much. but something like a pasta sauce or bread crumbs ... its pretty easy to figure out how to do and what to add and what to skip. theres basic ingredients then theres seasonings and fillers.
something else i really like about making things from scratch is substituting. did you know you can make baking powder if you dont have any on hand? did you know you can substitute apple sauce for oil? did you know there are more than 1 or 2 ways to cook to cook a vegetable? lol. i laugh, but seriously, some people just dont know and i didn't know until i grew up and educated myself.
im by far an expert on any of this stuff and cooking from scratch however i have been doing it for a few years and really love it. i know a thing or two about cooking and i am always looking for suggestions and ideas. i think about all the snacks i buy at the store ad feed to my kids that i could so easily make at home, like these fruit roll ups im making right now. they have just peaches, strawberries, and about 2 tsps of sugar in it that's 8 grams of sugar TOTAL for the entire batch for anyone wondering. i could've used honey or nectar or juice but i didn't have any. cant say all the time every time i will be making everything at home from scratch, its a lot of work, and time, and once school starts i doubt ill have time to experiment like i can now. but it sure is fun :)
so look in your cabinet and see if maybe there is something you can try to make from scratch just for the fun of it. start easy... like the pasta sauce i keep mentioning. sauces are really simple and you can jar it or freeze it and use it for another day :)if it tastes terrible well, at least you'll have fun making it!
so in conclusion to this entire blog.. which ive strayed a bit from the main point here... and the conclusion has little to do with the body of my blog lol... i went to the gym today, ive been going 1-2 times a week, ive been going to church most sundays, eating a little healthier for the most part, taking part in my hobbies like i used to do, and feeling pretty damn good right now. i got into a rut of feeling just "blah" for a little while, it happens to us all from time to time. but i can feel im getting back on track :) i have to say i am really, REALLY loving yoga btw and i am really looking forward to starting school in april!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
School, nursing, why choose it?
This is another old post worth sharing on why i chose to go to nursing school. i hope if anyone reading this has any dreams, to follow it, never give up... NEVER...
Monday, February 16, 2009
why choose it?
Current mood: accomplished
i was inspired today in class to write why i decided to get into nursing. and of course i have to include some history! so be patient if you are reading this.
Since i can remember ive always had it in me to care for others. i need to make sure everyone else is ok or i worry. i feel helpless when there is nothing i can do. a great memory i have is taking care of my niece when we were little.... she is 6 years younger than me. id baby sit her, and push her around in her little stroller, she was like my little "baby" lol. one particular time i remember her cutting her knee pretty bad on this gate in the house and i cleaned it up for her and told her it might scar...and it did... so she'll never forget that lol. Ii was always digging around in the first aid kit and playing with those old dot "plastic" thermometers haha. everyone has these roles in the family they take on, i feel like im the caregiver.... im really protective of what/who is "mine". when i was little, and one of my brothers got into some trouble, i remember packing him up some food and clothes so he would be ok. im STILL the same way to him in similar ways.
Ive always been really attached to the older generation in my family (most lol) i LOVED visiting my grandpa tony in the nursing home, my grammy is my strength, my nana helen...i loved visiting her and hearing her old stories..mama... i was so young when she died, but i always had to go upstairs from grammys house to visit with mama (my great grandma). its in me to nurture. I love my nieces and nephews and want to be their rock if they ever need me.
I used to want to be a counselor...still do sometimes. if i can not have a career helping other people i think id bother my children as they age lol.
My first real experience where i discovered nursing is what i needed to do, is when i became a CNA. (i wont get into it, but for me it was a great accomplishment and i proved a whole lot to myself.. its my motivational story for others and myself lol) i worked in a nursing home where i discovered a bit of my family in some of those residents... (MY residents) some did not live close to family, and reminded me so much of one of my elders, i felt in some ways i was able to care for my nana or papa... even though it wasnt my nana or papa.... know what i mean? i loved the personal connection i had. "they" say not to get attached to your patients... theres no way you cant for some of them. ill never forget the day this lady i cared for often, told me when mark came home from deployment she wished she could be a fly on my wall LOL! She had a young soul.
Working in the nursing home, i discovered a real liking for working in geriatrics. i also remember, that same resident who made the fly comment, she was dying and needed assistance... one of the CNA's ignored her calls from the room.... if only she knew that resident the way i did... and i told that CNA the resident needed help. can you imagine the fear in some of those peoples eyes? they know they are dying, she couldnt talk at that point, and she was being treated in a way i thought was wrong. it broke my heart to see that resident that way.. i just went into the room, and held her hand, and let her look at my big pregnant belly. this is when i was pregnant with ethan. many of those people i learned were ok with death, and like this particular resident, she was ready to die. it was sad though hearing her say that when she did, but at the same time, you understand too why they may say that. she couldnt get out of bed anymore, her family rarely came to visit, she lived her life and was tired of us CNA's having to get her out of bed every day just to get back in it 5 hours later. Obviously not everyone feels that way, but she did... so you just try to make their days the best you can. Id do her hair, nails, pick out some nice jewelry for her to wear for the day, her bed had to be made just right... and those things made her happy.
so anyways, i know this is incredibly long, and it is really important to me though to share this with whoever feels like reading it. I was born to care for people, its my job in this world. Its way more than sticking someone with an injection, or filling out a chart, its the caring aspect of it all that makes me feel fullfilled.
In my second job, at the doctors office, that is where i learned more of the tasks that would help me to perform. But also, there were some patients i would see on a regular basis, one particular will never leave my memory. some people have so much strength it amazes me. This 1 woman eventually had lost her voice, she had been through a lot, but every time she came into the office she had a smile on her face and was happy. before i moved to florida, i remember telling her how strong i thought she was and giving her a hug... i wont ever forget her. some people just come into our lives for a reason... for me, people like that instill the need i have in me to go on with this nursing career. I think i will be happier sometimes sticking with nursing vs counseling.
So i think i may do geriatrics in the future. i dont know where this roads gonna take me, but im more than happy to just go with the unexpected, which is something i dont normally like doing, but i think there is a higher power out there that is guiding me in the right direction. years ago i thought i wanted to be a nurse but i didnt persue it...atleast not completely seriously. i think i needed the experience i have now to validate why i needed to choose nursing over everything else. and to be honest, i couldnt be happier right now with my decision!
Monday, February 16, 2009
why choose it?
Current mood: accomplished
i was inspired today in class to write why i decided to get into nursing. and of course i have to include some history! so be patient if you are reading this.
Since i can remember ive always had it in me to care for others. i need to make sure everyone else is ok or i worry. i feel helpless when there is nothing i can do. a great memory i have is taking care of my niece when we were little.... she is 6 years younger than me. id baby sit her, and push her around in her little stroller, she was like my little "baby" lol. one particular time i remember her cutting her knee pretty bad on this gate in the house and i cleaned it up for her and told her it might scar...and it did... so she'll never forget that lol. Ii was always digging around in the first aid kit and playing with those old dot "plastic" thermometers haha. everyone has these roles in the family they take on, i feel like im the caregiver.... im really protective of what/who is "mine". when i was little, and one of my brothers got into some trouble, i remember packing him up some food and clothes so he would be ok. im STILL the same way to him in similar ways.
Ive always been really attached to the older generation in my family (most lol) i LOVED visiting my grandpa tony in the nursing home, my grammy is my strength, my nana helen...i loved visiting her and hearing her old stories..mama... i was so young when she died, but i always had to go upstairs from grammys house to visit with mama (my great grandma). its in me to nurture. I love my nieces and nephews and want to be their rock if they ever need me.
I used to want to be a counselor...still do sometimes. if i can not have a career helping other people i think id bother my children as they age lol.
My first real experience where i discovered nursing is what i needed to do, is when i became a CNA. (i wont get into it, but for me it was a great accomplishment and i proved a whole lot to myself.. its my motivational story for others and myself lol) i worked in a nursing home where i discovered a bit of my family in some of those residents... (MY residents) some did not live close to family, and reminded me so much of one of my elders, i felt in some ways i was able to care for my nana or papa... even though it wasnt my nana or papa.... know what i mean? i loved the personal connection i had. "they" say not to get attached to your patients... theres no way you cant for some of them. ill never forget the day this lady i cared for often, told me when mark came home from deployment she wished she could be a fly on my wall LOL! She had a young soul.
Working in the nursing home, i discovered a real liking for working in geriatrics. i also remember, that same resident who made the fly comment, she was dying and needed assistance... one of the CNA's ignored her calls from the room.... if only she knew that resident the way i did... and i told that CNA the resident needed help. can you imagine the fear in some of those peoples eyes? they know they are dying, she couldnt talk at that point, and she was being treated in a way i thought was wrong. it broke my heart to see that resident that way.. i just went into the room, and held her hand, and let her look at my big pregnant belly. this is when i was pregnant with ethan. many of those people i learned were ok with death, and like this particular resident, she was ready to die. it was sad though hearing her say that when she did, but at the same time, you understand too why they may say that. she couldnt get out of bed anymore, her family rarely came to visit, she lived her life and was tired of us CNA's having to get her out of bed every day just to get back in it 5 hours later. Obviously not everyone feels that way, but she did... so you just try to make their days the best you can. Id do her hair, nails, pick out some nice jewelry for her to wear for the day, her bed had to be made just right... and those things made her happy.
so anyways, i know this is incredibly long, and it is really important to me though to share this with whoever feels like reading it. I was born to care for people, its my job in this world. Its way more than sticking someone with an injection, or filling out a chart, its the caring aspect of it all that makes me feel fullfilled.
In my second job, at the doctors office, that is where i learned more of the tasks that would help me to perform. But also, there were some patients i would see on a regular basis, one particular will never leave my memory. some people have so much strength it amazes me. This 1 woman eventually had lost her voice, she had been through a lot, but every time she came into the office she had a smile on her face and was happy. before i moved to florida, i remember telling her how strong i thought she was and giving her a hug... i wont ever forget her. some people just come into our lives for a reason... for me, people like that instill the need i have in me to go on with this nursing career. I think i will be happier sometimes sticking with nursing vs counseling.
So i think i may do geriatrics in the future. i dont know where this roads gonna take me, but im more than happy to just go with the unexpected, which is something i dont normally like doing, but i think there is a higher power out there that is guiding me in the right direction. years ago i thought i wanted to be a nurse but i didnt persue it...atleast not completely seriously. i think i needed the experience i have now to validate why i needed to choose nursing over everything else. and to be honest, i couldnt be happier right now with my decision!
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