Getting Back on Track

I want to do an experiment, so play along if you can. Things you'll need; a pen/pencil and a piece of paper.
I want you to draw a long "S" like shape on a piece of paper. Make as many "S" curves as you want. Now, in a different color pen/pencil, I want you to close your eyes, and try your best to trace the shape you just drew.




This is mine

The purpose of this exercise? To show you that in life, our relationships, marriages, careers etc we have this path we envision for ourselves (mine is the black line) then, we have reality (mine is the red line) throughout our lives, sometimes we are RIGHT on track, and other times we are close, but not on the path, and other times we are just WAY off, but we do come back again. We are basically going through life with an idea of what we want, but really, we can not see where we are going. Do not be discouraged if life takes you somewhere you didn't imagine you would be. Just go with the flow, get yourself back on track, and move forward!


My inspiration for this blog comes from a recent time in my marriage. I never imagined I would be married to a military man, live 3,000 miles away from family, STILL be in college after not wanting to really go anyways and it lasting for 10 years give or take a few semesters... but this is my marriage, and Mark is who I fell in love with. What can I say? the guy has charm!


We have been married for 9 years. In the beginning, it is really not that difficult to be pleased in the marriage and have your needs met. It is new and fresh and you are so in love and happy. For us it was this way anyways. Eventually, you learn that marriage takes more investing into as time goes on than maybe it did in the beginning. If you don't give it nourishment, it will die.

photo credit: bobfranklin via photopin cc

These last 2 years we have been pretty busy. First, Mark made chief and went through some pretty intense training. The first year of being a chief is said to be the toughest. He was getting used to a new role amongst his peers and also a new roll in general. This was his dream and he was finally living it. Soon after, I started nursing school. It was now my turn to move on with my dream. I was doing some intense studying some nights, and really needed to focus on my school work. Any little slip up could be disastrous in the nursing school world, and I am a bit of a perfectionist. School is now complete, Mark has now been a chief for over a year, and we look around and it has come to both of our conclusions that we really haven't been investing as much into each other as we both needed to be. It happened by mistake, we just got so used to our hectic schedules, taking care of the kids, the house, spending time with friends (awesome ones btw) that alone time just got less and less. I missed my friend. Since being out of nursing school, his schedule has changed a few times. Usually he works an odd shift and doesn't come home until early morning and sleeps a good part of the day away.


Sure we would spend time "together" with friends on the weekend sometimes, or "together" with the kids, we had an occasional dinner out in town for an hour or so, but we really needed to spend time TOGETHER, one on one, having fun, talking, playing, laughing etc. We had fallen off our path without even realizing it for a little while. Mark is just as serious and committed to his work as I am about mine. As the wife of a chief, I learned very early on when he was going through induction not to rely too heavy on a set schedule. He could leave a 2pm and not be home until 4am and this actually does happen sometimes. I learned to go with the flow and not really expect him to be home at a certain time. They are also pulled away when you least expect it, like ON the day of my graduation. That day I was heart broken because I didn't think he would make it and that was SO important to me, but he worked it out and made it!



Once we did realize We had been off track for a bit, we made a plan. Well actually, I told Mark about an event in Pismo beach and we decided it would be cool to go to together if we could get a sitter, and then Mark made the plans. I have to say it felt incredible for him to plan the entire day, and it really gave us that refreshing feeling to our relationship. It was exactly what we needed. I feel like I have my friend back.

photo credit: digitaldefection via photopin cc

Surviving the Military

I was straightening my hair in the mirror, thinking about my husband who is currently waiting to come home.. he is a few hours late and has been gone just over 2 weeks. I made a FB post that triggered my thoughts for writing this blog. Th post was something like i am "patiently" waiting for my husband to get home.. hes hours late, im not a patient person. something like that. got me to think of a person who used to make snide remarks about a person like me.. who is excited to see her husband whether it be 20 days or 20 months... doesn't matter. We miss our guys. and while the break is nice, there's nothing like having him here.

So basically some things many people may say is "well be thankful hes only been gone 2 weeks." "imagine how people feel whose husbands have been gone 2 years." or my favorite... "just two weeks? that's not bad. my husband was gone for 8 months and..." don't get me wrong, it is pretty different when your hubs is gone 2 weeks compared to 2 years, however, its just not nice to minimize someone elses feelings for their spouse to be returning home no matter the length of time.At times, that's what happens in the real military world.

So i thought of some other things floating around in my head related to being a military spouse and my experiences and things I wish I did more of... and this i would say is for the newer military spouses. Here are my pieces of advice in no special order;

10. You don't have to be friends with everyone. Its nice to be friendly, but there's no reason to try to be friends with every single person. Sometimes ti doesn't work out, and that's ok. keep a few good girls by your side that you click with and keep the rest acquaintances.

9. It is ok to not join every group, go to every meeting etc... its encouraged to take part in these things of course! but sometimes there's just groups and meetings falling out your ears you don't know what ones are important and what ones aren't any more. Its ok to be choosey. Quite honestly, some of us have other things to do outside of the military life. (school, work, other commitments) You are not a bad spouse for not being an active member of more than 1 group. At times, unless you know the people involved, you never know what you are going to get either. its ok to go a few times then decide this is not for you, or what the group has to offer you don't need.

8. network. Know a few spouses in the command as well as a few out of the command. you'll always have someone to fill you in on whats going on in the command, someone to go to functions with, complain about long deployments with, laugh cry etc... its a good feeling. having some good chicks outside of the command is good too. you'll have someone who you can swap sittings with (if you have kids) when there are functions, you don't know their people, they dont know your people...

7. Don't talk about your husbands rank unless asked.. IF you want to disclose that information (or have to). Unless there is a gathering at your home and you are wanting to invite her husband, its not really important. Us wives (or husbands married to females serving) can be friends with whoever we want despite ranks. We are not our spouses rank.

6. Know what you need to know and leave the rest alone. I admit, I know the basics. I know enough about my husbands job, whats going on in the command that could affect our family, who is important to know, etc. earlier in the game of being a military wife, i would hear these wives talk about things that i had NO clue about... and to be honest, it was all irrelevant.

5. Know your resources and what services are available to you and if you don't know, ask. there's the ombudsmen, the few groups you may have joined, the couple of friends you have made... chances are whoever you ask, they have either used those resources before too or knew someone who did, or are happy to share what they know but maybe haven't used before. If you feel "stupid" whip out the phone book or google search your base and see what they offer on their website.

4. leave politics, parenting, and religion at the door unless you feel you're in a group of people who, even if you may disagree, you will still be friends in the end. We all come from different walks of life. Don't assume every person in the military is the same or has the same views.

3. Its ok not to love the place your stationed at. It never fails, someone will always say "if you think this place is bad, you should of seen ..." or "This place isn't bad at all!" everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but then you have some people that just wont let you feel the way you feel and try to convince you that where you are is great. It's ok.. think the place you're at sucks... its not home, its not what you're used to, you haven't adjusted to the place.. whatever the reason it is ok to feel that way. just make the best of it :) after 3-4 years you get new orders and start all over!

2. Take advantage of being able to travel and seeing new places that had you not been involved in the military, you would not ever had gotten to see or experience. That choice could end up changing you life forever.

1. Make non-military friends. They keep you grounded, know all the best local places to go, and sometimes just not being a part of the military hoopla is relieving. Someone who doesnt know anything about the military.. you can just be yourself around.