again, im sorry if there are typos. im not fixing them. i have some homework to do but felt the need to write...
:)
I am not incredibly religious, but i do believe in god, and many things related to Christianity. i consider myself a christian. One thing that my grandmother who is religious and has a very close relationship to god.. always tells me 'let go and let god.' and 95% of the time i do listen to her. ive been noticing a trend lately and i think it is related to that.
I am the type of person who likes to have control of everything going on in my life, i do not like the unknown, or change, although over the last 3 years id say, ive done better with change and sort of welcome it now. The reason is kind of simple, but it came with a few lessons, and lessons i dont think ill ever forget because they changed my life, and for the better, and im so thankful.
It started around the time i broke up with my long term boyfriend in high school. ill spare all the fine details because it is kind of boring, and a bit repetitive if youve known me for a while, then you probably know what happened over the year or so after he and i broke up. it was a friendly breakup. we just werent compatible anymore. i wish him well always.
I moved out of my moms house, i was a pissed off teenager. her and i at the time werent getting along. live with my dad. planned to stay for a few months then return to maine. i had a car that i was paying way too much money for, dated a guy i normally wouldnt choose for myself although while it lasted it was fun, and moved on a whim... all these things werent like me to do.. but i did them. theres the short version of what happened.
when i moved back to maine i met mark and things REALLY changed for the better. you (most of you) know my family's past. specifically, my parents... my dad dropped out of school in 8th grade, my mother became a mom at 16 and had 4 kids and had a few abusive relationships, and we were ok even though at times struggling. theres the short version of that if you didnt know. although, my mother did end up getting her diploma eventually after becoming a mother, and even went to college for a little while. my dad got his GED a few years ago, and im proud of both of my parents for picking up their education.
so education has always been important to me in my adult life. most of you know and see this. so recently, ive been thinking so much about my live over the last 7 years with mark, and how much it has changed, adn how when i am in control, or think im in control,things dont always seem to go the way i planned for it. i planned to go to nursing school when i was a mom of two babies and it didnt work out. i tried again in sc and was told we had to move to cali. i never ever wanted to move to cali, never wanted to go to FL...etc..etc... i could go on with my list of things i DIDNT want to do. my grammy as i said always tells me 'let go and let god...jesus is your best friend.' so the more i did let go and let god, things started happening for me. ok ok i didnt want to go to florida.. but i did. i didnt have a choice if i wanted to be with my husband and raise our family together. it was one of the highlights in my life that i would say was the toughest decision. i just had this baby (ethan) and i left behind a good job, all my friends and family, i had anxiety, i felt like i was not ready and i never imagined if leave new england. but i did and i made new friends. i learned how to get by on my own.. things i had always done for myself but with protection around me 'just in-case'...i had my safety net of friends, family, and things i knew.. so i was still doing the same things in FL but without my safety net and it scared me.
so fast forward... after FL we got to go to SC wehre i felt i was closer to my safety net. then we were told we had to move to cali.. i think this is where i finally threw in the towel adn said 'ok god.. you win.. YOU WIN! what am i suposed to do now?' so basically, god dragged my by the ear, had me drive across country feel nervous and anxious.. and i got here and thigns started to happen. I am getting everything i want but on gods time... gods plan for me, not mine.
so heres a list of other things i didnt want to do.. i did not want to move to cali, didnt want to drive across country, didnt want to pay 30,000 for school, didnt want to drive to fresno for school, didnt want to have ethan home with me (i wanted him in school) didnt want to work at home on my associates degree in something i didnt want, didnt want.... didnt want...didnt ant.. you get my point. well all the things i didnt want i ended up doing anyways because at this point, 'gods pla' for me just seemed to make me happier. i was kind of lost in my direction.
dear god, you know i tried to get out of going to fresno and choosing a school closer to me.. so god said 'ok jacquie.. im gonna let you go to that meeting at the other school, but im telling you, thats not where you belong'. so i went to that meeting at the other school, and of course, god was right lol. that school wouldve been closer, and in what i felt a safer area, the only downfall was it was a thousand or so more expensive, but i got everything else I WANTED in that school. but something told me to stick with gurnick and i did. so im on this streak of good things here now...
... now i have certain classes approved for that anywhere else i ried, they would not approve my classes. this brought tuition down, and i only have 8 months of school befor eim an LPN...which is amazing.. I DIDNT WANT to be an LPN.. i wanted to be an RN! but.. thats not my plan. right now i have 2 years here thats it. i think about RN school and i get a nausea feeling because my time limit here and the stress i had at PJC when i started the RN program there... i just didnt have enough time here and id be pressuring myself way too much so this LPN school fell into my lap and seemed more for me. the other thing with the school thats closer to me is that they kept trying to pressure me into doing the RN program because i had so many classes done already. it was tempting ill tell you, but it wasnt the plan for me... i could just hear god and my grandmother saying no... no.. no.. youre doing what you want again and not following with what would make life easier and your goal more attainable... so i stopped myself and just stuck with gurnick which has been really a helpful school so far! so im hoping now that things will continue to go well for me here. also, childcare fell into place. never, ever has it been this easy for me with getting things together for school. also, i got my day time classes. i was placed on an alternate list.. a list I DIDNT WANT to be on, but my gut (and god) told me to get on that alternate list and i listened and the counselor told me that morning before my enrollment appointment a spot opened up for me and i was first on her list. so the spot was mine. theres only 22 spots in the program so i made it! i made it by letting go and letting god as my grandmother would say adn i do believe it. im not preachy about god or religion. im spiritual, and i leave it at that and rarely share my beliefs with other people. This blog is about what worked for me and whether you believe in god or not, i am not trying to persuade... so dont think that. my experience however, has been much more smooth when i listened to my grandmother.
another great thing that has happened to my family since we just did what we had to do and not necessarily what we wanted to was that my husband made chief. it is 6 weeks of tough training but i have no doubt in him or my ability to pull through. again, it is NOT what i WANT to be doing, but no one gets served on a silver platter... no one in this family anyways, and i like it this way. theres lessons to be learned in life and plenty of good advice out there from people have have lived through situations we are going through and theres a bigger picture as to why things are the way they are. so we shut up, and get the job done. in south carolina my family was tested big time. i thought it wouldve been a better experience for us and was so happy to be closer to family and I CHOSE to go to SC. i pushed for it hard. we got there and things started to fall apart. at times,it seemed we were on the right track but of course when you are getting your way it seems that way.
it took for us to let go of things for our family to have what it needs and yes i am a believer that if you just have faith in a higher power that you will be put on the right track it will happen. of course, not with work on your end though. It doesnt just happen. and you will fall off that track at some point because there are other lessons you have to learn.. adn once you learn that lesson and get the bigger picture, youll get back on track again. how boring would it be if we stayed on this strait, predictable path our entire lives? quite boring!
:)
I am not incredibly religious, but i do believe in god, and many things related to Christianity. i consider myself a christian. One thing that my grandmother who is religious and has a very close relationship to god.. always tells me 'let go and let god.' and 95% of the time i do listen to her. ive been noticing a trend lately and i think it is related to that.
I am the type of person who likes to have control of everything going on in my life, i do not like the unknown, or change, although over the last 3 years id say, ive done better with change and sort of welcome it now. The reason is kind of simple, but it came with a few lessons, and lessons i dont think ill ever forget because they changed my life, and for the better, and im so thankful.
It started around the time i broke up with my long term boyfriend in high school. ill spare all the fine details because it is kind of boring, and a bit repetitive if youve known me for a while, then you probably know what happened over the year or so after he and i broke up. it was a friendly breakup. we just werent compatible anymore. i wish him well always.
I moved out of my moms house, i was a pissed off teenager. her and i at the time werent getting along. live with my dad. planned to stay for a few months then return to maine. i had a car that i was paying way too much money for, dated a guy i normally wouldnt choose for myself although while it lasted it was fun, and moved on a whim... all these things werent like me to do.. but i did them. theres the short version of what happened.
when i moved back to maine i met mark and things REALLY changed for the better. you (most of you) know my family's past. specifically, my parents... my dad dropped out of school in 8th grade, my mother became a mom at 16 and had 4 kids and had a few abusive relationships, and we were ok even though at times struggling. theres the short version of that if you didnt know. although, my mother did end up getting her diploma eventually after becoming a mother, and even went to college for a little while. my dad got his GED a few years ago, and im proud of both of my parents for picking up their education.
so education has always been important to me in my adult life. most of you know and see this. so recently, ive been thinking so much about my live over the last 7 years with mark, and how much it has changed, adn how when i am in control, or think im in control,things dont always seem to go the way i planned for it. i planned to go to nursing school when i was a mom of two babies and it didnt work out. i tried again in sc and was told we had to move to cali. i never ever wanted to move to cali, never wanted to go to FL...etc..etc... i could go on with my list of things i DIDNT want to do. my grammy as i said always tells me 'let go and let god...jesus is your best friend.' so the more i did let go and let god, things started happening for me. ok ok i didnt want to go to florida.. but i did. i didnt have a choice if i wanted to be with my husband and raise our family together. it was one of the highlights in my life that i would say was the toughest decision. i just had this baby (ethan) and i left behind a good job, all my friends and family, i had anxiety, i felt like i was not ready and i never imagined if leave new england. but i did and i made new friends. i learned how to get by on my own.. things i had always done for myself but with protection around me 'just in-case'...i had my safety net of friends, family, and things i knew.. so i was still doing the same things in FL but without my safety net and it scared me.
so fast forward... after FL we got to go to SC wehre i felt i was closer to my safety net. then we were told we had to move to cali.. i think this is where i finally threw in the towel adn said 'ok god.. you win.. YOU WIN! what am i suposed to do now?' so basically, god dragged my by the ear, had me drive across country feel nervous and anxious.. and i got here and thigns started to happen. I am getting everything i want but on gods time... gods plan for me, not mine.
so heres a list of other things i didnt want to do.. i did not want to move to cali, didnt want to drive across country, didnt want to pay 30,000 for school, didnt want to drive to fresno for school, didnt want to have ethan home with me (i wanted him in school) didnt want to work at home on my associates degree in something i didnt want, didnt want.... didnt want...didnt ant.. you get my point. well all the things i didnt want i ended up doing anyways because at this point, 'gods pla' for me just seemed to make me happier. i was kind of lost in my direction.
dear god, you know i tried to get out of going to fresno and choosing a school closer to me.. so god said 'ok jacquie.. im gonna let you go to that meeting at the other school, but im telling you, thats not where you belong'. so i went to that meeting at the other school, and of course, god was right lol. that school wouldve been closer, and in what i felt a safer area, the only downfall was it was a thousand or so more expensive, but i got everything else I WANTED in that school. but something told me to stick with gurnick and i did. so im on this streak of good things here now...
... now i have certain classes approved for that anywhere else i ried, they would not approve my classes. this brought tuition down, and i only have 8 months of school befor eim an LPN...which is amazing.. I DIDNT WANT to be an LPN.. i wanted to be an RN! but.. thats not my plan. right now i have 2 years here thats it. i think about RN school and i get a nausea feeling because my time limit here and the stress i had at PJC when i started the RN program there... i just didnt have enough time here and id be pressuring myself way too much so this LPN school fell into my lap and seemed more for me. the other thing with the school thats closer to me is that they kept trying to pressure me into doing the RN program because i had so many classes done already. it was tempting ill tell you, but it wasnt the plan for me... i could just hear god and my grandmother saying no... no.. no.. youre doing what you want again and not following with what would make life easier and your goal more attainable... so i stopped myself and just stuck with gurnick which has been really a helpful school so far! so im hoping now that things will continue to go well for me here. also, childcare fell into place. never, ever has it been this easy for me with getting things together for school. also, i got my day time classes. i was placed on an alternate list.. a list I DIDNT WANT to be on, but my gut (and god) told me to get on that alternate list and i listened and the counselor told me that morning before my enrollment appointment a spot opened up for me and i was first on her list. so the spot was mine. theres only 22 spots in the program so i made it! i made it by letting go and letting god as my grandmother would say adn i do believe it. im not preachy about god or religion. im spiritual, and i leave it at that and rarely share my beliefs with other people. This blog is about what worked for me and whether you believe in god or not, i am not trying to persuade... so dont think that. my experience however, has been much more smooth when i listened to my grandmother.
another great thing that has happened to my family since we just did what we had to do and not necessarily what we wanted to was that my husband made chief. it is 6 weeks of tough training but i have no doubt in him or my ability to pull through. again, it is NOT what i WANT to be doing, but no one gets served on a silver platter... no one in this family anyways, and i like it this way. theres lessons to be learned in life and plenty of good advice out there from people have have lived through situations we are going through and theres a bigger picture as to why things are the way they are. so we shut up, and get the job done. in south carolina my family was tested big time. i thought it wouldve been a better experience for us and was so happy to be closer to family and I CHOSE to go to SC. i pushed for it hard. we got there and things started to fall apart. at times,it seemed we were on the right track but of course when you are getting your way it seems that way.
it took for us to let go of things for our family to have what it needs and yes i am a believer that if you just have faith in a higher power that you will be put on the right track it will happen. of course, not with work on your end though. It doesnt just happen. and you will fall off that track at some point because there are other lessons you have to learn.. adn once you learn that lesson and get the bigger picture, youll get back on track again. how boring would it be if we stayed on this strait, predictable path our entire lives? quite boring!
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