This is kind of stemming of my recent FB status. Over the last few years ive really tried to make it a point to tell other people how i feel (the good kind of comments... im a professional at putting a person in their place if i need to, however, the older you get the more you realize its just not worth it. ) So im going back to a Dr phil comment...if you know me you know i love dr phil. if you listen to the guy, he actually has some pretty good advice. i cant remember the exact quote but the meat of the quote was that when you wake up in the morning, ask yourself whats one thing you can do for your spouse to make their day better that day. i really do try to make an effort to do SOMEthing for mark. whether it be dishes, folding the laundry despite the busy day ive had, making him a cup of coffee without asking him, reminding him he is a great person...etc.. something. ive extended this to just the people i associate with in general.
You have heard (or maybe not) how powerful words are. they can cut like a knife or they can do just the opposite. have you ever noticed sometimes the way a persons face lights up when you compliment them? have you ever taken the time to maybe go out of your own comfort zone just to let someone know their efforts are noticed? its pretty awesome.
In a world like the one we live in today it is so easy to flip off the asshole that cut you off on your way to school (true story :D ) it is very easy to get wrapped up in the drama of others or to assist your best friend in bashing her ex boyfriend...all this is good and lovely especially the ex boyfriend bashing, but then sometimes it just really takes a reprogramming of your mind to thank a complete stranger or tell someone in detail other than just "thanks". and once you do it a time or two and see a change of expression in someones face, it becomes almost habit and its self rewarding too.
Thursday, July 1, 2021
My spouse is in the military and...
(Originally written around 2010-2011)
I want to go to college!
College certainly is not for everyone, and not everyone needs to go to college to be successful, but for some people it is the right decision.
Very briefly, I will mention that it has taken me about 9 years to finally earn 2 degrees and my license as a Practical Nurse. Many may say well, it is just an associates of arts degree or its just your LPN license. To me, it is so much more than that and for you too, it will be much more than that.
I value my education and take it pretty serious. What I have earned, despite how minimal it may seem to some, is equivalent of winning the lottery to me. In 9 years we have had 2 children, owned 3 homes, moved 4 times, and were still able to go to college. My husband received his associates degree and made chief 2 years ago. We have both been fairly busy people.
To give you a perspective on why I value education, a piece of that comes from my family background. My mother became a mother at age 16, and a grandmother at about age 32. She dropped out of high school but eventually did get her diploma and later completed a college program. My father did not make it past an 8th grade level of education and 2 out of 3 of my brothers did not complete high school. As a kid and teenager, what may have been "failures" in their eyes, it really was a blessing for me because college was my only option although I was never really sure I would stick with it or even sincerely go.
I would like to address the fears many military spouses have regarding having to choose whether to go to college or raise a family and how it can be done. You can do both successfully as long as you are determined and have a good support system at home. It definitely is not an easy task but when it is all over you get such a feeling of pride and accomplishment that you completed your goal. What may take some 2 years to finish may take you 4 years but do not lose focus of the ultimate goal; completing school.
Money is a big factor for some and while your spouse can transfer some of his G.I. bill to you, that could be taking away from him using it if he is wanting to go to college. We did both. The first few years of school we paid out of pocket, got minimal financial aid, and put my college bills (and even some daycare) on student loans. Eventually there was a program for military spouses called "MYCAA" that came out which you can learn about more here. https://aiportal.acc.af.mil/mycaa/default.aspx
Here is another site that has scholarship information which will open up in December http://www.militaryfamily.org/our-programs/military-spouse-scholarships/
One place that really helped me just before I left Pensacola Florida was Workforce Escarosa. You can find info at the following website, click on programs, then military family. This was an excellent program that has so much to offer. http://www.workforceescarosa.com/
If you are a parent, and feel that if you go to school it will take away time you have with your family it does not have to. When my kids were babies, I was one of those mothers who followed many of the the "attachment parenting" ways of raising my boys. I made some of their baby foods, used slings to carry them, breast fed, co-slept etc. I also worked before my second child was born. I made school work for us by balancing family time and school time. Some days while in nursing school, I remember reading my assignment to my son as if I was teaching him. Sometimes he would actually listen. Other times he scribbled in my text book but that's ok! :)
We have a lot going on as military spouses. Will there ever be an ideal time to go to college? will you ever really have enough money or time? The answer is no. There is not. If what you want to do in life requires a degree, go for it today. You will have prerequisite classes to work on before you can get started on your core classes. You could go to school part time or even online. One college I went to online that was great for spouses was Coastline Community College. I earned 2 degrees from this school and they also accepted many credits I had from other schools.
College certainly is not for everyone, and not everyone needs to go to college to be successful, but for some people it is the right decision.
Very briefly, I will mention that it has taken me about 9 years to finally earn 2 degrees and my license as a Practical Nurse. Many may say well, it is just an associates of arts degree or its just your LPN license. To me, it is so much more than that and for you too, it will be much more than that.
I value my education and take it pretty serious. What I have earned, despite how minimal it may seem to some, is equivalent of winning the lottery to me. In 9 years we have had 2 children, owned 3 homes, moved 4 times, and were still able to go to college. My husband received his associates degree and made chief 2 years ago. We have both been fairly busy people.
To give you a perspective on why I value education, a piece of that comes from my family background. My mother became a mother at age 16, and a grandmother at about age 32. She dropped out of high school but eventually did get her diploma and later completed a college program. My father did not make it past an 8th grade level of education and 2 out of 3 of my brothers did not complete high school. As a kid and teenager, what may have been "failures" in their eyes, it really was a blessing for me because college was my only option although I was never really sure I would stick with it or even sincerely go.
I would like to address the fears many military spouses have regarding having to choose whether to go to college or raise a family and how it can be done. You can do both successfully as long as you are determined and have a good support system at home. It definitely is not an easy task but when it is all over you get such a feeling of pride and accomplishment that you completed your goal. What may take some 2 years to finish may take you 4 years but do not lose focus of the ultimate goal; completing school.
Money is a big factor for some and while your spouse can transfer some of his G.I. bill to you, that could be taking away from him using it if he is wanting to go to college. We did both. The first few years of school we paid out of pocket, got minimal financial aid, and put my college bills (and even some daycare) on student loans. Eventually there was a program for military spouses called "MYCAA" that came out which you can learn about more here. https://aiportal.acc.af.mil/mycaa/default.aspx
Here is another site that has scholarship information which will open up in December http://www.militaryfamily.org/our-programs/military-spouse-scholarships/
One place that really helped me just before I left Pensacola Florida was Workforce Escarosa. You can find info at the following website, click on programs, then military family. This was an excellent program that has so much to offer. http://www.workforceescarosa.com/
If you are a parent, and feel that if you go to school it will take away time you have with your family it does not have to. When my kids were babies, I was one of those mothers who followed many of the the "attachment parenting" ways of raising my boys. I made some of their baby foods, used slings to carry them, breast fed, co-slept etc. I also worked before my second child was born. I made school work for us by balancing family time and school time. Some days while in nursing school, I remember reading my assignment to my son as if I was teaching him. Sometimes he would actually listen. Other times he scribbled in my text book but that's ok! :)
We have a lot going on as military spouses. Will there ever be an ideal time to go to college? will you ever really have enough money or time? The answer is no. There is not. If what you want to do in life requires a degree, go for it today. You will have prerequisite classes to work on before you can get started on your core classes. You could go to school part time or even online. One college I went to online that was great for spouses was Coastline Community College. I earned 2 degrees from this school and they also accepted many credits I had from other schools.
The Goodbye
(Originally written in 2013)
When I had my very first move, I remember sitting at my neighbors house for hours, and trying to get in as much time as I possibly could as if that would change anything. I cried, I was really bummed, I just could not believe I was leaving. It could be compared to a very hard break up from your boyfriend. That's how it felt to me. I was heart broken.
That was the hardest move for me emotionally. I was leaving New England...a place a called home my whole life, a place where I had all of my family and friends, a place I could never imagine myself living away from.
Then came our next move from Florida to South Carolina. With that move, it was not as hard, but because I was leaving the place where my children made their first real friends, it was tough. As for saying goodbye to friends, it was easier than the first move, but sad because those were my first mom friends I had. I had a good group of women to lean on. But I was very happy to be going to SC! Just 15 hours from home! WOO-HOO! So we said our goodbyes, and it was bitter sweet.
SC to CA was a real pain. I had JUST started making some good laid back mom and adult friends and my oldest son had an awesome school. I found myself a nice little "trailer-bar" as I called it, that did karaoke.. man I was pretty set in SC. That was a difficult goodbye because again, my son had made another really good friend. This was a more mature friendship. He was a bit sad leaving his friend. For me, I was sad but I was just wanting to get it over with. The road trip was awesome by the way.
With that move, it was extremely difficult in a way because I knew I would not see most of my family again for 2-3 years. The thought of that just broke my heart.
Well... here we are now. We are going from CA to TN and we have to say our goodbyes again. This time, I have mostly military and school friends, most with kids. The difficulty with this move for me is that being so far from family for 2 years I have really gotten close to a few who have become just about as close to me as most of my good friends back home that's I have known my whole life practically. I will lose that security of having them close by. I will miss hanging out with my neighbor at night having a glass of wine, bbq's... that sort of stuff. Both of my two boys had to say good bye to friends this time around. We are squeezing in last minute get together's for them and for me too. My oldest was bummed about leaving karate more than anything but they made it a big deal for him.
At karate, they play this game called "belt throw down" where you hold your opponents belt and try to pull them to the ground and Brody is ALWAYS requesting that game! SO today, sensei had him play a round against EVERYONE! lol! it was awesome! everyone gave Brody a hug, and it was just really touching.
So the punchline here that I really wanted to talk about but ended up reminiscing a bit is that in the beginning, my goodbyes were really drawn out as if it would be the last time I would ever see my friends/family again. It was really sad and just painful and heart breaking. Now it has been 3 moves since then and 6 years and with every move it does get a bit easier. It is actually more painful for me to linger around than it is for me to just leave quietly.
I know that sounds a bit messed up, but I am such an emotional person, and along the way somehow I learned to sort of pacify my emotions and deal with my sadness in a different way. It gets really overwhelming saying goodbye to everyone and making it such a big deal than it is to just go. So the last 2-3 weeks I try to see everyone one last time and then just leave. But I also know that it is important to actually say goodbye, give your friends that hug.. some people really just need that closure. I used to be that way. I still sort of am deep down.
This all started, I noticed, after visiting home every 6-12 months. Eventually I just got so sad saying goodbye to everyone, that I just started leaving. People knew I was going, but just not what time. So if I saw them the day before I would just call and say "Hey I am leaving. Sorry I didn't say goodbye it is just really hard for me." and eventually that became more comfortable for me.
My theory for leaving like this is that it is like seeing someone alive then seeing them when they die. Not to be morbid, but you know you have these good memories of the person when they were here of you guys shopping, laughing, hanging out with the kids at the playground and you want to keep that image and remember them as they were. I guess that's how it is in my head too. I don't want the last time I may see someone I care about to be all teary and sad. Just a quick hug, Ill miss you, and adios is good.
I remember the first move I had when I was leaving Maine, a friend of mine had given me this sort of goodbye. She was military, she was used to moving around and saying goodbye. I remember thinking ok that was "easy." But now I understand why it was a goodbye like that one.
With all of this said, I don't mean to sound insensitive, and I know I will get more than just a quick hug, I'll miss you adios... and I am ok with that. :) Sometimes we need to say things or feel things with someone before we leave. Sometimes it is not all about us and we owe it to our friends who have been good and loyal to us, to say goodbye to them. . But just know that this is not easy leaving another set of amazing friends!
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Happy 10th Birthday Bummy!
I have not posted a blog in forever and I want to remind anyone reading this blog that I originally started this blog for friends and family back home when I moved out of state so this blog is very personal to me, however, feel free to read on if you are not a friend or family member as I know as some/mothers/wives it is always nice to have someone out there who you can relate to (even in cyber world! :) )
Today my baby boy turns 10 and as most mothers do when it is their child's birthday, I have been doing a fair share of reminiscing today. I feel like 10 years blew past me! In honor of my son turning 10, I am going to share my top 10 lessons I learned from being a mother to this fascinating child (excuse the bragging, but I think it is appropriate for just today) in no particular order, I present to you the top 10 lessons I have learned over the years:
10. There is no such thing as a perfect mother
There is no point in comparing yourself to other mothers because your child is unique and the way you raise him/her is unique as well. I remember when my boys were very little being a little more critical (unfortunately) of other mothers because "I would not do that." My parenting style has always been bit over compensating because for a while I felt they were my whole world and I needed to make sure they were happy. Which leads to number...
9. Sometimes life gets in the way and you have to figure out how to turn lemons into lemonade
When I first moved to florida, I felt guilty taking the boys away from my family. I also felt a little lost trying to raise two boys and having my second child when my first child was still so young and very much so my little buddy. We had an amazing bond and when the second child came, it was challenging in the beginning. I did everything I could to keep life "normal" and I had enough arts and craft supplies to stock a kindergarten classroom and then some. We had a lot of fun and great memories! I sometimes felt I had to do those things to compensate for the loss of friends, family, and familiarity. We met friends in a local parenting group and some of those ladies became family to us. Looking back, I am glad we did those things. It was a great distraction from being so bummed out.
8. It is never too early to start handing out simple tasks and build on those tasks as appropriate
Brody was throwing away his own diapers when he was 1 1/2. He liked to help me clean and although he was not very good at it, I accepted the help. At a very young age the boys started putting their own laundry in the laundry basket and as time progressed, they started learning to put laundry in the washer and drier and putting their own clothes away. Today my 10 year old still does these things and is excellent at washing the dishes. Now, if I could only get the 7 year old to keep from being distracted and doing his dishes in less than an hour that would be great!
7. Figuring out how to balance motherhood and marriage is not always easy
I admit, I sometimes got so wrapped up in my kids that I forgot my husband needed my attention too. Anyone who tells you marriage is easy is lying. It takes work, energy and sometimes putting aside your own wants for what your spouse needs. Needs triumph wants. Date nights and time with adult friends (if they had kids even better) became very important to us. We were happier when we had someone else to hang out with who was in the same boat as us. We swapped baby sitting nights with friends and the kids benefitted from that too and were able to learn to trust that other people could care for them other than mommy and daddy. They also built friendships with the other kids. Now, we are at a different place in our lives. The kids are older and more self sufficient. We plan once a week to have dinner out together. It doesn't matter where, we just go. It has been awesome. After all, when the kids are gone, all we will have is each other. With that being said, don't lose the friendship you have with your spouse. It is a daily investment.
6. Literally walk away and count to 10 when you need to
A baby gate works wonders for these times. Several times, my 7 year old tried me when he was about 2-3 and I put the baby gate up in the doorway of his bedroom and walked away. In the end, there was a huge mess of thrown stuffed animals, books and toys but my sanity was kept. That, and amazingly he did help clean up after the tantrum blew over. The older the kids get (and the older I get) its been easier to walk away. You have to!
5. Mommy friends are awesome
Who else can you talk to about your kid pooping on the toilet for the first time? Theres no need to feel embarrassed when your mommy friend comes over and you have a trail of cheerios from the kitchen to the kids room (amongst other dirty messes). I actually had a friend who had 2 kids 11 months apart and there was no point in even putting the cheerios in a bowl. She gave up. The kids would dump it out anyways and the poor lady was exhausted. 4 kids total you would be too. So, on the floor the cheerios went lol!! I will never forget that and we just laughed and there was no judgement.
4. Kids can be jerks
Theres a few kids I wanted to trip myself but being the mature mother I am who has to set an example for my kids, I chose not to. Unless the kid is physically hurting my kid, I teach my kids how to handle it and tactics to use to keep the bully at bay. Unfortunately, jerks are everywhere and even as adults they still exist. Might as well teach the kids early how to deal with it. Now, When the boys were really little, I was definitely the mom peeking out the window to see what was going on and calling the school without my kid knowing just to give the teacher a heads up about whats going on. I would probably still do the same thing especially for my 7 year old. Brody is pretty good at handling himself and his confidence has shot up since going to karate/jiujitsu/wrestling. He and my 7 year old look out for the little guy and for that I'm pretty proud.
3. My own mother and I are closer
It took a while, but it finally happened. I don't like to talk about it too much though because mom is super emotional sooooo...NEXT! :P (love you mother!)
2. You realize your parents were human too and are able to forgive or at-least be at peace with some of their choices
Thats pretty much it. I am so busy being a parent myself that my main focus is that my parents are good grand parents to my kids. Once in a while things come up but its easier to let it go now that I have my own kids. There is too much energy wasted on going over and over the same stuff from the past. I would much rather expend that energy on my family, the family I created. My parents can either be apart of that or not. Thats up to them.
1. Being a parent changes you
It changes your outlook on life, your goals, priorities, relationships... lets just say everything. There is not one aspect of my life that I can look at and say "In 10 years that area is still the same." I am so blessed to have the kids that I have, the family I have and the friends that I have. I am no perfect parent or human. I am a constant work in process. We all are. The moment we realize that, the easier life becomes or did for me anyways.
I love you my little Bummy! My little boy who for months would more often than not only sleep with a vacuum cleaner turned on by his crib, ate sweet potatoes for what seemed like forever because this mommy made a huge home made batch of it and to this day still lets me call him Bummy and isn't embarrassed by it!
Life is precious... you only get one shot. Love your kids and take advantage of the lessons they unknowingly teach you about yourself and life.
Today my baby boy turns 10 and as most mothers do when it is their child's birthday, I have been doing a fair share of reminiscing today. I feel like 10 years blew past me! In honor of my son turning 10, I am going to share my top 10 lessons I learned from being a mother to this fascinating child (excuse the bragging, but I think it is appropriate for just today) in no particular order, I present to you the top 10 lessons I have learned over the years:
10. There is no such thing as a perfect mother
There is no point in comparing yourself to other mothers because your child is unique and the way you raise him/her is unique as well. I remember when my boys were very little being a little more critical (unfortunately) of other mothers because "I would not do that." My parenting style has always been bit over compensating because for a while I felt they were my whole world and I needed to make sure they were happy. Which leads to number...
9. Sometimes life gets in the way and you have to figure out how to turn lemons into lemonade
When I first moved to florida, I felt guilty taking the boys away from my family. I also felt a little lost trying to raise two boys and having my second child when my first child was still so young and very much so my little buddy. We had an amazing bond and when the second child came, it was challenging in the beginning. I did everything I could to keep life "normal" and I had enough arts and craft supplies to stock a kindergarten classroom and then some. We had a lot of fun and great memories! I sometimes felt I had to do those things to compensate for the loss of friends, family, and familiarity. We met friends in a local parenting group and some of those ladies became family to us. Looking back, I am glad we did those things. It was a great distraction from being so bummed out.
8. It is never too early to start handing out simple tasks and build on those tasks as appropriate
Brody was throwing away his own diapers when he was 1 1/2. He liked to help me clean and although he was not very good at it, I accepted the help. At a very young age the boys started putting their own laundry in the laundry basket and as time progressed, they started learning to put laundry in the washer and drier and putting their own clothes away. Today my 10 year old still does these things and is excellent at washing the dishes. Now, if I could only get the 7 year old to keep from being distracted and doing his dishes in less than an hour that would be great!
7. Figuring out how to balance motherhood and marriage is not always easy
I admit, I sometimes got so wrapped up in my kids that I forgot my husband needed my attention too. Anyone who tells you marriage is easy is lying. It takes work, energy and sometimes putting aside your own wants for what your spouse needs. Needs triumph wants. Date nights and time with adult friends (if they had kids even better) became very important to us. We were happier when we had someone else to hang out with who was in the same boat as us. We swapped baby sitting nights with friends and the kids benefitted from that too and were able to learn to trust that other people could care for them other than mommy and daddy. They also built friendships with the other kids. Now, we are at a different place in our lives. The kids are older and more self sufficient. We plan once a week to have dinner out together. It doesn't matter where, we just go. It has been awesome. After all, when the kids are gone, all we will have is each other. With that being said, don't lose the friendship you have with your spouse. It is a daily investment.
6. Literally walk away and count to 10 when you need to
A baby gate works wonders for these times. Several times, my 7 year old tried me when he was about 2-3 and I put the baby gate up in the doorway of his bedroom and walked away. In the end, there was a huge mess of thrown stuffed animals, books and toys but my sanity was kept. That, and amazingly he did help clean up after the tantrum blew over. The older the kids get (and the older I get) its been easier to walk away. You have to!
5. Mommy friends are awesome
Who else can you talk to about your kid pooping on the toilet for the first time? Theres no need to feel embarrassed when your mommy friend comes over and you have a trail of cheerios from the kitchen to the kids room (amongst other dirty messes). I actually had a friend who had 2 kids 11 months apart and there was no point in even putting the cheerios in a bowl. She gave up. The kids would dump it out anyways and the poor lady was exhausted. 4 kids total you would be too. So, on the floor the cheerios went lol!! I will never forget that and we just laughed and there was no judgement.
4. Kids can be jerks
Theres a few kids I wanted to trip myself but being the mature mother I am who has to set an example for my kids, I chose not to. Unless the kid is physically hurting my kid, I teach my kids how to handle it and tactics to use to keep the bully at bay. Unfortunately, jerks are everywhere and even as adults they still exist. Might as well teach the kids early how to deal with it. Now, When the boys were really little, I was definitely the mom peeking out the window to see what was going on and calling the school without my kid knowing just to give the teacher a heads up about whats going on. I would probably still do the same thing especially for my 7 year old. Brody is pretty good at handling himself and his confidence has shot up since going to karate/jiujitsu/wrestling. He and my 7 year old look out for the little guy and for that I'm pretty proud.
3. My own mother and I are closer
It took a while, but it finally happened. I don't like to talk about it too much though because mom is super emotional sooooo...NEXT! :P (love you mother!)
2. You realize your parents were human too and are able to forgive or at-least be at peace with some of their choices
Thats pretty much it. I am so busy being a parent myself that my main focus is that my parents are good grand parents to my kids. Once in a while things come up but its easier to let it go now that I have my own kids. There is too much energy wasted on going over and over the same stuff from the past. I would much rather expend that energy on my family, the family I created. My parents can either be apart of that or not. Thats up to them.
1. Being a parent changes you
It changes your outlook on life, your goals, priorities, relationships... lets just say everything. There is not one aspect of my life that I can look at and say "In 10 years that area is still the same." I am so blessed to have the kids that I have, the family I have and the friends that I have. I am no perfect parent or human. I am a constant work in process. We all are. The moment we realize that, the easier life becomes or did for me anyways.
I love you my little Bummy! My little boy who for months would more often than not only sleep with a vacuum cleaner turned on by his crib, ate sweet potatoes for what seemed like forever because this mommy made a huge home made batch of it and to this day still lets me call him Bummy and isn't embarrassed by it!
Life is precious... you only get one shot. Love your kids and take advantage of the lessons they unknowingly teach you about yourself and life.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
FB "thankful" status
I haven't done my "I am thankful for" status' this November on my FB page. I'm going to throw it all in 1 blog. This year, I am including 33 things I am thankful for.. that is, 33 things I have learned to be thankful for from my 33 residents I have. I have learned SO much over the last month, and I am so blessed. I love what I do as a career and hope I make a difference in my residents lives.
In no particular order, here is what I am thankful for:
The privilege of waking up in my own bed every morning.
The ability to use my legs! to walk the dog, run with my kids...
The ability to cook and taste amazing food.
Having a living spouse I can hug/kiss/yell at every day.
Being able to sit on my own couch and veg out.
Not having to wait on someone else to get me up and moving every morning.
Having good "strong" muscles even though they hurt sometimes they work!
Being free from disease.
Not having to take 10 different types of medication with 20 different possible side effects.
Being able to work.
Being able to go home.
privacy!
A clean bathroom.
Being able to take a bath and relax!
The ability to breath without struggling/machines/treatments.
Fresh air!
Having clean nails that I am able to care for myself.
Knowing My teeth with be brushed 2x a day because I can clean them myself!
Being able to get myself a drink if I am thirsty!
Good skin free of break downs.
Clean clothes.
The ability to make my needs known because I can just say what I need to say!
Silence when I need it.
Laughter when I need it.
A place to go when I want to be alone that does not involve a curtain separating the room.
A warm plate of food!
having my hair brushed and styled every day.
Having pets
Being able to eat dinner at a table with my family
Weekends that feel like weekends.
Ability to drive a car.
Grocery shopping to buy my favorite foods.
having someone to talk to every single day.
In no particular order, here is what I am thankful for:
The privilege of waking up in my own bed every morning.
The ability to use my legs! to walk the dog, run with my kids...
The ability to cook and taste amazing food.
Having a living spouse I can hug/kiss/yell at every day.
Being able to sit on my own couch and veg out.
Not having to wait on someone else to get me up and moving every morning.
Having good "strong" muscles even though they hurt sometimes they work!
Being free from disease.
Not having to take 10 different types of medication with 20 different possible side effects.
Being able to work.
Being able to go home.
privacy!
A clean bathroom.
Being able to take a bath and relax!
The ability to breath without struggling/machines/treatments.
Fresh air!
Having clean nails that I am able to care for myself.
Knowing My teeth with be brushed 2x a day because I can clean them myself!
Being able to get myself a drink if I am thirsty!
Good skin free of break downs.
Clean clothes.
The ability to make my needs known because I can just say what I need to say!
Silence when I need it.
Laughter when I need it.
A place to go when I want to be alone that does not involve a curtain separating the room.
A warm plate of food!
having my hair brushed and styled every day.
Having pets
Being able to eat dinner at a table with my family
Weekends that feel like weekends.
Ability to drive a car.
Grocery shopping to buy my favorite foods.
having someone to talk to every single day.
Friday, September 6, 2013
A Letter to MY Boys
Since I was pregnant with my oldest son, I have been writing letters to my boys. Here is one that I really wanted to share! I hope you enjoy it and find it inspiring. I am still working on my dream, but I have made SO much progress!
To My Boys October 2010
If you haven’t discovered now that your mother is a writer, then you haven’t been reading what I have been writing. I had an urge to write a letter today to you both because just a few days ago I found out I had been given a second chance with my education. By now you understand I hope the kind of family background we come from.. all different kinds of people, some good, some tried to make it and did, but not so much in the education department. So to me, my education started to become more important the older I got. This is especially true for around the 10th grade when my eye balls opened up. I started to really try with school. 11th grade, even more so. Anyhow.. I always thought about college I just don’t know if I really thought I could have and would have gone and made it through successfully. I don’t think it is really in my genes to go to college for years and have a career. Not that everyone in the family is a bunch of losers, definitely not.. its just that college was not for everyone in the family. My mom and dad had kids at 16, and dad dropped out of school I believe in 8th grade, mom didn’t graduate until a later date. She did go to college, but didn’t complete her dream. For the longest time I didn’t think my mother graduated high school so when I thought that, it was even more important for me to finish. I never did and still don’t understand how kids cant complete high school. To me, high school wasn’t that hard… I was just lazy. And wanting to do other things with my time.
So anyhow, here I am 26. And by now if you have been reading along, you know that this whole thing started with me meeting your father, getting pregnant with Brody and making a great decision to become aCNA. And I will never forget my interview with the CNA teacher and .. I cant remember her title, but she was in charge of hiring the CNA’s at the nursing home I later worked at. I told them pretty much that I was going to be a nurse some day whether I had gotten into their program or not. and I had always been told by some of the nurses there what a great nurse I would make some day. When I worked for Dr. Samson, he had faith in me by hiring me when I was pregnant with Ethan and going to medical assisting school. That meant a lot to me.
I never did complete MA school because we moved. Instead, I went on to better things. Nursing school. I have to say how incredibly proud of myself I am with all I have been through in this process of having kids and being a young wife and going to school. I can not say it was easy or that I was always mentally ok and happy. I have thrown several math books lol and cried, and was stressed, but at the end of the day I do have to say I have given college my best try. No one said this would be easy, and I am not expecting it to be. All I do expect is that I am taught by my teachers. Some times you come across a teacher that really does not deserve that title. And that is what I feel happened my first time around with nursing school in Pensacola. I feel that way also because the entire class, literally, complained about this teacher. I did all I could in my power to make it through and I felt like such a failure when I had withdrawn from the program. but I had to decide that day I took my last test. Which was also difficult. The next week the teacher gave everyone extra points and I was mad because I had withdrawn. I don’t know that those few points would have done much honestly, but it gave me some hope. And it was too late. I tried to get back into the program. it just was not happening for me.
So in the meantime I took some classes that would go towards my schooling anyways that I didn’t need for the nursing program there. I took psychology and pharmacology. Fast forward to now.. we moved here to SC in may 2010. Your father had been gone much of that time until September 2010 because he had to train. It was a difficult adjustment for me at times having no one here I knew and there’s not much to do here. But since February 2010, I had been trying to get into the nursing program here for august 2010. I even drove 3 hrs to take a test and home again in the same day. It was very important I try to make that deadline. Well, I did, but I was not accepted. My address was not a Beaufort address and they considered local students first. I was not happy at all considering I was willing to move sooner if I had to, to get my residency for Beaufort SC. I met with the dean as soon as I got here in may and handed in my checklist for the January 2011 program. luckily, a few days ago I found out I was ACCEPTED!
I feel I have been given this rare, second chance to do something great. This is what I want to do. This is the only school for miles and miles that offers this program. they wouldn’t accept my previous nursing classes and that was frustrating, but you know, im given this second chance so I have to just go with it and not complain too much. A little complaining is fine, but after a while it is just like opening an old wound. So heck with it. In a semester or 2 I will be on to learning new material and this little set back wont mean much then.
You boys have inspired me a lot to go on with college and push to get what I want, and what our family needs. I want to be able to buy you boys nice things and have a nice home, and both you boys to live comfortably and be able to have the newest cool sneakers, play sports, have the yummiest snacks in the house.. I know its all silly sounding, but those are things I didn’t really get to have. I want to show you boys what you can do with your life if you take control of it and work hard. And I cant say I could have done this alone. I have your father here all the time to help me. I have loans I wish I didn’t have, we’ve had to put daycare on loans, and when I was in high school I never knew about loans and stuff. I never wanted to pay them back. That held me back also from doing what I should’ve done. I didn’t want to do a 4 year college either because it was too long. Now, here I am, years and years later still going to college. You have to not think about those things. I didn’t know about core classes and classes that were specific to the program. I thought you had to go to college knowing what you wanted to do and start taking those classes right away. But you don’t. you start with basic classes every college student needs then you get into your program. no one explained that to me before, and if someone tried, im sure someone at the colleges tried, I didn’t understand because I didn’t know what these terms meant.. and maybe I was too embarrassed to ask? I don’t know, I don’t remember, but I know I didn’t understand the entire process until about 3 years ago before I got into nursing school.
Well Ethan is very upset about a train set not being able to go together properly. I should help him.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Dieting Should Not Be This Hard!
I am walking around the grocery store and the first area we go to is produce. It started off ok, I didnt get grapes because they were so darn expensive and they didn't have my peaches I needed but I stroll on. Normally I don't eat too much junk like chips and crackers but I do love my sweets, breads, pastas and cheeses. I walk through those aisles and start to feel like my eyes are swelling up about to cry as I am passing by all the food I really enjoy. What the heck is wrong with me? I can't find anything to eat and I am in the grocery store!
Mark is moving right along... he is doing really well on this Paleo diet. He is grabbing things im not too familiar with like coconut milk, coconut oil, some kind of sprouted wheat bread for me to try. Some of these foods he eats seem like so much work to put together even though they are probably not and don't seem as versatile as pasta. For instance, we tried spaghetti squash. It was ok but nothing like the delicious taste of pasta with sauce and cheese all over it and a side of yummy garlic bread! mmm!
I am not opposed to eating healthy at all. I think my diet was fair to good in that area, but my problem is what I loved to eat, my sweets, breads, pastas etc were messing with my body. These are foods I have always eaten and I really enjoy eating them. I have always been one of those people who could eat anything and never gain a pound. I was always super skinny even after I had my kids. I remember TRYING to GAIN weight in high school. Just recently I started putting on some weight which for me, is a good thing. Like most women though, I have this stomach that I need to work on and tone. I was running for a little while but then started having this pain when running.
Mark tried to convince me to try this paleo diet and I refused. I am stubborn. Then nothing else was on tv except Dr. Oz so I was watching it and they were talking about the paleo diet so I listened. After watching the show I did learn some interesting things about it. A few days after that I had a Dr. appointment and talked about my stomach problems with her and she confirmed that it could all be a result of my endometriosis. This is when I gave into the idea of trying to diet.
I recently found out after a while of dealing with symptoms, that I have endometriosis. I found out after talking with my doctor that the two could be intertwined. I would have intense stomach cramps and feel pretty bloated. I had a lot of heart burn too. Now I feel like the pain is under control for now and plan to start running again soon.
My body is just getting into this new way of eating. I decided to try my best to avoid as much junky foods as possible, dairy, and processed foods until my body was stable and used to this new way of eating, then slowly reintroduce some foods back into my diet to see what foods are causing me to feel ill.
I always thought whole wheat was really good for you. Apparently not as much as I had thought; not for me anyways. One thing I just discovered today is that I can not eat my whole wheat english muffins with peanut butter. I think the english muffin and not the peanut butter caused my body to react. I went about a week without having these english muffins then today I had one and I had some problems with my stomach.
For a few weeks now I have been eating greek yogurt instead of regular dairy yogurt. I have swapped the occasional chip for pita-chips and hummus. Instead of candy I am reaching for my fruit. Instead of crackers im eating seeds, nuts, or granola. I haven't had a cup of milk in about a week and instead I am trying almond milk and drinking more water. All of these changes are making me feel pretty horrible in a sense right now because my body is adjusting. Mark said the same thing happened to him in the beginning also.
In a nutshell, I don't plan to never have dairy or bread again but I do need to have these things I love in moderation. I do need to find out what foods are ok for me to have without my body feeling like it just got run over. This is a new experience for me and I see now why it is so hard for people to diet.
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